Home: A Novel (6 page)

“That’s not the first time you’ve panicked and passed out, is it?”

“No,” I whispered.

“I don’t want you going out alone anymore,” he snapped. “If I hadn’t shown up who knows what would’ve happened. Shit, Lil, you could have been seriously hurt.”

I looked over at him, wondering what he was doing in the grocery store anyway. He was covered in dirt and had obviously been working all day.

“Why were you even there?” I narrowed my eyes and asked him. “I thought you were helping my Dad today.”

His face softened as he pulled off the highway onto the gravel road that led to my parents’ house. “I had some business to take care of in town. I was driving through Main Street and saw your mom’s car. I just assumed you were with her and I needed to talk to you.”

“About what?” I asked.

“About yesterday,” he answered. “And this morning. I wanted to apologize for acting like such a dick when I saw you. I just….I don’t know Lil. I was so mad and shit just came out of my mouth before I could stop it.
 
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ou were my best friend once upon a time. And now I have no fucking clue what to say to you,” he shook his head and glanced out his window. “Listen, I’d like to spend some time with you. Get to know the new Lil. Are you free tonight?”

I stared at him, dumbfounded. Am I free tonight? For us to spend time together? I didn’t know how to answer this.
 
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ell, yes, of course I was free. But I didn’t want him to know that inside I was jumping around yelling
 
Y
ippee!

I needed to calm down. He just wanted to be friends again.
 
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hat’s all. Even though I had to try like crazy to keep my eyes from wandering down his torso to his muscular thighs. Sweet Jesus, he was nice to look at.

“Lil?”

I snapped my head back up to his face. I needed to shut this down immediately.
 
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he last time I let myself get involved it burned me and left a scar that would never be healed. I knew better than to let some lustful feelings for an old friend steer me off course. And that’s what Justin was. A friend. Nothing more.

I slid my profession persona back on and cooled my features.
 
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earing my Lily Rae mask, he’d never be able to tell what I was thinking. Or feeling for that matter.

“Don’t you have a girlfriend you can take out tonight or something?” I asked, hoping to throw him off track.

“No, and you know that,” he answered. “It was only six months ago that we talked and I told you things didn’t work out with Emily.”

I nodded. “I just assumed you’d have some rebound skank set up already.” It was a nasty thing to say, but I needed him to back off. He was too close into my personal space for me to be the sweet Lil. I don’t know what happened to my best friend, but someone obviously replaced him with this sexy, badass Justin in front of me. It was too much to process everything at once.

Having no comeback for my ‘rebound skank’ remark, he shook his head and parked under the oak tree in front of the house.

“So what, I’m just supposed to forgive you for being an ass the past two days and go out to eat with you? Sorry buddy, I don’t think so.”

“Lily –”

“Why the hell would you want to spend time with me anyway? I’m sure you have no trouble finding dates.”

I grabbed the handle to get out of the truck when his voice made me freeze.

“Yeah well, you see. About twelve years ago there was a smokin’ hot girl in school with this amazing voice,” he hissed through his teeth. My eyes popped open in surprise. “She was my best friend in the whole world, but little did she know that deep down she meant more to me than anything.
 
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hat no other girl I meet compares to her. So I guess you could say it’s kind of hard for me to find someone even close. God knows I’ve tried over the years.”

My mouth fell open.

Holy. Crap. My brain was unable to process this.

“Now ass outta my truck and get in the house. Get some rest this afternoon. I’ll pick you up at seven,” he stated firmly. I jumped down, slammed the door and walked to the house.

“Lillian.” I turned to look back at the truck, still stuck in a daze at what he just said. “You make me fucking wait more than twenty minutes for you to be ready, and I’ll come up to your room and haul your ass out whether you’re dressed or not,” he finished out his window.

I continued to stare at him, my eyes blinking furiously trying to absorb his words into my brain, my mouth unable to form a response. By the time I was able to form a coherent thought his truck was already down the lane.

But little did she know that deep down she meant more to me than anything.

What do I even do with that? He’s never, not once, spoken to me like we were anything more than friends. Does this mean he’s been here pining for me all these years?
 
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hat the hell?

I turned and ran up the front steps. Mama was already home.
 
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hen I got into the kitchen she flashed a knowing smile in my direction.

“So that was an interesting trip to town.”

Staring at her like she’d grown an extra limb, I simply nodded in response.

“How often, Baby Girl?”

I knew what she was asking. She knew about my Enochlophobia, or fear of crowds. More specifically, my acute fear of being trampled to death.

“Only a couple times,” I answered softly. “Usually my security team got me out of those situations before the darkness set in.”

She nodded her understanding. “Things are different now, you know.”

I did. I knew there was no security around to keep me safe, and I refused to hire any.
 
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hings would calm down eventually. Until then I could just stay in the house away from people.
 
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ell, after I went out with Justin first.

“I think I’ll go lie down awhile,” I said and went upstairs. I needed to work through the last hour in my head. Not only did I pass out in the grocery store, but Justin was there to save the day and then
 
asked me out.
 
And even that wasn’t right. He didn’t ask me – he
 
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OLD me.

What the hell was that all about?

Chapter 6

T
he sun made its early morning appearance through the crack in the curtains. I slowly opened my eyes and took inventory of the way I felt. My sight was fuzzy and my pulse was pounding like a jackhammer inside my head. It felt like my body had been run over. I licked my dry lips and winced at the taste as I swallowed. Apparently, some sort of woodland creature had gotten into my bedroom in the night and shit in my mouth.

As I made my way back into the land of the living I started to realize a few things. One, Mama must have changed the sheets yesterday because the bed felt strange.
 
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wo, I wondered why I couldn’t smell her cooking breakfast downstairs. And three, what the hell was so heavy across my stomach?

I pushed the covers down over my body. My eyes about popped out of my head when I saw a muscular arm draped over my midsection.

“Oh crap,” I whispered as I scrunched my eyes closed.
 
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hen I opened them back up, the night before started playing through my mind.

By the time Justin had gotten to my parents’ house, I was a total wreck. First off, I realized I no longer had such a thing as ‘normal clothes.’ Everything I owned was so expensive it felt wrong to put on while in Glenview. I finally settled on my favorite pair of Roberto Cavalli jeans.
 
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hey cost a freakin’ load, but the way they made my ass look was totally worth it. I walked over to my other suitcase and popped it open. Since I would have to look through the entire thing to find just the right shirt, I started hanging clothes up as I went.
 
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he very last item I pulled from the bottom of the bag was an adorable pale pink baby tee. I had gotten it at a little shop in New
 
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ork City when I was touring last summer. It was made of the softest cashmere and felt like a cloud. It was fabulous. Jeans and a tee seemed like a reasonable thing to wear, right? Paired with my brown leather sandals and a thick brown belt I thought I looked very much the Midwesterner.

Justin knocked on the front door just as I was coming down the stairs. I grabbed my fall jacket on my way through the kitchen. It was the end of summer and the nights were starting to get cooler. I had no idea what he had in store for me tonight and didn’t want to be cold.

“See you guys later,” I called to Mama and Dad who were sitting at the table shelling peas from the garden.

“You call if you’re gonna be late,” Mama replied.

I stopped in my tracks and closed my eyes. It wouldn’t matter how old or independent I was, at their house I would always be expected home at a decent time.

“Mama.”

“I know, I don’t need details. I just don’t want to wait up and worry,” she said and then shrugged as a slight smile tugged the corners of her lips upward. “And if you don’t come home at all, that’s fine too. Just let me know.”

My eyebrows shot up into my hairline.
 
Who was this woman?
 
I mean, the kitchen was full of vegetables and she looked like my mother, but she was never one to condone the opposite sex sleepovers before marriage.

“Don’t look at me like that, Lillian. Justin is a good man, and you deserve some happy in your life for a change.”

She looked down at her pile of peas and got back to work. I glanced over at Dad to see his lips twitching, trying desperately to hold back a smile while he took his full pot over to the stove.

I turned around and opened the door just as Justin was going to knock again.

I walked right past him so he would get the picture that he didn’t need to come in and chat.
 
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hat little episode with my parents had me reeling and it was time for a drink.

“Well hello to you too, Bright Eyes,” he said with a grin. “You ready to get outta here that bad already?”

“Shut up, Justin,” I said as I walked toward his truck.

I could hear his deep chuckle behind me. He reached around me with a strong arm to grab the handle that opened my door. He was so close I could smell his cologne. Gone was the smell of sweat and dirt.
 
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he musky spice lit up my senses with such force, it took all my willpower not to turn around and sniff him up and down.

“Up you go,” he whispered so close to my ear I shivered from head to toe.

This is going to be a long night if every move he makes produces this reaction,
 
I thought as I rolled my eyes at my own ridiculousness.

I hopped into my seat and shut the door as he rounded the front of the truck. I took a deep breath. I could do this. I’d been out to eat hundreds of times with Justin in high school.
 
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his was no different.

Except he basically told me he’s been waiting for me for twelve years
.

Holy shit I can’t do this.

I decided to ignore the fluttery feeling inside my stomach and move forward. I wiped my sweaty palms on the front of my jeans and took a final cleansing breath. He opened his door and swung himself up into the truck in one quick motion.

“You still eat meat, don’t you?”

I turned my head to look at him.
 
Damn he was good looking.
 
“Yes,” I answered, but was distracted. I was too busy taking in the man beside me. Both times I saw him in the past few days he was full of sweat and dirt from working on the farm.
 
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onight, he was all cleaned up. Dark jeans covered his long, thick legs down to his chocolate brown cowboy boots. A blue and white checkered shirt buttoned almost all the way with just a sliver of a white t-shirt sticking out the top concealed his broad chest. His unruly hair was slightly damp from his shower, but it still curled up around his ears and at the nape. I wanted to slide my fingers through it so badly, I sat on my hands so I didn’t embarrass myself trying to reach over and pet him.

“Good,” he said. “There’s a little dive bar about twenty minutes away.
 
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he owner can cook one hell of a steak, but their broasted chicken is fuckin’ amazing.”

I started to panic at the thought of being out in public. Even though Justin was with me, and I knew he’d never let anything happen to me, it was still terrifying. Getting bombarded to take pictures and sign autographs with no bodyguards around to keep the crazies at bay was not high on my list of things to do tonight. I just wanted to relax and feel like a normal girl. A girl out on a date with a gorgeous farm boy who would later tie her down in the back of his truck while he licked……

“Hey,” I heard from the drivers’ side of the truck. “I know what you’re thinking, Lil, and I would never let anything happen to you.
 
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ou know that, right?”

I nodded. Had he crawled inside my head?
 
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here’s no way he could know how nervous I was to be in public.
 
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hat little scene in the grocery store today was just the tip of the iceberg.

“Just relax.
 
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e’ll be fine.” He reached over and gave my knee a squeeze.
 
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he simple, intimate gesture made my heart melt. Mama was right. Justin was a good man. I needed to keep an open mind and go with the flow.

We drove the rest of the way to the bar in silence. By the time he pulled up to the old brick building I had myself fairly calmed down. Especially when I noticed there was only one other car in the parking lot.

“Oh Justin, I don’t think they’re open.”

“They are,” he answered. I could hear the smile in his voice.

“Well, the closed sign on the door would tell me otherwise,” I said in a snotty tone.

He chose to ignore me and parked the truck. I barely had my door open when a hand appeared in my space to help me down. I don’t remember Justin being such a gentleman. Or maybe he always was and I just hadn’t been paying enough attention.

We walked to the tall glass door and Justin ignored the ‘Sorry,
 
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e’re Closed’ sign and walked right in.

The bar was completely empty except for one table set in the middle. As I came to terms with what was happening I felt a tug on my arm. I looked down to see our fingers wrapped throughout one another. Justin leaned over and whispered in my ear, “Welcome home, Bright Eyes.”

Holy hell. He had the bar closed down for a night. For me. Because he knew I would be nervous about a crowd not giving me space and ruining our night. In the matter of a few hours he had gotten this all done.

“How is this possible?” I asked.

“I made a few calls this afternoon,” he shrugged. “Celebrities aren’t the only ones able to get what they want when they want it,” he said with a grin.

This had to cost him a fortune. I mean, I’m sure this little place didn’t do too much business on a weeknight in August. But he still would’ve had to promise to cover their losses to shut down like this.

“I can’t let you do this, Justin,” I said as we walked over to the table. “This is too much.”

“Babe, I’m not gonna argue with you about this.”

Babe?
 
He had never called me anything endearing before in our lives.
 
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ell, if you don’t count Bright Eyes. Even so, I longed to be his babe more than I cared to admit at the moment.

“After the scene I saw in the grocery store today I knew you weren’t ready to be fully out in public yet. Now that people know you’re home, I thought it would be best to give it a few days before throwing you back to the wolves. Plus, I didn’t want to deal with sharing you while I sat back and you played superstar. I know it hasn’t been easy for you, and I know you never really got adjusted to all that shit the entire time you were in the industry. It’s not fair for me to ask to spend time with you and then force you into a situation you have no control over.”

He turned me so we were facing each other and pulled me tight to his body. His hands rested on my hips and I had ahold of the big strong arms connected to them.
 
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e were close enough that my breasts pressed to his chest.
 
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he sensation was driving me wild and I hoped to God he couldn’t feel my nipples hardening through my bra.

“I promise you, Lil,” he said as he looked into my eyes. “You are safe with me.”

I felt a rush of warmness throughout my body, especially around my heart. I hadn’t felt anything like that in so long. Maybe ever.
 
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he fear that gripped me when thinking about getting close to someone was beginning to be chipped away by this man.

While he continued to study my eyes, I thought for a moment he was going to kiss me. Any other time that thought would scare me silly, but something was different with Justin. I leaned in slightly to let him know I welcomed the idea.

His beautiful eyes were locked tight to mine. Light, sea foam green to dark blue.

Kiss me
, I pleaded with him silently.

Something flashed in his eyes and they turned glittery with desire. Something I’d never seen in Justin before. It was like he knew what I was saying to him and the thought apparently excited him. My God, this man lived inside my head.

He wrapped his fingers around the back of my neck and pulled me closer, bending down to place a kiss on my forehead.

“Let’s sit down,” he mumbled.

I wanted to scream ‘NO’ at the top of my lungs, grab him tightly and haul him toward me. But I didn’t. He was clearly able to keep better control of whatever emotions I saw pass through his eyes just a moment ago. I, on the other hand, was having trouble not thinking about all the kinky things I would let him do to me.

Get a grip Lillian, you are not a horny teenager.

We walked over to the table, sat down and ordered our drinks.
 
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he bar owner was very gracious and didn’t linger too long. She came back with our beers and said, “Food’ll be out in a jif,” as she winked at Justin and walked off.

I raised my eyebrows at him and tried to suppress my giggles. Justin just rolled his eyes, “I can’t help it I’m adorable,” he teased, which turned my giggles into full out laughter.

“So tell me about today.”

I sighed. I knew this was coming.

“A little over a year ago I was doing a small show in
 
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roy, Alabama. It was a county fair type gig. I used to do them every now and then just for the fans. It wasn’t a big money maker, but they never got big names at those things anymore.”

I took a drink of beer and went on. “About halfway through the set, one side of the stage started to give out. It didn’t help that it was a standing room only type of show and the crowd kept pushing forward.
 
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he left side eventually collapsed and two people were seriously hurt.”

“That doesn’t explain why you’re so afraid of crowds.”

“Right.
 
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ell, that just slowly got worse over the years anyway. But after the stage went down that night, the fans went nuts. I think it was the combination of a hot summer night and way too much alcohol. I was too close to the front when it happened. I knew something wasn’t right, but I kept singing anyway.” I let out a small laugh. “Anything for a good show, right?”

Sighing, I went on. “I couldn’t get traction in my boots and slid down the stage into the crowd. People were screaming and pushing. It was mass hysteria. I got lost in the shuffle and my security team had to wade through a shitload of people before they found me. But it was too late, the panic had already set in. I couldn’t catch my breath and then I passed out. If it had taken just a few more minutes for security to get to me, I probably wouldn’t be here.
 
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wo people were trampled to death, and one of the guys crushed by the stage will be in a wheelchair forever.”