Home: A Novel (4 page)

It was the least I could do. My brothers loved to torment me growing up, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t share the wealth with their spawns. And I knew it drove my oldest brother, Alan, bat shit crazy. He busted his butt every day as the town cop and his kids were getting a jackpot basically handed to them.
 
W
hat none of my brothers knew was, I set them up the same account they can access when they turn fifty-five.
 
T
hat way they can enjoy retirement a little early if they chose to.

Hey, I’m not going to be able to spend it all. And really, from now on there wouldn’t be a whole lot extra going into any of those accounts. So they would just keep earning on their current balance.

I looked down at my phone. I had ninety-seven new emails, thirty-six texts, and fourteen voicemails since this morning. I put my elbows to my knees and hung my head.
 
W
hy couldn’t I just be left alone? I didn’t even look to see if Colton had left any of those messages. I couldn’t deal with him right now. I’m sure the certified letter he received today sent him into a tailspin. I was his bread and butter, among other things, and I knew he wouldn’t want to lose either.

I tossed my phone onto my dresser and sighed. I didn’t want to deal with any of it anymore. I was so tired.
 
T
ired of running around all the time.
 
T
ired of having to look like a model just to go get groceries, because someone with a camera was likely taking my picture while I shopped for food.
 
T
ired of all the lies, the backstabbing, the bribes and the bullshit.

“No more,”
 
I whispered into the mirror. I needed to sort through my bags.
 
W
hile I didn’t pack everything I owned, I knew I had enough options to get me by until the rest of my things were sent here. My choice for the night was a comfy pair of soft sweatpants and a t-shirt.
 
T
he only thing I had to worry about at the moment was helping my folks with the garden work.

Chapter 4

I
woke up the next morning feeling rested and refreshed. 
T
he night before, I helped Mama get all caught up with her gardening, ate a giant slice a meatloaf that would send my personal trainer into cardiac arrest, and curled up on the comfy couch with my Dad to watch reruns of 
Hogan’s Heroes.

It was awesome.

I sat there wondering when I last had such a relaxing night. Sarah and I would try to veg out after shows or while traveling to the next city, but I was still on a moving bus. Never in the comfort of my own home without having to worry about what tomorrow would bring.

Last night I was able to fully relax, knowing the next day was a clean slate for me to choose whatever my little heart desired. I was so giddy I didn’t know what to do with myself.

“Good morning, Baby Girl,” Mama greeted as I walked down the steps and into the kitchen. “Coffee?”

“Yes, please,” I answered her. I sat at the table and stretched my arms up above my head. I had put my cell phone into the pocket of my robe before I came downstairs and could feel it vibrating against the seat of the chair.

I groaned as I reached into the pocket to see who felt like giving me an earful this early in the morning. I smiled when I saw the name that lit up my screen.

“Sarah Beara!” I screeched into the phone. “How are things, chickadee?”

“Lil, you are the talk of the town, sweetheart,” she replied.

I sighed, “Good or bad?”

“Well, a little of both,” she answered.

“Okay, give it to me straight. I know I said I was falling of the face of the earth and what not, but I need to know what I’m up against here.”

“The good news is that I checked in with Mr.
 
V
angoal this morning and everyone accepted their termination yesterday without too much fuss. It’s not one hundred percent for sure yet, but I think you’re in the clear for any lawsuits.”

“Whew,” I whispered.

“Yeah, except, well, I haven’t heard anything out of Colton yet,” she went on. “I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. But knowing him…I wouldn’t get my hopes set too high that he’ll let this go peacefully.”

“Of course not,” I replied.
 
Damn.

“First word out this morning is that you’re in a rehab facility for alcohol abuse. Again not a big deal because according to the tabloids you’ve been there hundreds of times already.”

“Ugh,” I groaned. “I hate this shit. I know I shouldn’t let it bother me, but it’s so annoying.”

“Lillian, mouth.” I heard my mother say from the sink. She didn’t even turn to look at me, which I took as her telling me to watch my mouth, but she wasn’t actually going to DO anything about it.

“Okay,” Sarah went on, “so you should be cool for a while, but I’m guessing once it gets out that you’re back home in Iowa you could possibly get some visitors. And I don’t mean old colleagues who miss you – I mean the ones who shove a camera in your face and try to catch you picking the underwear out of your butt.”

Super awesome
. Just what this town needs is me gallivanting through Main Street with a mob of photographers at my heels.

“I’m afraid we won’t be able to help it, Sarah,” I said. “With social media now that shit will spread like wildfire.”

Mama walked by and snapped her dishtowel at me for swearing again. I tried to dodge her efforts and nearly dropped my phone.

“Right, well, I gotta run,” she said. My BFF, always on the go. I hadn’t asked her what her plans were now that I no longer needed her services, mostly because she was on clean up from my decision. I kept her on payroll, along with Mr.
 
V
angoal, until everything was tied up neatly and completely finished. And even then I made sure in Sarah’s termination contract that she was covered financially.

“Bye, chickadee. Come see me soon, okay?” I said.

“You bet. Love ya!”

“Love you too,” I replied.

I smiled as I put my phone back into my robe pocket. I picked up the steaming cup of hot coffee and brought it to my lips. Closing my eyes, I savored the sense of peace that washed through me as I swallowed the delicious warmth.

“Mmmmm,” I hummed and opened my eyes.

Rehab. Just great. If they only knew that I was rarely ever drunk.
 
T
hat only got me into big trouble.

“What the hell was that all about?” Sarah asked as she brought her empty tray to the bar.

“What?”

“What? Are you kidding me? Um…Colton Jefferson looks like he wants to eat you for dinner, Lil.”

I could feel my face get warm again with my blush. I slid my eyes to the side and noticed him talking to a group of men in suits. His eyes caught mine and I realized Sarah was right. It was hard to miss the hunger in his eyes.

After the party we decided to walk across the street to grab a drink. It was a tradition for us and I looked forward to some time with my friend. I barely had the back door opened when a strong hand wrapped around my wrist.

“Hi,” I breathed as I looked up and saw him again.

“Can you accompany me for drink?” Colton asked.

“Sorry,” I replied, “Sarah and I have plans.”

“Oh, actually I have to get home. Big day tomorrow. Lots to do!” she shouted as she walked the other direction. “You kids have fun!”

I was SO going to have words with her about this tomorrow.

“Hmm, looks like you are free.”

I turned around and looked at him. He was, by far, the hottest man I’d ever seen in my life.

“I guess so. Lead the way.”

We went to a karaoke bar which seemed a little strange. I sat down at a table in the back and Colton sat right next to me, draping his arm across the back of my chair.

“What would you like, baby?”

My insides melted at his term of endearment. “Just a beer, thanks.” I wasn’t old enough to drink but that apparently didn’t matter here. I partied a bit in high school but never anything too out of control. I knew it would be best to keep myself together tonight. Justin wasn’t around to protect me anymore.

After a few beers he coaxed me on stage to sing, telling me he needed to know if I was worth a shit. I thought his tone was a little off, but he had been so attentive and sweet all night it was hard to resist.

I sang Faith Hill’s “Piece of my Heart,” and I nailed it. T
he entire crowd was dancing and singing along with me. I was in my element. God, I loved the stage.

When it was over, I made my way back to the table to Colton’s open arms. After a few more beers, I started to get excited that he kept talking about what a natural performer I was.
 
W
ith each compliment I could feel my confidence grow, or maybe it was the alcohol. Beer turned into tequila shots which turned into him sliding his hand up my leg under the table. Slowly, he inched higher and higher.

“I’m telling you, baby, you are amazing. I am going to make you a star,” he said as his hand reached my upper thigh. T
ightening his fingers, he turned to look at me. “I’ll talk to my colleagues this week. Get me your demo and I’ll see if I can set up a meeting. Baby, you are gonna rock this town. Stick with me, sweetheart, and I will make you a Country Music Legend.”

I blinked my eyes as my brain tried to register what he just said.
 
W
as this guy for real? I mean, I was barely nineteen years old and had been in Nashville for a whole seven weeks.
 
T
his cannot be the way this works. I was supposed to struggle, right?
 
T
o work for years and live in little dirty apartments trying to make it through each day? I couldn’t believe this was happening.

“What?” I shook my head.

“You heard me, baby.” He tightened his hold on my thigh and leaned in to kiss me. He took me by surprise and I jumped a little when his lips made contact with mine.
 
T
aking my hand into his, he brought it down between his legs.

“Feel what you do to me, Lillian?”

“Yeah,” I breathed and kissed him again. I don’t know what came over me. It was likely the mixture of beer and tequila, and it didn’t help that the most beautiful man I’d ever seen was kissing me. His tongue worked over and around mine. I could feel his desire for me grow.

“Come home with me tonight,” he whispered between kisses. “Please.”

My mind was cloudy from the alcohol. Could I do this? Did I want to even
 
T
HINK about doing this? My parents didn’t raise me that way. I wasn’t some slutty chick in high school. I’d lost my virginity to my one boyfriend and we had dated almost a whole year first. Never had I done anything like this. I could feel my chest moving in and out as my breathing became heavy. Colton’s fingers were now tracing circles inside my thigh.

If I turned him down, would the offer still stand that he’d take my demo to RCA? I didn’t want to risk saying no and having him walk away forever.

“Answer me baby, yes or no.”

I wanted to sing. I came here to be a singer. I told myself coming out here I’d do whatever it takes.

Whatever it takes.

Whatever it takes.

I took my last shot of tequila on the table and hissed though the burn.

“Yes.”

“And how is Miss Sarah?” Mama asked, coming back into the room. I noticed she was dressed and ready to face the day.
 
T
here was likely some sort of farm wife chore emergency that needed to be finished immediately.

“She’s good,” I replied. “Just calling to check in and update me on what’s going on with my departure.”

“And?” she prompted.

I shrugged. “Nothing out of the ordinary. Apparently I’m in some sort of rehab facility for alcohol abuse.
 
Y
ou know, same old same old.”

Just then I saw an old pickup truck drive up the lane. I could tell instantly it was my brother, Michael. While Alan had become a cop, Michael made my Dad’s dream come true and decided to work on taking over the family farm. James, my brother who was in the middle of the other two, was an elementary teacher at the school in Glenview.
 
Y
ou can understand how my parents were beyond proud of each of their boys.

The door opened without a knock. I didn’t get up. I thought it would be more fun for him to find me sitting at the kitchen table.

“Ma, you got company?” he yelled as he entered the house. “Who do you know that drives a Lexus SUV?”

Just as he came through the entryway he caught a glimpse of me at the table.

“It’s actually a rental,” I said with a smirk. “I need to take it back later today.”

He stood in the doorway staring at me. I wasn’t sure what to think at first.
 
W
ith the less than warm welcome from Justin yesterday, I was prepared for this one to go either way.

“Did somebody die?” he asked Mama with such sincerity.

I tried to hold in my laughter but failed.

“Not funny, jerk,” I said through my giggles. He was already walking toward me with open arms.

“Well, I just figured it had to be something big for you to grace us with your almighty presence,” he teased.

He wrapped his big arms around me and straightened his back to pick me up. I had often wondered growing up if I was adopted. All my brothers were over six feet tall. By the time I came along I think all my parents’ baby making ingredients were just worn out.
 
T
hat’s why I ended up half their size.

“Glad to have you back, kiddo,” he whispered in my ear. He pulled back to look me in the eye. “Heard you’re staying awhile.” He smirked at me.

Shit.

“Pops or Justin?” I asked.

Mama walked up to us.
 
T
he anger rolled from her body.

Oops.

“Lillian,” she scolded.

Michael grinned at me. “Pops.”

He set me down and I turned to Mama. “Okay, I drove through town yesterday on my way here. Pops was sitting on a bench so I stopped and we had a beer.”

She crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows. I knew she wasn’t happy I stopped in town without coming home first. “And you saw Justin when?” she asked.

“In the bar,” I answered. “He came in after Pops left. But before you freak out, I wasn’t there long. Justin made it pretty clear that he was NOT happy to see me. I finished my beer, got in my car and came straight out here. I promise.”

She still didn’t answer me, and Michael was grinning from ear to ear.

“What do you mean Justin was not happy to see you?” she snapped.

“I have no idea. Apparently he’s super pissed that I left for Nashville right after graduation. And even more so after I told him I was back in town because I quit. I guess that made the last twelve years completely worthless in his eyes. I don’t want to talk about Justin though,” I turned back to my brother. “How are things with you? And the wifey? And babies?
 
T
hey’re 2 now, right?” I fired off question after question at Michael.

Michael was married to Linda, his high school sweetheart.
 
T
hey had twin girls at home. I talked to them via Skype several times but had yet to meet them in person. I was the worst aunt in the world.

“Everyone’s great, Lil,” Michael replied softly. “I’m sure you’ll get to see them all soon.”

“Let’s turn back to this Justin business,” Mama chimed in.

I rolled my eyes and took my coffee mug to the sink. “Mama, please let this go. I do not want to talk about Justin.” I really didn’t. Mostly because I didn’t want to think about him being mad at me.
 
T
he fact that it bothered me more than it should was
 
also
 
bothersome.