Home: A Novel (10 page)

I ended the kiss and pulled back to look in her eyes. She gave me her megawatt million dollar smile.

“Were you thinking about that, Bright Eyes?”

“Yes,” she answered. “And the real thing was more amazing than I could have ever imagined.”

Chapter 9

Lily

W
hen we first pulled into the Glenview Lake area and I realized where Justin was taking me, I couldn’t help but giggle. Seriously?
 
W
e were actually going parking? I knew then that things would likely get physical.
 
T
he giggling stopped and my nerves started making me crazy. My hands began to sweat and I could feel my heart speeding like a race car. I was like a teenager about to have my first kiss. I knew this would be the turning point in our relationship and it scared the hell out of me.

Once Justin stopped the truck I remembered the one and only other time I’d been driven somewhere secluded. It was eerily similar, except that time was definitely not for relaxation, and Colton was the one doing the driving.

“Where are you taking me?” I asked. Our dinner after the RCA meeting had just finished. Colton opened the door to his shiny silver Bentley and ushered me into the passenger seat. He was so sweet and attentive during dinner. I really thought we were beginning to connect on another level.

He leaned down and brushed his fingers against my cheek. “Just somewhere for the two of us to be alone,” he said softly. Something about his tone scared me. I looked him in the eyes as fear suddenly ripped through my entire body. His eyes were not filled with love, but lust. Instead of looking at me with warmth and compassion, he looked like a hungry wolf ready to jump on his prey.

I still wasn’t sure what was happening between us. At dinner, Colton was the most attentive companion, but when we were alone it was different. I noticed he didn’t particularly want to get to know me as a person. He mostly wanted to show me off to everyone he could, letting them know I was the up and coming star in Nashville.

I didn’t know what to think. If he did think of me as his girlfriend, was I ready for something like this? I only had one boyfriend in high school, and I was still so young. I needed to see other people and play the field.
 
W
atching my older brothers settle down so young, I vowed I would live it up as much as possible before heading down that road.

When Colton sat into the driver seat I turned to him and said, “Listen, I don’t know where you and I stand but I don’t think I’m ready for anything serious. I’m still so young, and with this record deal the world is so big ahead of me. I really like you, but I don’t know if I want to be tied to any one person.”

He didn’t answer me. His mouth was set in a tight line and I could see his hands flex against the steering wheel.

Oh this was not a good sign. Not good at all.

“Look,” he started. His voice sounded angry and almost violent. “You and I are going for a little drive to get a few things straight. Remember, Lillian, I handed you this chance that was dropped into your lap today. I can take it away just as easily.”

Oh my God.
 
W
as he saying what I think he was saying? I sat quietly in the car the rest of the way to our destination. Colton pulled into a park near a small lake.
 
T
all trees surrounded a large grassy area with playground equipment. He pulled into one of the empty parking spots and turned to face me. He reached over and began to rub the back of my neck. I could feel the food from dinner begin to churn in my stomach and slowly rise up my throat.

I couldn’t believe what I’d gotten myself into. I should have known the first night I slept with him that he was slime, but he had given me the opportunity of a lifetime. Could I really do this? Be with him just so he doesn’t take it all away from me? I didn’t have much of a choice. I wanted more than anything to have this record deal. My dream was becoming a reality, but was the price too high?

“You know this isn’t something you want to throw away, baby,” he whispered as he leaned over and began to unbutton my blouse. I closed my eyes as the realization of what was happening washed over me. I was about to sell my soul to the devil; and all of a sudden, I just wanted to go home.

When I realized I’d just been staring out the windshield while Justin was getting the truck ready, I mentally scolded myself for thinking this was even remotely the same thing. Colton was a predator. He seduced me and used his position at the record company to keep me on his leash for years. He made me believe we were a couple so he could climb the corporate ladder at the label. And I was the idiot who fell for his lies over and over again.
 
W
ell, I was no longer a naïve little nineteen year old. I was an adult. And this was Justin for Pete’s sake. I knew he would never hurt me.

The night had been perfect after our little spat about Johnny
 
T
rellis. Once he explained it to me like a human, instead of a macho jerk, I could see where he was coming from. And I would for sure be staying far away from Johnny from now on.

When we kissed, my entire world stood still. I had pictured what kissing Justin would be like in my head for a long time. Probably longer than I cared to admit. Even as a teenager I often wondered what it would be like.
 
T
he real thing was so far beyond my expectations, it was indescribable. And the best part was that he didn’t push it, which I’m sure took quite a bit of restraint on his part. Hell, it took quite a bit of restraint on MY part. I wanted so badly just to pull him down on top of me and ask him to make love to me under the stars. But I didn’t want to rush this. I made that mistake once before and the only good to come of it was my career.
 
W
hich, at this point in my life, I can look back and say it wasn’t even worth it. As much as I loved the spotlight and performing, so often I craved the simplicity of small town life. I wanted to greet my children as they got off the bus at the end of the day. I wanted to cook my family meals and sit around a table in the kitchen talking about our day. And mostly, I wanted to crawl into a warm bed at night with the man of my dreams. A man that would support me in everything I did, and never hurt me or threaten me if I didn’t do exactly as I was told.

I was beginning to see things so clearly now. Justin was that man. He was everything I’d ever dreamed of, and it didn’t hurt that he turned out to be incredibly hot. Especially the days I saw him dirty and sweaty from working in the field.
 
Y
owza! I could feel my face blush just thinking about it.

“Lily, please don’t be embarrassed,” he said next to me.

“I’m not,” I answered. “My mind is just running away on me. I promise.
 
T
he one thing I’m not feeling right now is embarrassment.”

“What are you feeling?”

Oh jeez.
 
W
here did I start?

“Well, for starters, I’m incredibly turned on by that kiss.” I giggled.

Justin cocked his head to the side and grinned at me. “Oh yeah?” Damn, he was sexy.

“Yeah,” I breathed. “It’s actually taking a lot of effort right now not to jump you.”

He threw his head back and laughed.

“It’s not funny!” I playfully slapped his arm. “Stop laughing at me you big jerk.”

“I’m sorry, babe. I just think it’s funny that you want to jump me. I didn’t mean to laugh at you. Okay, no laughing. Go.”

I smirked at him.
 
T
his was not the way this talk was supposed to happen.
 
W
e were like two teenagers all squirrely after our first kiss. If we were going to get into a heart to heart conversation about where this relationship was going, I didn’t want to seem frivolous.

I nestled back into his side as he put his arm around me and gently ran his fingers up and down from my shoulder to my elbow.
 
W
e sat this way for quite some time just listening to the locusts sing and the crickets chirp. I leaned my head against his chest and draped my arm casually across his midsection.

He bent down to plant a soft kiss on the top of my head. I closed my eyes and savored the feeling of being cherished. No one had ever been so loving, so gentle with me. Not ever. I sighed at the thought.

“You still okay?” he asked.

“Mm hmm.
 
T
his feels nice.”

“Yeah, it does,” he mumbled. “You know, I think you and I could be really good together, if we just gave it a shot.”

“Yeah?”

He tilted his head down toward me. “Yeah. I know you’ve got something you’re working through.” I sat up to look at him. “You don’t have to tell me. It’s not even any of my business. But I want you to know what I’m feeling for you is real. It’s not something I think will be a fun time for a while and then we go our separate ways. I haven’t felt like this, Bright Eyes, not ever. I want to be with you. Only you. I have these thoughts, well, let’s just say my dreams of what I want for the future are very clear. But I won’t push it. I’ll give you time. I’ll give you space if you need it. I’ll do whatever it takes for you to let me in and give me a chance.”

He looked at me for a beat and then asked, “How do you feel about that?”

Here I thought I was hiding my insecurities fairly well. Even though he didn’t know exactly what I was going through, it still warmed my heart that he was aware something was bothering me. And not only aware, but he was willing to let me work through it. Part of me wanted to ask him what his dreams were for the future. I wondered if they were the same as mine.

“Lil,” he coaxed me.

I leaned back and smiled. “I feel pretty good about that. All of it.”

“Then get your ass over here, honey, because I wanna kiss you again.”

I scooted over to him and decided to be bold. I crawled into his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck. He looked into my eyes but made no move to kiss me, instead scanning my face like he was trying to stare into my soul. He moved his hands over my hair, pushing it back from my face. Slowly and tenderly, he studied each of my facial features. He leaned forward and brushed his lips across my forehead then my eyes. Moving down, ever so sweetly, he held my head in his strong hands. He placed a gentle kiss on my cheek before moving to the corners of my mouth.

“Bright Eyes,” he whispered so softly I almost didn’t hear him. He pulled me against him and devoured my mouth.
 
T
his kiss was more urgent than the last. It was heavier, wetter, like he was trying to pour his heart into me through our connection. I let myself go and felt the moment. He wasn’t just kissing me. He was sealing the deal on our decision to start something.
 
T
his was the beginning. I could feel it. And with that I held him tighter to my body and kissed him back with everything I had. For the first time in years, I felt like I was home.

Chapter 10

T
hree weeks had passed since the first football game. For the first time in my adult life, I felt I had a purpose. A meaning. A reason to push forward each day. And each day I did just that, but with a big goofy grin on my face.

After our ‘date’ that night at Eagle Point, Justin drove me home to my parents’ house.
 
W
e sat in the truck for another hour talking and kissing. My side actually hurt from laughing so hard. I never knew Justin to be such a character. Or maybe it was just us together. Maybe it was the fact that I was so deliriously happy that no matter what we talked about it ended in laughter and smiles.

Over the course of the next couple weeks we saw each other as much as possible.
 
W
hile most of our time was spent hanging out at his place or going horseback riding, he had taken me on a couple other proper dates for dinner and once even a movie. One night we met up for ice cream and went on a walk. Each night was complete with lingering touches and a lot of kissing; however, after each date he brought me home to my parents’ house. For being such a player like Missy said, he sure was taking his sweet time with me. I knew he was trying to be respectful and didn’t want to rush things, but I was about at my wit’s end.

I soon became just another citizen of Glenview again. Anyone who wanted my autograph had already gotten one. And it appeared to be old news that I was back in town. It was nice to be able to do things with Justin and not be mobbed.

The best times were when I unexpectedly ran into him in town. Mama and I had a meeting one afternoon with the financial director at the bank to transfer my accounts from Nashville back to Glenview. It was a tedious process that involved a lot of paperwork and signatures. Mr.
 
V
angoal would stay on as my lawyer since he could do that job from anywhere. My finances, on the other hand, were another story.
 
T
he bank in town was ecstatic. My total net worth last year was $185 million dollars. In fact, after speaking with the bank President and his top financial advisor, they decided to hire another person solely to manage my money.
 
T
hey insisted I come back next week to sit in on the interviews. I wasn’t sure how I felt about having yet another person in charge of my money, but they assured me I would still have total control.

Just as we exited the bank, Justin came around the corner. He was dirty from working all day. It was the first time he showed any display of affection in front of my mother.
 
W
hen he put his arm around my shoulders and kissed my temple, I thought she was going to swoon herself sick.

“I knew it. I just knew it, Baby Girl,” she said once we got into the car. “I told your Dad when you two were just kids that I saw a great love in the future.”

I rolled my eyes. “Oh Mama, please. I am not in love with Justin DeLuca.”

Wait, was I? Is that what this was? Love? Surely not.

I knew my feelings for Justin ran deep, but I didn’t know if I was even capable of falling in love. Colton had stripped me of so many things. He completely shattered my ability to trust men. As sweet and considerate as Justin was being with me, I still wasn’t planning on it lasting forever. Nothing in my life ever did.

“If you don’t see the way that boy looks at you, Lillian, you must be blind. Justin is head over heels in love.
 
W
ith you.”

“Whatever you say, Mama,” I muttered, turning onto the gravel road toward the farm.

As we pulled into the lane I could see a sleek sports car sitting in my spot under the oak tree. I instantly held my breath. I had yet to hear anything out of Colton about quitting the business, and it had been well over a month now.
 
W
hile most people would assume that no news is good news, I knew better with Colton. He was plotting something. Something slimy and most likely illegal. I dreaded the day he would show up around here and start harassing me.

As we got closer my face split into a huge smile. I could hardly contain my excitement. Sitting in one of the swings of the old metal swing set on the other side of the sidewalk was a long legged blond beauty.

I couldn’t get my car door opened fast enough before she jumped out of the swing and jogged in my direction.

“Sarah!” I yelled and ran to give her a great big hug. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, you told me to come and visit, so here I am. Holy shit, Lil, I need to know before I can go on, does it smell like this all the time here?” She scrunched up her nose like she was in pain.

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Uh, yes, it’s an acquired smell,” I grinned at her. “Stench a la hog shit.”

“Nice. I see you’ve quickly lost all your class.” She looked me up and down, frowning at my outfit choice of cutoff jean shorts, cowboy boots and a button down flannel shirt. “Jesus, you turned back into a freaking hick.”

Maybe the pigtails were a bit much.

“Well hey there pretty girl,” Mama said as she got closer to us. “What a nice surprise. Good to see you, Sarah.” She hugged her tightly. Mama loved Sarah just as much as I did. She knew what a saving grace she had been for me all those years.

“Okay, in the house we go girls. I’ll get some lemonade and ya’ll can get caught up.”

Sarah leaned over and whispered in my ear, “With vodka, right?” I giggled and linked my arm with hers as we walked to the house.

We chatted for a while in the kitchen. Sarah filled me in on everything happening in the Country Music world. As she talked, that part of my life seemed light years away. It was like it all happened in another lifetime, not just a few weeks ago. Sarah was going on about divorces and young kids being sent off to rehab for the umpteenth time. It appeared the Country Music
 
W
orld was moving forward and getting along just fine without me. Surprisingly, I was okay with it. I thought maybe I’d feel a pang of jealousy, but it never came.
 
T
he only thing I felt at the moment was contentment.

“So, there’s other news,” Sarah said. Her eyes slid to where my mother had disappeared into the living room. “Are we okay to stay in here? Or should we go somewhere more private?”

I closed my eyes in frustration. Contentment – gone.

Shit
. “Colton?”

“Yeah, and its bad, Lil.
 
Y
ou need to be ready.”

Damn. Maybe it was time to look for some vodka to put in this lemonade.

“How do you know for sure?”

Sarah shrugged her shoulders. “Started as a hunch. I just couldn’t shake this feeling that he let you fall off the face of the earth a little too easily. I started snooping around. It helps to be friends with so many other personal assistants in the business. I took a chance, asked around a little.” She looked down at her lemonade and actually looked ashamed for a moment.

“Don’t be mad, but I pretended to be pissed about you quitting and everyone losing their jobs. I’m so sorry Lil. I didn’t want it to get back to you that I was bad mouthing you, but I needed him to believe I was seriously pissed so he would open up to me.”

“Sarah, I understand. How could I be mad at you for trying to help me?”

I felt so bad for the poor girl. Here she was sticking her neck out for me and she was worried I’d be MAD at her.

“Okay, so I started a few fires.
 
T
hen I sat back and let them burn. I should’ve known it wouldn’t take long for Colton to get wind that I was pissed.”

Uh-oh. She wasn’t kidding when she said to be prepared.

“He called me,” she said. My eyebrows shot up into my hairline.

“Colton?”

“Yes,” she said. “He said he heard I hated you and wanted to get together to talk about it. So we did. And boy, Lil, he’s not just pissed.” She lowered her voice and looked around to make sure Mama was not around the corner.

“He’s FUCKING pissed. I mean like, you don’t need to be worried about getting sued, you need to be worried about getting hurt.”

“Sarah,” I said calmly, even though my insides were boiling. “I know Colton is a Grade A prick, but I don’t think he would actually hurt me. Not physically anyway.” I winced at my lie. It hurt to lie to Sarah, but I didn’t have a choice.

“Lillian, after everything he did to you, you don’t call that physical pain?”

I did. But not in the same context she was talking about now. I shook my head in an attempt to clear my mind. I knew Colton would be a problem, but I’d been living in la-la land for the past month, all giddy because Justin kissed me and took me on a few dates. I needed to focus and fix this.

I was about to answer Sarah when I heard Mama shuffling around, likely making noise to let us know she was on her way back to the kitchen. I gave Sarah ‘the eyes’ and she nodded almost undetectably.
 
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e both knew this conversation was far from over. But I was done talking about the problem.
 
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e needed to come up with a solution and be done with this once and for all.

“So Sarah, you staying for the Harvest Festival?” Mama came into the kitchen and asked.

Sarah tried to hide her smile and failed miserably.

“Gee Mrs. Raftzen that sounds like buckets of fun!”
 
T
he sarcasm was dripping so heavily from her voice I’m surprised her clothes didn’t get wet.

Shut up,
 
I mouthed to her as she rolled her eyes.

“Oh good.
 
T
here’s a street dance on Saturday night and Lillian agreed to sing a few songs,” Mama went on.

Sarah whipped her head around to look at me. “WHAT?!” she screeched.

It was my turn to roll my eyes. “Whatever.
 
T
here’s actually some local band scheduled to play. One of the committee members stopped me at the football game the other night and asked if I’d be willing to do a few songs.” I looked out the window because I was not ready to see the look on Sarah’s face just yet. “They’re hoping it helps draw a bigger crowd or something.”

I finally found the courage to look over at Sarah. She looked as dumbfounded as I felt.
 
W
hat was the big deal here? It was just a couple of songs.

“Do you have an outfit for this?
 
W
ho’s getting you ready?
 
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hat about security? Lil, you cannot go on stage without people there to guard you. How could you even think of doing this and not telling me?”

I felt like a teenager who missed curfew. Man, she could be a beast when she got into PA mode.

“I figured I’d just wear whatever I was planning to wear that night to the dance. Justin will be there. And my brothers.
 
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hey’ll make sure everything is under control.”

Sarah was shaking her head but smiling.
 
T
hat was a good sign. At least she wasn’t super pissed at me.

“You shit,” she said. “I knew you’d never be able to give it up completely. Are you getting paid for this?”

“No! I’m just doing it to be nice. And I never said I wasn’t singing again ever. Just not the way I used to. I’m doing something nice for my town. I don’t need full hair and makeup and fucking security for the Harvest Festival.”

“Lillian, mouth,” came from Mama as she walked back into the living room.

“Did she just scold you for swearing?”

I rolled my eyes and groaned, “It’s like I’m twelve years old in this house.”

I looked down at my phone.
 
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e needed a plan. I wanted my contentment back.

“Sarah,” I muttered. “I think it’s time we come up with a plan for how to deal with Mr. Jefferson.”

I stood to walk upstairs but didn’t miss the muttered ‘
Oh Shit’
 
come out of Sarah’s mouth.