Home: A Novel (16 page)

He got up from his chair and walked over to me, taking the cup of coffee from my hand to set on the countertop. “Well then, we better hit the showers. I decided I got all the work done this morning I wanted to. I was thinking we could shower and then spend the day together, just the two of us.”

Fog closed in around my brain and I forgot about the rest of the world.
 
T
hat sounded awesome. No, not even awesome. It sounded like the best plan in the history of plans. Never mind that I had a stupid ex-boyfriend slash ex-manager out there with a vendetta. I gave him my lazy morning smile and leaned in to touch my lips to his.

Once in the shower, he didn’t waste any time lathering me up with soap suds. Feeling his strong hands roaming over my slippery skin made the brain fog a little denser. Before I remembered to attempt to use that brain to think, I dropped to my knees.

“Baby, no,” Justin murmured.

“Yes,” I hissed as I grabbed the length of him in my hand. I pushed back on the skin and heard him growl deep in his throat. As I leaned in to take him in my mouth, Justin gasped.

“Oh fuck, baby,” he murmured. “Fuckin’ A, that feels good.”

His words just added fuel to my already blazing fire. I gave it all I had, using every trick in the book. I exercised a mixture of licking, sucking and the pressure from my hand to drive him wild. He cupped both hands around the back of my head but he didn’t force it. Before I knew it, I was being hauled up by my armpits.

“Hey, I wasn’t done yet,” I whined.

“You’re done. Face that way and put your hands on the wall.”

He spun me around and I did as I was told. Reaching around the front of me, he inserted a finger deep inside.

“Oh yeah, ready as ever,” he whispered into my ear.

In one thrust he entered me from behind, the spray from both nozzles still sprinkling over both of us. I knew it. I knew being in this shower together would be the absolute bomb.

For quite some time, the only sounds coming from that shower were moans, groans and the occasional grunt. After I growled through my orgasm, he once again increased his pace.
 
T
his time, however, he pulled out right before his orgasm and shot his load down the drain.

Hmmmm, interesting.

We stood still, both trying to catch our breath from the amazing shower sex. I figured now was as good of time as any to have the birth control discussion.

“I’m on the pill, you know, you didn’t have to do that.”

“You are?” he asked, seeming almost surprised.

“Well, yeah, seems my record label frowns on unwanted pregnancies.” I grimaced at the thought as the memory flooded through.

I laid on the floor, bleeding and crying for hours. My left arm was rendered useless. I figured something inside was broken, but I didn’t know which part.
 
T
he most pain was coming from my lower stomach. I groaned at the thought.
 
T
hat crazy asshole did this on purpose. He knew what could happen if he delivered a kick like that to my gut. He knew.

I closed my eyes and fell into a deep sleep once again, thinking the next time I woke up maybe I’d have the energy to get off the floor.

I vaguely remember hearing the door open and heels click against the tile floor.

“Lil?
 
Y
ou here, babe?”

Sarah. It was Sarah. She was here. Oh thank God she found me before I died on the kitchen floor.

I tried to talk, to make some attempt to call out to her, but my voice wasn’t working. A strangled groan and wheeze came from my mouth and I heard the footsteps quicken.

“Lil? Oh, God.
 
W
hat happened? Are you okay? Oh my God.
 
W
hat hurts? Holy hell.”

She grabbed her phone as I tried to pick my head up to tell her what happened. I registered the fact that she was calling for an ambulance but my fuzzy brain was having trouble keeping up with how fast she was talking.

In a matter of minutes, she left my side to open the gate from the control panel in my foyer. I heard more footsteps on the tile, a lot of quick chattering, and noise of something being wheeled across the floor.

After assessing my injuries, they put me on a stretcher and got me in the ambulance. My brain was working a little better by this point and I looked to Sarah.

“Sarah, call my publicist and Mr.
 
V
angoal. No press. Cover this….everything,” I said in a cryptic message for her to try to decipher.

“Done, it’s taken care of. I’m coming with you to the hospital.”

“Sorry, ma’am,” the EMT said to her. “You’ll need to drive yourself and meet us at the ER.
 
W
e’re going to Centennial Medical Center.”

“Fuck that. She’s my best friend and she was obviously fucking attacked in her own damn house.
 
Y
ou will not keep me from her right now.
 
Y
ou will not!” she screeched.

“Fine, but stay out of the way.” I was surprised they let her get her way, but I imagined no one wanted to deal with one of Sarah’s meltdowns.

After going through the ER to assess my injuries, I found my left shoulder was pulled out of the socket, explaining the pain and uselessness of my entire arm. I had two cracked ribs and a lot of cuts and bruises.
 
T
hankfully, nothing else was broken.

I told them I was pregnant and had been kicked in the stomach. I was soon admitted and a new nurse came in with an ultrasound machine. Since I’d only been to the doctor once before for my confirmation of pregnancy, I was excited to be able to hear the heartbeat today.

Everything was set up and ready to go. Instead of jelly on my tummy like I saw in the movies, the doctor informed me it was too early to hear the heartbeat that way.
 
T
hey’d have to do a vaginal ultrasound.

Thinking of the horrible pains I still had through my midsection, I was actually glad he wouldn’t be adding more pressure to that area. After inserting the wand, he flipped a switch on the bulky machine. A gray, fuzzy screen appeared.

“Ah, here is your uterus, Ms. Raftzen,” he said. “And there is the embryo.”

He pushed a few more buttons and twisted the wand. Sarah was still standing right beside me, she hadn’t let go of my hand since we got into the ambulance.
 
T
he doctor and nurse exchanged a look of concern and the wand was removed.

“Ms. Raftzen, it would appear your baby no longer has a heartbeat,” he said.

Then he went on to say a bunch more words about how they’d have to get the remains out of my body. I don’t think I heard a single thing he said. I was still concentrating on his first set of words.

My baby no longer had a heartbeat. It was no longer alive. I’d never know if it was a boy or a girl. If it would have my brown hair or blue eyes. I’d never know if she was able to sing, or he would’ve been a football star.

I’d never know.

I would always wonder for the rest of my life, but I would never know.

Ever.

Reality hit me like a shockwave and I put my face into my hands to sob.

“Ssshhhh, Lil. Its ok, we’ll get through this. I promise.”

I nodded but Sarah was wrong, I knew it would never be okay. I could never tell anyone the truth about what happened. I already lied to the police and told them someone broke in, attacked me and left. It never occurred to me in my lie that it would seem weird they didn’t steal anything but no one said a word. I would take this secret to my grave. If I didn’t, not only would Colton ruin my career, he’d hurt Sarah.

I couldn’t let that happen. I cried through my heartbreak and pain and then decided to begin my new way of life. I built up an emotional wall made of concrete bricks, placing the mortar between each one so Colton would never again be able to knock it down. He could stay in charge of my career but I would never, ever, give him the chance to hurt me again. Not ever.

“Where’d you go there?” Justin asked, bringing me back to the task of finishing up our shower.

“Nowhere worth revisiting,” I stated.

He tilted his head and stared at me. “Because I pulled out?” he asked.

“No.
 
W
ell sort of. Just, I know the first time we didn’t use any protection, but I’m on the pill. If you don’t want to I’m okay with that. I’ve never in my life been with anyone without protection so I’m clean.” I felt my words trail off. I don’t know why it was embarrassing to talk to him about this, but it just was. I wanted to roll my eyes at myself and slap my forehead for being such a moron.

“That’s good to know. From now on I won’t use anything, okay?” He wrapped me in his arms which was so comforting.

“Okay,” I said.

He bent down to kiss the top of my head.
 
T
hen he turned me toward the door and gave me a swat on the ass. “Time to get moving though.
 
W
e need to head to the police station and talk to Alan about a restraining order.”

Yippee. Just what I wanted to do on a day that Justin declared we would spend together.

Chapter 16

Justin

D
ealing with everything at the police station was the farthest thing from fun. 
T
hankfully, the rest of the day rolled on with hardly any drama or excitement at all. After the last twenty-four hours, I was grateful for the break.

Lil’s life was a roller coaster of emotions. Not only this new bullshit with that fuckwad Colton, but just her mood swings in general. She could go from cold to hot and back to cold in a snap. It was not easy to keep up with her.

Last night when she went to sleep on the couch it felt like a piece of my heart dropped into my toes. As much as I didn’t want to let her out of my arms, I couldn’t force her to stay with me. I knew it would only make matters worse. So instead, I waited until she fell asleep to go get her and bring her to my bed.
 
T
he original plan was to just pick her up and lay her next to me. I wasn’t expecting her to wake up.

When she made the comment about my ‘perfect fucking day’ the rest of my heart dropped. I knew how it sounded when I said it earlier, but I honestly didn’t mean it that way. I was so pissed at myself for screwing her in the damn horse barn. And then to find out that someone was threatening to hurt her? Over my dead, rotting body.

The more time I spent with her, the deeper my feelings ran. After hearing about Colton, I just wanted to get her home. Get her to my house. At least there I knew she’d be with me and I could keep her safe. I hadn’t been in a fight since my early twenties, but I still had a few moves left in me and was more than capable of kicking anyone’s ass. If someone tried to hurt her, they’d have to get through me first.

We spent the next couple of days lounging around my place.
 
T
he chill of fall had officially set in, yet Lil still opened all the windows to let the breeze flow through my house. In the late afternoons we would sit in the wooden swing on the front porch. Sometimes she would read, sometimes she just sat there staring out over the cornfield. It was nice. It was peaceful. It was something I knew she hadn’t had in a long time and I was happy to give it to her.

Our nights were spent behind the closed bedroom doors worshipping each other, loving each other. Every time with her brought us closer and closer together. I had been with a lot of women over the years, but being with Lil was on another level. I don’t think I could ever get enough of her.

It was now Friday night, we were heading to the football game once again, but first Lil had to do a sound check for her performance tomorrow night at the Harvest Festival. I had already tried to talk her out of going through with the show numerous times. I just didn’t think it was a good idea anymore, not knowing if she was safe. As expected, she didn’t take to my suggestion too kindly.

“Screw that,” she said as she finished getting ready for the game. “I refuse to live my life behind closed doors just because some jerkoff thinks I screwed him over.”

“Will you please just listen to me?” I asked. “I don’t think it’s a good idea. Nobody will give a shit if you back out.”

“I won’t do it Justin, please don’t ask me again.”

I put my hands on my hips and watched her. I wanted to be pissed about this, but I couldn’t. She just looked too damn cute in her tight jeans and Glenview High sweatshirt to pick a fight at the moment.

“What?” she snipped.

“Come here, Bright Eyes.”

“I need to get my boots so we can get going, I don’t want to be late.”

“Lily,” I said in a stern voice.
 
W
hen she looked up at me I crooked my finger at her. She rolled her eyes but got up and walked over to me.

“I’m here, what?”

I slid my arm around her waist and pulled her close. I leaned down and kissed her. It only took a beat for her to melt into my hold. She ran her hands up my arms so they met at the back of my neck. I slid my hands down from her waist to get a good handful of her sexy ass.

By the time we pulled apart we were both breathing heavily. She leaned her forehead against my chest and said, “Great, now we really are running late, and part of me doesn’t want to go at all.”

I chuckled at her comment. She was so easily persuaded. She could have plans set in damn stone, and all it took me was a good kiss to change her mind. I made a mental note to remember that in the future. It could really work to my advantage.

Thinking of the future stirred something inside me I wasn’t quite ready to admit yet. I took the stray strand of hair that had fallen from her loose pony tail and tucked it behind her ear. I said a small prayer to God that I would get to do that for her the rest of our lives. I always dreamed of a future that included Lily, but having her here I realized that every day I fell more in love with her. Not the love I thought I had for her in high school, but a deeper love. A connection that was hard to explain to anyone on the outside looking in. Not only did I want to protect her from harm, but I wanted to see her smile every day. I wanted to hear her laugh when I said something funny. I wanted more days like the last few, where we cuddled up on the porch swing in the afternoons. I wanted to watch her stand at the end of the lane, waiting for the bus to drop off our children from their long day at school.

I wanted it all. I wanted to be her everything. Her home.

“What are you thinking about?” she asked me. I could see the confusion in her eyes.

“You.
 
Y
ou’re so beautiful, Lil.”

She slowly blinked as a small smile crept onto her lips. “Thank you. And you know, you’re not too bad there yourself, DeLuca.”

We stood smiling at each other like two idiots. She was the one to finally snap us out of it. “So, will you let me get my boots on so we can go? I’d like to get the sound check done so we don’t miss all of the football game.”

I turned her around and pointed her to the door. “Go,” I said as I gave her a swat on the ass. She shrieked and then giggled.

We got to Main Street to see the stage being built for tomorrow night. In all my years of attending the Harvest Festival, it had never been this big of a production. I had a feeling the little lady sitting next to me had something to do with that.
 
T
he sole purpose of the whole event was to have a fun night in town before the farmers got busy in the fields with harvest.
 
T
he actual event began way back when I was a kid.
 
T
hey had a carnival, a parade, games and food in the park, and then at night was the street dance. Usually, they roped off a number of streets and you were allowed to walk outside with alcohol as long as you were inside the ropes. Once you stepped outside the barrier though, you were slapped with an open container violation and possibly even public intoxication, pending how drunk you were. I’d had a number of friends who, having too much to drink, were issued a ticket or a night in jail because they walked outside the ropes.

It was also a great night for the local bars and restaurants to make some extra bucks. I was proud of Lil for agreeing to sing and helping local business for Glenview. It meant that not only would the whole town come out, but probably a lot of people from nearby towns too.

As we walked up to the stage I could feel the nerves begin to hit my stomach. I don’t know how Lil used to do this for tens of thousands of fans night after night, but it didn’t even faze her. She bounced up the stairs and shook hands with the sound techs.
 
T
hen she met the band, Idle Hands, who was being paid to perform the next night. All five guys seemed a little star struck at first, but it didn’t take them long to get down to work.
 
T
hey seemed very grateful that her presence would help get them some much needed exposure.

Lil had let the festival coordinators know ahead of time which of her songs she planned to sing so the band was prepared. She was even doing one of her duets she recorded with Brad Paisley,
 
Lovin’ you is Easy,
 
but singing with Idle Hands’ lead singer.

I sat back and let her do her thing. After testing the sound individually for each instrument and the microphones, she stepped front and center. She nodded to the drummer as he counted off a one, two, three, four with his drumsticks.
 
T
hey started playing
 
In
 
Y
our
 
T
ruck,
 
which was one of her last hit singles.

I stood frozen in my tracks when she started to sing. It had been a lot of years since I heard that voice in person. Holy hell, she was amazing. And she wasn’t even in ‘performing’ mode. She was checking instrument levels, pointing to each band member and pointing up or down so it was adjusted perfectly. She wasn’t my Lillian right now. She was Lily Rae, and she was fucking incredible.

When they were finished, she shook hands with each of the band members.
 
T
hey all stood around her in a huddle probably just as much in awe as I was at the moment. She started down the stairs and gave a little wave back to the band. “See you guys tomorrow,” she said over her shoulder.

I walked toward her and noticed each of the guys completely checking her out as she walked away. I wanted to roll my eyes at them, but decided to have a little fun instead.
 
W
hen I got to Lil, I grabbed her around the shoulders and dipped her down for a long, drawn out, overly dramatic kiss.

“What was that for?” she asked as we stood back up. I glanced up at the stage to see a pained, jealous look on each of their faces. Lil took note of the direction of my eyes and smacked me on the arm. “You’ve got to be freakin’ kidding me.”

I grinned, grabbed her hand and walked back to the truck. “That, and you were fucking amazing up there. Seriously, Lil, you took my breath away.”

She stopped walking and turned to face me. Sliding her hand into my hair, she pulled me down to meet her lips. After kissing me softly, she stayed close and whispered against my mouth, “Thanks, baby.” Her gentle words made something twist in my gut. I captured her mouth with mine one last time, licking her bottom lip to seek entrance. She immediately permitted my request and we stood in the street, making out like two teenagers in love, totally oblivious to anything happening around us.

As I pulled away she stood perfectly still but her eyes were still closed. She smiled as I ran my thumb across her lips and jaw. “We better get going if we’re gonna see any of the football game tonight,” I whispered.

“Okay,” she breathed. It seemed neither of us could find our voices.

When she opened her eyes I saw something different in them. Something I’d never seen in them before. She looked content. She looked at peace. She looked like she’d finally found home.