Holding On (36 page)

I squiggle to get out from under him
but he doesn’t budge, at all.  I have no hope to overpower him
so I look at him and give him a stare that tells him I want to get
up.  No luck.

“
Oh no.  Nope.
 This isn’t a ‘Mace gets her say and Shame is going to listen’
Sorry there Sweetheart, but I have the floor now. Negotiations have
yet to be completed.”  I hadn’t even thought that maybe he had
something to say after my rant.  This makes me a selfish bitch
so I instantly soften my look to encourage him to talk by lifting
my eyebrows, giving him my full attention.

“
When you left me there at
the club that night, I really thought I was dead. My heart stopped
in my chest and I couldn’t get enough air into my lungs. If that’s
not a living death baby, I don’t know what is.” His thumbs caress
my cheeks as he’s lost in thought. “I couldn’t even get up off the
ground until Hem and Sadey found me there an hour later.  I
know you said you can’t go through that again, but that goes for me
too.  I won’t do this again.  My heart can’t take it and
right now I’m scared as fuck to risk this, putting myself out there
for you, for us, again.  You’re worth it to me though.  I
had told you before I was going to ruin this, I’m not now.
 This is us and we are together and this will work.  I
love your face, baby.”

He kisses me slow and
sweet, my private Shame that no one else gets to see.  “I love
you.” I say against his skin of his neck. “I’m going love you
forever.”, and I mean that.

He moves to the side so I can climb
out.  I need a shower.

“
Mace.”

I’m on my way out of the
bedroom but not before his haunted voice stops me. Turning around,
I’m standing at the door with only my robe in my hands in front of
me.  I can see him hesitating.  He is having an internal
battle on what he’s about to say, but I am patient. This is big.
 I’m recognizing it while I wait for him to talk.
 Finally he says it and I will etch this in my memory
forever.

“
Mace, I love you.
 My whole life in one way or another, I’ve always loved you.
 You’re my girl now.  You and I are going to grow old
together.” I stare into his eyes and I’m starting to choke on the
lump in my throat. He doesn’t give me a chance to respond before he
continues. “You should start agreeing on that idea soon because it
may take some time for you to come to terms with it, but for right
now baby, know that I love you. Before you leave this room and
before we continue our story, if you know nothing else that is
certain you should just know that.”  

Oh my God! He
is
that romantic guy I’m
always complaining I don’t have.  I know this was monumental
for him, he’s never told anyone he actually loves them. He hides,
always talking to me through action but right now, he’s absolutely
raw.

I drop my robe where I
stand and run to him on the bed, he’s still laying down with his
head propped on his pillow and arm.  Our eyes never lose
contact as I take the sheet from his body and I jump on top of him,
covering him completely with my body. I give him the longest and
sweetest kiss through the tears that are now tumbling down my
face.

*****

After shower sex and
breakfast at the house we head back to the hospital to see my newly
pregnant friend.  I’m hoping she can come home this morning.
 I really am not excited on spending another day in that sick
bed room.  She’s not sick, she’s pregnant and she needs to
come home and be able to think clearly without being around all
that is reminding her of this change in her life.  I can’t
tell Shame her news, even though he and I are together I know that
as kids it was us, a package deal, all four of us and if I tell him
he will feel the need to tell Hem.  I can’t risk that. Bad
enough that Hem doesn’t know his good news, but hearing it from
Shame would piss him off, rightly so.  Ace and I promised her
four weeks and right now her clock has three weeks and six days
left before it expires.

Arriving at the hospital
we see the line of three bikes and already know she has visitors.
 Of course Hem is here, he probably hasn’t left her side once.
 I can see Ace’s bike, and now I’m hoping no one is physically
hurt.  I think Ace will keep it held in for Sadey but not so
sure about Hem.  He never thinks before he acts so it’s a coin
toss if blood will be shed or not.  Also, I see Honors bike.
 One of my little ducks coming to check on one of our own. We
park next to the others and head inside.

“
What the hell is wrong
with her?  Mace, I know you have to know something because I’m
sure you two share a brain half the time, neither one of you can
handle a thought or idea without the other so tell me what the fuck
is going on.”  This is Hem, meeting Shame and I in the hall
outside of Sadey’s door.

“
Hello there, brother.
 Good to see you too.  Yes, I’ve had a shit week but
thanks for checking to be sure I’m alright.  Damn, Hem.
 If I knew something was seriously wrong I would have either
A.) Told you already when I texted you and Shame or B.) Been here
much earlier and explained what was going on.  Give me some
credit here.  Thanks for jumping my ass though, cause I had
that on my to do list, check!”

God I hate lying to him.
 I know my brother and he can smell that out but his rugged
composure weakens and he grabs me into his arms for a hug. His grip
on me is tight, he feels bad now and he’s probably also suffering
from exhaustion as well. I’m sure Ace being here isn’t helping his
nerves. 

“
I’m sorry, I am just out
of myself right now.  She’s in there and all she can say is
that she is ‘fine’ and she wants to go home.  I’m out of my
mind with worry and the only thing that good for nothing doctor can
tell me is that Sadey has irregular blood pressure, which really
doesn’t tell me fuckin’ nothing.” Guess the wise ole doctor has
finally wised up and stopped telling others Sadey’s
news.

“
Let me go in and check it
out, if I sense something is off I will talk to her and let you
know.  How about you two go and get us some coffees so I don’t
want to hurt someone, namely you, okay?”  

He shrugs then Shame leans down giving
me a chaste kiss on the lips.  I quickly glance at Hem and he
is smiling ear to ear, teeth and all.  Jackass thinks he knows
everything. Fine, whatever. I’ve got bigger issues right now and
the woman behind door number one is making my brother
crazy.

Walking in her room I see all of her
people around her bed chatting.  Ace, Honor and April have her
flanked.  Immediately when I enter Ace moves from her side to
give me room to get to her.  I hug her and give her a
reassuring knowing smile.

“
No one
can find Cherry, Mace.  We are worried.  Kegs went to her
house and no one answered.  The door was locked so she didn’t
go in.  Her car was in driveway.  Do you know where she
went?”  Like Sadey needs more worry? These people seriously
didn’t come here just to worry her, I get that but damn if I didn’t
wish for people to
think shit
through
.  

“
No honey, I don’t know.
 I’ve been with you and home and that’s all.  Are you
getting out of here soon?”

“
She is, but the doc said
she needs to be with someone at all times and she’s refusing to
stay in Hems room at the Club, help us out here Mace, she needs to
be watched.”  Ace is frazzled.  Honor gives me nod as if
asking me to calm Ace and talk to Sadey. Who does he think I am?
 Damn.

“
Sadey, I can probably
take off work this week but I don’t know about next week.
 Until we know how your blood pressure will affect you then
maybe next week you really should stay at the Club.  The
brothers and April will be there to take care of you.”

“
Mace, whose April? She
new? I don’t know her yet and I do not want some stranger taking
care of me. I want to go home!” Stressing, she’s not even out of
hospital and she’s already stressing.

“
I’m April”, Kegs says to
a confused Sadey.  

“
Oh, guess I never really
even knew your name, did I?”  Confusion doesn’t suit Sadey
right now, but she’s buried in it.

“
Ok fine.  I will
stay there next week but not now please.  I want to go home
and shower and be with my stuff.”   Her stuff, really? Oh
geez, I’m hoping this is not a preview to the next eight or so
months. Dang, I cannot wait to be able to talk to people about her
while she’s growing and becoming an emotional windbag.

Ace sighs in relief and I smile and
wink at him so he knows I’ve got this.  Just as I’m about to
walk out to find my cup of coffee and the two hoodwinks that
promised it to me, in walks Derek and Peyton.  Well then,
gangs all here!

Chapter
Fifteen
:

“
I could feel it coming just like a tide... I
just want to destroy them. But when you start taking pleasure in it
you are awfully close to the thing you're fighting.”
  

--Ernest Hemingway

Cherry has been gone a
full week now.  No one has a clue where she took off to.
 I’m beginning to wonder if I should start looking for her
parents, but I have no idea where to start.  She’s never
talked about them but I know she’s got family back in Nevada.
 I have heard her talk about her past in passing and how she
had attended college for a year and like to write short
stories.

She doesn’t talk to me
much so I have never pried into her life by asking personal
questions.  April is worried, she knows more about Cherry than
any of us and she swears that she would never have just left her
friends here without saying goodbye.  I’m uncertain how many
friends she has here in town, most of her companions come in male
form and aren’t so much friends as, well… ‘mates’.  Maybe I
will ask April where her parents are, if they care to know their
daughter is missing and her friends are worried.  She’s
not an actual member of the Club so Hem won’t deploy the brothers
to a full search to include calling in favors from other Clubs,
especially when she could have just thought ‘screw it’ and left, no
pun intended.  

Shame and Hem are gone
again, this time just a three day ride for business.  Hem has
given Sadey explicit instructions that she’s to stay at the Club
until he returns.  I’m working during the day at the library
but I come here in the evenings to check on her and give her some
company.  If I’m being honest, I’m also here to check on Ace
too.  If he’s alone with Sadey too long, who knows what will
come out of his mouth.  Generally people do not have a brain
to mouth filter, well when Ace is around his ‘Sadey Bug’ he doesn’t
have a heart to mouth filter. This would be completely romantic and
endearing if he didn’t have a 250 pound, angry, tattooed, giant of
a man just waiting for him to make another slip and say something
to or about his woman.  I wish he would find someone else to
love because this man has so much to give and if I’m being selfish,
his unreturned love for her really is starting to depress the hell
out of me.  

Sadey is staying at the
Club per Hem’s instruction though.  She has been feeling fine
since being released, as far as blood pressure anyway.  Her
baby doctor told her that morning sickness would be starting sooner
than later so she may want to inform her baby daddy of this so he
understands what he’s about to see happen to her.  Of course,
in Sadey manner, she refused and told the doctor that I said that
she had three more weeks and if that means she’s going to be in
hiding with a puke bucket and hair ties then so be it.  Her
words there, not mine.

She hasn’t started the
vomiting yet phase yet, maybe she won’t.  She told me a few
times that she has felt sick in the evenings and only when she gets
too tired.  Hem hasn’t noticed anything different about her.
 He’s been up to his ears in Club business as has Shame.
 When he’s not up to his ears in Club business he’s up to
Sadey’s ears driving her insane.  I can’t wait until she just
tells the man he’s going to be a daddy.  I’m already certain
he will go from being only overly protective to downright stupid in
his actions to keep her, as the baby warmer, safe and cared for.
Good luck with that Sadey girl, once you throw a child into this
dynamic I can no longer help you with settling Hem.

Since the boys won’t be
back until tomorrow I’m going to take Sadey to an early dinner to
get her out of the Club. She needs a break and she has earned some
time off for her good behavior. Her blood pressure is normal and
she looks good, so as far as Hem is concerned she is back to
healthy.  However, the man is intuitive, it goes along with
his soft and poetic nature so he senses something is off and that’s
why she remains under his thumb or I guess other appendages that
I’m not going to think about my brother using.  I already know
that she wants to have a drink. She’s told me every single day
about how she won’t get a margarita for eight more months.
 Although I don’t have kids, I’m not blind to the fact that
after your child is born you do not have time to sit around
chatting with girlfriends and drinking margaritas because you are
too busy changing diapers, burping, feeding, and just being a full
time mother and I haven’t broken it to her that eight months is
just the beginning!  

Sadey’s parents have
sheltered her all her life.  She was the only child to an
architect and a stay at home mother.  She knows nothing of
trying to work and raise a child.  Her mother was very picky
about what Sadey wore, how she acted, what schools she went to,
etc.  Sadey just wanted to be a little girl that played
outside or with her Barbie’s, but her mom insisted in her always
staying clean and acting like a young lady.