His Texas Bride (12 page)

“Okay, Julie. I think you’d better stay the night,” Ellie said at last.

“What? No,” Buck answered for his ex-wife before Julie could so much as say a word.

Ellie glanced over her shoulder to see Buck glow
ering at Julie. Julie stared straight back at Buck, looking decidedly uncomfortable as she clasped her hands in front of her. Ellie felt the tension in the air, as tangible as a room full of invisible gas just waiting for a single spark to make it blow up in flames.

“It only makes sense, Buck,” Ellie explained. “We aren’t going to work this out in the next fifteen minutes, and Tyler’s birthday party is winding down soon.”

“I don’t have to stay here,” Julie inserted tentatively. “I’ll just check in to a motel in town.”

Ellie attempted to smile but was convinced it was little more than a grimace. “The county fair is going on. There are only two motels in Ferrell, and I’m pretty sure they are booked solid.”

“There’s one in Houston,” Buck suggested through gritted teeth. “Or Dallas.”

Ellie whirled on him. “Be reasonable, Buck. It’s too late in the day to send her off to Dallas or Houston. Besides, this is only temporary. Right, Julie?”

Holding her breath, Ellie looked to Julie for conformation. She was relieved when the woman nodded her affirmation.

Only temporary.

Then why did it feel so incredibly permanent?

At length, Buck shrugged his assent. “I still think it’s a bad idea, but it’s your ranch, Ellie.”

What?

Her
ranch?

What had happened to
their
ranch?

Ellie scowled at Buck. “It’s settled, then. Julie, let me show you to your room. You can have dinner with us. Tyler will be there. But I warn you, if you
hurt that boy, you’ll be answering to me. Do you understand?”

Julie nodded vigorously, her eyes wide in apparent shock and distress.

“Hmm,” Buck muttered, crossing his arms and staring at Ellie. She wanted to squirm under his gaze, but she squared her shoulders, determined to see this through.

“And you,” Ellie continued, using her index finger to poke Buck square in the middle of his chest. “You stay right where you are. We need to talk.”

Buck opened his mouth as if he were about to say something, then apparently thought better of it and clamped his lips together. Whatever he’d been about to say would have to wait.

Since she’d instructed Buck to wait for her in the kitchen, Ellie herself went outside and took the suitcase from the backseat of Julie’s brand-new white SUV and settled her in one of the guest bedrooms. Fortunately Ellie had an extra guest bedroom already made up, so it didn’t take long to settle Buck’s ex-wife in.

Ellie had turned and was heading back to the kitchen, where Buck waited, when she suddenly whirled back to face Julie. As an afterthought, she informed Julie that dinner would be served promptly at seven that evening.

Ellie passed through the living room on her way back to the kitchen, taking a moment to speak with Tyler. Most of his friends had gone, with only a few rowdy boys left over. She suggested they go look at Tyler’s present in the stable, the new foal, and try to pick out a name for him.

If Tyler suspected anything was amiss, or had even
noticed Julie’s untimely arrival, he didn’t show it. Ellie breathed a sigh of relief when the boys scrambled out the door. It was enough that she had to confront Buck without worrying about Tyler.

“I’m sorry,” Buck said the moment Ellie entered the kitchen.

“You should be.”

“I know that wasn’t fair, putting you in the middle of this. But I honestly didn’t know what else to do.”

“Uh, handle it yourself?” Ellie suggested grimly.

Buck shrugged. “I tried. But I was losing my perspective, Ellie. I need your help.”

He sounded so genuine, Ellie couldn’t help but be touched by his plea, yet her heart was torn. Did he really think it would help for her to get in between him and his ex?

She stared down at her hands for a moment, and her mind wandered back to when Mama Esther was still alive. Grief struck her anew.

Buck’s mom would have known what to do. She had had a remarkable sense about people and had been gifted in her ability to discern what they were really about.

Ellie had no clue. She just knew it wasn’t right.

“Listen, Buck,” she began hesitantly, not quite meeting Buck’s gaze. “I don’t think we should risk telling Tyler about our plans right now. It’s definitely not the appropriate time to rock his world.”

“Not even for the good?” Buck whispered. “I would think good news would be welcome about now. I think it would make him happy to hear of our plans for the ranch.”

“I don’t think we should be
making
any plans right now. Not with everything so up in the air.”

“What?” Buck frowned, his forehead creasing ominously. “Nothing is up in the air, Ellie. Nothing has changed. Trust me on this.”

Trust him.
That was the problem. Ellie still wasn’t sure she could. And now, with Julie back, who knew what would happen? She knew only that she needed to guard her heart.

“Don’t give up on me,” he whispered raggedly. He reached for her hands. “I get what’s going on here. You’re taking responsibility for something that is not your problem.”

“That’s exactly it, Buck,” Ellie said, tears now flowing down her cheeks. “It
isn’t
my problem. This is between you and Julie. You can’t go forward with your life with me until you’ve put the past truly to rest.”

Buck sighed and nodded, though he did not let go of her hands. “I know things seem pretty crazy right now, but know this. I will never let you go again. Never.”

T
o Buck’s chagrin, Tyler chattered all the way through dinner. Ellie had introduced Julie to Tyler as merely a guest, saying no more about it than that. The only picture Tyler had of his mother was of her holding him when he was a newborn. Time and stress had taken their toll on Julie, and she now hardly resembled the young, carefree woman in the faded photograph. The boy appeared to have taken Ellie’s word at face value, despite the fact that Julie had no children with her.

Fortunately, Tyler seemed distracted by the success of his first real birthday party—at least the first one that the boy would remember. He was practically bubbling over about the foal Ellie had given him for a present.

“I’ve decided to call him Jet,” Tyler explained to Ellie between bites of food. “Him being black and all.”

Unable to find his own appetite, Buck pushed his plate away. Despite Ellie’s prowess in the kitchen, nothing tasted good. Buck couldn’t taste anything at all.

He kept staring at Julie, feeling as tense as a large
cat ready to pounce on his prey. He was waiting. Listening. Watching. It was only a matter of time, he determined, before Julie did or said something to give herself away.

She’d never followed the rules before. Why should now be any different? As he’d warned Ellie earlier, Julie would play down and dirty.

To Buck’s surprise, Julie said nothing at all. She smiled a few times when Tyler was especially animated, and she never took her eyes off the boy, but she didn’t speak, not even to ask him a question. From time to time she’d put her fork in her mouth, but Buck could tell her mind wasn’t on the meal before her any more than his was.

As soon as he’d scarfed down his food, Tyler asked to be excused from the table and bounded out of his chair to go spend time with his colt. As soon as Tyler was gone, Buck pushed away from the table and stood, nodding to the ladies. “I’m going to go for a walk,” he said.

He didn’t even make it out the back door before Julie was hot on his heels.

“Buck, wait,” she called frantically.

Buck froze for a moment, allowing Julie to catch up before adjusting his long stride to match her shorter one, his boots soft against the well-worn trail. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans jacket and glanced furtively at the woman he’d once called his wife.

She was flushed from the walk, and Buck slowed his pace even more. He tempered his urge to run, to bolt for the stable. He knew he could easily outpace her and have a horse saddled before she even made it to the
stable. It took all his self-control to keep from doing just that.

“I can’t do this,” she said, pulling in a deep breath and clenching her hands in front of her.

“What?” Buck whirled on her in surprise. “What do you mean, you can’t do this? You already have.”

“I know,” she admitted with a short nod. “I realize now that I’ve tipped the balance. I was thinking only of myself when I came here. I didn’t realize how it was going to affect you.”

“How do you mean?”

She shook her head before feinting out of the question. “You’ve done a fine job raising Tyler.”

“No thanks to you,” Buck growled before he could think better of it. “It wasn’t easy. I struggled for many years to get where I am now. And Tyler has really come out of his shell now that Ellie is here to give him a mother’s guidance.”

“Something I never did,” Julie admitted. “I was never good mother material, never mind being a decent wife. And that’s another thing.”

Buck just stared at her, wondering where she was going with all this.

“Your relationship with Ellie,” Julie stated.

Buck didn’t know what to say, so he remained silent, but he wasn’t about to deny the relationship he’d built with Ellie if Julie pushed him on the subject.

“I’ve seen the way you look at her.”

“And…?”

“And I’m happy for you. I really am. Ellie obviously loves you—and Tyler. I’m glad to see you’ve
really moved on with your life, and I know Ellie makes you happy.”

Buck shook his head, his eyes narrowing on Julie. “Why do I feel there’s more to this? You suddenly having the overwhelming compulsion to see the son you abandoned ten years ago? Tell me the truth, Julie.” He placed a foot on the corral fence and leaned his elbows into the hard strength of the wood, choosing to stare out into the range rather than to look straight at his ex.

“Look, I don’t know how to say this, or how you will take it, so I’m just going to be blunt,” Julie said suddenly with a rush of air. “Things went downhill the moment I left you, Buck. I was really young and immature and stupid. I did so many, many things I regret.”

Buck didn’t answer, though privately he agreed with her assessment.

“I got into a lot of trouble before God pulled me out of the mire,” she continued when Buck didn’t speak. “I have asked His forgiveness, but I came here to ask for yours, on behalf of both you and Tyler.”

Buck felt as if he were turned to stone. He wasn’t ready to forgive Julie. He wasn’t sure he ever would be. But to his surprise, the rush of anger and disappointment he expected to experience never came.

“I’m about to be married to a wonderful Christian man—a minister,” Julie continued. “If I can help it, I don’t want to go into this marriage with such a large burden on my soul. Can you understand that?”

Buck scrubbed his palms across his eyes against the terrible headache forming in his temples. He thought his head might pop from too much information, too quickly.

“I’ll leave first thing in the morning,” she continued softly when Buck didn’t say anything. “I promise I won’t try to talk to Tyler, though I’ll admit it gave me great joy to sit through dinner with him. He was so animated. And happy.”

“I don’t think you should go, leaving things as they are.” He hadn’t thought about what he was saying. The words just appeared out of nowhere, jumping out of his mouth several seconds before he realized it was the right thing for him to say.

“Are you sure?” she probed.

“No.”

Julie laughed shakily at Buck’s clipped answer.

Buck’s gaze drifted toward Julie. He suddenly realized he wasn’t the only one who’d changed over the years. Julie had learned from her experiences. From what she’d told him, she’d had her fair share of trials.

If she’d really changed, was it fair of him to deny her the right to see her son?

Maybe more to the point, was it fair to Tyler to keep this knowledge a secret? Now that Julie had found Christ and was taking full responsibility for her past sins, would Tyler want to get to know her as his biological mother?

He didn’t meet Julie’s gaze until she touched his arm. He turned to her then, and she stared at him as if she were trying to read the truth in his eyes.

He wished her luck. He didn’t know what the truth was anymore. She certainly wasn’t going to find anything searching his gaze.

“What made you change your mind?” she asked softly, still touching his elbow.

“I’m not entirely sure I have,” Buck answered curtly,
stemming the instinctive urge to brush her hand off his arm. “I don’t want Tyler to be hurt. I’ve spent my whole life protecting him, and I’m not going to stop now.”

Julie’s gaze didn’t waver as she nodded.

“That said, you
are
his biological mother, and that’s a fact. A boy should know his mother.”

“Even if there’s another woman ready to step into that role?” Julie queried softly.

His heart clenched. Would Ellie even want to become his wife and be a mother to Tyler? With everything being what it was, he truly didn’t know.

Despite her best intentions not to give in to the emotions swirling inside her, Ellie broke down and had herself a good cry the moment Buck and Julie were out the door. It didn’t take but a few minutes to cry herself out, after which she splashed cool water on her face. She examined herself in the mirror to make sure there were no telltale signs of her weakness, then began to clear the table.

She had just finished washing the dishes in the sink and was running a towel over the last of the plates when Buck and Julie came in through the back door. Determined to be the sanctuary Buck needed, a good friend and not a freaked-out girlfriend—or whatever she was—Ellie squared her shoulders and turned to face Buck and his ex.

Buck’s hands were shoved in the pockets of his jeans, and he looked like he might jump right out of his skin. He was literally shaking from the effort to keep himself steady, and Ellie felt strangely comforted by the fact that she wasn’t the only one suffering from
Julie’s sudden appearance, though that was hardly fair. It wasn’t his fault Julie was here. Ellie silently renewed the promise to herself and God that she would stand by Buck no matter what happened between them now.

Julie’s expression was oddly peaceful, though signs of her recent distress were still clearly visible. Ellie wondered what had transpired, but she didn’t want to prod. She couldn’t help but be curious, though, even if she wouldn’t so much as consider expressing her interest out loud. The differences in Buck’s and Julie’s expressions were enough to let Ellie know something had changed while they’d been outside.

Ellie wanted to grasp Buck’s hand and give it a reassuring squeeze, but felt uncomfortable showing her affection for him with Julie in the room. In the end she simply tossed the dish towel over her shoulder, folded her arms in front of her and waited for someone to speak.

Buck took a step toward Ellie, cocking his head so their eyes met. He smiled, but it was shaky at best. Ellie just stared, her eyes widening under the strength of his gaze. It seemed like hours passed between them, though Ellie knew it must have been no longer than a few seconds.

“Hmm,” Buck murmured and then took her chin in his hand, tipping her face up. Arching one eyebrow, he took the index finger of his other hand and attempted to pull one corner of Ellie’s mouth into a smile. She tried to accommodate him, but it must have looked more like a grimace than a smile, if the frown that suddenly wrinkled Buck’s brow was anything to go by.

“Can we sit down, please?” Julie prompted, gesturing to the kitchen table. “We need to talk.”

“I’ll just be in the living room, cleaning up,” Ellie immediately replied, thinking Buck and Julie must still need their privacy to work things out.

“No, no!” Julie exclaimed. “Buck and I definitely need you here with us.”

Ellie cringed inwardly at the words
Buck and I.
She hated that she was jealous of the woman who’d left Buck and Tyler years ago, but there it was, staring her right in the face. It gave Ellie a new appreciation for the words
green monster.
Buck had once cared enough about Julie to marry her and have a child with her. And though Ellie considered the years spent putting elbow-grease into her ministry worthwhile, the fact was, Buck had at some point moved on with his life and had a family to show for it, whereas Ellie was alone. And she had never felt more so than at this moment.

Ellie knew it would take a good deal of prayer to straighten out her heart on this issue, but this was obviously not the time. Buck had already shown Julie to a seat and was now standing behind an empty chair, gesturing for Ellie to sit.

Ellie gritted her teeth and sat. Whatever problems she was facing would have to wait. There was a difference between
feeling
and
acting.
She would force herself to respond with compassion and hope her feelings would catch up later.

It wasn’t easy.

Buck took the hard-backed chair next to Ellie and turned it around, straddling the chair and leaning his
elbows on the back as he usually did. His fists were still clenched, and there was a dent in his brow, which Ellie thought must have been caused by the stress he was feeling. She tamped back the urge to wipe the anxiety off his forehead with the tips of her fingers.

Buck and Julie were staring at each other. Ellie suspected they were trying to decide who, between the two of them, would speak first.

It didn’t look like either one of them was in a big hurry to talk at all, which just frustrated Ellie all the more. She could feel Buck’s tension, like electrical static in the air, though, strangely enough, Julie didn’t appear to be suffering from much of the same anxiety. Her eyes looked sad, not angry, and her lips twitched in and out of a smile.

“So,” Ellie began when Buck and Julie continued their uncomfortable silence, “have you decided what you want to do here?”

“Yes,” Buck said.

“No,” said Julie simultaneously.

Ellie chuckled dryly. At least she had got them talking. “Okay. Which is it?”

“Yes.”

“No.” Again overlapping.

Ellie slid a look at Buck before addressing Julie. “Maybe I should leave you two alone a bit longer,” she said hesitantly, trying to keep an open mind and a blank expression, not entirely successful with either one.

“No.” This time they agreed at least.

Ellie felt like sprinting out of the room. Instead she laid her palms flat down on the cool walnut table. A direct
approach was obviously called for here, or they would get nowhere. “What have you decided about Tyler?”

“Buck thinks I should tell Tyler who I am, but I don’t think that would be the best idea.” Julie’s words came quickly and nearly on top of each other in her haste to speak. She finished her statement and swept in a deep, audible breath.

Ellie was certain her jaw dropped. Her eyes definitely widened in surprise. She had expected just the opposite from what Julie was saying. A mere hour ago Buck had wanted Julie to leave posthaste, and it had been Julie who had insisted on staying.

What had changed?

“Wasn’t that your whole reason for coming here?” The question sounded a little defensive even to her own ears, but Ellie couldn’t help it.

Not where Tyler was concerned.

“Julie’s reason for coming here isn’t as convoluted as I first thought it was,” Buck murmured, his smile fading as he looked back at his ex. He shrugged grudgingly. “She’s not here on a whim, just to make our lives miserable and spring herself on Tyler.”

“Yeah, I got that,” Ellie murmured, and then she turned her attention to Julie as the other woman began to tell the story—the
whole
story—of why she’d come here.
Now.