Authors: Deb Kastner
“You knew about this?” Buck queried, sounding as equally demanding as he was bemused.
Ellie nodded. “Of course I did. I was there when he phoned and asked her out.”
“And you didn’t tell me this because…?”
“It wasn’t like Tyler openly confided in me or anything,” Ellie clarified. “I just happened to walk in on him when he was making the call. I think he was pretty embarrassed that I overheard his half of the conversation, but I didn’t confront him on it.”
“Or tell me about it.”
Ellie nodded. “Or tell you. I figured when Tyler was ready to speak to you about his love life, he would do it himself.”
“His
love
life?” Buck screeched. “My son has a love life? He’s only twelve!”
“Thirteen in two weeks,” Ellie reminded him gently. “He’s growing up pretty fast, huh?”
“Hmm,” Buck answered vaguely, and then his eyes narrowed on her. “You’re trying to distract me, aren’t you?”
“Is it working?”
“It
was
working,” he said with a chuckle.
“What’s so important?” Ellie asked, deciding to cut directly to the chase. She really didn’t want to talk to him at all, but he was hardly giving her a choice in the matter.
Why postpone the inevitable?
Ellie knew what was coming, his real reason for wanting to talk to her, and it had nothing to do with Tyler’s new girlfriend. In all honesty, she had been expecting this moment to come ever since the night of the reunion.
It was her own fault. She’d backed up when she should have moved forward. She’d run away from Buck instead of confronting her own feelings for him. In his mind, she must have firmly established that there was nothing between the two of them, and now Buck was going to kick her off the ranch.
She had no reason to think otherwise. Maybe if she’d followed Travis’s advice and confronted Buck right after the reunion, things would have been different. But she hadn’t moved fast enough, and things were
what they were—the exact opposite of what she finally knew in her heart she really wanted, she realized.
Buck’s frown didn’t cheer her up any. He slid into the chair next to her, facing her. She noticed he didn’t put any distance between them by straddling the back of the chair as he usually did. She felt a twinge of discomfort at their close proximity, and at the way Buck was looking at her, but outwardly she merely arched an eyebrow, reminding Buck he needed to answer her question.
What’s so important?
“I think we should talk about what happened the other night at the reunion,” Buck said, his tone firm, but quiet and neutral. “Don’t you?”
He didn’t give up anything in his expression, so Ellie had no idea what was running through his head.
“No, not really,” she responded quietly after a moment’s thought.
This time it was Buck who lifted an eyebrow.
“Okay, so we need to talk,” Ellie said, mentally and emotionally preparing herself for the worst-case scenario. “When do you want me to move out?”
“Huh?” Buck asked, looking surprised and confused.
“My notice?” Ellie prompted. “Isn’t that where you’re going with this? You want me to get off your property. You’ve made that clear from the beginning. After what happened between us the other night at the reunion, I should think you’d want to be rid of me sooner rather than later, right?”
“Don’t put words in my mouth,” Buck demanded with steel in his voice. He scowled fiercely. “That wasn’t what I was going to say at all.”
Ellie thought back to what Travis had said to her regarding the mule-headed cowboy.
Don’t let him walk away from you this time, Ellie. Make him stay.
If only it were that easy. But short of hog-tying him, Ellie couldn’t think of how to keep him in her life. She couldn’t force Buck to care for her, and if their kiss had meant anything, she hadn’t seen it in the way Buck had been acting the past few days. He hadn’t pursued her or tried kissing her again.
That she’d taken care to avoid him during that time was beside the point, wasn’t it?
“Okay, then. What?” she asked with a sigh.
“You aren’t going to make this easy on me, are you?” he growled quietly.
“Stop talking in circles, and say what you want to say,” she countered.
“All right, then. I will. I’m not kicking you off the ranch, because I don’t want you to leave the ranch. I’ve seen enough of the work you do here to know it counts for something. You really do have a ministry. It would be a shame for you to stop now, after all your hard work to make the ranch what it is.” He swept in a breath, hesitating for just an instant. “Keep your work going, Ellie. Stay at the ranch.”
“So when are you leaving?” While Ellie felt tremendous relief that he was letting her stay at the ranch, Buck’s words wounded her more than she could have imagined.
Buck was going away again. This time for good.
“Leaving?” Buck looked dazed for a moment, but then he grinned.
Grinned
. “Actually, sugar, I wasn’t planning on going anywhere.”
True relief flooded Ellie’s soul at that moment, though it took her a good minute to comprehend what Buck was saying. She immediately sent up a quick internal prayer thanking God for this miraculous change in events.
“So what do you think?” he asked when she continued her silent pondering.
“Let me get this straight,” Ellie said, almost afraid to hope. “You are proposing we share the ranch together?”
“I am,” Buck whispered hoarsely, enveloping her small hand in his large one, his green eyes luminous. “And I’m praying with all my heart that you’ll give me the opportunity to make up for the past. I want to put all that behind us and start fresh.”
Ellie was certain her jaw dropped in shock as Buck turned her toward him and pulled her into his arms.
“Buck?” she asked, her voice wavering.
“I know I messed up both our lives when I left Ferrell twenty years ago. I didn’t realize just how bad off I was until I returned. I’ve spent my years being as surly and angry at God as Tyler has been with me—just a big, overgrown adolescent who didn’t want to take responsibility for his own actions.”
“Buck,” Ellie repeated, softer now. Her heart was roaring so loudly, it was making her ears ring. She would have continued to speak, but Buck reached up and laid a gentle finger against her lips, stemming her flow of words before she could even begin.
“Just listen, please,” he pleaded, his green eyes serious, but bright with a joy Ellie hadn’t seen in him since before he’d left Ferrell in the first place. And as much as she loved Buck at that moment, she acknowl
edged that she alone couldn’t have put such a spark in his eyes.
She prayed fervently for God’s direction.
Fool me once, shame on you….
“You, on the other hand,” Buck continued, breaking into Ellie’s internal prayer, “did
not
let circumstances dictate your faith. You moved forward with your life and have done something truly meaningful here at the ranch, helping all these children get past their trauma.”
“I’ve had my share of heartache,” she reminded him.
“I know,” he replied gravely. “Don’t you think I know I was the one who caused you pain?” Buck sighed. “I have a lot of regrets, Ellie. You and Tyler both deserve more than I offered. But I can’t change the past. What I can do is look to the future—with you, if you’ll let me.”
“Buck,” Ellie said for the third time in as many minutes. “Please. You’ve said enough.”
He clamped his jaw shut, and Ellie saw the flash of disappointment in his eyes.
She squeezed his hand, reassuring him. “You don’t have to say any more,” she whispered, “because you had me at hello.”
Buck smiled, a dazzling white-toothed grin, at her use of the old cliché. To Ellie, seeing the joy and happiness in his smile was like the dawn after a very dark night. She might have moved on with her life, as Buck had pointed out, but she realized now that deep in her heart she had always regarded Buck as her soul mate, even when he wasn’t present in her life.
But still she was afraid. He had broken her heart once, she reminded herself. As much as she wanted to
launch herself at him, the rational part of her mind was urging her to proceed with caution, lest this time be worse than the last.
She couldn’t stand it if Buck left again, especially after what he’d just told her.
“I can’t promise you anything,” she whispered raggedly. “I want to trust you, but…” She let the rest of her thought dangle between them.
“I know I have a lot to make up for. I don’t expect that we can just return to the way things were before I left twenty years ago. Things are different now. But you continue to amaze me, Ellie, with every breath I take. If it takes another twenty years, I’ll earn your trust back.”
She blinked away tears.
He gently framed her face with his large, callused hands. Slowly, giving her plenty of time to pull away, he leaned in to her, tipping his head, his mouth hovering over hers, taking his own sweet time but stopping painfully shy of sealing their conversation with a kiss.
“Come here, cowboy.” Impatiently, Ellie reached for the collar of his black Western shirt and pulled him closer so their lips could finally meet. He kissed her lightly for a moment, then deeply.
“Dad?”
Ellie hazily recognized the disembodied voice, but it didn’t quite register for a moment. Her head was swimming with emotion, and her heart was thrumming in her ears.
“Ellie!”
This time the voice was like a jolt of electricity. Ellie jumped back, completely out of Buck’s arms, and turned guiltily to face Buck’s son, who was standing
in the doorway, with a stunned expression on his face. Before she could object, Buck stepped behind Ellie and placed reassuring hands on her shoulders.
“Hello, son,” Buck said smoothly. “Back so soon?”
Tyler nodded, still looking bemused. “I—I forgot my wallet in my room,” he stammered.
“I can explain,” Ellie said, desperately seeking words that really
would
explain what had just happened between Tyler’s father and her. She realized belatedly how this must appear to the boy, walking in on his father like that, and she hurried to clarify what Tyler had seen. “I—I…”
She didn’t have time to finish whatever convoluted sentence would have escaped her lips. Tyler, smiling with such joy that Ellie’s heart did another backflip, raised his fist straight up in the air and pulled it back down to his side.
“All
right!
”
T
he next two weeks went by in a flash as Buck and Ellie planned the future of their ranch together. They decided to keep this new turn of events between the two of them until Tyler’s birthday, hoping it would be a great surprise for him.
Ellie had mentioned to Buck how a national organization for therapy ranches helped breeders and ranchers connect, and Buck was off and running with ideas on how to use the ranch to breed and train stock for other therapy ranches, in addition to helping run Ellie’s ranch.
His
and Ellie’s ranch.
Buck sure liked the sound of that. He sighed contentedly and took in a deep breath of fresh morning air. Peace flooded his soul, unlike anything he’d ever felt before. He had Ellie, his son, their ranch. And though he knew he had a lot of work ahead of him to get Ellie to trust him again, for the first time in twenty years, Buck felt truly blessed by God.
“Are you coming?” Tyler let the screen door slam as he dashed out onto the back porch, breaking into Buck’s reverie with the skittishness of a green-broke horse.
Buck smiled at his son, slowly stretching to work the kinks out of his shoulders. He took his time, enjoying the sight of Tyler squirming in impatience.
“Do you need me?” he teased, laughing as he watched Tyler’s expression turn from excitement to exasperation.
Tyler rolled his eyes. “
I
don’t need you. But I think Ellie is going to pitch a royal fit if you don’t get in there and help her with the decorations.”
“What? You can’t blow up balloons?” Buck winked to show he was still teasing.
“I could if Ellie would let me,” Tyler immediately retorted. “She won’t let me do anything. And she keeps calling me the birthday boy. Dad, you’ve got to make her stop.”
“I don’t know if I can do that, son. You know how stubborn Ellie is when she gets something into her head.” Buck laughed heartily. It felt so good to be able to verbally fence with his son and not have it turn into a full-blown argument.
He and Tyler were definitely benefiting from the stabilizing influence Ellie had on both of them. Ever since they had arrived at the ranch, she had gone to a great deal of trouble to make them both feel like they were
home,
from cooking their meals to playing mother hen. From the extraordinary grin lining his son’s expression, Buck thought Ellie was definitely making progress.
“If she calls me birthday boy in front of my friends…” Tyler let the sentence dangle.
“Especially Sarah?” Buck guessed.
Tyler’s face reddened under his father’s close scrutiny. “Dad,” he pleaded, “it’s bad enough to have Ellie hovering over me. Don’t embarrass me in front of Sarah.”
Buck laughed. “Me? I’d never do that to you.”
Tyler didn’t look so sure about that, but he laughed, anyway. “Ellie’s waiting for you.”
Buck shook his head. “Don’t remind me. Why did I say I would help with this again?”
Tyler opened his mouth to speak, but Buck brought him up short.
“Oh, yeah,” Buck continued. “It’s your thirteenth birthday. You’re officially a teenager.” He chucked his son in the arm. “You’re growing like a weed, you know that? And you really help out around here—when Ellie lets you,” he said with a laugh. “I’m proud of you, Tyler.”
Tyler’s face reddened even more, if that were possible.
“Whatever,” Tyler mumbled as he turned on his heel and raced back inside, but Buck could tell his son was pleased by the compliment. And Buck really meant it, too.
Buck followed Tyler inside the ranch house and, seeing no sign of his son, looked for Ellie.
He found her in the kitchen, singing a cheerful praise song as she wrapped the yellow cake in smooth chocolate frosting. It was enough to make Buck’s mouth water. It had been a long time since he’d had homemade cake.
“I forgot how much I love your voice,” he said huskily as he turned a chair around and straddled it. “I think that was the first thing I noticed about you.”
Ellie smiled but didn’t look away from her cake. “Did you get the extra ice cream from the store like I asked you to?” she queried lightly.
“Two gallons of Neapolitan ice cream, just as instructed, ma’am,” he replied in the same airy tone. “Although if you ask me, I think that’s a bit of an overkill. How many kids did you say were coming to this party?”
“Twenty,” she answered crisply, then laughed. “And trust me—they’ll devour that whole two gallons of ice cream. Teenagers, remember?”
Buck groaned. “Don’t remind me. I can’t believe Tyler is growing up so fast.”
“They do that, don’t they?”
“Seems like he’s grown a lot since we first got here,” Buck commented thoughtfully.
“At least an inch or two.”
“No, I meant
grown up
. Tyler never used to respect authority, and he hated helping out around the ranch, except with the horses, and only when I didn’t nag him to do it. Now he’s practically pulling his own weight around here, and I never have to say a word to him. You’re a wonderful influence on the boy.”
“I think it helps that his father isn’t so strung up anymore,” she replied. “You’ve finally learned what it means to rest and relax—not that you don’t do a lot around here to help, as well,” she added hastily.
Buck laughed. “If that’s the back door to a compliment, I accept.”
“Good,” she said, glancing at him. Her gaze said what she didn’t say aloud, that she wanted to drop the subject before he embarrassed her again. “You haven’t finished decorating the living room.”
Buck held his hands up. “Guilty as charged. I thought I’d step out and get a breath of fresh air first.”
“Not that you need it to blow up those balloons,” she teased, a twinkle in her violet eyes.
“Okay, so I know
that
wasn’t a compliment. Are you implying I’m full of hot air?”
“I didn’t say a word,” she protested.
“Hmm,” he answered vaguely, but he shoved himself out of the chair and headed for the living room, where a pile of decorations lay on the coffee table.
After an hour of stringing balloons, twirling and taping crepe paper and setting the dining-room table, Buck was finally finished with his chores. And it was a good thing, too. Moments later the first of Tyler’s guests arrived, some of them even coming by bus from Silverdale.
Soon the ranch house was filled with rowdy boys and giggling girls. Buck made it a point to stay out of the middle of the ruckus, choosing to lean his shoulder on a far wall and watch the scene from across the room.
Unlike Buck, Ellie loved parties, and she was especially happy to be throwing Tyler his birthday bash. She thrived right in the middle of all the chaos as she served her teenage guests a frothy green punch. She couldn’t remember ever feeling happier, she thought as another wave of joy washed over her.
Tyler was flushed and beaming and grinning widely, and that was all Ellie could wish for.
“Hello,” she called to the group at large. It took a good minute and a lot of gesturing to get everyone’s attention, as the kids were spread out all over both the living and dining rooms. “Let’s get this party rolling,” she suggested with a hoot.
Her announcement led to a cacophony of voices cheering and yelling. Poor Tyler would be black and blue from all the friendly punches and back slaps the boys were giving him.
“Gifts or cake first?” she asked the excited crowd.
“Gifts, gifts, gifts,” the boys chanted in unison, their voices in a lower octave. The girls just giggled.
“Okay, then,” Ellie answered with a laugh. “Gifts it is. Tyler, please be seated here,” she said, gesturing to a chair set in the middle of the room. “That way everyone can see you as you open your presents.”
She refrained from calling him the birthday boy, but just barely. Ellie was as excited as the kids to be a part of this. Moment by moment she was woven more deeply into the fabric of Buck and Tyler’s life.
As Tyler started tearing into his presents, Ellie suddenly felt Buck’s presence nearby. Standing behind her, he wrapped his arms around her waist and leaned in close to her ear.
“What did you get him?” Buck whispered, his smooth, deep voice sending velvet shivers down her spine.
“Wait and see,” she teased.
“Not even a little hint?”
She chuckled. “Okay. A mode of transportation,” she answered, being as vague as possible.
“What?” Buck exclaimed. He groaned. “Please don’t tell me you got him a car.”
“I didn’t get him a car. He’s only thirteen. Besides, I can’t afford to buy him a car.”
“Good point,” Buck answered.
Ellie and Buck both quieted as Tyler picked up the
card Ellie had given him. Moments later he was cheering at the top of his lungs. “All
right!
”
Ellie felt Buck lean in closer, trying to see what she had given the boy. She laughed again. “It’s a picture.”
“Of what?”
Tyler turned to his father. “Look, Dad. It’s a picture of the new colt.”
Ellie couldn’t smile any wider. “Which I purposefully didn’t name,” she indicated. “He’s all yours. Name him, raise him and train him. I know you’ll do a great job. You’re as good a cowboy as your dad is. Happy birthday, Tyler.”
“Thanks, Ellie,” Tyler said, his voice cracking. “This is the best birthday party
ever.
”
From behind her, Buck groaned again, though he didn’t let go of Ellie’s waist.
“What is it?” Ellie queried.
“This is Tyler’s
only
birthday party ever,” he said, his voice lined with regret. “At least probably that he can remember. His mother used to throw parties. That just wasn’t my forte, you know?”
“I know,” Ellie answered simply and compassionately. “And I think Tyler does, as well.”
“All I can say is it’s a good thing he has you now,” Buck answered. He sounded like he was a little choked up, and Ellie wondered at his spontaneous burst of emotion.
“What did you get him?” Ellie asked, smoothly changing the subject as she peered over the heads of some of the teenagers, trying to see the gift Tyler was opening next.
Buck laughed. “Let’s just say it goes perfectly with
your present. We couldn’t have done it better if we had planned it this way.”
“Is that so?” Ellie now saw what Buck meant as Tyler opened Buck’s gift to him, a new bridle and a leather-burning kit.
“So you can mark all the bridles in the stable,” Buck explained, nodding at the leather-burning kit. “I saw what you did with Storm’s bridle, and I really liked it.”
Tyler grinned. “Thanks, Dad.”
Ellie placed her hand over Buck’s and squeezed. Father and son were growing closer by the day.
“I can’t wait to tell Tyler that you guys are going to stay on here at the ranch,” Ellie murmured. “Or do you think we should wait until later to tell him?”
“No way,” Buck replied. “I can’t wait. I don’t want to, either. We’re telling him tonight, like we planned. You know he’ll be happy for us.”
“I hope so.”
“He’s rooting for us,” Buck assured her. “Trust me on this. He is one smart kid.”
Ellie grinned. “Not
so
much a kid anymore,” she teased, and then her expression softened in tune with her heart. “I can’t believe how much I love that boy.”
Buck brushed her hair back and kissed her softly on the cheek, his eyes shining an incandescent green.
By this time Tyler was sitting among a pile of opened presents and, more important, Ellie thought, in the middle of a crowd of new friends. She had the feeling Tyler was going to like growing up in Ferrell as much as she had. And as Buck had—at least until he’d tangled with his mother and the town.
“Let’s get the cake,” Ellie whispered to Buck. He
nodded and followed her to the kitchen, where she planted thirteen candles deep into the chocolate frosting while Buck stood behind her, nuzzling her neck.
“Cut that out,” she whispered with a giggle. “One of the kids might see.”
“Let them,” Buck growled, but he released his hold on her—at least partway. His arm was still firmly draped over her shoulder, and Ellie leaned into his warmth. “Let’s do this thing,” he said, winking at Ellie before he released her completely so he could carefully light the candles with a match.
Buck had informed Ellie soon after they met that he was tone-deaf, and Ellie had never heard him sing before, so she was surprised when Buck joined in a rowdy rendition of the happy birthday song. Even more surprising was Buck’s voice, a smooth, lovely baritone.
And he could follow a tune.
So much for being tone-deaf. Ellie wondered how many other discoveries she was going to make about Buck over the coming years. He was surprising her at every turn, from the sound of his singing voice to the shirt he was wearing today, a bright green that matched his eyes.
Ellie had bought it for him the day after the reunion and had nonchalantly left it hanging in his closet. Up until today she didn’t know if he’d so much as noticed it was there, and she experienced a wave of elation that he was wearing it now, just for her.
She had time to learn all about Buck and Tyler—the rest of their lives together, she hoped.
At the moment all she could hear was laughter. Buck’s
laughter. Tyler’s laughter. Joy swirled in her chest, ballooning into her head and making her a little bit dizzy.
She quickly cut slices of the cake and passed them to the hungry teens as Buck scooped the ice cream. They worked quietly together, not needing to speak. Ellie caught him smiling down at her several times.
“You were right,” Buck said, breaking the silence—
at least between the two of them,
Ellie thought, pleased by the clamor Tyler’s friends were making—as he finished off the first gallon of Neapolitan and rinsed out the plastic tub before tossing it in the recycle bin. “We did need two gallons.”
“Told you so,” she teased.
“When do I get to sample some of that great-looking homemade cake of yours?” he inquired, waggling his eyebrows. “I barely restrained myself from snagging a piece before the party began. If it’s anywhere near as delicious as it looks…”
Buck’s sentence trailed off as Ellie cut off a small corner of the cake and lifted it to Buck’s mouth.