Hidden in the Heart (26 page)

Claire walked back to Rick, reached for his hand and gripped it tightly. “I
do
understand. And I do know what it’s like to live with guilt.” She glanced downward and
found her breath. “I’ve been consumed with it. Blaming myself for my miscarriages and the way I handled things with my husband, wishing I could turn back the clock and do things differently. But you’re right, life’s not like that.” She smiled and felt a rush of affection for him. “We do the best we can and move on.”

Rick nodded, scars of the past marring his face.

Claire sighed and bit her lip. “I almost wish now that I hadn’t started this. I didn’t mean to hurt you or Michelle. I never stopped to think about how this would affect her. I’ve just dredged it all up again, haven’t I?”

“Oh, no you don’t.” Rick placed gentle hands on her shoulders. A stern look crept into his eyes. “Believe it or not, you don’t have the market cornered on guilt, Claire Ferguson. That’s my territory. You haven’t done anything wrong. Don’t think that for an instant.”

Sorrow overwhelmed her again and he pulled her into his arms. She heard his own shuddering breaths but couldn’t look at him. A different kind of grief crept in and she cried for the pain they had suffered, these two people responsible for her life. And here she was, the very cause of it, bringing it all to the surface.

“What do we do now?” She searched his face for answers, but knew he had none.

“You’re asking me?” Rick gave a wry grin, his voice thick. “Hell if I know. But I’m not going to stand here and tell you I’m sorry this happened. I’m glad you found me—found us.” A slow smile slid across his mouth. “‘
You shall know the truth and it will set you free
.’ So maybe that’s where we start, huh? I’ve wished a thousand times over I’d made different decisions back then, but I can’t change the past. All I can do now is do my best to make up for it.”

“I already have a dad.” Claire folded her arms and watched his eyes widen. “Sorry. I’m not…I’m not trying to be mean.”

“It’s okay. I know you and your dad are close.” His smile faltered. “Look, before today, I’d have said you and I were already friends. So maybe…if you want…we can just take it from there.”

“Maybe.” Claire’s heart thumped against her chest. This discovery would take some getting used to. She had to forgive him first.

She angled her head and set her jaw. “You might get more than you bargained for though. I’m a tad stubborn, have a wicked temper and don’t know when to keep my mouth shut half the time. I have a feeling the traits are genetic. Probably from my father’s side.”

“Probably so.”

Rick’s grin brought out her smile. Claire moved closer. “I’m not the overly affectionate kind either, but if it’d be okay with you, I’ll take another hug.”

“That I can do.” He opened his arms and she stepped into them, one part of the puzzle of her life gently falling into place.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Rick made sure Claire was asleep before he left her. Poor kid had been thrown for a loop in the last twenty-four hours. But then hadn’t they all.

And she only knew his side of it.

He paced the porch of her cabin, memories pounding him. What must Shelly be thinking right now? He couldn’t imagine.

Almost didn’t want to know.

After the initial verbal assault he hurled at her when she’d told him of the pregnancy, he’d calmed down some and they’d agreed to go home for Thanksgiving, decide what to do, talk to their parents. Rick was supposed to pick her up outside her dorm. He could still see her—Shelly standing on the steps, bag in hand, snow coming down around her, landing on her long dark hair and red wool coat. As he turned the corner he knew he couldn’t do it. Couldn’t be a husband. A father. He’d taken a sharp right, driven around the block slowly, then sped off, tires screeching, hoping she hadn’t seen him.

Somehow he knew she had.

Rick sank into one of the two rockers and closed his eyes.

No matter how hard he tried to forget, that memory remained vivid in his mind.

He’d snuck back to his room like a deserter dodging the draft. While he was throwing his things into a duffel bag, the phone rang and kept ringing ran until finally his answering
machine clicked on. He could still hear her voice, questioning, then crying, then screaming, letting him know what she thought of him and what she planned to do…

“I pray to God I never lay eyes on you again, Rick Matthews!”

He’d made sure she hadn’t.

He didn’t blame her for giving Claire up. He’d left her with no choice. But he knew she’d buried her secrets well. If this came out, she would suffer.

They would all suffer.

But they couldn’t run from this anymore. They shouldn’t have even tried.

Rick walked across the deck and whistled for Jazz and Chance. The puppy and its mother had forged a new relationship now that Chance was older.

The few guests Mac and Jessie had taken on were lounging on chairs on the beach. The animals ambled back through the trees at his call, but something diverted Jazz and Rick watched her bound toward a man who seemed to be headed for Claire’s cabin, Chance hot on her trail.

The stranger bent over the dogs, patted them and looked up, as if getting his bearings. He held a duffel bag in one hand, dressed casually in a cotton button-down shirt, sleeves rolled up, over khaki shorts. Although he looked the typical tourist, Rick didn’t recall Mac and Jessie saying they had another guest coming.

The man gave a nod as he got closer. When he started up the steps, Rick blocked his path and folded his arms across his chest. “Can I help you?” He realized his tone wasn’t altogether friendly, but then he hadn’t meant it to be.

The man dropped his bag and took off his shades, narrowing a pair of hazel eyes. “They told me Claire Ferguson was staying here. Do I have the wrong place?”

“Who wants to know?” Rick noted they were almost the same height, but the guy was pretty thin. He could take him if he had to. The man’s face darkened and Rick was tempted to
back off, but remembered the guy in town asking questions about Claire, and stayed put.

The visitor, whoever he was, didn’t seem too impressed. “Look, buddy, it’s a simple question. Is Claire here or not?”

“She’s sleeping. You can come back later.”

The guy raised a light eyebrow, his lips twitching. “Mind telling me who you are?”

“Matter of fact I do. Was going to ask you the same thing.” Rick clenched his fists, his pressure rising.

The guy only shook his head and brushed past him, making for the front door.

“Hey!” Rick grabbed his arm, ducked at the first punch that came his way and nailed the jerk right on the jaw. He stared up at him in surprise and Rick matched his expression.

Apparently he still had a pretty good right hook.

Claire opened the door, staring at him through bleary eyes. “What in the world?” Then her eyes swept over the man struggling to his feet. “Jamie!” She flung herself at him and he lifted her into his arms, his deep chuckle echoing her delighted squeal.

Rick rubbed his chin and felt all the air go out of him as Claire stepped back and assessed the damage.

“Did you hit him? Rick!” Her eyes flashed and she turned back to the guy. “Are you okay? What are you doing here? Where are the dogs?”

“I’m fine.” He rubbed his jaw, which was turning a lovely shade of scarlet. Then he pinned Rick with a gaze that could have frozen the afternoon sun in a millisecond. “The dogs are at Mel’s. And as to what I’m doing here, I would hope that’s pretty obvious. You mind telling me who your bodyguard is, babe? Or would you rather not?”

“Hey!” Claire gave him a push and looked ready to slug him herself.

“Whoa, there.” Rick put up a hand and stepped forward, confusion lifting. “Is this your husband?”

“Yes!” They answered in unison, both glaring at him.

“Well, you could have just said so.” Rick ran his tongue over his bottom lip and a grin started. Then he chuckled. Once he started laughing, he couldn’t stop. He didn’t want to and he knew he really shouldn’t, but he just couldn’t help himself.

“Way to make a first impression, jerk,” Claire muttered. “Would you stop?”

“Sorry.” Rick tried to sober, but when he caught the thunderstruck expression on the guy’s face, he doubled over again.

“When you’re ready, Maverick.”

Ouch. Who told her his real name? Rick acknowledged Claire’s pointed tone and conquered his laughter. Claire gave a satisfied nod and slipped her arm through her husband’s, who looked as bewildered as a farmer in Times Square. Rick covered his mouth to hide another grin and bent to pick up Chance for something to do.

“James, this is Rick Matthews. Rick, this is James. My husband.” She took a deep breath and Rick felt his heart lurch as he watched her eyes soften when she looked into James’ eyes. She drew in a breath and cast another glance his way. “You’re probably not going to believe this, Jamie, but Grizzly Adams over here is…my…birth father.”

“Say what?” James frowned and took a step back, ogling Claire like she might finally have slipped over the edge. Her sudden giggle didn’t do much to help the assessment.

Rick offered his free hand, holding the squirming pup under one arm. “’Fraid she’s right. Nice to meet you, James. Sorry about the jaw.”

“No problem.” James shook his hand and turned to Claire, his eyes wide. “
Are you kidding me?
” he mouthed.

Claire laughed harder and shook her head. “I have a lot to tell you.”

“I’ll say.” He faced Rick again with an affable smile. “Okay. Well. Rick.” He rubbed his bruised jaw and picked up his bag, slipping his free arm around Claire’s waist. “Do you
mind if I take my wife inside now? Seems like we have a bit of catching up to do.”

No harm done, apparently. Rick breathed a silent prayer of thanks. “Don’t mind at all.” He swallowed down emotion at the joy shining from Claire’s eyes. “You kids go on inside. I’ll take Chance up to the house and catch you later.”

“Thanks. Come for dinner,” Claire called over her shoulder. The door to the cabin slammed shut and Rick was left to stand there with only the dogs for company.

~

James shut the door and Claire clenched her hands at her sides. Her initial excitement faded as she reminded herself that she and James had been apart for quite some time, and still had things to work through. Her nerves kicked in and she shifted from one foot to the other.

“Nice place.” James dropped his bag in the corner of the room, gingerly prodded the side of his jaw and made a face. “What is he, a pro boxer?”

Claire smothered a grin. “He’s an artist. Do you want some ice?” She hightailed it to the kitchen and busied herself putting some ice into a dishcloth. When she returned to the living room he was sprawled on the couch. “Here.” Claire sat beside him and pressed the cold cloth to his cheek.

“Easy there, Florence.” He grunted but a twinkle crept into his eyes as she dabbed at the bruise. A surge of fresh joy swept through her. He really was here. “What are you smiling at?” James frowned. “I just got decked.”

“He didn’t know who you were. He was protecting me.” Her smile broadened and his scowl deepened.

“I thought that was my job.” James’ hand came over hers and he met her eyes, uncertainty creeping across his face. “At least it used to be.”

“Oh, Jamie.” Claire sighed, still so much pain between them. James took the cloth from her, stood and went to the kitchen. In a moment he returned and sat with her, tipping her
chin upward.

“Mel called and filled me in. I got your message on the machine this morning. I didn’t bother calling you back. When I heard your voice…how upset you were…I didn’t think about anything other than getting up here as fast as I could.”

His words brought another wave of emotion that Claire couldn’t contain. James put his arms around her and pulled her close, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. “I’m sorry, babe,” he whispered, his voice catching. “I’ve been the biggest jerk in the world. I should have come back up here with you when you asked me to. Can you forgive me?”

Claire sat back in amazement. “Of course. And you had every right to be mad at how I was acting.” She realized then, just how far she had come since leaving home. “I was way out of control before I came here, Jamie. I just didn’t realize how much. But everything’s different now.” She smiled, moved that lock of unruly hair away from his eyes and rested her palm against his cheek. “It’s so good to see you. I was afraid to ask you again…”

“I would have dropped everything if you had.”

Claire nodded. There was no room for regret. “Coming here was the right decision for me though. I was able to get a handle on things…it wasn’t easy but I gave it all up, Jamie, the drinking, the pills. Rick, Mac and Jessie were so supportive. I couldn’t have done it without them. I’m so sorry for everything I put you through.” She rested her palms against his chest and felt the steady beating of his heart as he leaned in close and touched his forehead to hers. His shaky sigh told her what he couldn’t.

Claire sat back and met his eyes again. “There’s something else you need to know.” She gathered her thoughts and managed a smile. “I know that everything I went through, losing my mom, the miscarriages, brought me to this place. I don’t understand it, but…there it is. I’m healing, Jamie. Slowly, but I feel it. I’m getting a second chance.”

James wiped her tears with the base of his thumbs. His eyes shone with new light.
“You’re back.”

“If you want me.” A hint of doubt pricked her as she searched his face, but the smile he wore told her she didn’t have to worry.

“Always.” When he lowered his head and brushed his lips against hers, she melted into his embrace. His mouth moved against her neck and sent shivers through her entire body as his hands wandered down her back. “You need reminding?” Before she could answer, he swung his legs off the couch and stood, taking her with him.

With her arms tight around his neck, Claire recognized the love and desire in her husband’s eyes, and felt the depth of her own. “Yes, please.”

Chapter Twenty-Four

“Claire, stop hovering.” Darcie lowered her magazine and took the glass of iced tea Claire brought out from the kitchen. “I’ve barely been home a week and you haven’t left me alone for a minute. I’m not dying.”