I blame the scapegoats
| I blame the scapegoats | |
| John O'Farrell | |
| London : Black Swan, 2004. (2003) | |
| Tags: | Satire, Non Fiction Satirettt Non Fictionttt |
SUMMARY:
Another collection of funny, satirical essays on a hundred and one 21st century subjects ranging from a sperm-sorting machine to Santa loans for school children, and how the EC is being expanded to include Narnia.
John
O'Farrell is the author of two best-selling novels,
The
Best a Man Can Get
and
This
Is Your Life,
and
Things
Can Only Get Better,
a memoir. His name
has flashed past at the end of such productions as
Spitting
Image, Have I Got News For You
and
Chicken
Run.
He writes a weekly column in the
Guardian,
the first volume of which was collected and published as
Global
Village Idiot.
He lives in London with his wife and two
children.
Also
by John O'Farrell
Things
Can Only Get Better
The
Best a Man Can Get
Global
Village Idiot
This
Is Your Life
GUARDIAN
COLUMNS.THE FINAL SEQUEL (PART ONE)
Doubleday
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Published
2003 by Doubleday
a
division ofTransworld Publishers
Copyright
©John O’Farrell 2003
The
right of John O'Farrell to be identified as the author of this work has been
asserted in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and
Patents Act 1988.
A
catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library. ISBN 0385
606745
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rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a
retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic,
mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission
of the publishers.
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'Maketh
up a quote at ye beginning of thy book; 'twill make people think thou art
clever.'
Christopher
Marlowe,
The
Obscure Tragedie,
Act
II, Scene ii
Contents
Introduction
1
Choose
the sex of your child
5
The greatest Tories
ever sold
8
Brickbats
and mortar
11
After
you with the trough
14
Product
placement sickens me
17
Send
in the clones
20
The
scientists are making it all up
23
What's so bloody
great about the private sector?
26
Welcome
to England: smacking area - 200 yards
29
They've
run out of IDS
32
Edward
- stalker laureate
35
Lack of identity
cards
38
The
wrong sort of shares
41
Shop for victory!
44
Pentagon seeks
part-time helpers - no terrorists please
47
PC
Plod goes to PC World
50
Goal
not dole
Hey,
Mr Taliban Man
Between
a rock and a hard place
I
blame the scapegoats
Hotel
health service
Defective
defector
Immunizing
children against the tabloid press
Osama's
Christmas message
Top
dog collar
Working-class
students
Tyson
bites yer legs
God
Save the Queeeeen!
As English as
baseball itself
Consignia
Personnel Pat
Britain wins gold
medal at Olympics!
(in
the ladies' curling)
Someone
explain the Third Way to a fox
More
power to those elbows with the leather patches
Five
thousand police march (police estimate much lower)
Criminals
in the community
War!
Hurr! What is it good for?
Nationalized
Grand National
Does
the working class exist?
Labour
to increase taxes shock!
Match abandoned
(following inspection by accountants)
Talking ballots
It's
what one would have wanted Filthy lucre School's out
God
bless the World Cup
Snakes
and property ladders
In-flight
entertainment
PM-TV
No
sex please, we're teenage boys
Off
with her head
Talking
rubbish
Robo-squaddie
Look
out! There's an accountant about. . . Rats!
Football
fans are revolting!
I'm a world leader,
get me out of here!
Atomkraft?
Nein danke!
UnitedNationsStates
The
Quiet Man with a lot to be quiet about
The
Ballad of Lincoln Gaol
Grate
Britons
Je
t'aime (moi non plus)
The butler didn't do
it
Dial
999. Ask for 'Fire'. And wait for strike to end . Cut!
Weapons of mass
distraction
Miss
World shows her age
EU to include Narnia
Feeling
travel-sick on the road to nowhere
New
Labour, New Christmas
Election
battle
Intelligent hominids
(due any century now)
Grounds for concern
London
Olympics (indoors if wet)
Off
the wall
Genetically
modified asparagus (an end to strange-smelling urine)
Tories
in turmoil (Part 7)
Who
wants to be a military Blair?