Hidden in the Heart (34 page)

“I know.” Claire pulled a tissue from her shorts pocket and blew her nose. “I wish we didn’t live so far away.”

“He’s a good guy, your husband.” Darcie sounded wistful. Claire met her eyes and nodded.

“He is. You’ll find somebody just like him, Darce. I know you will.”

Darcie’s sigh that smacked of regret and shook her head. “I’m not so sure. Sometimes I get scared, you know? I think this disease is going to get the better of me.” She swiveled to face Claire and reached for her hands. An earnest expression chased off her usual happy smile. “I want you to know how glad I am that you’re my sister. I always wanted one. It was a shock at first, but I wouldn’t change it.”

“Neither would I.” Emotion tightened Claire’s throat and made it hard to speak.

Darcie stared at her for a moment without speaking. Then she lowered her gaze. “If something happens to me…if I get worse or I don’t make it…”

“Stop it, Darcie,” Claire squeezed her hands. “You’re going to be fine.”

Darcie raised her head, her eyes wet. “But if I’m not…will you and James…will you take Jackson? I know he’s happy here, but Grandma and Grandpa are getting on. I think he
should be with you. Would you?”

“Darcie.” Claire swallowed, her heart racing. “Of course we would, but…” She gave a shaky laugh and pulled Darcie into a hug. “This is crazy talk. I don’t want to lose you. I just found you.”

“I know.” Darcie laughed and drew back, her trademark grin making an appearance. “I’m not planning on going anywhere either, but you know, it’s best to say things while you think of them.”

“Will you come to Connecticut to visit me? You and Jackson?”

“Every weekend, sister. You know it.” Darcie laughed. “In fact we might just move in with you. Do you think James would mind?”

Claire gave her a push but couldn’t help laughing. “He probably would. I wish we could just stay here.”

Their laughter faded.

Claire picked at a weed growing through the wooden steps, wishing for time to stand still.

“Mom’s coming.” Darcie’s soft words broke the silence between them.

“What?” Claire lifted her head, anxiety racing through her. Darcie got to her feet and Claire did the same, but moved to stand a little ways behind her sister.

Darcie glanced over her shoulder. “Chicken.”

“You got that right.”

Michelle slowed when she reached the bottom step of the cabin. Dressed in jeans and a red t-shirt, her dark hair pulled back into a ponytail, Claire thought she looked very young and pretty. But dark circles framed her eyes and it wasn’t hard to tell she’d been crying.

“Hey, Mom.” Darcie moved down and extended her arms, giving her mother a hug. “This is a surprise.”

“Yes, I suppose it is.” Michelle drew back. She smoothed down Darcie’s hair, worry in her eyes. “How are you? Feeling okay?”

“Oh, sure.” Darcie laughed and shrugged her shoulders. “I’ll be fine. Hey, you just missed Jackson. Landon took him fishing. They’ll be back in a while though.”

“Good. I can’t wait to meet him.”

“You talked to Grandma and Grandpa?” Darcie gave a hesitant smile.

“Yes. It was long overdue.” Michelle folded slender arms across her chest and gave a firm nod. “A lot of things are long overdue.” Her eyes inched upward toward Claire. “Hello, Claire. I wasn’t sure you would still be here.”

Claire attempted to find her voice, sweat prickling the back of her neck. “We’re leaving today. Soon.” She checked her watch and nodded. “Very soon. Well, I’ll…uh…get out of your way,” she mumbled, making a half turn to head toward the door. She’d hide under the bed if she had to.

“Actually, I was hoping we could talk.”

Michelle’s soft voice, so much like her own, brought Claire to a halt. She caught her breath and turned around.

Darcie slipped past her mother. “I’ve got some things to do at the house.” She left Claire to stare at Michelle, desperately trying to come up with something sensible to say.

Michelle smiled and tipped her head toward the door. “Shall we go inside?”

“Okay.” Claire fought a sudden wave of panic but pushed open the door to the cabin. She uttered a furtive prayer for help and peace and hoped she wouldn’t pass out.

“Wow.” Michelle looked around, her eyes widening. “This is really nice.”

“Yes. They’re building four more just like it. Actually my husband was talking about bringing a crew up here to help Mac. And Rick’s been a huge help. They uh…” Claire
stopped her flow of words and stared down at her feet. “Sorry. I tend to yammer on when I’m nervous.” She suddenly felt like a five year-old on the first day of school.

Michelle’s laughter washed over her. “Maybe we should sit.”

“Okay.” Claire cleared her throat and tried to ignore the pulsing in her temples. She’d have a migraine by the end of this. She took one of the chairs and let Michelle have the couch.

For a long moment, Michelle just stared at her. And then she smiled, a genuine smile that lit her face and radiated warmth. “You really do look like me.”

“Yes.” Claire forced the word out, her throat thick. She pushed her fingers through her hair. “Look…I want you to know that I’m sorry. When I started my search for you, I never really thought how it would affect you. I just assumed that my birth mother…that you…would want to hear from me. I never imagined what a painful time it must have been for you. I guess…well, I guess I just wanted answers. I was selfish. I’m sorry.”

Michelle drew in a breath and clasped her hands together, the exact way Claire always held hers. “No. Please don’t be sorry. I’m the one who should be apologizing. I was awful to you that night on the phone.”

No kidding. Claire fiddled with the rings on her fingers. Grace, grace, grace. She ran the back of her hand across her eyes. “It must have been a shock for you, to find out I was here.”

“Of all places, yes.” Michelle leaned back against the couch and breathed out. “How did you end up here anyway?”

Claire shrugged, unable to stop a smile. “Google and God.” She laughed at Michelle’s look of surprise. “It’s a bit of a long story. I’m a pretty good sleuth when I want to be.”

“Apparently.” Michelle leaned forward and rested her head in her hands for a moment. Claire felt the weight of her sorrow. When Michelle raised her head again, her eyes
held fear in them. “I need to tell you something, Claire, and I’m not sure how.”

Claire clenched her fists and forced herself to breathe. “You don’t have to. I’m not expecting anything to come from this. I mean, you know, if it’s okay with you, I’d like to keep in touch with Darcie and your parents, but…you and I don’t have to keep in touch or anything. The last thing I want is to force myself on anyone.”

“No, it’s not that.” Michelle shook her head, looking suddenly ill at ease. “You’re part of the family now. They wouldn’t have it any other way.”

She rose and took slow steps around the room. Finally she turned and faced Claire again. “You already know Rick’s story. I’d like you to hear mine.”

“Are you sure?” Claire hesitated. Pain marred Michelle’s face and she didn’t want to put her through anymore. But Michelle nodded.

“I’m sure.” She flashed Claire a tiny smile and went on. “The day you were born there was a horrible storm. It rained buckets—thunder, lightening, howling winds. I lay in my room afterward—they’d already taken you away—and I watched the lightening slash across the dark sky. I prayed for it to come right through the window and slash through me.” She brought a fist to her mouth and put her back to Claire.

Claire took deep shallow breaths and waited for the pain to pass. For both of them.

After a long moment, Michelle looked her way again, her face pale and drawn. “I didn’t know how I was going to go on. How I would live without you. But I wanted the best for you. I gave you up because I wanted you to have a proper home, a mother and a father who would love you, take care of you. Do you understand that?”

“Yes.” Claire’s voice shook and she swiped at her cheeks.

Michelle went back to the couch and slumped into it. “The papers that I signed said I had six months to change my mind.” She took a moment to compose herself. Claire almost didn’t want to hear what might come next.

“I went into an awful depression afterwards. I stayed on in Connecticut with a friend’s family, got a job as a waitress and tried to figure out what to do with my life. But I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I kept dreaming you were dead. I had to know if you were okay. My friend’s father was a detective and he made some calls. I don’t know how he did it, but he managed to find out where you were.”

Silence thickened the air and Claire stared at Michelle in disbelief. No words would come. Michelle shrugged and looked away.

After a while she reached for the box of tissues on the coffee table and blew her nose. “I called your father, Claire. I called Edward. I knew I wasn’t supposed to, but I was desperate. I had to know if you were okay. I…I was even thinking I might…well, I guess it doesn’t matter now.”

“You spoke to my dad?” Cold hands snaked around her throat as Claire tried to make sense of it. And then the truth of what Michelle was saying hit her, slammed her with the force of a sumo-wrestler, pinned her to the ground and held her there. “You wanted me back, didn’t you?”

“I did.” Michelle exhaled and offered a meager smile. “I was twenty years old. I had no money, no plan for the future, but…yes. I realized I’d made a mistake giving you up and I wanted you back. I thought I could do it.”

“What happened?” It wasn’t hard to figure out. Slow realization came over her. Overcome with sudden nausea, Claire doubled over, waiting for the feeling to pass. She lifted her head and locked eyes with Michelle. “He paid you off, didn’t he? My father paid you to go away and never contact them again.”

Michelle sat in silence, tears rolling down her cheeks.

“I can’t believe this.” Anger rushed out of her. Claire couldn’t sit still. She paced the room, her heart hammering.

“He was desperate, Claire…they loved you so much. He didn’t want your mother to suffer, to have to go through giving you up. And I…I was young and stupid. I thought the money would give me the start I needed. I could go back to school, get on with my life. I thought it would help me forget about you.”

Horror gave way to numb, blinding pain. “Did it?”

“No.” Michelle’s hands shook as she pushed her dark hair off her face.

“This is crazy.”

“Don’t be angry with him, Claire. I called him the other night, before coming out here. I wasn’t sure he would have ever told you, and I didn’t want to tell you. I know how it looks. But he…he wanted me to. He said you should know the truth. All of it.”

Claire blew air through her lips. Her mind swam with thoughts that dragged her down and seeded bitterness. “Great.” What was worse, knowing your father bought you or your mother sold you? She struggled for air, wishing she had the nerve to walk out. “How much?” she whispered, glaring at Michelle’s stricken face. “How much was I worth?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Michelle’s voice cracked and she turned her head.

Claire’s pulse raced as she forced down another wave of anger. “He wanted me to know the truth, so tell me. How much?”

“He gave me fifty-thousand dollars. At the time it was…”

Claire slumped into her chair and shook her head. It was almost too much to comprehend. Too sickening, horrifying, yet at the same time, completely understandable.

“I shouldn’t have taken the money.” Michelle pulled at her hair, her eyes pleading with Claire.

“My father can be very persuasive.”

“I spent years afterward convincing myself it was okay. I’ve spent a lifetime trying to forgive myself. Even after I married and had Darcie, it haunted me.”

“It’s done,” Claire told her quietly, wishing it were so.

“I suppose it shows you what kind of person I really am, doesn’t it?” Michelle’s tone was thick with self-loathing. “If I could change it, I would. All I can say is that I’m sorry and that I hope you’ll forgive me.”

Claire grunted, unable to do more. The tension in her neck forced her to move, but she didn’t want to. She just wanted to sit, be still, and pretend none of this was real.

But it was too late for that.

“That necklace…” Michelle pointed to the locket around Claire’s neck, her dark eyes wide.

“What about it?” Claire reached for it instinctively. “My father gave it to me on my sixteenth birthday.” She studied the floor, her stomach rolling. Any minute now she’d have to rush to the bathroom.

“Did he…say anything about it?”

Claire somehow managed to meet Michelle’s eyes, her throat tight. “He told me it was to remind me how very much I was loved.”

“Yes,” Michelle whispered after a while. “That’s exactly what I said to him when I asked him to give it to you.”

“You?” Claire could barely get the words out. “You gave me this?”

Michelle smiled, her face brightening for just an instant. “It was my friend Belinda’s idea. I stayed with her family for a while, before I had you, and after. Maybe you’ll meet her someday. She thought I should leave something for you with your dad. I never believed he’d actually give it to you.”

Claire pressed down anger, shook her head and fumbled with the clasp of the chain.

Lies upon lies.

She held the locket toward Michelle. “Here. Take it back. I don’t want it.”

When she didn’t take it, Claire let it slip from her fingers.

Tears blinding her, she walked with unsteady steps to the door and held it open.

Michelle bent to pick up the necklace, pocketed it, and moved toward the door. She stood just in front of Claire, her face flushed. “If it means anything, I never did forget you. And I…I’m glad you found me. I’ll be staying here for a while, if you…”

“I’m leaving.” Claire blurted the words out and stiffened at the flash of sorrow that passed across Michelle’s face. But she would not be moved.

What goes around comes around.

Michelle lifted her head, met her eyes, her gaze steady, and nodded. “I see. Well, thank you for listening anyway. Goodbye, Claire.”

Chapter Thirty-Two

“I’m out.” Michelle scowled and pushed back from the table. Landon gave a crow of victory and gathered his Monopoly winnings. She shot him a glare. “You cheated, Mr. Marsh, and if I had anything left to bet, I’d put it all on the fact that your brother taught you everything you know.”