Hidden in the Heart (28 page)

“I’m sorry. It can’t have been easy.”

Rick sighed and closed his eyes. “I think I got the better end of the deal compared to what she must have gone through.”

“Probably. So what’s she like, this daughter you never knew you had?” Landon
flashed a grin.

“She’s…hard to describe.” Rick chuckled and smoothed down his hair. “Stubborn, smart, funny, sarcastic, likes to get her own way…”

“Sounds like a chip off the old block if you ask me.” Landon snorted and gulped the rest of his coffee.

His tanned skin and clear eyes showed he was taking care of himself. He’d even put on a bit of weight to balance his muscular build. He looked healthier than Rick had ever seen him. But shadows in his eyes hinted of trouble beneath the surface.

Landon’s mouth curled and he narrowed his eyes. “You’re still as transparent as ever, Maverick. I saw you spying on me last night at dinner.”

“I wasn’t spying on you.” Rick coughed and swallowed down irritation. “I didn’t know it was illegal for me to care.”

“It’s not.” Landon glanced downward. “Sorry for snapping. I’m just a little tired of being under the magnifying glass, you know. I’m okay, seriously.”

Rick nodded. “Good. I…uh…heard what happened at work, what you went through.”

“Mom and Dad told you.”

The fatigue in Landon’s normally rigorous gait wasn’t hard to miss, nor was the tension etched across his forehead. “You didn’t seem like yourself so I asked. Do you want to talk about it?”

Landon rolled his eyes and stretched his arms high above his head. “Let’s just say the last operation went south and leave it at that. There’s going to be an investigation and I’m out until it’s over.”

Rick’s pulse jacked up a notch. “Were you hurt?”

“Nah. Just a graze. Overnight in hospital.” Landon rested his head against the back of the couch and closed his eyes. “My partner wasn’t so lucky.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah.”

“Nothing says you have to go back you know. You’re not married to the DEA.”

Landon held his gaze for a long moment. “It’s what I do, Rick. Leave it be.” He got to his feet and headed back to the coffee maker.

Rick ran a hand down his face and uttered a silent prayer for patience. “You know, Landon, whatever you’re going through…whatever it is that drives you to rid the earth of all evil even if it kills you, you’re never going to be satisfied. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about.”

Rick waited for the groan but it didn’t come.

“It’s not an easy life, but it’s my life. I’m living it the best way I know how.” Landon’s voice thickened and he didn’t make eye contact.

“We just worry, that’s all.”

Landon gave a nod, his eyes shimmering. “I know. Thanks.” He gave a sheepish smile and sighed. “Anyway, back to your shocking revelation. Have you talked to Michelle?”

Rick stood and went to the window again. He put one hand in his pocket and closed his fingers around the piece of paper he’d scribbled on hours ago. The office building wasn’t far from here.

“No, I haven’t talked to her.” The thought of doing so terrified him, but he vowed to get it over with before leaving New York. Rick glanced at his watch. “Why don’t you take Mom and Dad out for lunch? I need to go over to the gallery for a meeting. I’ll check in with you later.”

“Sure. Hey, I wanted to ask you something.”

Rick turned, curious.

Landon smiled and lifted broad shoulders, looking suddenly younger than his twenty-
nine years. “Since I can’t go back to work until after the investigation, I...I was wondering…” He pulled at the back of his neck and hesitation twitched his mouth. “Well, if it was okay with you, I wondered if I could come stay with you a while.”

“Are you serious?” Rick tried not to keel over from shock, but a chuckle escaped before he could stop it. He felt a stab of guilt at Landon’s dejected expression. “Of course you can stay with me. As long as you can do your share of the cooking and pick up after yourself. If I remember correctly you always were a bit of a slob.”

“I’ll be on my best behavior.” Landon’s smile was genuine, one Rick hadn’t seen in a long time.

Rick chuckled as he pulled on his faded denim jacket. “Okay. Well, I’ll see you later then.”

“Rick?”

He turned at the door and glanced back at Landon. “What?”

“Good luck.” He came forward and placed a hand on his shoulder. “I know where you’re really going. I hope it works out.”

Rick inhaled and managed a smile. “I don’t think it’s going to be quite that easy, but thanks.”

~

Once inside the towering glass office building, Rick found her floor with relative ease. To his relief, the desk outside her office seemed unoccupied.

Rick inched toward the door with her name on it. It was slightly ajar and he scanned the room undetected.

Michelle sat at an angle behind a large wooden desk. She frowned at the computer screen in front of her, bending her head every now and then as she wrote furiously on a legal pad.

Her long dark hair was swept up in some fancy style. Her finely sculpted face didn’t look a day older. She wore a silk blouse, patterned in aqua, red and brown circles. Not colors he would normally put together, but it worked.

Twenty-seven years slipped away in the time it took for him to take his next breath.

“Can I help you?” Michelle glanced up from her work.

Already sweating and more nervous than he’d been the night he’d first kissed her, he moved into the room. Captured once more by those amazing dark eyes, his breath left him with the speed of the subway train he’d just ridden on.

She was as beautiful. No, more beautiful than he remembered.

Recognition inched across her face. “Get out.”

And just as livid.

She pushed her chair back and stood, her eyes glinting. “I don’t want you here. Leave. Now.”

Rick raised a hand, his mouth drying up. “This won’t take long.”

She marched around her desk, brushed past him and stuck her head around the door.

“There’s nobody there.”

“I can see that.” She slammed the door shut and leaned against it. “What do you want, Rick?”

“To talk.” He cleared his throat, his shirt already sticking to his back.

Michelle blew out a breath and curled a finger around the string of pearls she wore. “We haven’t ‘talked’ in twenty-seven years. What makes you think I’d have the slightest interest in doing so now?”

The nerve he’d found to step into the room withered under her scathing glance.

But he was tired of running—tired of feeling like a coward. Tired of covering up his mistakes of the past and pretending they didn’t exist.

Rick balled his fists and summoned fresh courage. “Please. Just hear me out. You know why I’m here.” He willed his heart to stop thumping and tried to formulate a sentence that actually made sense.

Michelle lowered her eyes. Anger flared in her cheeks when she finally looked at him. “She found you, too? Wonderful.” She strode across the office and stood at the window, her back to him.

Rick shrugged off his jacket and sat in one of the chairs opposite her desk. Somewhere in the cool room, a clock ticked. “She didn’t exactly find me. I live in Bethel now, in my grandparents’ house. Which is right up…”

“I know where it is. I knew I couldn’t trust my mother.” A soft curse slipped from her lips. “If you had any idea what this is doing to me, you wouldn’t be here.”

Rick leaned forward and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Please, God…

“Shelly, I didn’t come here to hurt you.” His voice cracked and she turned his way, her face pale, still tight with anger.

She put one hand on her hip and tossed her head. “No, that’s been done. Tell me something, though. Did you ever once, in all these years, think of anyone other than yourself?”

“I’m sorry.” Shallow, meaningless words.

She stared in clear disbelief. “You don’t get to be sorry, Rick.” Michelle sagged in her chair and stared up at him through cold eyes. Her anger seemed to fade, replaced by something he could only liken to resolute acceptance. “I spent a lot of years hating you.” She gave a shrug and pressed her fingers against her temples. “But in the end I decided you weren’t worth it. I got on with my life. I don’t need this now. I didn’t ask to be found. I’m not interested.”

“I don’t believe that.” Rick startled at the words he spoke.

“I don’t care what you believe.”

“You wanted her, Shelly. If I’d done the right thing you would never have given her up.”

“Well, you sure didn’t
do the right thing
, did you?”

There was no answer needed for that one. “Why did you tell me you were getting an abortion?”

“Because I was.” She placed her elbows on the desk and hid her face in her hands. Then lowered them and pinned him under her gaze once more. “Just get out of here. I’m not having this conversation.”

Silence crept around him again and threatened his sanity. “I know you don’t want to talk about it. I know it’s hard. But we have to. I have to. We’ve lived with this for twenty-seven years.” His voice cracked again. Rick shifted and raked his fingers through his hair. A lump rose in his throat. “I didn’t know whether my child was alive or dead and I didn’t have the guts to pick up the phone and ask you. The biggest regret of my life is sitting up there in Maine on your parents’ back porch.”

Eventually she spoke, her eyes softer, but void of real emotion. “I thought I could go through with it,” she whispered. “I couldn’t. But I also knew I couldn’t raise a child alone. I had no money, no support. I wanted her to have two parents who loved her, who could provide for her. I thought if I gave her up, she’d have a chance.”

His gut tightened as he watched her wrestle with the pain of a past he was only now beginning to comprehend.

“I carried her for nine months. I talked to her, felt her grow inside of me, and I promised her a good life. I…even named her.” Michelle gave a thin smile. “Stupid, huh?”

“What did you name her?” Rick’s eyes burned, the effort it took to hold himself
together and not break down in front of her almost suffocating.

“Beth. I wanted to call her Beth.”

“Claire’s middle name is Elizabeth.” He choked on the words.

Michelle stared at him for a long time. He wished he could know what was going on inside her head, wished he could read her thoughts. But maybe it was better that he couldn’t.

“I know.”

“You know?” Trepidation skewered him. “How?”

He could almost see the wall coming up around her heart. She set her jaw and narrowed pencil thin brows. “I was curious. Sue me.”

Rick suddenly wished he hadn’t shaved off that beard. Smiles were too hard to hide now. “What else do you know about her?”

She drummed her pen on the desk and lowered her gaze. “Not much. Just what was on the Internet. I know of her family, the Wileys. Her mother was a Dupperault—they own a cosmetics company, very wealthy. She hasn’t wanted for much, apparently.”

“Just answers.”

Michelle shook her head and scratched a hard black line on her notepad. “Why? Is it not enough for her to know that I gave her life? I don’t want to relive the past. It was hard enough the first time around.”

He couldn’t argue with that.

“I have a picture if you’d like…”

“No.” Certain fear took hold of her features as she held up a hand.

“Shelly, I’m sorry.” Rick leaned closer to her and waited until she met his gaze again. “I’m not here to persuade you to meet Claire or even talk to her. That’s completely up to you. I came here to apologize. What I did was unconscionable. I know that. You have every right to hate me. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but you have my apology.”

She gave a small shrug and looked away.

Rick couldn’t tear his eyes from her. All his well-submerged memories surfaced and floated over the still waters of his soul. As young as they had been, he’d loved her. Completely. More than he’d ever realized.

Looking at her now, he knew he’d never gotten over her.

Probably never would.

“Are you done?” Her eyes became chips of ice one more and told him their meeting was over.

Rick stood and pulled on his jacket. Her chair scraped against the hardwood floor. He turned to go and his eyes landed on the painting on the wall adjacent to him. A fresh flood of memory cascaded over him and almost forced him back into his chair.

“You still have that.” He made a slow turn.

They’d sat snuggled under blankets for hours, watching the sun come up while he painted. He’d told her he loved her that morning. And he’d meant it.

Michelle moved swiftly, snatched the painting off the hook and crossed the room again. “Take it with you when you leave.” She thrust it at his chest.

Rick let out his breath and placed the painting down against the side of her desk. “No. It’s yours. If you don’t want it, take it down to The Alexander. They’re showing my work this week. I’ll make sure you get a good price for it.”

Her mouth formed a reply but a knock on the door smothered it.

“Michelle, ready to go?” A well-dressed man strode halfway into the room before he pulled up short in front of Rick. “So sorry. I didn’t know you were in a meeting.”

“I’m not.” She fumbled at her desk and made a good attempt at looking busy.

Rick hesitated. He recognized the Senator. The last thing he wanted to do was put Shelly in the awkward position of having to explain his presence. He needed to leave, that
much was clear, but the man blocked his path. He couldn’t very well push past him.

“Is everything all right?” The guy gave Shelly the once over and then his gaze lingered on Rick. “Say…aren’t you Rick Matthews? I was at your show the other night. Impressive stuff.”

“Thank you, Senator.” Rick cleared his throat and cast a glance at Michelle. She sat at her desk, head down, as though she was concentrating on the notes on her pad.

“Is there anyone in the world you don’t know, Kevin?” she muttered.

Her boss chuckled and extended a hand. “Kevin Harrison. Congratulations again.” He pulled at his striped silk tie and loosened his top button. “I was just reading an article about you, Matthews. You’re from Michelle’s hometown, right? Are the two of you friends?”