Hidden in the Heart (12 page)

And she knew that he knew it too.

James walked past her, opened the door and stepped aside. “Go. Do what you need to do.”

Claire bit her lip, unable to move. “What’s happening?”

He lifted his shoulders and let them fall. “I’m done.” The words caught in his throat. “When you get settled, wherever that is, the ball is in your court. Call a shrink, call a lawyer—just don’t call me until you know what it is you want.”

This was it. That defining moment that changed peoples lives.

There was no going back now to what they’d had. Their solid marriage, the perfect life they’d shared, all the things she’d taken for granted had been taken from them once again—the night she’d woken to bloody sheets and excruciating pain, and known something was horribly, dreadfully wrong.

Chapter Nine

Michelle ran a little faster, matching her pace to Kevin’s. They jogged the circuit in Central Park, passing other runners. A slight drizzle wet her cheeks and cooled her heated skin. The sun’s rays crested the trees and promised to chase the early morning rain away. After another lap, Kevin stopped at a bench to stretch. Michelle joined him and stretched out her leg muscles as Kevin chugged from his water bottle.

“Thirsty?” He held the bottle toward her, wiping sweat from his brow.

“No, thanks.” She shook out her arms, made a half turn and faced the small pond on the other side of the path. The sound of children’s squeals and laughter floated across the park from the playground. Michelle watched a pair of swans glide effortlessly across the water and disappear underneath a weeping willow. Swans mate for life. She read that somewhere. Marveled at the beauty in the concept, wondered why birds could get it right when so many people couldn’t.

“You okay?” He stood by her, bending over his knees.

Michelle drew in a breath of cool air and willed the tension out of her shoulders. “Sure. Just a cramp. Maybe I overdid it a bit.”

Spring put on an extravagant display, blossoms bursting from the trees, crocuses and daffodils poking colorful heads through the dark earth. This was her mother’s favorite season. She’d spend hours in the garden, planting, weeding, tending to her roses and vegetables and
delighting in the new growth that happened each year without fail.

“All right.” Kevin straightened, clasping his hands behind his neck. “You want to tell me what’s going on with you? You’ve been agitated for weeks now. Unfocused.”

Michelle folded her arms and met his searching eyes. There was no easy answer to give. Nothing he would understand or accept. She took his water bottle and drank what was left of it, then pitched it neatly into a nearby wastebasket.

“I knew getting involved with my boss was a bad idea.” She gave a wry smile. “I’ve tried not to let it get to me, Kevin, but I guess I’m human after all. So, before I read it online, you want to give me the real story? Are you and Felicity getting back together? Are you moving back into the house?”

She watched his eyes narrow, then widen, but nothing else in his expression gave her any information.

“Are you serious?” His chuckle was low and deep.

Michelle stepped back, balling her fists. “It’s not funny, Kevin. It’s the hottest story out there at the moment, and everyone’s calling
me
for information. Information I don’t have. How do you think that feels? And don’t tell me you didn’t know this was going on. I’m not that stupid.”

“I don’t understand.” He ran a hand down his face, staring at her like she was suddenly spouting Finnish. “Yes, I’ve been spending more time with the kids, but as far as getting back with Felicity…since when do you listen to rumors?”

“When they have a direct impact on my life, that’s when,” she snapped, walking past him along the muddy path by the water. The stories had haunted her for weeks. Reporters were calling wanting the scoop, asking if she and the Senator had terminated their personal relationship. There were even pictures of Kevin and his ex-wife together, without the children.

“Don’t walk away from me. Talk.” He caught up with her, waiting.

Michelle glanced around, checking the surrounding area. An old man and his dog walked up on the pavement and a couple on bikes pedaled past. The last thing they needed was a reporter tailing them.

“All right. Look, I know when we started dating, we agreed to keep our relationship quiet. But back then I assumed your divorce was imminent. After you were elected, I figured it would happen. That was a few months ago. You haven’t mentioned it since our conversation before Christmas.” Michelle shrugged. “I feel like I’m being played, Kevin, and I don’t like it.”

“Stop.” Kevin took hold of her hand. “Will you listen to me for a minute?” He brushed a strand of hair off her cheek, a smile sliding across his lips. “I wanted to tell you in a more intimate setting, over a nice dinner or something, but since you’re so worked up…Felicity has agreed to it. She’s filing for divorce.”

The light in his eyes was so bright she almost believed him. Almost believed the moment she’d been waiting for, hoping for and dreaming about had finally arrived. But she’d learned the hard way that dreams don’t come true.

She drew in a sharp breath and ignored the pain his smile inflicted. “Now? You just took the Senate seat. Come off it, Kevin. I didn’t just get off the Stupid Train.” Michelle shook off his arm and continued down the path.

“Okay, so we’ll have to wait a bit…but…isn’t that what you want, Michelle? For us to be together?” He blocked her path, taking her by the shoulders.

She met his eyes and waited a moment. Words wouldn’t come. “I do. You know that. I’m just not convinced we want the same thing anymore.”

“Of course we do. It will happen. I promise you.” Kevin drew her close and placed his lips on her forehead. “Be patient a little while longer.”

Michelle nodded, catching a flicker of hesitation in his eyes. Forced laughter caught in her throat. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to sound like a shrew. I guess I overreacted.” She pulled her arms behind her back, stretched and let out a sigh. “Won’t happen again.”

“Good. You have nothing to worry about, Michelle. I need you. You’re my life now, okay?”

Michelle smiled and stepped into his embrace. Everything was fine. His kiss gave her full assurance of that.

Kevin held her hands, his face glowing in the sunrise. “Why don’t we take a drive up to Maine this weekend? I still haven’t met your parents.”

The momentary calm she’d found faded as his words jolted her. She caught her breath and held up a hand, “I think I told you some time ago that’s not going to happen.”

“Oh, come on.” He put on his best little boy grin. “What are you afraid of? They’ll love me. I can be very persuasive.” He slipped his arms around her once more, but she pushed him back.

“No.”

“Why?” He jogged circles around her, his eyes teasing. “Are they some drugged-out hippie couple? Or…maybe you were raised in the backwoods by Ma and Pa Clampett. Or no…wolves, you were raised by wolves.”

“Stop it.” Michelle laughed and pushed him off. “My parents and I haven’t talked in years. I told you that. I have no intention of seeing them any time soon. And, persuasive or not, I can assure you they would not approve of our relationship.”

“Conservative?”

“You have no idea.” She picked up her pace again and started a slow jog. Irritation goaded her. “Why the sudden interest in my family?”

“It’s not sudden. We just never talk about them, that’s all.”

“There’s nothing to say.” Michelle glanced at her watch and groaned. “It’s almost 6:30. You’re going to be late for your breakfast meeting.”

He ran faster, swatting her on the behind as he passed. “I think you’re keeping secrets, Michelle Hart. Have it your way, then. For now. See you at the office.”

Michelle waited until he was out of sight before she stopped running. She sank onto the wet grass at the side of the path and pretended to stretch over her legs. Her breath came in spurts, her heart pounding far too fast to be the result of her brief sprint.

She pulled blades of grass, one by one. She’d tempted fate by taking that trip to Connecticut with Belinda. The phone call from the DCF in Hartford just a week later proved it.

Nausea rose and she glared at the pieces of grass in her hand. She’d been outraged, demanded to know how they’d found her. The woman said she’d simply looked her name up in the files, Googled her and dialed her office number.

No, they hadn’t called her parents.

Michelle blew air through pursed lips and pushed to her feet. She’d spent a long time burying her past.

It wouldn’t catch up to her now. She’d make sure of that.

Keeping secrets.

Kevin didn’t know the half of it.

~

Michelle woke with a start, sat up and stared through the darkness. Sirens. They roared past her apartment building and off into the distance somewhere in the city. She sank back against the pillows and pushed her hair off her damp forehead. Her t-shirt stuck to her back. The clock beside her read 1 A.M. She closed her eyes and tried to go back to sleep, but her racing thoughts refused to allow it.

She jumped into the shower and put on fresh pj’s, pulled on a robe and padded down the hall to the galley kitchen. A glass of milk might settle her frayed nerves. She huddled on the couch in the living room with her laptop. Michelle frowned as she scanned her emails. Two from Kevin.

“
Hey, babe. Things going well here. Had good talk with F today and I think we can work something out. See you soon. K.”

Michelle hit the delete key. Kevin’s delusions were beginning to bore her. The sad thing was, he actually believed everything he said. Once upon a time, she had too.

The other email from him was all business, confirming another invitation list for a dinner he was hosting next month. And then he was going to spend June on the Cape with the kids. And Felicity.

Each week that passed snatched a little more hope from her.

Michelle finished her milk and gazed out the window at the city lights blinking in the darkness. A hard knot formed in her stomach, pulled tight and threatened to evict her supper. One of these days she’d get out of New York. She’d quit her job and…

A deep sigh brimming with regret worked its way out of her. The approach of summer somehow managed to dump melancholy at her feet. The feelings she battled all year came back full force and there was very little she could do to defend herself against them. She pinched the bridge of her nose and turned her attention back to the computer screen as her Skype conversation button beeped.

What are you doing up at 1 AM
?

Belinda.

Michelle smiled and typed back.
Same thing you are, I guess. Couldn’t sleep
.

Thinking
?

Yeah
.

Her birthday’s coming up in a couple of months
.

Michelle raised her eyes to the ceiling.
Yep
.

Nobody in the world knew her as well as Belinda.

Well, maybe one person did. Or had.

Hard to believe it’s been twenty-seven years, Shel
.

Yep
. Michelle studied her polished fingernails. That aching, longing for God only knew what, started up again.
Some days it feels like yesterday
. She hit the keys harder than necessary.

I’m sorry. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling.
Belinda tacked on a sad-faced smiley. And then…
Shel…why don’t you try to find her
?

Michelle bit her lip and almost shut down her laptop. Honestly…this was just like Belinda, always out for that proverbial happy ending.

She pounded out her answer.
What for
?

Shel
…

I’m tired. Going to bed. Call you tomorrow
.

Michelle closed her laptop. What did Belinda expect? She let out a cry of aggravation and pushed all thoughts of the past out of her head. There was too much to do, she didn’t have time to worry about long-ago mistakes. She reached for her leather dossier and pulled out the latest speech she was working on. It was a good speech so far, maybe even one of the best she’d written. He’d like it.

Michelle ran her tongue over her bottom lip and gave a wry smile.

If only she could make Kevin Harrison mean what he said beyond the podium.

Chapter Ten

The rolling hills of Connecticut climbed higher as Claire left her home state, crossed over into Massachusetts, up through New Hampshire and into Maine. Tall, lush pines of varying shades of green surrounded her on all sides. Blue lakes and spectacular views beckoned around every turn, but she didn’t stop. She drove until she could go no further, hunger and exhaustion forcing her off the road for lunch at a roadside cafe. But she’d reached Maine, and in good time, less than five hours.

After a satisfactory meal, she focused on the road ahead and tried to ignore the devastation of her soul. She didn’t deserve to be happy anyway. James would be better off without her. He’d see that soon enough.

Driving through the almost deserted streets of Bethel, Claire wondered if there had been a plague she hadn’t heard about. Only a few people walked along the sidewalks and one or two cars passed her every now and then. As she slowed for the stoplight, she glanced up and down, taking in her surroundings.

Plenty of quaint shops seemed open for business. Angel’s Antiques, Kathy’s Knick Knacks, Bookends. Flowers of every description hung from baskets on the street lamps. Driving on, she spotted the bank, library and post office. Not a Starbucks in sight.

Claire slid a mournful glance toward her empty paper cup, grimaced and continued on. She hadn’t had anything else for two days. A pinch of pride brought a smile to her lips.
Maybe she
could
do this.

But she’d left her husband, not cared enough to celebrate their anniversary. Self-loathing loomed, doubt hot on its heels.

She knew as soon as she reached her destination, her self-imposed prohibition would more than likely become just a fleeting memory. She’d brought a supply of wine with her under that exact expectation.

Claire forced her mind back to the reason she was heading north. She’d looked through the telephone directory when she’d stopped for lunch, but there were more than a few Kellys listed in the area. The owners of Tara’s Place might not be her relatives, but they could have information that would help track down her birth mother. She’d find out soon enough.