Happily Ever After: The Life-Changing Power of a Grateful Heart (5 page)

The lawyer mentioned that my former manager had gone above and beyond the call of duty in arranging for me to temporarily call Beverly Hills home when I first arrived, and that when my time there came to an end, I hadn’t given him even the courtesy of a thank-you. I thought, “This guy is lying to America!” and I hated him for it. But even though I was convinced that he couldn’t be telling the truth, I couldn’t help but wonder: Had I actually done what he was so frustratingly accusing me of? Had I failed to profusely thank my manager and the owner of the house that I had been housesitting for helping provide me with such an appreciated opportunity? There was no way . . . or was there?

I had always known how important it is to be vocal about being thankful, but this experience etched the lesson so deeply in my skull that I would be forever changed. As the composer and producer Bernice Johnson Reagon said, “Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.” From that day forward, I knew who I wanted to be: a woman who was so outwardly grateful that no one could ever question it. If I was ever on the receiving end of a kindness or generosity, I would do my best to take the time and effort to literally and liberally say thank you both in person and by way of simple and sincere notes or gifts of gratitude.

When the time came, our wedding went off without a hitch (although I could’ve done without the helicopters!), but I will never forget the accusations. After that experience, I’ll always remember that if you don’t say thank you loud
enough, people remember . . . and they tell other people. In my case, lots and lots of other people.

Expressing your gratitude isn’t an extra. It’s everything.

But as is the case with most things in life, how you say thank you is less about the size of the gesture and more about its quality.

Appreciation can be as loud as the winning team’s cheering section at a football game or as subtle as the glimmer in the eye of a baby getting swaddled after a warm bath. My personal favorite expression of appreciation is a hug (yes, I’m a hugger). I’m also a fan of the old-school tradition of writing formal thank-you notes, even if it takes me months to do so (and it usually does). After all, thank-you notes aren’t just pretty pieces of paper full of meaningless writing. They are symbols of appreciation that put gratitude into words.

For example, take the card that Ryan gave me for our eighth wedding anniversary. The outside said, “What Would I Do Without You?” The inside:

Angel, Happy Anniversary! Thank you for being the rock that stands as the foundation of our marriage and the glue that holds our family together. The amount of love you possess is humbling to me. I am lucky to have some of that love and appreciate your willingness to love “all” of me, the good and bad, through both easy and hard times. You are a truly special person, a perfect mom, and a beautiful wife. Thank you for being my wife! I love you! Forever & ever & ever & ever . . . Ryan

We do say “I love you” and “thank you” when it comes to doing the dishes or taking out the trash, but it’s nice to have
his heartfelt appreciation in a way that I can carry with me everywhere.

Remember how it feels to be validated by the words “I appreciate you,” and say it forward. If we can all remember to appreciate one another, we will all shine a little brighter. Poet and author Maya Angelou’s words on the topic say it all: “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Start up a gratitude journal. Set aside time each day, whether it is bedtime or during your lunch break or as you sip on your morning java, to formally acknowledge through the written word one to five things you are grateful for. There are no wrong entries.

Close your eyes and think of the best parts of your life. It could be as small as the beating of your heart or as all-encompassing as the memories of a happy childhood. Open your mind, let your imagination run wild, and focus on this quote by author Sarah Ban Breathnach: “All we have is all we need. All we need is the awareness of how blessed we really are.”

If your day is rotten, stop what you are doing, grab paper and a pen, and let your stream of consciousness guide your hands in counting your blessings, thereby canceling out the negativity surrounding
you. Put those thoughts in your pocket or your purse and carry them with you as you return to your newly brightened day.

Too busy to grab paper and pen? Just take a moment to breathe and think about one thing you’re grateful for.

Remember the basics: treat people how you would like to be treated. Living by the Golden Rule isn’t always easy, especially when you throw feelings and life stressors into the mix, but if there is a lifestyle you can be proud of living, that’s the one.