Happily Ever After: The Life-Changing Power of a Grateful Heart (8 page)

Have a brainstorming session with yourself about the not-so-favorite parts of yourself. Maybe it’s your penchant for snacking or the shape of your eyebrows, your split ends or the fact that you haven’t talked to your mom in two weeks. Hone in on one thing that you can easily change (for example, picking up the phone and dialing your mom’s number just because or going through your pantry and throwing your go-to snacks in the garbage) and get to work, but not for anyone but yourself.

Indulge in an old-fashioned dose of “me time.” Take inspiration from the examples of my friends, or do as I do and veg on the couch, indulge in a little retail
therapy (with a budget), or head to your local nail salon. Something as simple as freshly polished nails reminds me that I matter just as much as everyone else in my family. Oh . . . and the foot and hand massages, however short, don’t feel too bad either.

Activate your senses. Whether you tune into your favorite station on Pandora while you’re doing the dishes or you wake up your nose with the sweet smells of Kai products (you will
love
them!) during or after a long, hot shower, know that the time it takes for your little pamper session will work in your favor like a great investment.

Running after the little ones or walking your dog may burn calories, but I wouldn’t say they consistently take you to a happy place. They can’t hurt, but the trick to endorphin production and keeping you looking and feeling your best is continuous, moderate to high-intensity exercise. It may take effort to get to the gym or to pop in a P90X video, but believe me, both your brain and your attitude, along with your reflection in the mirror, will thank you for it!

If you are feeling “flat” and uninterested in things that would normally put an instant smile on your heart, talk to someone. Don’t be too proud to ask for help (whether it’s from a spouse, friend, mentor, counselor, or professional). Everyone needs it.

Love (and Appreciation) Will Keep Us Together

We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.

—C
YNTHIA
O
ZICK

CHAPTER THREE

I
SN’T IT A SHAME THAT
V
ALENTINE’S
D
AY COMES AROUND
only once a year? I guess I should be grateful that it comes around at all, but as a hopeless romantic, I am sad to think that so many wait to express their affection until the grocery store stocks a couple aisles with heart-shaped boxes of chocolate and snuggly-soft teddy bears.

I’m not saying we should banish the day altogether on the grounds that it forces those in relationships to get out their credit cards and make retailers happy. As someone trying to get through life with full-force mommy brain, I need all the cues I can get to do just about anything. That includes actively appreciating my loved ones, so I welcome the reminder.

After all, what bigger responsibility do we have than letting the people we love know how much we love and appreciate them? Valentine’s Day gives us a gentle nudge to take the time to do what we should do every day—not allow romance to take a backseat.

In her book
The How of Happiness
, Sonja Lyubomirsky explains that admiration and appreciation are the cornerstones of any healthy relationship. After my short nine years of marriage, I would have to agree. Expressions of gratitude and admiration, whether subtle or extravagant, are the super
glue that keeps us together, helping us ride the tides of busy schedules and little frustrations, and maintain a focus on our partner, whose happiness is a part of our own. We don’t always get what we want, but if our partner is there to love and support us, we can get what we need.

I
N
S
ICKNESS AND IN
H
EALTH, AT THE
S
PA AND ON THE
S
LOPE

Since we’ve been married, my thoughtful husband has traditionally sent me to a local spa for my birthday, knowing I would cherish that more than a physical gift. I get a day to feel pampered and have the cares of the world massaged away . . . at least momentarily. All I have to do is lie back and relax and say thankful prayers for being so lucky.

The other 364 days of the year, Ryan and I realize how important it is to our individual sanities to indulge in a bit of “me time,” so we try our best to strike a balance of when we’re each allowed to be off the parenthood clock. On the rare occasion that my girlfriends and I can plan a night away from our duties at home, I give my goodnight kisses and hand over the kids’ reins to the man of the house. Pass this mama a glass of red wine and a gab session with the girls, and I’m a happy camper. On the flip side, if we wake up to a fresh-powder day in the winter, or a cool day full of sunshine in the summer, I practically shove Ryan out the door with his snowboard or mountain bike. Without that time to enjoy his passions, he would not be the man I fell in love with, and I want that man around for a really, really long time.