Happily Ever After: The Life-Changing Power of a Grateful Heart
Read Happily Ever After: The Life-Changing Power of a Grateful Heart Online
Authors: Trista Sutter
Praise for
Happily Ever After
“As a two-time cancer survivor and cofounder of the charity organization Grassroot Soccer, I know the undeniable value of gratitude. Whether you are giving or receiving,
Happily Ever After
shows us what I have come to accept as truth—in order to fully live a happy life, you must acknowledge the gifts that life has to offer and be thankful for all of them . . . big and small.”
—E
THAN
Z
OHN
, 2002 winner of
Survivor: Africa
“This book is a wonderful reminder that in everything we do we should give thanks. From the beautiful life-changers to the everyday little things to the struggles that break us down, EVERYTHING is a gift and it’s important for us to acknowledge that.”
—A
LI
L
ANDRY
, mom, actress, and Miss USA 1996
“
Happily Ever After
is profound, passionate, and practical. These stories of gratitude will move, inspire, and touch you—you will not be able to live your life the same way.”
—L
EE
M. B
ROWER
, Founder, Empowered Wealth, LC, Business Family Coach, author, speaker, and featured teacher on gratitude in the book and movie
The Secret
“Trista is someone who exudes light and joy, and I’m grateful that she’s harnessed some of that for this uplifting, full-of-healthy-tidbits book about the importance and fun of having an optimistic view of the world. Thanks, Trista!”
—K
IMBERLY
W
ILLIAMS
-P
AISLEY
, actress, director, writer, and mom
H
APPILY
E
VER
A
FTER
TRISTA SUTTER
A M
EMBER OF THE
P
ERSEUS
B
OOKS
G
ROUP
Copyright © 2013 by Trista Sutter
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher. For information, address Da Capo Press, 44 Farnsworth Street, 3rd Floor, Boston, MA 02210
Designed by Linda Mark
Set in 11.5 point ITC Usherwood Std by the Perseus Books Group
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Sutter, Trista.
Happily ever after : the life-changing power of a grateful heart / Trista Sutter.
pages cm
ISBN 978-0-7382-1666-9 (e-book)
1. Gratitude. 2. Happiness. 3. Women—Psychology. I. Title.
BF575.G68S98 2013
179'.9—dc23
2013025477
First Da Capo Press edition 2013
Published by Da Capo Press
A Member of the Perseus Books Group
Da Capo Press books are available at special discounts for bulk purchases in the US by corporations, institutions, and other organizations. For more information, please contact the Special Markets Department at the Perseus Books Group, 2300 Chestnut Street, Suite 200, Philadelphia, PA 19103, or call (800) 810-4145, ext. 5000, or e-mail
[email protected]
.
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.
—D
ENIS
W
AITLEY
Contents
Thank-You Notes Are Better Than Roses
Feel GREATful: The Art of Appreciating and Nurturing Yourself
Love (and Appreciation) Will Keep Us Together
Thank-You Notes Are Better Than Roses
God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today.
Have you used one to say thank you?
——W
ILLIAM
A. W
ARD
B
EFORE APPEARING ON
T
HE
B
ACHELOR
I
WAS A SINGLE
girl living in the exciting world of South Florida. I had great friends, a supportive family, and two demanding jobs: I spent my days working as a pediatric physical therapist at Miami Children’s Hospital, and my nights rehearsing or performing as a Miami Heat dancer.
My schedule was full, and I was doing what I thought I loved, but I felt empty and bored. Then one night fate spoke to me through my television. I was watching the entertainment-news show
Extra
, trying to unwind after a long day at the hospital, when a Hollywood casting director came on to talk about a new reality show. I had been a fan of
The Real World
, but this new show wasn’t just a social experiment recorded for the world to see. It was about one guy getting to know twenty-five girls in the hope of finding a fiancée. That’s right . . . one guy, twenty-five girls. Obviously a little crazy, but when the casting director mentioned international travel and luxurious living quarters, I figured it would surely beat my lonely apartment.
As hockey great Wayne Gretzky once said, “You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take,” so I headed straight to my computer to type in the link that had flashed on the screen.
What was the worst that could happen? If they rejected my application, I would just continue living in my unhappy rut, hoping to find a way out.
For a few weeks, I did just that. But then the casting people called asking for a video, photos, and eventually a face-to-face meeting. After a slew of interviews and tests, including blood work and incredibly long psychological exams, I got the news that they were actually interested in little ol’ me joining their upcoming adventure. They liked me. They really liked me. (Sorry—I’ve always loved Sally Field.) Now all that was left to do was ask for a leave of absence from the hospital (which was thoughtfully granted) and make sure I had everything I needed for a couple months away.
Going into it, I had no intention of falling in love with a stranger I would know for only six weeks and whom I would be sharing with twenty-four other ladies, but as the days passed, my mind-set changed. I got to know more and more about Alex Michel, and I liked what I learned. In real life, I would’ve done as I usually did: take it slow. But in this situation, there wasn’t a job to report to or basketball games to perform at, gossip sessions on the phone with my girlfriends, visits to the gym, or even couch time in front of the TV to take up my downtime. This relationship was my focus, and I actually quite enjoyed it.
In early 2002, I found myself visiting “fantasy suites,” taking helicopter rides, traveling to exotic destinations, and enjoying the glamorous world of professional hair and makeup. Alex was a good conversationalist, highly educated, nice-looking, and well traveled: all things I was looking for in a partner. It seemed as though we had similar values and goals, and I grew increasingly intrigued.
Two days before we were to tape the ending of the show, we had our last date. There was still one other girl left, and their time together was scheduled for the next evening. I wanted to know where I stood in comparison to her, so I asked him. Point-blank.
He told me that if he had to make a choice at that very moment, he would choose me. (Duh—what else was he going to say?)
I left that night with the utmost confidence that his feelings wouldn’t change, no matter what happened on his date with the other remaining woman.
Two nights later, I walked down the pathway to the final rose ceremony. True, I had known this guy for only six weeks, but we had developed a real connection and I was fully prepared to get engaged. It wasn’t a joke to me. It wasn’t a way to launch my acting career or a new business. It was my life.
Standing across from Alex, I listened intently to the words that came out of his mouth. He started out by telling me how much he enjoyed our time together. Then there was a pause. I thought it was a lead-up to a proposal, but boy, was I ever wrong! Instead, he told me that our story was coming to an end, and that he was sorry.
Dagger to the heart, and on national television! I was destroyed. The crew filmed me and my tears in what would become a classic
Bachelor
scene: the runner-up crying her eyes out in the back of the exiting limo, signifying the end to their reality show journey.
“I’m okay,” I said. “I’m just sad.”
I soon realized that I didn’t believe my own words.
Back in my hotel room, I wallowed in my sadness. Everything had been taken away from me—or so I thought. I had
no idea that the universe was setting me up for what would be the most incredible, enriching experience of my life. What I thought was a loss was a total gain, but I couldn’t see anything through the tears.
In real life, you get to say good-bye. On the show, you aren’t stopped from doing so, but once your fate is announced, you are whooshed away before you’ve had a chance to process what has just happened. Six weeks of your life and—poof—it’s over.
I had gone to LA for an adventure and ended up with a broken heart. It wasn’t fun, but it was wonderfully motivating. I knew more than ever before what kind of person I was looking for and what kind of person I had become. I had enjoyed the glitz of my new existence but, deep down, I yearned for something much simpler but so much harder to find: my own happy family.
For the next three months, the footage was edited and a series was created. Contractually bound by confidentiality, I had to keep my friends and family in the dark and return to life as I knew it before I met Alex Michel. It’s amazing how much happier life can be when you gain some perspective.
As my past life played out on national television, I watched every week with my friends and family and found myself gradually getting over the heartache. On the night of the finale, I tuned in along with a gaggle of my friends, at a special viewing party. That night my cell phone rang. It was Mike Fleiss, the executive producer. He wanted to know if I would be interested in the chance to turn the tables and become the first Bachelorette.
I didn’t hesitate. “Seriously?! Sign me up!”
With the ABC television network at the helm of my search for love, I knew I would be drastically improving my odds. After
all, people were being paid to scour the country to find guys who fit my “type.” I didn’t have that kind of time and, buried in student loans, I certainly didn’t have that kind of money.