Hand of Thorns (13 page)

Leon kisses me deeply, with a passion even more intense than the last time. He starts to lower his lips, placing needy, wet kisses against my chin and down my throat, while I expose it to him. My chest pushes into his as he continues to taste my skin.

He brushes his lips against the lobe of my ear, and it takes my breath away. I'm not sure what it is about Leon, maybe it's a bit of everything, but he's consumed me entirely. Everything I felt moments ago- the anger, betrayal, hurt, and the long list of added emotions- they're gone. They've been replaced with nothing except need. Need for Leon, need for his body against mine, need for him to make me feel satisfied.

"I thought you enjoyed me finger fucking you?" he whispers in my ear before kissing it once more. "And your pussy was so... damn... tight."

Everything between my legs clench and I have to mask the moan that wants to escape. This definitely isn't the place for that.

He chuckles amusingly against my skin, warming me even more. "I didn't come back Monica, because I wanted more of you. I
need
more of you. I want to be inside you so fucking bad."

My fingers dig into his skin while I try to hold on desperately to something, because right now, I actually feel faint. What has happened? What is happening? I'm growing confused again. I'm growing weak.

I don't want to question it. I just want it to happen. Why do I feel so wrong when it feels so right?

Leon's fingers grip tighter into my thighs while he holds me against him. He rests his forehead on my shoulder and I can feel his panting breath. "I'm sorry, Monica. I can't do this."

He lowers me cautiously but quickly turns himself for the door.

"Don't be a coward," I whisper loudly. Instantly angry once more. He can't keep playing with my emotions this way.

His body swivels towards me, and the look on his face makes me beyond nervous. "What the fuck did you just say to me?"

"Don't be a coward, Leon. Stop these damn games. Either be with me or don't, but do not touch me the way you do and tell me those things, then walk away without even conversating with me. I need an explanation to your madness."

"I'm with someone, I can't be doing this with you."

"You're already doing this with me! And it fucking sucks! How you made me feel a few weeks ago was the best thing that has ever happened to me." I step closer, trying desperately not to cry, hoping he doesn't run off before this ends. "And now... now you're playing head games. I'm falling for you, and you're teasing me. This isn't fair." I sound like a toddler whining to their parents about not wanting to take a nap. I know I sound absolutely absurd, but it's how I feel, and it needs to be said before I explode from his hot and cold temperatures.

"I'm not the kind of guy you should be falling for. You're too good of a person."

"Oh, please. I wanted to rip your clothes off the last time we were together despite the consequences. That doesn't make me a good person."

He rakes my body over, his eyes piercing into my soul. "Being sexually attractive to someone doesn't make you a bad person."

This time it's my turn to clench my fists, ready to start pounding them into his chest. I want to beat the stubbornness right out of him, I want him to explain this mess. I need to know if he is simply
sexually attracted
to me, put by his words, or if it's something more.

"So is that what this is? A sexual attraction? Nothing more, nothing less?"

"I can't do this with you, Monica. I can't. Just... just stop. You're going to end up hurt."

He reaches for the door knob and I almost yell in panic, scared he's going to leave me. "I am hurt. I already am hurting."

Leon pauses. I watch as his shoulders lift then drop in defeat. He glances over at me once more, and I can see the debate he is having, whether or not to open the door. Whether he should stay around to talk this over with me. "You're beautiful. You have a rare type of beauty, because you can look radiant without all your makeup done. You're kind, you're passionate, and you have positively the most gorgeous smile I've ever seen. I was sexually attracted to you the instant I met you, but I also knew there was more to you. Which is why I can't be with you, because I'm a fucked up person. I like control, and I'm an asshole when I don't get my way, and..."

"And you're about to have a kid with someone else?"

He glances down at my stomach, staring at it for several seconds before nodding his head. "Yeah, that."

"Do you love her?" I dare myself to ask, regretting it the moment the words leave my mouth.

I know he thinks on it for a moment, then he slowly nods. "Of course I do."

"Oh." I reach down to grab my purse, placing the strap over my shoulder. "I'm sorry I got in the middle of it. I'll keep to myself from now on."

As I start to head towards the door, he puts his hand on it, as to stop me from leaving the room. "You see..." he starts to say. My head is spinning. Does he want me or not? I want to scream! "I love Ellie, yes. I agreed to father her child because we've known each other for years, because she wanted it and I love her enough to give her what she wants. Am I in love with her?" Leon shakes his head slowly. "I don't fucking know. I haven't fucking known."

"Well, that
does
make you an asshole. I guess you were right about one thing."

It surprises me to see Leon actually lift his lips into a smirk, apparently my statement charmed him more than it did me. "I told you I am."

"You've told me a lot of things- and they're all equally confusing. I can't do this. I'm not emotionally prepared to be thrown around like this. I never meant to be attracted to you, and I certainly never meant to kiss you, and although I don't regret it, not like I should anyhow, I'm done with these charades. So... please let me go."

He drops his hand from the door. I smile with gratitude and reach for the knob. Something imbedded deep within me begs for Leon to stop me, to push me against the wall and show me the same demanding passion we've shared twice now, but it doesn't happen. Which I tell myself I'm perfectly okay with.

He does, however, follow me down the hall. Keeping a close distance but not saying a word. Suddenly it feels deafening silent around me, and I'm hyperaware of all my surroundings. I feel claustrophobic, like the walls are closing in on me, and everyone is staring but refusing to help. It's getting harder to breathe.

While everything around me blurs, I desperately seek to breathe. I need air, and I need it now. Except I can't get enough, and quickly everything around me is turning from white... to black.

"She's starting to stir." Those are the first words I hear echo in the distance as I wake from... well... I'm not sure what. Did I faint? Fall? I don't know what happened.

"Give her a few minutes. She may appear delusional when she comes to."

I'm not sure who is talking. The first voice sounded familiar, the second one not so much. Both are females. Both sound kind.

I can't force my eyes to open. Not yet. I'm conscious, but I can't find a way to talk either. So I continue to lay here, listening to the different sounds around me. I believe I'm in a hospital, but I haven't figured that out yet.

"Is she going to be alright? How about the baby?" That voice sounds familiar too. In fact... I'm almost certain that voice is Sumner. I'm not sure why she'd be here visiting me, but it sounds exactly like her.

"They're both fine. Her heart rate was high, which can happen due to high stress, low amounts of fluid, not enough rest, or a small list of other things we don't even realize we're even doing wrong. She started to faint, but thankfully the father was close by, he stopped her from hitting the floor."

"So why is she still passed out?"

I hate that they're speaking about me as if I'm not even here. Even if the questions are ones I have. And wait... father? The father? As in... Leon?

"It appears... hold on. Her heart rate is increasing again." I can hear the consistent beeping in the background become more frequent, and almost in an instant I put two and two together. Leon is causing my heart to race this way, even the mere thought of him.

"Well, what is causing it this time?" The first voice asks loudly. I can put a pin on it. It's Mom.

The two people who deserted me when I needed them most are the two that are here for me now. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

The nurse- or so I assume- gets the beeps back to a faint consistency. She then speaks again. "I'm not quite sure. We'll figure it out when she wakes up. Why don't we allow her to rest and get some more fluids. If she wakes I'll come get you from the waiting room."

I want to say thank you to the nurse but I still can't speak.

Of course Mom grumbles about not wanting to leave me and the stress this hospital is causing her, but her voice fades away into the distance, then I hear the click of the door as it shuts.

Silence.

I don't particularly enjoy silence, but right now I am.

There is still a humming from some machine, beeping from another, and the soft echoes of voices outside the room, but overall it's silent.

That is, until the door opens again. I hear the squeak of a shoe scuff across the floor when the door closes again. Assuming it's the nurse, I urge myself to tell her I'm awake, but nothing happens.

A hand squeezes mine and it's definitely not the nurse- unless she's a guy. Maybe it's the doctor?

That question goes out the window when I smell the musky masculine aroma. I know exactly who it is, but what I don't know is why he is in here visiting me. After how things ended, he should leave me alone. We can leave each other alone, and it'll be easier. Right?

His thumb gently caresses the skin of my hand. It almost feels as though my body melts, as everything relaxes inside of me.

He doesn't say anything.

It remains this way for quite some time, and I start to wonder about the conversation we had before I fainted. How that could have gone differently, how I should have begged him for more answers, how he should have explained himself further. All in all, what it did was frustrate me to no end. I'm still confused, hell I think I'm even more confused now than I've ever been in life.

Soon the feeling of grogginess takes over and I slowly drift off into a land of sleep. As I'm delicately in-between the sensation of sleeping and awake, I feel him move. He stands, I think. My hand repositions, and suddenly I'm wide awake again. My body starts to shake, as it does anytime I'm woken too early from a nap. I can't shake it off, and when I notice that he's starting to walk away, every bit of energy I have inside of me begs him to stop.

But I don't think he hears me.

"Get some sleep, beautiful," he whispers.

I groan. It's all I can do.

There is no noise for a few seconds, then he whispers my name. "Monica?"

I groan again.

I can sense as Leon creeps closer to me. His shadow appears on the other side of my closed lids, and with a force unlike before, I move them. Finally, I can see... almost. It's blurry, and the light around me blinds me for a moment, but then I see a face of an angel- or what I would wish heaven looked like.

He smiles softly down at me, for what appears to be forever. Until his face changes into something else- confusion, frustration, worrisome... I'm not quite sure what it is. I groan again, wanting to speak but my throat feels tight and dry.

As if he knows what I'm thinking, he reaches over to an ugly pink cup with a straw poking out, and he places it in front of my face, positioning the straw so I can take a few sips from it. With a sigh, I lean back, enjoying the fact my throat is lubricated enough I might be able to say something.

What do I say? Thanks?

Leon pisses me off. He has created a monster in me I'm not sure I like.

It's worth it though, when I see the side of his mouth pull up the way it does. "You feel okay?" he asks. "Do you know where you are, or what happened?"

I slowly nod my head. "Kind of. I heard the nurse. I fainted." It's still hard to speak but it feels good to work through the feeling in my throat. "How long have I been passed out?"

He glances over at the clock. "Three hours. Not long. There is a line of people waiting for you."

"Then why are you in here?"

He winks. "I have a way with the ladies. They turned the other direction to let me in."

"Oh." I look down at the blanket covering me.

"What was that
oh
for?"

"Nothing."

"No, what? It was obviously something."

"You have a way with the ladies," I repeat his words. "I was saying, oh. Like, oh, right, yes you do."

He chuckles, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. "You must be feeling fine then. You're already full of aggression and your eyes have only been open a few minutes."

I try to smile but I fail. I still don't look at him. My heart is still broken from earlier. After a few seconds of neither of us speaking he whispers to me. "I didn't mean to stress you to this point."