Gentlewoman: Etiquette for a Lady, From a Gentleman (24 page)

If you want to be successful, keep honest people around. God is the ultimate decider of your destiny, but He uses honest people to help. All hail to sisterhood!

Caution:

Be wise. Not every toast is made with honorable intent. Be careful. The same hand used to shake can be used to stab. But your sisters operate on a higher standard. Your bond is never compromised or broken. Arguments are fleeting. Bruises heal. Hurt feelings are repairable. And men are replaceable. Let nothing or let no one stand in the way of your brilliant sisterhood. You need them, and they need you.

Adjust your crown.

Royal Courting

Royal Courting:
The Etiquette of Dating

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Extra! Extra! Read All About It!

Singlehood is the new STD – nobody wants it, but one in every five Americans has it. Biological clocks are ticking off women into terrible relationships. The fear has generated a nationwide epidemic of unhealthy eagerness among countless women, and the symptoms seem to be spreading. This fascination with finding Mr. Right has caused a role reversal so severely that
thirsty
women are dehydrated from chasing after men. Their vision is blurred, and their desperate search is causing dizziness and confusion. Some Ladies are even sleeping with tears and broken hearts just to ensure they’re sleeping with something. But sleeping with the pain won’t cure the pain. To treat an illness, one needs the proper medication – and to deal with singleness, one needs the proper partner. But there’s a secret I must let you in on–single isn’t a sickness, it’s usually the cure!

Until you can be happy alone, you’re just not ready. Boyfriends aren’t Band-Aids. If you’re miserable alone, you’re just plain miserable. Don’t go looking to invite someone into your wretchedness. While you’re lousy looking for a man, you’re overlooking the tragic fact that you can’t even take your beautiful self to a restaurant for a cocktail and a decent meal. You can’t enjoy the enjoyable by yourself because you don’t enjoy yourself. You think you’re not enough.

A confident lady laughs at her own jokes, dances while the crowd watches and realizes it’s a privilege for anyone to accompany her on life’s dynamic journey. She knows not what salt soaked pillows taste like because she doesn’t spend her nights crying and waiting for the next man to accept her hand. She’s too busy being a woman. And that’s enough.

The difference between alone and lonely is the woman who knows her value. Alone is where you fall in love with your crazy self. It’s irresistible. Trust your journey. Don’t force it - Sometimes alone is exactly where your ass needs to be.

Solitude is beautiful. Alone is where you face flaws and accept insecurities. It’s a time where you’re forced to deal with the one person you like to avoid most–yourself. If you refuse to deal with you, be damn certain we will too.

Making the decision to live your life for yourself can be a rewarding feeling. Of course, it’s important to have an awareness of others and be kind, but don’t allow negative outside opinions to affect how you live your life. Whether it’s constant pressure from your mother, music or movies, the message society sends that a woman’s worth is in her marital status is a lazy lie. Society suggests that if a Lady is single and successful, then she isn’t successful. This piece of fiction births insecurity and breeds desperation. It’s OK to want something badly and channel the desire to ambition, but never desperation. Your insecurities are like a drop of blood in a sea of sharks. Recognize your worth or be eaten alive. Don’t let alone get you in trouble. Don’t let sympathy make you compromise beliefs.

Perhaps the roses left on a co-worker’s desk serve as a painful reminder you sleep alone at night. But you don’t know what it took for her to get those flowers. They were sent to her because her man beat her the night before. But all you see are flowers. You don’t know a stranger’s story. Stop comparing your life to lies. That green grass you envy might very well be artificial turf.

Don’t worry about the dates other women go on. Stop comparing your training to her highlight reel. Maybe she’s mastered the art of loving herself. We’re attracted to that. Don’t question your worth because you don’t get the same kind of attention another woman gets. Some men only go after what’s easily attainable. Perhaps you wouldn’t want that kind of attention if you knew what it came with. Don’t grow weary in doing well. Be unmoved in your high heels, head held high and high standards. A relationship won’t help you if you haven’t helped yourself.

Ignore your mother’s rants about finding a husband. Inform her that a man who finds a wife finds a good thing. You weren’t put on this earth to give your mom grandbabies. You’re too busy loving yourself, so if a man desires your time, he’ll have to love you more. It’s foolish to discount a woman’s accomplishments because she’s unmarried. Marriage is a choice, not an obligation.

The reality is a happily single person is just as happy as a happily married person. Focus on happy – not status. You’re too excellent to be worried about spending your life alone. Several men aren’t thinking about marriage, but there are several who are. That’s no concern of yours. Your concern should be you. I can’t stress enough that we pay attention to you when you pay attention to you. A woman’s greatest assets and attributes are revealed when she’s on her own journey of self-discovery. At your very best, you will attract the exact person intended for you. No gimmicks required

Society is sending the wrong message and everyone is listening, but not enough women are listening to themselves. Your soul lets you know when your mind and body are prepared to love properly. Having a man is just the icing on life’s cake. You were created with what you need. The sun doesn’t look to electrical outlets for power. Stop searching in relationships for the thing you should be supplying for yourself. We all have a desire to be loved, but an unhealthy eagerness for it can leave a Lady single, desperate and lonely, and a gentleman lost, oversexed and insecure. These two likely wouldn’t make a good couple. Unfortunately, this describes many partners today. When a woman is truly secure and ready for love, a good man will take notice.

Personal Opinion Only
: The sexiest position a woman can be in is on her knees praying, so before you claim you need
a man
, you better get used to saying
Amen
. A focus on getting a guy before a focus on getting God is backward, and you’ll probably end up with a god spelled backward. Focus on who you’re meant to be, not who you’re meant to be with, and who you’re meant to be with will be with you. Got that?

Don’t believe the hype! Being single is never as bad as society makes it out to be. It’s a choice. But some Ladies are choosing not to notice Mr. Right is right in front of them. Other women are too busy planning their wedding prior to planning their marriage or even being a marriage candidate. They’re always bridesmaids, but never brides. I tell them if you plan your wedding prior to planning your marriage then you’ll probably prepare to plan your divorce.

But then there’s you. You’re a strong woman with a great career, financial independence and sex appeal on a whole other level because you realize that your worth isn’t determined by what a man chooses to do, but what you choose to accept. You have your life together and desire a man that has his together as well. An intelligent woman should expect to live well and have her needs met if she’s offering the same damn thing. This doesn’t make you stuck up; it makes you smart. It’s not gold digging; it’s goal digging. There’s a difference. You expect a lot because you offer a lot. Anything less would be uncivilized. Just as we have requirements, you have demands. And there are good and ready men who are just as ready to meet your needs as you are to have them satisfied. You just haven’t had the opportunity to meet yet. So in your time of self-love and development, don’t be afraid of alone. Until you’re ready, and a true gentleman who exceeds your standards comes along, celebrate your single like a singer with a hit song on the Billboard Hot 100 chart. Don’t sell yourself short for bottles of warm champagne and cheap cologne. If you’re single, you’re supposed to be. If you’re in love, you’re supposed to be. Have some wine!

The Lady hardest to get is the easiest to keep.

Being hard to get is more about discernment and less about playing games. Requiring a man to work hard for something generally makes him appreciate it that much more. A great Lady challenges a good man to be an even better man. The Lady, who made me wait two years to taste her lips, is the Lady I proudly call my wife!

Some of you are ready for more. You’ve made personal growth, social development, education and your career your primary focuses. But you’ve also created a space for dating. You’re prepared to meet someone who tickles your fancy. You might be open to the idea of love. Or maybe you’re just ready to break the monotony and shake things up a bit. Whatever the case, there are nights you don’t want to dine alone. You want to go dancing in a sexy new dress and have a drink with someone you trust. Maybe it’ll be the start of something serious, maybe not.

You rush into the scene only to have your bubble busted instantaneously. Dating comes with guidelines. Most people skim over the instructions like an online
User Agreement
. They scroll right through and click
Agree
without reading the fine print. Like any other relationship, dating requires etiquette. This chapter is the fine print. Don’t skip over it. Take all that applies and ignore what doesn’t. Let’s get into it.

The Thought:
You want to date. Sounds fun, right? Well, it should be. But you must understand what dating is. Dating isn’t a relationship title. Dating is an elimination process that eventually leads to who you’re going to be with. It should be approached that way. New dates should be casual. You’re just getting to know someone. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Navigating relations is a bit trickier today. As men, we have all these questions that go through our head: “Who asks?” “If I ask, will she think I’m too forward?” “Who pays for the date?” “Do we split the bill?” All of these uncertainties sometimes cause us to avoid dating altogether. We’ll opt for just
hanging out
with you instead.

The Scene:
High heels and Heineken decorate the room like art. It feels like summer, and that’s exactly what you look like. Your senses are excessively satisfied though you haven’t ingested any drug–you’ve only entered through the door. Rehab is discouraged. Champagne is the appetizer. Music for dinner, he looks like dessert – and you might need an Advil for breakfast. The scene is set with bachelors with bachelor’s…some have their master’s, and there are even gentlemen with Ph.D.’s. Good people are celebrating great times. You might get approached; you might not.

Dating is a buyer’s market for any decent guy with game. We’ve gotten lazy, and you’ve gone right along with it. Even you good women have lowered your standards to the point that we don’t have to pursue you. We don’t have to call – you’ll accept our text messages. We don’t have to take you out and build a relationship – we have far too many options to waste our time and money on that. You’re willing to accept a half-assed version of us to ensure your bed isn’t empty at night. But if you offer better, you deserve better, so do better. A piece of a man is like a piece of a one hundred dollar bill–worthless. If he’s not offering his all, peace him out. Anyone available physically, but not emotionally is unavailable.