Friends With Way Too Many Benefits (3 page)

Shaking his head, Brian gazed at her dismayed. "How in the world do you know this shit?"

"You guys have internet, right?"

"Yeah, but I don't…" Brian looked like he might vomit. "…Google guys blowing themselves."

"Well…" She widened her eyes. "…maybe you should."

"Whatever." Brian sighed. "Really, you want me to do all that?"

"I could…" She shrugged and looked to the ceiling with a hand resting on her cheek. "…come up with something else for you to do."

"No." Brian looked at her alarmed. "No, that's ok. I'll do this."

"Good."

Frowning, he sighed, long and deep. "So, I guess I need to, you know, jerk off until it, uh…"

"Or, you could get a fluffer." Victoria smiled at Jillian.

"A fluffer?" Jillian returned a confused look.

"You know, those girls who get porn guys…" She made quote marks in the air. "…
ready
."

Maybe it was the booze or the nudity, or a little of both, but Jillian still maintained a deer-in-headlights expression. Victoria rolled her eyes before acting out a little oral action with a raised semi-closed-fisted hand and a few apt head movements.

"Oh…" The realization washed over Jillian's face. "So I should, um…"

"Well, you probably don't want me to blow him, do you?" Victoria asked.

"Uh, no."

Jim raised his hands in the air. "Don't even look at me!"

After mulling it over for a moment, Jillian said, "All right, I'll do it… But we don’t have to do
that
in front of you two do we?"

"No." Victoria made a face. "You can go around the corner if you're shy."

"Um, I'm shy."

"Yeah, me too." Brian agreed.

"So go." Victoria waved them away. "But come back before you get too carried away."

The naked tipsy couple headed off down the hall.

Jim and Victoria held back their giggles as they listened closely to the whispering, short disagreement followed by soft moaning. Almost three minutes later Jillian returned wearing an embarrassed expression and covering up her parts. Brian followed behind her, wearing nothing but a stiffy and wearing it proudly. "Okay, let’s do this."

"Now that's the Brian I remember." Victoria gave him a wink.

Jim made the mistake of glancing at him. He winced and covered his eyes. "I think I just threw up a little in my mouth."

Moving onto his back, Brian brought his legs up then over his head and wrapped his arms around his hips and pulled down. His full erection hung down, but about four inches short of success.

"He's not really trying," Victoria rolled her eyes. "Pull your hips down and stretch your neck up."

"I am. I am." He struggled to say.

"Come on baby. Come on baby," Jillian cheered him on.

Brian took one more shot at it, groaning and struggling getting no closer than maybe three inches from glory before he gave up. After letting out a loud groan, he released his legs and took a deep breath.

"Good try babe." Jillian gave him a sympathetic smile.

"You either need to be a foot long or really flexible to pull that off." Brian frowned and sat back down in front of the table.

"Probably both." Jillian replied.

"Yeah," Brian grumbled. "Who's turn is it?"

"That would be me." Victoria studied the board.

They played a few more rounds where no dirty words were spelled and the losses were spread evenly among the four participants with all choosing the truth option. Nothing too earth shattering was learned, although all were feeling no pain and starting to get a bit silly.

During the next round, Brian stunned the group by figuratively pulling the word
asshole
out of his ass. He won and Victoria ended up with the low score. She choose dare and after thinking for a moment, Brian whispered in Jim's ear. Jim nodded his head then returned a grin.

"I dare you to make out with Jillian and..." Brian pointed to her. "... and you have to feel her up at the same time."

Victoria looked at Jillian. "Any objections?"

Jillian asked, "Tongue?"

"Definitely tongue." Brian nodded.

"Oh, all right."

Turning her attention to Jim, Victoria asked. "Okay with you?"

He just stared straight ahead and nodded slowly. "Uh-huh."

She waited for Jim to pour her a shot, but he was apparently somewhere far away. Instead she sighed and filled her own glass.

After pounding it back, she scooted over to Jillian and slowly leaned into her, placing her lips softly on hers. The boys watched unblinkingly as Victoria reached up with both hands and gently caressed Jillian's firm breasts.

When the tongues got into the mix, the boys looked on mesmerized, with their jaws hanging open, barely breathing. After ten seconds of kissing and fondling, Victoria pulled away and shot her best-friend an arrogant grin. "Now, you're probably regretting turning me down for that threesome, aren't you?"

"Huh, what?" Jillian swallowed hard, blinking several times.

Victoria rose up to a kneeling position and glanced to Brian's lap and then to her boyfriends. Smiling proudly, she said, "Mission accomplished. They're both rock hard."

Jillian craned her neck to check out her husband's condition and her eyes widened. "I think I've, uh, had enough of this game. What do you all think?"

"I'm done." Jim popped up to his feet, grabbing his shirt and holding it in front of the problem area.

"Me too." Brian covered up with his hands.

Jillian stood and hid her intimate areas by facing sideways and using an arm draped across her body. "You guys don’t mind showing yourselves out do you?"

"No." Victoria shook her head.

Jillian held her other hand out for Brian. "We're really tired. We've, um, got an early day tomorrow."

"Yeah, that's right." Brian stood up, held his hand in front of his groin and performed a fake yawn. Then he took off out of the room and up the stairs with Jillian right behind him.

"Good night," Jillian called back when they were half-way up the stairs.

Jim let the shirt fall to the floor exposing his massive erection. He glanced down to it then flashed her a grin. "Well, they didn't say we had to leave did they."

"No… they… didn't," she replied slowly.

"I'm coming over."

Lying back, she held her hand up for him to join her.

He slipped over her and it was on.

After another three months of feverish, yet unsuccessful coupling, Jillian and Brian's concern grew to the point where she made them an appointment at a fertility clinic. After lots of poking, prodding, testing and ejaculating into sterile cups, it was determined that although she wasn't in her optimally fertile years and his sperm count wasn't off the charts, that it was still possible for the couple to conceive naturally. Sent home with an ovulation predictor and guidelines to follow, which included changes in underwear selection, diet, drinking and sexual practices, the pair was cautiously optimistic. The major disappointment for Brian was the directive to actually do it less, cutting back to every third or fourth day— the idea being quality of his contribution versus quantity. He also wasn't a big fan of the required moratoriums in their oral play surrounding her somewhat lengthy ovulation window.

Replacing some of their bedroom activities with taking long walks, listening to music, watching a ton of movies and actually chatting, the couple was growing closer, if that were even possible. Even after the changes were put in place another barren month flew by. A little more than a week after Jillian's period the couple were in the middle of watching a movie at home when she decided to bend the rules by treating each of them to a beer— an item currently on their no-no list.

Brian sat on the sofa in the great room and sighed. "Come on. What the hell are you doing?"

"I'll be right there," Jillian grumbled loudly from the kitchen.

"I want to finish this. It's getting late and I want to get up to bed if you know what I mean."

"All right. All right." She returned from the kitchen carrying two Coors Lights. "I had to cut a new lime and I cut the slices too big. I had to really work to get 'em to fit." After handing him a bottle, she slipped in next to him on the sofa.

"I think I just got a little hard when you said that."

"Said what?"

"The lime in the bottle thing. I can't wait to shove my
lime
in your bottle." He flashed his eyes at her. "Get it?"

"You're weird."

"You totally like me."

"I do, but you're still weird. Enjoy this beer because I'm ovulating next week and this is your last one for about ten days."

"Again really? I don't understand why I can't drink occasionally while we—"

"You know I need every one of your sperm at full power. I'm not as young as I used to be and the doctor said limiting your alcohol couldn't hurt."

"I love having sex with you when I'm a little tipsy. I last so much longer."

"I know..." She made a face. "But sometimes it's a little..."

"What?" He looked at her, concerned. "A little what?"

"Floppy." She shrugged apologetically.

"Floppy?" He stared straight ahead with his jaw hanging open. "No way."

Nodding, she frowned.

"Shit, really?"

"Yeah… but only sometimes."

"I'm not going to drink this then." He placed the beer on the coffee table.

"No, drink it. I don't mind a challenge. He usually responds after I get going with the whole thing."

"Yeah, but that's going away too after tonight." He rolled his eyes. "I want to make the most of my last one for a while."

"I know."

"Explain again why we can't keep doing the normal stuff."

She frowned. "You know that saliva can be hostile to sperm."

"There is no way your saliva is hostile to my sperm." He scoffed. "I'll never believe that."

She placed her beer down and looked him in the eye. "We've been trying for six months and you have really been a trooper about this. It's what we both want and if we need to sacrifice a few..." Trying to come up with the right word, she made a face as she handed him his beer. "...
pleasures
for a little while, then it will all be worth it."

"I know. I know, but he misses you when you stop doing that."

"And I miss him." She placed her hand on his thigh. "Look, I'll give you a real good one tonight. I mean, I'll be enthusiastic and everything."

"Promise?" He widened his eyes.

"I promise. Now finish your beer."

He took a sip. "And you know it's killing me that I can't
return
the favor... ever. It's been what like four months since I've
returned
the favor."

"Hostile..." She widened her eyes. "Remember?"

"Yeah... Hostile," he grumbled.

“I just remembered what I wanted to tell you." She laughed out loud. "Your girlfriend looks exactly like Barbra Streisand. It just hit me in the kitchen."

"What girlfriend?"

"You know, Amanda Joseph."

He scoffed. "You mean a pot fell off the rack and hit you in the head in the kitchen and now you're so delusional that you think Amanda Jo looks like Babs."

"No." She frowned, grabbing her cell phone off the end table. "Start the movie again and I'll show you."

Rolling his eyes, he hit the play button on the remote. The screen came to life and the movie,
The Guilt Trip,
resumed on the large screen. Jillian worked her phone for a few more seconds then smiled before returning her attention to the screen.

When Barbra appeared, Jillian said, "Okay, pause it."

He hit the pause button then gave her a tired look.

"Okay, look at Barbra."

He glanced at the screen then slowly looked to his beautiful wife. She turned her phone around to display a photo of the world famous television and movie actress, Amanda Joseph.

He studied her phone for a moment then looked back to the screen before returning to her phone. "I just don't see it."

"Look at the shape of the face and the hair color."

He shrugged. "Okay, maybe a little tiny bit, but still Amanda Jo is gorgeous."

"No, she's not."

He chuckled. "Okay, all right." He made a face. "She's
not
."

"Good, we agree." She held her head high.

He scoffed. "Universally, she's adored and pretty much every guy on the planet young and old drools over her, but you are right, she's ugly."

"I didn’t say she was ugly."

"Whatever. I'm just saying that if I could choose one celebrity free pass, she would be mine."