Freeing Carter (34 page)

My head whips around to face her.
"
What? He verbally abused you for your whole life. He pretty much pretends Sara doesn
'
t exist. Call me crazy
,
but I don
'
t consider that any kind of grandpa I want. You shouldn
'
t either. You should just walk away from him.
"

But I know she can
'
t
,
just the way I could never walk away from her. Not like they
'
re the same
,
because they
'
re not.

She holds up her hand.
"
Please. I can
'
t fight about him right now. I have too much to figure out. They
'
ve given me a week to find him a new place to live
,
which will take money and time
,
both of which I don
'
t have a lot of. And I can
'
t
..."
She
shakes her head. When she speaks again
,
her voice is softer.
"
He
'
s my dad
,
but I can
'
t do it again. I can
'
t live with him.
I c
an
'
t bring him here. Not after being free of him for all these years.
"

It
'
s guilt
'
s turn to take over as my primary emotion.
"
What do you need? We can take the money out of my savings.
"

Shaking her head
,
she stands up.
"
Absolutely not. He doesn
'
t get your money. It
'
ll just have to be taken out of money I had saved for us. I just
...
I feel like I live my own life. I never had that growing up and it scares me to consider living with him again
,
even if it is only short term. It would help if he could live on his own
,
or would sell the house.
"
Mom stops talking and then waves her hand.
"
Never mind
.
"
She wipes the remaining wetness from her eyes.
"
You shouldn
'
t have to hear this or deal with it. I
'
ll take care of it. I
'
m sure we can find him a place to live.
"

Hopefully. I
'
m not so sure. What if they talk to his current home? Who
'
s going to want to deal with a violent
,
mean old man? But for her
,
I smile
,
even though I want to tell her she shouldn
'
t have to do anything. That he didn
'
t take care of her
,
so he should have to take care of himself.

"
How did I get so lucky?
"
Mom walks over to me and cups my cheek with her hand.
"
How did I get the best son in the world? I
'
m so lucky to have you
,
Carter. I want you to know I know that.
"
Her eyes start to pool again.

"
Mom
,
don
'
t. I mean
,
I
'
m good
,
but I
'
m not
that
good
,"
I try
to
play it off.

"
Yes you are. And I want you to know.
"
She pulls her hand back and stands up straight
,
taking a few breaths like she
'
s trying to prepare herself for something.
"
I want you to know
,
I
'
m okay. I
'
ll b
e
okay. After
...
after the last time
, g
etting so sick? Hurting and scaring you. That
'
s not okay. None of it. You and Sara are the most important things to me in the whole world and I will never do anything to hurt you again.
"

The tears are rolling down her face now
,
her words struggling to come out. My eyes start to feel wet too.

"
I
'
m done
,
Carter. It
'
s not my crutch anymore. This time
,
I swear it won
'
t happen again.
"

Mom pulls me into a hug and I fight crying as hard as she is. Hate that even though she
'
s so sad
,
I
'
m
happy.
How can I be anything but happy when this time
,
for real
,
I know things will be okay. That she
'
s done. That I won
'
t ever have to worry about alcohol trying to take her over again.

***

Mom and I both play it off like nothing is wrong when Sara comes in
,
asking for something to eat. Mom heads to the kitchen to make her a snack.

"
I have to go pick Kira up and take her home
,"
I tell her.
"
Will you be okay?
"

Mom smiles and it looks so real. Maybe she
'
s just as good at hiding as I
'
ve always been.
"
Of course. Sara and I will have some popcorn and hang out. Tell Kira hi for us
,
okay?
"

"
Okay.
"
I start to walk out
,
but then turn walk over and give Mom a hug first
,
hoping it shows her I
'
m sorry and that I believe in her.
"
Catch
ya
later
,
Twig.
"
I tell Sara and then make my way out.

Kira
'
s
closing up the store
when I get there. She
'
s wearing jeans again. She
'
s been wearing them more often
,
but she
'
s topped it off with a
tie
-dyed sweatshirt that looks like something I
'
ve seen in movies that take place in the 60
'
s.

While she finishes counting down the drawer
,
I make sure all the lights are off in the display cases.
"
Ready?
"
I ask as I walk up to her.

"
Nope.
"
Then
,
leaning forward
,
she gives me a quick kiss.
"
Now I am
,
Coach.
"

I thread my fingers through hers
,
wanting to feel her close to me. We have to let go for her to lock the door
,
but then we
'
re attached again until I
'
m driving and she
'
s sitting in the passenger side.

"
I
'
m thinking about adding some red in my hair. What do you think?
"
Kira rolls her window down a bit. I
'
ve noticed that about her. That even if it
'
s not hot
,
she seems to like the fresh air.

"
I think it will look cool. I like your hair natural
,
too
,
though.
"

"
Yeah?
"
I feel her eyes on me in the dark truck.

"
Absolutely. You
'
re gorgeous. I totally have a hot girlfriend.
"

Kira laughs like I
hoped she would
,
stalls a couple seconds and then says
,
"
I
'
ll think about it.
"

I
'
m not sure what that means. If she
'
ll think about keeping her hair as it is? Like I said
,
I like her no matter what. I love that I never know what to expect from her
,
but I want her to do it just for fun
,
not to search for the girl who
'
s already sitting next to me.

Kira
'
s
quieter
than
usual. I keep glancing at her
,
but her eyes stay forward. Soon
,
she
'
s putting her window down all the way
,
her arm hanging out as she makes waves in the wind. Shouldn
'
t be so sexy
,
but it is.
Everything she does makes me see things differently.
Even stupid arm waves.

And if anyone could hear my thoughts right now
,
I
'
d never live it down.

"
You okay over there?
"
I ask
,
reaching my hand over to lay it on her thigh.

"
Just thinking
..."

"
Truth or dare
,"
I throw at her. It
'
s up to her
,
if she wants to talk or not. That
'
s the way we work
,
but this way
,
she knows I
'
m here to talk. That
,
just like she said
,
I want to know anything about her she wants to tell me.

Leaning back
,
she puts her feet up on my dashboard.
"
Truth. Lana might have found my mom.
"

"
What?
"
Before she can reply
,
I pull over. This is definitely a park-on-the-side-of-the-road kind of conversation. The truck glows when I hit the interior light.
"
How did that happen?
"

"
I asked her to look a long time ago. She
'
s done a lot of work for shelters around LA. Knows a lot of people. We always figured my
...
mom? That she had to be homeless or whatever. So people listen
,
ya
know? One of the women
,
I guess she just got clean or something
, she's still
on the streets
,
but she
'
s been
a
sking around about a baby who was left at a shelter.
"

Just got clean
.
On the streets. Asking about a baby
.
"
Come here.
"
My hand cups her cheek
and
slides through
her hair. I want nothing more than to be here for her
,
take care of her
,
let her know I
'
m here to listen or do whatever she needs. Because that
'
s what she does for me
,
even if she doesn
'
t realize it. And it feels good to give and take.

Kira scoots closer to me. Our foreheads touch. I
'
m still holding her
,
feeling the soft strands of her hair brushing against my fingers.
"
How do you feel about that? Her? I mean
,
do you want to meet her
?
"