For Goodness Sex (30 page)

readiness for, 15–16, 78, 97, 188–96

rule for, 191

showing power over a partner and, 69–70

sobriety and, 192

societal response to girls losing their virginity as opposed to boys, 127–28

STDs and, 197–98

STD testing and, 198

two girls having sex, 158–59

walking in on your teen, 200

sexual fantasies, 70, 233

sexuality.
See also specific topics

attitudes as leaning toward positive or negative, 27

baseball model, 49–57

baseball model, problems with, 52–54

basic orientation toward, identifying, 27–28

conceptual models for, 51

core values and, 29–30

definitions, 2, 3

equality and, 30, 70

as good or force for good, 27, 28

healthy, 3, 10, 11, 108, 127, 128, 173–74

language and talking about, 31–40

mantra for, 27

mistakes, as lessons, 11, 13, 78, 226, 238

as necessary and normal, 10, 60

parental attitudes toward, 11

as a philosophy, 2

pizza model for, 54–57

scent or odors and, 67–68

sexualizing of children, 173

“society” and, 127

talking about sexuality, conversation starters, 40–42

young children, talking to about sexuality and their bodies, 63–65

Sexuality and Society class, 8–9

baseball metaphors for sexuality, 49–50

body-image unit, 161–63

Body Rating Exercise, 204–6

in-class activities and values, 110

class activity, on defining sexuality, 1–2

class Question Box, 3, 13–14 (
see also
Question Box)

core value of, sexuality education is social justice education, 150–51

defining “having sex” and values activity, 19–21

“Day at the Beach” activity and assumptions about gender, 114–17

exercise on body expectations and children’s toys, 166–67

first day and early activities in, 1–4

forced-choice activity, 129–33

Gender Project, 124–25

languages of sexuality activity, 32–34, 37–38

listing reasons for types of sexual activity, 57–60

“lost genitals” exercise, 104–6

meditation chime beginning class, 208

Play-Doh genitals made, 110–11

reproductive anatomy and physiology taught, 106

student feedback about what they learned, 235–38

students rating aspects of themselves, 3

Twenty Things I Love to Do activity, 26–27, 46–48

use of term “sweetheart,” 37–38

sexuality education.
See also
Sexuality and Society class

abstinence-based, ix–x

abstinence-only, ix, x

baseball metaphors used in, 56–57

on different languages of sexuality, 32–33

“disaster prevention” approach, x

federal funding for, xn

Internet answers, dangers of, xi

loss of safer sex funding, ix

Obama and, x

parents as source for, xi, 5, 8, 13

reproductive anatomy and physiology taught, 106

sexual decisions and, 2

stifling by school boards, x

sexual orientation, xii, 2, 3, 4, 59, 60, 129–60.
See also
heterosexuality; homosexuality;
specific orientations

bullying and, 136, 153, 155

child’s discovery of, 136–41

“coming out,” 142–43, 145, 147

coming out to others, 146–49

definition of term, 132

examples of, 134

factors in, 130, 133

forced-choice activity, 129–33

generational differences in looking at, 135

as an internally applied label, 135

jokes and, 155

models for, 146

nongendered language, choices for, 140–41, 152, 155

“for now” label, 139

parental talk about their own “coming-out” experience, 145

parental understanding of a child’s, 133–41

prejudice about, 149–54

prejudice about, eliminating, 154–55

as private vs. public information, 148–49

Question Box queries about, 156–60

“questioning,” 137–40

questions to help teens get in touch with, 145–46

same-gender, percentage of adolescents, 191

self-recognition and self-definition, 143–46

values and, 133

Shields, Brooke, 173

Simon, Sidney B., 22

smartphones, 209–10

age of child and acquisition of, 223

boundary-setting about, and relationships, 84

electronic communication and teen relationships, 211–12

online access and, 223

parental access to child’s, 225–26

pervasive use of, 210, 215–16

rules and limits for, 216

STDs (sexually transmitted diseases), 197–98

bacterial vs. viral, 198

condoms and, 198

lowering risk of, 43

oral sex and, 43, 198

Sternberg, Robert, 74, 75

Storr, Anthony, 174

tech (electronic devices and digital communication), 207–30

author Vernacchio’s anecdote about his father’s calculator, 207–8, 230

blanket rule for, 222–23

Circles of Intimacy lesson, 218–20

digital privacy, 218–23

effect on family, 215–16

electronic communication and relationships, 84–85, 210, 211–13, 214–15

e-mail, 212

false intimacy and, 215

future consequences of, 221

multitasking and, 211

parental access to teen’s social media and phone, 81, 223–26

parental communication about and good outcomes, 230

parental response to rule-breaking or inappropriate online behavior, 225–26

Pavlovian response to, 209

rules and limits set by parents, 224–25

safety issues, 218

school policy and, 208–9, 213–14

sexting, 29, 216–22

smartphones and online access, 223

Snapchat, 221

social media, 210, 212

talking to teens about sexting and cybersexual behavior, 216–18

teens’ need to be connected and, 209, 211

tips to help foster a safe environment for, 224–25

Teena, Brandon, 154

television, 29, 107, 141, 143, 146

body image and, 173

sexual messages from, 7–8

texting/text messages, 5, 41, 208, 209, 211

deception and, 213

parental access to, 81

in-person communication vs., 212–13

romantic relationships, constant contact and, 84

Thicke, Robin, 29

transgender people, 137, 189

Boys Don’t Cry
(film) and, 153–54

transphobia, 153

Twenty Things I Love to Do activity, 26–27, 46–48

values, 2, 19, 21–31

about virginity, 188

acting on, 88–89

bisexuality and, 139

casual sex and, 44–46

consistency and, 25

core values, determining, 28

core values, differing, and guidelines about sexual activity, 28–29

core values as limited in number, 27

creating a strong value system in children, 30–31

definition of term, 22, 23

examples of, 22–23

facts and opinions vs., 23–24

family values, 26, 30

guilt and going against personal values, 25

masturbation and, 43–44

oral sex and, 42–43

parental, about sexuality, 62, 63

personal, 25

privacy/family privacy, 217–18, 220

relativism fallacy, 23

Religious Society of Friends (Quakers) and, 26

school philosophy or mission statement, 23

sexual orientation and, 133, 150–54

sexual values, 27

societal, 25–26

theoretical frameworks for talking about, 22

traps in talking about, 22–23

Twenty Things I Love to Do activity to identify personal values, 26–27, 46–48

Twenty Things I Love to Do (
cont
.)

value conflicts, 26, 30

“valuing” to identify, 25

Values and Teaching
(Raths), 25

Values Clarification
(Simon, Howe, and Kirschenbaum), 22, 26, 31

virginity

double standards about, 188

hymen and, 193–94

losing, 9, 38, 122, 128

meaning of, 188–89, 202–3

query about semi-virginity and oral sex, 202–3

sexism about, 202

societal response to girls losing their virginity as opposed to boys, 127–28

“virginity” in the baseball model vs. the pizza model, 66–67

vulva/vagina, 39

average size, 181

baseball metaphor for, 52

girl-girl sex and, 158

girls’ unawareness of appearance, 105–6, 111, 179–80

internalized messages about, 179

odor and, 67–68

penis size and, 181

pornography depicting, 228

pride in, 180

similarity of male-female genitals, 109–12

societal messages about, 180

words for, 32

Wall-E
(film), 210

Waxman, Henry A., x

Waxman Report, The
, x

Weiner, Anthony, 220

“Words Get in the Way” (song), 31

WSW (women having sex with women), 137

Zits
(comic strip), 83–84

About the Author

Al Vernacchio
is a high school sexuality educator and English teacher at Friends’ Central School in Wynnewood, Pennsylvania. In addition to his classroom responsibilities, Al organizes sexuality-themed programs and assemblies, provides parent education on human sexuality topics, and is one of the faculty advisers for the Gay-Straight Alliance. A human sexuality educator and consultant for more than twenty years, Al has lectured, published articles, and offered workshops throughout the country on sexuality topics. His work has been featured in “Teaching Good Sex”, a November 20, 2011, cover story in the
New York Times Magazine
. In addition, Al is a TED Talk speaker and his blog, “For Goodness Sex,” can be found on the
Psychology Today
Web site. Al earned his BA in theology from St. Joseph’s University and his MSEd in human sexuality education from the University of Pennsylvania. He is a member of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS); the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT); and Advanced Sexuality Educators and Trainers (ASET). A lifelong Philadelphian, Al and his husband, Michael, live in the Germantown section of the city.

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Credits

Cover design by Milan Bozic

Cover photograph © CJ/LatentSeen

Copyright

FOR GOODNESS SEX.
Copyright © 2014 by Alfred T. Vernacchio, Jr. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

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