Feel (Sense Series Book 1) (3 page)

“Okay mom,” she laughed as she gave me a hug and made her exit.

I lost myself in thought as I took all of the glasses and plates to the kitchen. Lizzie never has any trouble finding a man. I guess Brice is the one that I should be worried about because I refer to my friend as the Black Widow. I just hoped that he wouldn’t come looking for me trying to figure out why she no longer wanted to date him in month.

“You don’t have to help me clean up,” Adam said interrupting my thoughts.

“It’s okay, I want to. I don’t think I’m ready to go back to my empty apartment just yet.”

“Your friend ditched you huh? I figured that she and Brice would end their night on a high note,” he said.

“You’re right about that. I think I’m a little jealous.”

He looked at me with a curious expression, “Thank you for agreeing to help, I really could use it.”

“My pleasure,” I responded.

We worked for the next hour cleaning his home and working to get it back in its original condition. Everyone else had gone home and things had grown weird. We kept brushing against one another in the small kitchen and stealing glances at each other when we thought that the other person wasn’t looking. My pulse was racing and I couldn’t understand why. We finally finished cleaning and I prepared myself to leave.

“It’s late, so I’m going to get out of here,” I said.

“Thank you again,” he said as we stood there awkwardly.

I headed towards the door and he raced me there so that he could open it for me. I loved that he was a gentleman.

“I hope that you will come and hang out with me again soon. We live right next door to each other so there’s no reason that we shouldn’t see each other more.”

“I agree, and I spend a lot of nights alone watching movies. You’re more than welcomed to join me,” I added in.

He smiled, “I would like that a lot.”

We both were no longer sure what we should do. So to end it I stepped in to hug him. I caught him by surprise but he responded quickly. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he circled his arms around my waist. There was no space between us, my body went rigid and then I relaxed in his embrace. I felt like I belonged there. Our 10-second hug felt like forever and I begrudgingly stepped back away him.

“Thank you for having me,” I said and I headed towards my apartment without looking back.

‘What are you doing?’ I asked myself as I closed my apartment door. I was playing with fire and I had no clue how it all began. I always knew that Adam was sweet but I didn’t expect to enjoy his company so much. I didn’t want to leave his apartment which is exactly why I had to. I poured myself another martini and plopped on my couch.

Why in the hell did I feel guilty anyway? I could hear Lizzie screaming at me in my head. She would say that I should go for it. But just because Michael is a cheater, doesn’t mean that I should have to be. I took a sip of my drink and forgave myself for my momentary lapse in judgment. I turned on my DVD player and began to watch the movies that were meant for Michael and me.

Sleeping on my couch had become an annoyingly bad habit of mine lately. This was due to the fact that I absolutely refused to put a television in my bedroom. I didn’t want one in my bedroom so that I could sleep at night. So that idea completely defeated the purpose that I intended it for. Everything was fine I the beginning because Michael was here with me most nights, and we always ended our night in the bedroom. Now I didn’t have anyone to take me by the hand and lead me there.

I was looking forward to my night out with Michael. We had dinner reservations at one of my favorite restaurants. He made them earlier this week and I was ecstatic. I’m a sucker for fine dining because I never really experienced it at home. It’s not that there aren’t any high-end restaurants where I’m from; it’s that my dad is a complete cheapskate and he lives as frugally as he possibly can. I don’t know how my mother deals with it. It drove me completely insane.

A knock on my door pulled me from my groggy state. I looked through my peep hole and saw Elizabeth at my door with the same clothes that she wore the day before.

“You had to do the walk of shame this morning huh?” I said as I let her in.

She laughed, “There’s nothing shameful about my walk. But he wanted to go out to breakfast this morning and I just needed some space. Can I crash here? I ‘m crazy tired.”

“Of course you can. You can take the chase. I’ll get you a blanket and some pillows.”

“You’re the best,” she said as she lay down to get some rest.”

I looked at my clock and saw that it was a little past nine. I checked my phone to see if Michael called me and he hadn’t. He could have at least called to see how I’m doing. I was a little pissed about it but I didn’t want to dwell on it this morning. I put two pillows underneath Elizabeth’s head and covered her in a fleece blanket. She was already sleeping, I guess she had a long night.

Another knock on my door kept me from laying back down on my couch. I walked across my hardwood floors and saw that it was Adam. What in the world was he doing at my door so early? I cracked open my door.

“Hey is everything okay?”

“I’m sorry. Did I wake you up?”

He blushed as he heard himself apologize.

“No I’ve been up for a few minutes. Please excuse my appearance; I know that I have to look like a complete mess.”

“You look beautiful,” he replied.

Now I was the one that was blushing. I ran my hand through my hair and tried unsuccessfully to tame it.

“I came by because I wanted to catch you before you got your day started or made plans. You said that you spend most of your time alone and I was wondering if you wanted to come by tonight for dinner.”

“You’re already having another party?”

“N-No,” he stuttered. “It would just be the two of us. I’ll cook us a great dinner and we can be alone…together.”

His offer sounded tempting and I hated to have to turn him down. But I was really looking forward to my night with Michael and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

“I would love to on a day that I don’t have plans, but Michael and I are going out tonight.”

He tried the hide his disappointment but it was written all over his face. I couldn’t believe that I felt bad about having to turn him down. I almost felt like I was making a mistake and I wanted to take what I said back.

“Oh, of course you have plans. I’m sorry for bothering you so early; I guess I should have expected you to have plans with your boyfriend this evening. Have a good day,” he said as he walked away.

“Maybe some other time,” I said to him as he walked away.

“Yeah, maybe.”

I closed the door and leaned on it. I need to cut it out, another man in my life is the last thing that I need right now. I was just fine with Michael; Adam was probably more trouble than he was worth anyway. They all seem nice at first, and then you fall in love with them and POOF! Your prince becomes an ugly toad.

“What in the hell was that all about,” Lizzie asked as she looked over the arm of the chase at me.

“Adam asked me to come over for a dinner tonight.”

She sat up straight in the chair, I had her undivided attention.

“And you said? Never mind, from the look on your face I know exactly what you said. Why did you turn him down? He’s cute, in that unassuming geeky kind of way.”

“I have a boyfriend, Lizzie,” I said.

“And Michael has a girlfriend but that isn’t slowing him down any,” she retorted.

I gave her the stare of death. I wasn’t in the mood to entertain this conversation.

“I’m sorry but I just can’t stay out of it,” she continued. “Until you realize that you deserve better, I can’t stay silent. Watching this play out is killing me.”

I softened, “I know it is, but it’s my life. I get to choose what I want to do with it. I’m ready to get married and have children. Michael is offering me that.”

“You can still have all of those things without him”

“So much easier said than done. But I can’t go out with him anyway, Michael and I have plans tonight.”

“Those plans better be damned good because you are worthy of the best,” she said as she laid her head back down on her pillow.

My conversation with Lizzie did nothing but confuse me more. I didn’t want to admit that I really liked Adam. I couldn’t jeopardize a relationship with the man that I love for someone that I like. I walked over to the chase with Lizzie and got under the covers with her.

“See who needs a man when you have a snuggle buddy for life,” she said as she put her arm about my waist and held me tight.

Most may not believe it but neither one of us are bisexual. But I can honestly say that she gives the best cuddles in the world. There were so many nights that me and her lay in the same twin bed and fell asleep in one another’s arms. I’ve wiped her tears when she’s cried and she’s done the same for me. That’s why even though I don’t like some of her advice, I still listen. She really loves me and her love has been my rock for almost 10 years. Men may come and go, but she’s forever.

***

“His cock was so small,” Lizzie exclaimed, “What a disappointment because I had such high hopes for him.”

“I’m sorry that your night went so horribly. I had such high hopes for the both of you,” I laughed sarcastically.

“Whatever, he was really cute and I was hoping like hell that he had a decent package to match. What a waste,” she said with a frown.

“I really wish you hadn’t slept with him, Lizzie. He knows where I live. Men have a tendency to hunt me down about you. I’m sure that in the next few days he’ll be at my door inquiring about your disappearing act. You have to call him or talk to him. Let him know that you’re aren’t interested anymore, don’t keep him guessing.”

She sighed, “You’re right and the last thing I want is you being stalked by a small-cocked whiner.”

I laughed at the ridiculousness of it all. That poor man, he was probably excited about his next encounter with Elizabeth. He was completely unaware that his first was indeed his last. I’m sure that time would heal his wound. That’s what they say right? Time heals wounds, what if the wound is infected and it goes untreated? Sometimes time takes things from you that you can never get back. I don’t consider that healing at all.

My upbeat mood turned melancholy and I was in need of Michael again. I’m sure that if he returned I would feel better. I needed to have sex and I needed to spend time with him. I would just have to bite the bullet and demand more of his time. It’s the only way that I could remain happy under such conditions. Especially when I had a man directly next door to me that wanted me, I may have to move.

“Earth to Kerry,” Elizabeth said, pulling me out of my thoughts.

“Sorry, I guess my mind just drifted off somewhere for bit.”

“Yes, I know. You turned into a space cadet. What’s on your mind?”

“I’m really just looking forward to seeing Michael tonight. I need him and I need sex.”

“I understand you there. I need sex too, well I need good sex,” she corrected.

“You’re such a horny toad Lizzie.”

“Well, it’s not my fault that I want good sex. I’m going to call John to see if he’s busy tonight. He knows how to make me happy.”

“You do that, and I hope that he’s available so that your sex life can be salvaged.”

“I sense a hint of sarcasm in your voice,” she said as she reached for her phone and headed towards my bathroom.

“Whatever,” I said as I rolled my eyes at her back.

I walked to my room and headed to my closet. I began to pull all of my favorite dresses out and laid them on the bed. I wanted to look hot for my date with Michael tonight. I was thinking of my emerald green Grecian dress, paired with a fabulous pair of strappy silver heels. Once I pinned my hair up I would look like a goddess.

“Well that’s settled,” Elizabeth said excitedly. “I’m about to go home, take a much needed shower, and then John will come over. I love having a Mr. fix it.”

“Have fun, it’s time for me to start getting dressed for tonight anyway.”

“You have a great time,” she said before she hugged me tight.

Elizabeth grabbed her things and rushed out of the door. Sometimes I envied her free spirit, I wondered how it felt to be unattached and carefree. She seemed genuinely happy with her life, but deep down I knew that I couldn’t be happy living my life in that way. I needed stability in my life and I liked having 1 person as opposed to multiple. Her sexually frustrating experience from the night before was a prime example of why I didn’t want to do it. What person likes bad sex?

I looked at the clock and saw that I only had a few hours before Michael was supposed to arrive. I set about doing my date night ritual. I needed all the time that I could get because I would be grooming myself from head to toe. The things that we women do for men are tedious and meticulous. But it’s all worth it to see their face after you’ve finished the process.

I studied myself in the mirror and admired my handy work a couple of hours later. I looked like I belonged on a throne. My red tresses were in loose curls, pulled up, and styled loosely around my head, secured by pins. I complimented it with double silver strand headband.  My emerald dress highlighted my hair and the folds of my dress accentuated my curves and fell right above my knee. Michael was going to be hard as soon as he saw me. I touched up my lipstick and found my phone.