Falling For Disaster (14 page)

Chapter 28

The coffee maker made a miraculous return to the teachers’ lounge and Finn hummed happily as he took the first restoring sip from his mug then waved it in salute as Randy Cooley lumbered toward him.

“Can you believe it?” Randy asked and Finn rolled his eyes.
Nice, asshole. Let’s pretend that you didn’t accuse me of taking this piece of shit coffee maker as a housewarming gift for myself,
Finn thought as he glared at Randy.

“Believe what?” He mumbled as he watched Randy pour himself a cup.
You’ve got a lot of fucking nerve.

“You didn’t hear?” Randy asked in shock as he poured about half a cup of sugar in his mug. “They’re all gone!” He said excitedly and Finn blinked back as he waited for Randy to continue. “The Brotherhood,” he explained and the numbness started in Finn’s face and slowly creeped down his neck.

“Gone?” It was weak and raspy but Randy didn’t seem to notice as he nodded excitedly.

“Yeah! The feds came in late last night and busted every single one of them. They cleared out the bar and there was a raid at Hatcher’s Farm,” Randy explained rapidly and Finn couldn’t feel his upper body.

“A raid?” Finn whispered and Randy’s eyes got wide as he leaned close and Finn’s heart slowed to almost stopping.

“They caught a bunch of them with two truckloads of guns. Most of them went peacefully but there was a bit of a shootout. One of them started firing at the feds and said he wasn’t going to let them take him in,” he whispered loudly and Finn’s heart stopped completely.

“A shootout?” It was barely audible as Finn’s body started to shake. “Who?” He breathed and Randy shook his head slowly.

“I couldn’t believe it when I heard,” he said and Finn tried to swallow but his throat felt like it was being squeezed. “Saint seemed like such a good guy but I guess he wasn’t willing to do the time. Went down after they filled him with a few dozen holes,” Randy explained before he turned to add more sugar to his coffee. Finn’s hand dropped and coffee spilled on the carpet before his fingers released the mug. It landed on the carpet with a thud and Randy frowned as he turned.

“Are you ok?” He asked. It was muffled by the roaring in Finn’s ears and he shook his head slowly.

“No. I don’t feel well,” He muttered as he jerked his body toward the door. His feet stumbled as he reached for the handle. The room felt like it was turning and he heard Randy call his name. “Tell them I’m sick,” Finn slurred as he yanked the door open.

It took almost an hour for Finn’s body to stop shaking once he reached his truck. It took another half hour for him to make the ten minute trip home, he was afraid to drive at more than a crawl as his vision kept blurring and prickles of heat attacked his skin. Finn’s stomach churned and he kept swallowing bile as he fought to keep his head up and his eyes on the road. By the time Finn stopped in front of his house, his shirt and khakis were soaked in sweat and his chest started to heave as a wave of wrenching sobs tried to break loose. He managed to make it to his door and get it unlocked before he shattered. He fell through the door as a scream burst from his throat and tears poured from his eyes. Finn dropped to the floor and pulled his knees to his chest as pain exploded and tore through his body.

The sound of a car coming down the drive reached Finn through the fog and he gulped for air and blinked rapidly as he stared through the open door. Everything was a bright blur and he could barely make out a dark colored sedan. Finn struggled to get his knees under him as the car came to a stop and the door opened. His chest heaved as he tried to reach for the handle and drag his body out of the way so he could close the door as a man in dark colored trousers and a white shirt rushed up the drive.

Panic. Finn tried to pull himself up as his body started to shake harder and his hands slipped on the door handle. Finn leaned against the door and tried to get his breathing under control. His eyes burned as what he was sure was a federal agent ran onto the porch. Somehow, they must have found out about him and Saint and they suspected that Finn was involved with the club. Finn wiped his sleeve across his face and squeezed his eyes shut as he gasped for breath.

“Finn!” The voice was filled with alarm and so familiar as hands closed around Finn’s face. “Calm down, you’re safe,” he said and Finn blinked rapidly and the face started to come into focus through the thick pools of tears in his eyes. The face began to take a recognizable shape but it was clean shaven and the hair was cut short. “Finn, it’s me,” he said urgently and Finn’s hands shook as he reached for broad shoulders.

“Saint?” He rasped as his hands fisted in crisp white cotton and Finn shook his head in disbelief. “He said you were dead. He said that they took everyone.” His voice broke and his eyes flicked rapidly over Saint. He looked so different. But the eyes were still Saint’s. They watered as Saint nodded.

“We had to make them think I was dead,” he said gently and Finn’s brows fell as he searched Saint’s face.

“Why?” He asked and Saint sighed as he wiped the tears from Finn’s cheeks.

“I’m an F.B.I. agent, Finn. I’ve been working undercover with The Brotherhood for almost three years,” he explained and Finn’s eyes grew wide and a bark of laughter burst from him. Saint nodded as his hand slid around Finn’s neck. Saint’s head tilted forward and his forehead pressed against Finn’s. “I couldn’t tell you. I wanted to but I couldn’t risk everything we’ve worked so hard for or put you at risk. I was waiting until I could connect The Brotherhood with a really nasty arms dealer out of Chicago.” His other hand slid around Finn’s chest as Saint pulled him close. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I lied and I’m sorry you thought that I was dead. I couldn’t warn you without putting the investigation at risk,” Saint said and Finn nodded despite not really understanding. It was too much to take in.

“You were undercover?” He asked shakily and he felt Saint nod as his arms tightened around Finn.

“That wasn’t me, Finn,” Saint said hoarsely against Finn’s neck. He pulled in a deep breath then sighed. “The lying and the cruelty, I hated every minute of it. I would have walked away from all of it for you if I could have but I couldn’t blow my cover,” he whispered and another laugh slipped from Finn’s throat.

“I knew it!” Finn said as he clawed at Saint’s back as he tried to get closer. The smell was there. He smelled so much like Saint and hope was starting to seep into Finn’s chest. “I kept seeing things and I wanted you to be different so bad,” he said as he rubbed his cheek against Saint’s hair. It was still so soft and smelled like his shampoo.

“I was afraid you’d catch on before we had what we needed. It was so hard to hold everything together with you,” Saint said and Finn’s body relaxed and started to feel lighter. Saint leaned back and his eyes shimmered as they spilled into Finn’s. “It was killing me! I wanted to tell you everything about a hundred times. I wanted so badly to see your face when I told you that I almost majored in philosophy and I’m a secret history nerd. I wanted to hold you as we danced to
These Arms Of Mine
and sing
Stormy Weather
to you. I wanted to make love to
I Never Loved A Man
but I couldn’t let you in like that. I couldn’t let you see that you’re everything I’ve ever wanted, that I’d give anything to be the one that came home to you every day and served you breakfast in bed on the weekends. I should have stayed away but I couldn’t, Finn. I knew you were the one and I was so afraid you’d see it too. I knew I was going to hurt you but I couldn’t help myself,” Saint said as his thumb swept across Finn’s lips. “You’re the one and you came along at the worst time,” he stated and Finn’s mind reeled as he tried to process everything Saint was saying. It was all so much and it was coming at Finn so fast.

“But it’s over and you can be the real you now, right?” Finn asked and Saint nodded but his lips pulled in and he didn’t look happy about it.

“It’s over and I’m done with undercover work,” he said and the tiny flicker of hope flared and Finn felt warm again. He didn’t care about the lies and Rose. All that mattered was that Saint wasn’t dead and Finn hadn’t fallen in love with a criminal. All of Saint’s confessions about his education, the music and his feelings were too incredible for Finn to make sense of at the moment. Saint thought Finn was the one and he wanted to come home to him every day. Finn could start there and sort the rest out later.

“That’s good news, right?” He watched Saint’s eyes darken and blur and the bright warmth in Finn’s chest dimmed when he sighed heavily.

“I’m out of time, Finn. I have to leave. I can’t stay here,” he explained and Finn began to shake his head as he pulled at Saint.

“Why? You said it was over,” he argued and Saint swallowed hard.

“They think I’m dead. I shouldn’t be here but I had to see you before I left,” he said softly and the warmth was quickly replaced by cold tightness. “Sheriff Bradley is the only one that knows who I really am. It has to stay that way. There are people that would have a very serious problem with me continuing to exist if they found out I was the one that brought The Brotherhood down.” Saint’s eyes flooded as he tilted his head and brushed his lips against Finn’s. “I couldn’t let you think I was dead and I needed to see you one last time,” he whispered and Finn’s chest started to heave again.

“No!” He shook his head as tears spilled from his eyes. “Please don’t do this to me, Saint,” Finn begged. Then his head pulled back and his eyes went wide as he stared at Saint. “Is that even your name?” He asked and Saint offered him a weak smile as he shook his head.

“It’s James but I go by Jamie,” he said and Finn’s lips started to tremble.

“Jamie,” he whispered as he threw his arms around his neck. “I love that,” Finn breathed and Jamie squeezed him tight before he leaned back.

“I’m so sorry, Finn. I wish I didn’t have to keep hurting you,” he said before he pressed a kiss to Finn’s lips. He tried to pull back but Finn wrapped his hands around Jamie’s face and held on as his tongue swept into Jamie’s mouth. He tasted like mint and tears and Finn sobbed into his mouth as he felt Jamie pulling away. “I have to go.” Jamie’s voice was shredded as he set Finn away from him and rose to his feet. Finn managed to pull himself up and leaned against the door.

“Don’t do this!” Finn begged again and Jamie’s eyes were tortured as he stepped back.

“I feel like I’m dying but I have to leave now,” he said and Finn pushed his palms into his eyes and bit back a scream. When he opened them Jamie was crying and backing away. “I’m so sorry,” Jamie whispered before he turned away and rushed down the porch steps. Finn hung onto the door frame as he watched Jaime pull the car door open and duck inside. The door slammed and Finn flinched. The engine started and Finn gasped as his heart felt like it was being ripped in half. He saw Jamie’s head fall and rest on the steering wheel and Finn pulled in a deep breath, trying to keep his heartbeat under control. Jamie’s head slammed back against the headrest and the horn chirped when he punched the steering wheel. Finn was about to call out to Jamie when the car door swung open and Jamie jumped out. Finn’s heart slammed against his ribs as his arms reached for Jamie as he ran onto the porch.

“I told myself I wouldn’t ask this. I swore that I’d walk away and let you move on,” Jamie said as his hands closed around Finn’s arms. “But I have to try,” he whispered as he searched Finn’s face. Finn nodded frantically. He didn’t know what was coming but it had to be better than Jamie leaving him. “I know you just got settled in here and you have this house and a job but would you consider starting over somewhere else?” Jamie asked and Finn’s hand clapped over his mouth as the flickering warmth returned. Jamie pushed a hand through his hair as he turned and began pacing on the porch. “I know that it’s too much to ask. You just learned my real name and you know almost nothing about who I am. And I get that finding a new job in a new place so you can be with someone you barely know is insane,” he continued as he rubbed the back of his neck. “And I know that I’ve given you no reason to trust me and you’d be making a tremendous sacrifice,” Jamie admitted before he stopped and turned to Finn. He grabbed Finn’s hand and pulled it against his chest. “Please, come with me. Give us a chance,” Jamie begged as he stepped closer. “I will do whatever it takes to make you happy,” he promised and Finn’s eyes filled with tears again. Jamie groaned as his thumb slid under Finn’s eyes, wiping away the tears as they fell. “I have a home in Chicago and a beach house in Baja. I have an impressive stock portfolio and I’m about to retire and have a decent pension. I’m going to find a quiet desk job or teach so you won’t have to worry about me being gone. I can take care of you until you find a good job, Finn,” he said and Finn opened his mouth to say anything to get Jamie to give him a minute but nothing came out. Jamie frowned as he focused on Finn’s lips. “I want to have a future with you, Finn. Whatever you want. We can breed tiny asshole dogs and open an antique store or we can adopt a bunch of kids and move to a small farm or we can rescue a bunch of cats and open a bed and breakfast. I don’t care as long as we’re together,” Jamie said and it was like a bucket of cold water hitting him in the face. Finn shook his head quickly.

“No!” He yelled and Jamie’s eyes were huge. “I hate cats!” Finn announced and Jamie relaxed and looked hopeful. Finn stepped closer and cradled Jamie’s jaw. “I don’t know what kind of future I want us to have. Until ten minutes ago, I thought I was going to be miserable for the rest of my life and die alone,” he murmured as his hand slid into Jamie’s hair. The shorter length was going to take some getting used to. “I’ll do it,” he whispered and Jaime almost crushed Finn as he pulled him against his chest. Finn laughed as he buried his face into the corner of Jamie’s neck. “Dogs, farms, kids and antique stores can wait. I just want it to be us for a while,” Finn said and Jamie sighed happily as his hands glided up and down Finn’s back.

“Thank God,” he murmured into Finn’s hair before he groaned again. “I really do have to go though,” Jamie said wearily. Finn bit his lip and waited for his emotions to settle.