Falcon Song: A love story (8 page)

Kate glanced at her watch and groaned. “Nine is perfect. But Jason. Please don’t ever threaten to quit because of me. I would never forgive myself. You were born to perform.”

His smile dampened right down and he looked at her intensely. “Do you really believe that, Kate?”

“Of course, Jason Falcon. I absolutely do.”

“Kate, do you know I have always trusted your judgment? Even when you were little? You were always so astute about everything.”

Her face fell as she attempted to admit to him, “Be careful, Jason. Not that I don’t think you’re supposed to keep performing, because I absolutely do. But don’t trust my judgment about other things right now. I’m so mixed up. Whatever channel I’m usually tuned to to hear God’s instructions to me, is completely jammed right now. I think my whole satellite tower came down in an earthquake or something. I’ll be the first to admit to not having a clue what He’s trying to tell me.”

Jason leaned down and gently put his cheek to hers. “He’s trying to tell you to hang with a certain brown haired, green eyed country singer, Katie Ree. God knows that we’re meant to be together forever. After all, He’s the one who made us. Don’t let Him down. He’s wise and you can trust that He’s all knowing and omnipotent.”

“It’s not his omnipotence I’m worried about Jason. It’s my inomnipotence.”

At that, he kissed her soundly and then reluctantly stepped back away from her and teased, “That’s not a word, Kate. I’m almost positive of it. In most cases, making up words is cheating in eloquence. However, since tonight y’all got the all time highest point earning quip known to man, I’ll let you get away with it. Just this once. I have to go now so I can rest up for my date at nine o’clock in the morning. I’m going to brush up on my power sleeping. You’d be wise to do the same. I plan to thoroughly enjoy you in the morning.” He paused as if realizing that sounded a bit questionable. “I mean, in a good way, I promise.”

Kate smiled tiredly. “I know, Jason. See you in the morning.”

Chapter 6

Nine o’clock didn’t turn out to be the optimal time after all. Kate’s flu bug had come back and she felt lousy, but she wanted to see Jason enough that she got up and got ready to go anyway. She gagged brushing her teeth again, but she made it through without worshipping the toilet and then went and dug through her mother’s medical box to see if she had anything for nausea.

She didn’t find anything, but oh well. The way this bug had been she’d probably feel fine again in half an hour anyway.

When Jason showed up on the crack of nine, he looked good. Really good. Good enough that Kate could have eaten him right up in spite of her roiling tummy. She walked beside him to the car holding his hand thinking that no man on the planet could wear a pair of jeans like he could.

He took her to breakfast at a tiny French pastry shop in Oklahoma City that was so small and private it felt like the chef’s home and they ate a leisurely, comfortable meal that left her wondering why they were struggling right now at all. At times like this, when she had the Jason back who she knew inside and out, she couldn’t see that any issue would be insurmountable. Jason was still the good, honorable, sweet man he’d always been. They could work through this whole fame thing. Of course they could.

After breakfast, they window shopped hand in hand down the side walk and from time to time went inside to poke around and buy something. Only once did someone notice Jason and say something to them and by the time he loaded her back into his black Corvette to take her home so she could go in to work, her flu was forgotten and he’d worked a miracle on the anxious knot in her stomach. It was all but gone.

That evening, she didn’t wonder about where he was for a second, because he spent a good portion of it sitting in the chair across from her desk leafing through car brochures while she worked and came in and out. He went home during the dinner rush but then was back at her mom’s house sitting on the porch step when she drove in at a little after ten.

He got up as she climbed out of her car and once again, he looked every bit as good as he had that morning. It was no wonder he was becoming a star. He was smokin’ hot and had an incredibly sensuous way of approaching her. He gathered her to him in a sweet, tight hug and his aftershave made her tired body nearly melt as he held her. Yeah, today, he was definitely her old, adorable Jason.

                                          ***

Jason knew Kate was aware he had to leave Friday morning for a gig that night in Fort Worth, because she had been the one to make all of the arrangements, but they weren’t talking about it. Not at all. Not either one of them.

He’d been with her every spare moment all week and had just about come to the conclusion that if he could just help her to see him the way she always had, even if he did make it big in the music world, she’d be able to deal with all of this a little better.

Scheduling everything else around her had disgusted the other members of the band some because most of them wanted to sleep all morning and hang out all night, but it was his band. His and Cody’s, who was definitely on board with keeping Kate happy. And frankly, Jason didn’t give a rip about pleasing anyone else but Kate anyway.

He wasn’t sure why he felt like it, but for some reason, he knew that things going well between the two of them right now was hyper important. He would have never believed it before, but for the first time in his adult life, he worried about Kate leaving him. When he thought about it, that seemed so ridiculous, but when he didn’t think about it… When he just felt about it, it scared him to the soles of his Justin boots. He couldn’t even imagine coping with losing Kate. It was unthinkable. Unthinkable, but for some reason lately, a possibility that left him sick just at the thought.

The band had been invited to open for Tim McGraw several times and its popularity had grown astronomically in the last couple of months. Kate had been instrumental in orchestrating all of that, but the resulting “glitz” had her reeling and he knew it, even if she didn’t seem to be able to face it openly. He didn’t think she was afraid of the money, or the fame, or the crowds, or the travel, or the groupies, or anything alone. But put all of them together and it intimidated the daylights out of her.

It would probably be better if she would agree to travel with them. At some point she’d become hardened to a lot of it just like he and the guys had. But she hardly ever came with them anymore. Almost to the point that it offended him, in fact. Even when the gigs were relatively close and in a venue that she could get into legally, she was hesitant to come lately for some reason. If he didn’t know that she loved nothing more than for him to play and sing for her, he would have wondered what to think about her growing aversion to his concerts.

She loved to come and watch them practice. It didn’t matter how many times they went over things or worked through certain sections and moves. She loved watching them and made no bones about it. That made her funny worries seem all the more silly. But she felt what she felt and he had to deal with it as well as he could because nothing was more important to him than her happiness.

Cody was the same. Probably for different reasons. Cody wanted Kate happy because Cody wanted Jason happy and they went hand in hand. Not only that, but Cody knew just what Kate had done for the band on the business end of things and he was protecting her as the asset she was and the treasure she was. The others might not have realized it, but a lot of things would come to a screeching halt for them professionally if Kate wasn’t working her miracles on the office end.

Kate had actually become a small problem for the band in one way. Ryan the piano player had begun to be irritatingly enamored with her and if he didn’t straighten up and quick, Jason was going to fire his butt out of here, whether he was a gifted keyboardist or not. Even now, thinking about it as he waited for her to get off work again on the night before they had to pull out, it ticked him off. Who did the guy think he was, anyway? Jason rolled down his car window on this sultry, Oklahoma night to cool off. The idea of another man hustling Kate made him positively hot under the collar, literally.

At nearly ten she finally emerged from the back door of the restaurant and Jason got out and came around to open her door for her. She ignored the open door and came to him and wrapped her arms around him tightly and he breathed in the scent of her hair as he held her back. Man, she just exactly fit against him. Hugging her like this was his all time best thing. That hug lasted and he knew again that even though she wasn’t talking about it, she was thinking about him having to leave in the morning.

When she finally pulled back, she looked up at him there in the dimly lit parking lot and he leaned down to kiss her. He’d just been going to give her a quick kiss, but there was some intensity about her tonight that turned it into several moments of kissing each other almost desperately. At length, he let her mouth free with a low groan and buried his face in her sweet smelling, soft, dark curls. Leaving her tomorrow was going to be awful again.

Friday morning, he stopped by her house to talk to her before going to meet the others. The band was driving this time and he wanted to be able to tell her goodbye without anyone else watching. It was only eight o’clock in the morning and she didn’t look so good when she opened the door to him. All week long she’d worried about kissing him and giving him her bug, but after he kept insisting that he’d rather be sick than unkissed she’d finally let it rest and gone back to her old sweet habit of being marvelously affectionate.

He stepped inside and laughed at her, although even looking a little green around the gills and with dark circles, she still looked sexy as all get out, sleepy and tousled as she was. There was something about her when she was like this that made him want to about eat her up. He would have too, if she hadn’t felt so lousy.

Ruffling her hair, he laughed once more. “Not feeling so hot again, babe?”

She shook her head with a guilty smile. “Sorry. I’ll kick this thing while you’re gone. I’m sure of it.”

He came close and gently kissed her and teased huskily, “You may not feel so hot, but you look hotter than a pistol. I’m thinking I should stay in town and kiss you until you’re all better. Or at least until you forget you don’t feel well.”

She smiled again and snuggled up to his chest and he led her inside to the couch and pulled her onto his lap. “Lean on me and maybe you’ll feel less queasy.” As she laid her head against his chest with a sigh, he wished he could stay and hold her until she was a hundred percent. It was heavenly to hold her and it was so not like her not to be energetic and busy.

They sat like that, silently, neither of them willing to talk about him going. Finally, he sighed and she turned her face to him and he kissed her as gently as if she was glass. “I love you, Kate. I’ll miss you. Think about me this week end?”

She touched his mouth with a soft fingertip and whispered, “You know I will. Be safe.”

“You too.”

She nodded and as she moved to sit up, he gently pushed her off and stood up and took her hand as they walked to the door. Standing in front of it, he wrapped her tightly in a hug and kissed her passionately and then reluctantly pulled away. “I have to go.”

“I know.” She pushed on him and he leaned and kissed her one more time fiercely.

“I’ll come back to you, Kate.”

She nodded, blinking back bright tears. “Go. Before I cry and depress you.” She smiled and pushed on him again.

He stood looking down at her, trying to memorize her face for this long week end. He gave her one more fast kiss and then went out the door. Man, he wished she would come with. It was getting harder and harder to leave her.

When he was gone, Kate pushed the hair off of her forehead and rubbed it with the back of her hand. She wished she hadn’t looked so awful this morning, but she honestly hadn’t felt up to dolling up. She glanced at her watch and went and climbed back into bed. This morning even her chest was sore.

She turned onto her tummy and then rolled onto her back. Her chest was too sore right now to sleep on. She was so sick of feeling sick. This thing was hanging on forever. It had been almost a week and a half. The stomach flu never lasted that long, did it? She lifted her head and pulled her curls up off of her neck. Just as long as she felt better by the time Jason got home on Sunday night. She wanted to look and feel better by then. He only had two days before he had to leave again and she wanted to make the most of them.

Chapter 7

On Sunday morning, when she woke up in the wee hours before it was light out, still horrendously nauseated and without a sign of a period yet, she got up and went to her purse and took our her little day planner. The persistent, frightening thought that had been bothering her for days now could no longer be ignored. Something was dreadfully wrong with her and she had an incredibly sobering suspicion that it wasn’t really the flu.

Counting the days since her last period, her heart began to nearly pound itself out of her chest when she confirmed that her period was thirteen days later than usual. She looked down at her breasts that were stretching the lycra of her cammy more than they ever had and gingerly touched the cleavage that was painfully full for some reason. She put a hand on her pretty, flat belly and felt that now familiar rock of anxiousness turn into a full fledged boulder. She couldn’t be. Could she? Glancing back to her planner, she calculated what night it was that she and Jason had messed up so badly. It had been exactly four weeks and one day ago. She sank down onto her bed in absolute shock. Oh, what had they done? What on earth had they done?

Two hours later, as she heard her mother beginning to stir, she quietly let herself out the back door and got into her car. She couldn’t face her parents. Not yet. And she needed to do an errand anyway.

She drove all the way into the suburbs of Purcell before stopping at a large market for one of those early home pregnancy test kits. Embarrassed to be buying only it, she added some fruit and bread to her basket and then went to the check out, her heart still in her throat because of her suspicions.

Back in her car, she decided she wasn’t going to wait until she got home and stopped at a gas station. While she filled her tank, she slipped into the rest room and used the tiny boxed kit that held her very life in its small wand. The few minutes it took felt like an eternity and she waited inside the restroom stall trying to breathe evenly with a million thoughts going through her head.

With the appearance of that one, small word pregnant across the wand she felt the blood drain from her head and wondered if she was going to be sick again. That revelation stopped every thought in its tracks and she sat down on the toilet seat and leaned her head on the metal stall wall beside her, fearing she was going to pass out. She’d suspected this, but the confirmation of her fears was almost too much to wrap her brain around. A baby! Oh, what had they done?

Knowing the tears were coming, she stuffed the box back into her purse and hurried from the restroom. Nearly colliding with a woman in the aisle back to the entrance to the convenience store, she slowed and as she went to walk around her, the woman reached out a hand to Kate and asked, “Are you okay, miss? Y’all don’t look so good. You’re really pale.”

Kate nodded woodenly, said, “I’m fine, thanks,” and walked on out.

Once safely in her car she wanted to scream. Fine? She wasn’t fine! She was pregnant! Her. Katelyn Marie Birch was expecting a baby. She started the car up and pulled it to a parking space at the edge of the lot and turned it back off. Pregnant.

The tears finally came with a rush and she leaned her head over her steering wheel, so overwhelmed she wondered if she could breathe. Pregnant. Feeling the tears drip onto her pants, she whispered, “Oh, Jason, what have we done?”                

While the tears streamed, emotions washed over her and thought after thought raged through her head until she thought it would explode. She was horrified, and then she felt guilty for not being happy for this baby’s sake and then she felt wonder that there was a child inside her very body and then guilt again for how it had gotten there. She dreaded having to tell Jason. Actually, she dreaded having to tell anyone and wondered how in the world she’d face anyone she ever knew again.

The endless gamut went on until the tears finally slowed, her heart settled back to its usual pace and she was left with just what she’d started this trip with. A splitting headache, miserable nausea and her old friend, that tense, sickening anxious rock in her stomach.

She got out of the car and took the box with its tiny earth shaking word pregnant and threw it in the garbage in front of the station and got back into the car with a heavy heart. She reached for her key with a sigh.
Oh, Jason. What have we gotten ourselves into this time?

As she headed back toward Wye she changed her mind and turned south. She knew she still wasn’t ready to face her mom, and church was so far out of the question it was almost ludicrous. She picked up her phone and dialed home. Her mom would still know something wasn’t right, but at least she wouldn’t worry and Kate could have some time to think this through better and finally let it soak in so she could figure out what she needed to do about it. It looked like another trip to Texas and one of those long talks with God.

She was still a basket case at noon when she hit the state line, minimally better at two when she turned back north and at four, even knowing that Jason was home and probably wondering where she was didn’t make her feel like she could face anyone yet. Finally, at a little after seven thirty, she turned her phone back on. She needed to talk to Jason.

Jason walked back to his car after talking to Kate’s mom in shock. Kate wasn’t here. Hadn’t been here all day. This was the first time in his life he’d come home from anywhere and Kate wasn’t there waiting. He got into his car and sat there, wondering what to do. Kate wasn’t here. He couldn’t even believe it. Why wouldn’t she be here? What had rocked her world to the point that she wasn’t here? That had never happened. Never.

When he’d left two days ago, they’d been tight. He really thought they had. What had happened to change that? Something had to have happened or she would never have missed being here. It was too important to both of them. He knew it and she did too.

He drove to his apartment with a heavy, heavy heart.
Baby, where are you this time?

He pulled in and got his bag out of the passenger seat and dragged into his house. Well, at least he could take a decent nap. He’d finally come down with Kate’s bug and he felt awful. Tossing the bag onto the floor beside his bed, he went back into the kitchen and popped two Tylenol. As sick as his stomach was, he didn’t think he could keep anything else down.

Between thinking about Kate and having to hurl, he had only just barely gotten to sleep when she called, but he didn’t care. When she said she wanted to come see him, he agreed instantly, wondering what kind of mood she’d be in when she got here. She didn’t sound mad or even sad on the phone. He didn’t know what she sounded. He was just glad she’d called. He’d already thrown up four times this afternoon and felt positively horrible. He had to hand it to Kate. If she’d been feeling this rough, she hadn’t whined much.

                                          ***

Jason didn’t answer his door and she let herself in to find him just about staggering out of the bathroom wearing cut off sweat pants and an ashen face. He looked about the same as she did and for just a second, she wondered if he somehow already knew about the baby. She approached him hesitantly and finally asked, “You okay?”

He shook his head and groaned as he collapsed onto his couch with a sigh. “No. I finally got your bug and I feel awful. I’m being ten times more whiney than you ever were. Where have you been?”

She came and knelt by the couch beside him, thinking,
yeah, you definitely caught the same bug I have. If you only knew.

He’d know soon enough. Granted she could figure out a way to break something this shocking to him. Instead, she gave him a sad smile and said, “Texas again. I needed another long talk with God. How long have you been sick?” He looked like he had something more like food poisoning than morning sickness.

He looked positively wary as he asked, “Your head need clearing again?”

“Yeah.” She laughed and it felt wonderful. That had to be the understatement of the millennium.

Still wary, he hesitantly asked, “Was it something I did again?”

She laughed again and then wondered if she was losing it, while he watched her with worried eyes. This understatement topped the last one. “Yeah, it was definitely something you did. I’m not mad or sad or whatever it is you’re paranoid about Jason. You can relax and just enjoy being ill. I’m not going to bite you.”

He watched her for another minute and then closed his eyes. “Oh, good. What did I do? When you weren’t here I thought you must have been really upset about something and I thought I was in a lot of trouble.”

She started to laugh again and it grew on her and she ended up totally busting up. She was definitely losing it. It was the biggest understatement of all, but it was absolutely not funny. Jason was watching her and she knew she was going to burst into tears and literally bit her lip to keep from totally dissolving right there in front of him. The only thing that saved her was that he had to get up and go throw up again. She felt terrible for him, but had never been so grateful for an interruption.

By the time he was back, she had a thin shell of poise over her emotions and knew her feelings were far too raw to try to talk to Jason about this right now. She’d come here intending to, but there was just no way.

He threw up two more times before finally drifting off on his couch, and she got up, covered him with a light blanket and let herself out. It was better this way. She needed to have whatever she was going to say to him better rehearsed in her mind anyway.

Jason was terribly ill that day and most of the next and although she checked on him and spent several hours with him, she still hadn’t said anything to him by the time he and the rest of the band left on Tuesday for a five day road trip. At least he had finally started to feel better that morning before he left.

She’d told him she wasn’t going to bite him, but he’d still watched her for those couple days as if wondering when she was going to blow. Even as he was kissing her goodbye, he was still more than a bit wary and Kate felt bad for not being able to put his mind more at ease. Not that telling him he was going to be a father would put his mind at ease, but at least he’d know why she had gone to Texas.

Her mother had been watching her with that same quiet worry on her face and that next morning Kate sat down next to her at the breakfast table and between sips of orange juice, said, “Mom, there’s something I need to tell you.”

Her mother almost looked relieved and Kate felt terrible. What she was going to tell her was going to be a horrible blow to this good, Christian woman and Kate dreaded even saying it, but it had to be done. “I’m a… I’m… What I’m trying to say is, I’m uh, sort of going to have a baby.”

Expecting tears, or even an outburst, Kate was totally taken aback as her mother said evenly, “I know, Kate. I was wondering when you’d figure it out. I assume that was what happened on Sunday.”

Kate just stared at her open mouthed. “You knew? What do you mean you knew? How could you have known? I didn’t even know.”

So blandly it was infuriating, her mother replied, “I know you pretty well, Kate. I worried about it from the very first. Then when you didn’t clue in to what was happening to your body, I worried about how you’d react to figuring it out. I’m glad you’re dealing with it. What did Jason say?”

Kate looked at her plate. “I haven’t told him yet. He was so sick. And honestly, I don’t have a clue how to tell him. How do you tell someone something like this?”

Finally tearing up, her mom shook her head. “We just do the best we can, Kate. That’s what we do in all of life. That’s what you’ll do with this baby. You’ll just do the best you can. How are you feeling this morning?”

“Fine. Go figure. I can’t seem to see a pattern for why sometimes I’m sick as a dog and sometimes I’m perfect. Is there a trick to this?”

“If there is, I never found it when I was expecting you and Kiersten.”

Kate looked at her over the rim of her cup. “You were sick like this too?”

Her mother shrugged and gave her a sad smile. “Sometimes. No rhyme or reason. It just came and went.”

There were a million things Kate wanted to ask, but in a way, she just wanted to eat breakfast as usual and pretend like nothing had recently turned her world on its end. She opted for the latter until they were through eating and then she picked up her dishes and said with a sigh, “Wish me luck. I have to go tell Daddy. I’d honestly rather be horse whipped, but here goes.”

Still mildly, her mother said, “He already knows, Kate. But still go talk to him. He needs you to and it’ll be better to get it over with and out in the open.”

“Does Kiersten know as well?”

“No. That one you’re going to have to tackle on your own.”

Kate nodded, not sure whether she was glad Kiersten didn’t know or not. She walked back over to her mom and wrapped her arms around her. “Thanks for not freaking out, Mom. I’m sorry I messed up my life like this. You raised me better and I’m so sorry.”

Her mother patted her back. “Life happens, Kate. I’m sorry too, but at least you’re not fifteen. Let’s just try to make the best of what started poorly. And being a mother is the best thing I ever did in my life. Hopefully it’ll be the same for you.”

Kate met her eyes as tears filled her own. “Thanks, Mom. I guess in the emotional maelstrom of this, I’ve forgotten that having children with Jason is something I’ve dreamed of being able to do for years. It’s just a shame this isn’t the happy occasion I’d hoped it would be someday.”