Falcon Song: A love story (11 page)

A bit confused at the talk of the concert, Kate was just backing away and starting to explain that she had the wrong room when she heard Cody’s laugh and then Jason’s. At that, she took a step in to the doorway of the room with perfect timing to come face to face with Jason as he came around the edge of the entry hall. He had a beer in his right hand and a tall, red head under his left arm with her arm wrapped around his waist.

For a moment they were both stunned and the door answerer, who didn’t appear to notice the sudden explosive tension, put an arm around Kate’s shoulders and laughed again as he repeated, “I guess it’s you and me.”

Kate recovered first and shrugged off the disgusting arm as she spoke amazingly calmly, “I’m sorry. I seem to have gotten the wrong room.” With that, she turned on her heel and headed back down the nauseating carpeting.

Several steps down the hall Jason caught her shoulder from behind and said, “Kate, wait. Don’t go.” She turned toward him, taking in the worried looks of Cody and the rest of the now quiet band who stood in the hallway outside the door with the clueless guy who had answered it and the willowy redhead. The clueless idiot and the redhead both looked confused.

Kate looked up at Jason and then pointedly looked at the beer he still held and back to his face. He glanced at the beer and said, “It’s not mine. I was holding it for Chauncy. I swear it Kate. What are you doing here?”

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “What? Are you going to tell me you were holding her for someone else too? I mistakenly thought I needed to come talk to you Jason. I was wrong. The concert was good. See you around.”

Turning again, she began to walk and Jason came down the hall after her. “Look, Kate. I can explain. Give me a chance. Let’s talk about this.” She kept walking. “Kate. Stop. We can figure this out.”

At that, she did stop and turned to him. “You’re right, Jason. We can figure this out. I just did.” She started walking one more time and this time he took her by the arm and pulled her to a stop in front of the elevator.

“Kate, listen.”

Pushing the down button, she shook her head and said calmly, “No, Jason. I’m sorry, but I can’t. I love you. I always will. But I can’t. And I shouldn’t.” A bell dinged and the door opened and she stepped in and turned around. He put a hand to the door to keep it propped open and she shook her head one more time. “Let it go, Jason. There’s no point. Good luck Friday.”

They stood staring at each other for a full five seconds and then Kate pointedly reached over and hit the G button. They stared at each other again and then Jason sighed and let go of the door. Kate turned to look at the button panel. She couldn’t bear to look at him as the doors closed in his face.

She made it to her car. She even made it to the freeway before she let her life dissolve into the maelstrom of tears she couldn’t contain. She fought to focus on her driving and kept wiping at her eyes so she could see.

She couldn’t even bring herself to question how she’d gotten to this place at this time. There was nobody to blame, no actions to second guess, there was only the knowledge that it was over. She was no longer the other half of Jason and Kate. She wasn’t even sure how long his half of them had been essentially gone.

And she had his baby inside her.

That was the kicker. That was the thing that was sadder than any other in this whole mess. Their foolish mistakes had caused an innocent, tiny baby to get dropped smack into the middle of a star crossed romance. Singing star crossed.

And now she had consciously decided that not only would this baby be born out of wedlock, it would be born fatherless, because she’d never even told Jason. It had been a snap decision as she’d taken in the situation in that hotel room, but it had been the right one. She was the one ultimately responsible for this child and there was no way she’d force it to be a part of where that hotel room was headed. It would drag the poor baby through a valueless mess of worldliness and make co-parenting miserable. Cody and his lifestyle was no place for a child. And that was apparently the path Jason was on.

It was the right decision, but it still broke her heart.

She cried all the way to Childress and then had to stop and get a room. She was thoroughly exhausted. As the clerk checked her in, she called and left a message on her mom’s cell phone about where she was. She walked inside her room, closed and locked the door and then stripped and stepped into the shower, hoping it would wash some of the deep sadness off and help her sleep in spite of the thoughts that kept swirling around and around her exhausted head.

As she toweled off, she looked at her naked body in the mirror. She couldn’t see any outward sign of the tiny body growing inside her, although some of her jeans felt marginally tighter, but it wouldn’t be long. She put a hand over her neat, flat belly, wondering if it was a boy or a girl. She sighed and pulled a pair of panties and a night shirt out of her bag. She’d so hoped for some of Jason’s wisdom after talking to him tonight. He hadn’t seemed wise, standing there in that doorway with his girl and his beer. But she knew he truly was usually.

Tonight, she felt incredibly alone. And she was. She’d already decided that tomorrow she was going to move. She not only wanted to spare having to have this child raised in a party world without values, which it would be if Jason found about it—she knew him well enough to know he’d never walk away from a baby he knew he’d fathered. But she also honestly didn’t think she could face living where thoughts of Jason and the life he’d shared with her for the last twenty years completely surrounded her.

Back home, he literally permeated her life. And even though after tonight she knew she finally had to walk away, she also knew she was incredibly human when it came to Jason Falcon. He may not have truly mated for life, but she had, and she couldn’t live where she had to deal with him and his memory every day. It would kill her.

There was also the fact that she and her parents and even Jason and his parents, had been extremely active in their church. The last thing Kate wanted would be to cast dispersion on such great Christians because one of their fold was having a baby out of wedlock. Yeah, she knew the world didn’t think it was that big a deal now days, but in her heart she knew it was, and knew she needed to move away to where the gossip mill wouldn’t tear down the kingdom her parents and others had worked so hard to be building.

She towel dried her short, dark curls and then knelt beside the bed to pour out her heart to her Father. She had long ago made her peace with Him about the baby, now she just needed God to help her make peace with herself. He knew about the pregnancy and how much Kate regretted it and would try to make restitution. There was no way she could completely, but in spite of having made one of the world’s most devastating mistakes, she was going to do her best to carry on from here on out with honor.

She told him of all that had transpired tonight and how she felt about it and how scared she was to be responsible for one of His small spirits all on her own. She talked of her plans to uproot her life and take if far from Jason and the people of their small community and asked for confirmation that that was the wisest course of action for everyone involved. And she asked for help in handling everything she needed to as she started out on this new life. She asked for that peace, and she asked for Him to bless and watch over Jason, the friend she would probably continue to pray for all of her life.

It was after three AM when she finally climbed stiffly into the big, lonely bed and turned on her side to go to sleep, but as tired as she was, she still couldn’t help the thoughts that crept into her head and the tears that crept into her eyes. She rolled into a fetal position and cradled a hand over her tummy and whispered, “Oh, Jason. I wish things had turned out differently.

Chapter 10

For the first time in his life, Jason Falcon smashed an expensive guitar. It wasn’t some orchestrated stage trick to send the fans over the edge. It was something to keep him from smashing the new keyboard player who had joked about how everyone in the room was already taken for the night and then assumed Kate was just another groupie. First, he had just handed Jason his beer to hold while he answered the door. Then he had falsely accused Jason of sleeping around, and
then
he had actually thought Kate would agree to be with him! Jason cursed and kicked the remains of the guitar as he thought about it.

At the unaccustomed raging temper, the room cleared out remarkably fast, save for Cody and Jason sent the door crashing into the frame behind them. He stalked to the window and rested his hands on the sill as he ground out through gritted teeth, “Send him packing before I strangle him.”

Cody hesitated, “Hadn’t we better keep him long enough to get through Modesto and Vegas?”

Jason turned around violently. “You want me to share a stage with that… With him after what he just did? Did you see her face?”

Calmly, Cody said, “I want you to be adult enough to honor our commitment to perform. And it wasn’t what Chauncy said that did it, and you know it. I tried to tell you, Jason. You have to quit draping yourself around whoever. It may seem like nothing when it’s just us being loud and celebrating, but Kate is worth toeing the line for. Think how you’d feel if she acted the same around a bunch of salivating guys.”

“Oh, you’re a fine one to talk! You sleep with girls who you don’t even know their names. I put my arm around her shoulder!”

Cody didn’t answer that and after Jason glared at him for another second, he went and kicked the mangled guitar again, making a discordant jangle that reverberated through the tense room. Finally, Cody asked, “What’d she say?”

Jason snarled at him, “What do you think she said? She said sianara! She thought the beer was mine too! She wouldn’t even listen for a second!”

“Calm down Jason. You’re gonna get us thrown out of this joint if you don’t quit yelling. Give her a minute to think about things and then call her cell phone. Find out where she’s staying and go talk to her. She’s no hot head. She’ll hear your end of the story.”

Jason thought about that and then swore viciously and stalked over to the window again. Cody hadn’t seen her face. He looked up at the sky and let out a huge breath. She was long gone. And it wasn’t like she would take a drive to Texas to talk to God this time.

“What’d she want?”

Jason pulled his thoughts back to Cody. “What?”

“What’d she want? She just drove six hours because she wanted to talk to you. What’d she want to talk about? These concerts intimidate the hell out of her. It must have been important.”

Jason closed his eyes and felt like he wanted to throw up. Had she finally decided she could marry him in spite of her concerns about all the other flavors? He swore bitterly. He had a sneaking suspicion that whether Kate was a hot head or not, his asinine habit of being too physically friendly had just cost him big. Huge. He didn’t even want to think how huge.

He kept his eyes closed long enough to pray like he’d never prayed before and then opened them and said, “Go away Cody. Go find a trashy girl. I just want to be alone.”

Cody walked quietly to the door and then turned back and asked, “Y’all want me to boot Chaunc? Or not?”

Jason shook his head and sighed. “No. You’re right. We need him for a couple days. Ask Scotty to check with that Quinn and see if he could be up to speed next week. If he can, we’ll lose Chauncy then.”

Cody paused for another minute and then asked gently, “I don’t need to worry about you not showing up to meet our plane in the morning, do I?”

Turning back to the window, Jason said sadly, “I’ve never let you down before, have I Rawlings?”

Cody smiled. “Well, there was that one time in first grade when I caught you playing with Shelley Larsen’s Barbies. That was a real eye opener.”

Jason didn’t even crack a smile and Cody turned back to the door as he said, “Hey, off the record, I’m going to pray for the two of you again tonight, okay.”

Jason nodded. “Thanks. Your secret’s safe with me.”

Cody went out and let the door close behind him.

                                          ***

Even though she was sicker than a dog, the next morning Kate got up, prayed for inspiration and climbed back into her car to finish driving home. As she drove, she listened for the confirmation that her plans were what the Lord thought best for her, and when she knew that walking away from Jason was what she was truly supposed to do; her heart broke all over again.

Once she’d gotten the emotion under control one more time, she began to unravel the logistics of what she needed to be doing in her life. She’d brought the note pad off the hotel room’s desk and as she traveled, she made a list of all the things that had to be taken care of before Jason got home.

Knowing it was going to happen sooner or later, she called Maxine and asked her to plan to fill in for her for the rest of the day. Kate had done nothing, but drive and cry, but she was unspeakably tired any way.

When she finally pulled into her parents’ driveway, she simply sat in the car for several long minutes. She dreaded going in and talking to her parents, and frankly, she was too beat to get out of the driver’s seat.

Her mom knew when she opened the door and walked into the kitchen that something was horribly wrong and she took Kate’s bag for her and followed her into her suite of rooms and then just stood there, waiting quietly. Kate looked at her for a few seconds and then turned away to hide the tears that welled again, but her mother followed her into her room and then took a seat in Kate’s big recliner when Kate dropped onto her bed and turned her face to the wall.

A couple of minutes later, Kate got back up and came and climbed right onto her mom’s lap and laid her head on her shoulder and as her mom rocked her like she had when she was two years old, she tearfully told her what had happened on her road trip. By the time she was finished, her mother was teary eyed as well.

Finally, Kate told her she intended to move away and what her reasoning was. Her mother’s face twisted in sadness as she listened and Kate felt terrible about bailing on them like she was, but she knew it was best. Her mother must have either understood and agreed, or else considered that trying to counsel Kate any different would be hopeless, because the only thing she said was, “Kate, if you really intend to hide this child from Jason, do you realize this means staying away from home for years and years?”

Kate sobbed bitterly as she nodded her head.

They talked for over an hour and then her mom left to go call her sister Kiersten and ask her to come visit Kate at home one last time and Kate fell into an exhausted, troubled sleep. That was Thursday.

At one o’clock on Friday afternoon, Kate pulled into a Holiday Inn Express on the outskirts of Dallas with everything she owned in the back seat of her car and a handful of resumes and letters of recommendation in the front. She called her mother on the new cell phone she’d bought so she could let her old number go and let her know she’d arrived safely. After she checked in, she brought in her purse, lap top, and an over night bag, pulled the blinds and climbed into the slick white sheets of the queen sized bed. Sadness, lack of sleep and morning sickness had completely drained her.

Toward evening, she got up and went to dinner and then went right back and slept until ten the next morning. Even then she didn’t want to get up, but she did anyway. As tired as she was, her sleep was hopelessly broken by what had taken place in her life over the previous few days. Then each time, she’d cry herself back to sleep. Why did he have to turn out so undependable when he’d always been her foundation? She really missed Jason.

And it wasn’t just that she missed Jason. She missed everything. Telling her own parents and sister goodbye had been bad, but she knew she’d be able to see them again from time to time. Trying to bid farewell to Jason’s parents without letting them know that was what she was doing had been one of the hardest things she’d ever done and she’d cried on and off again for nearly a hundred miles.

They’d chosen Dallas because although it was definitely far enough away and large enough that she could lose herself there, it was still close enough that she could be checked on and helped in case of an emergency. The fact that she would be delivering a baby in less than seven months figured into that decision as well. Deciding to lose herself was one thing. Labor by herself was another.

Only her parents and sister knew where she would be and the only other people who even knew she’d gone were the two assistant managers who would be taking over with Kiersten to manage the restaurant. Knowing that Jason would try to find her, and also knowing their relationship had to end, Kate had made her mom and sister promise her they’d never tell anyone where she was without her permission.

If Jason got ugly about finding her, he could do it. He now had the funds to hire whatever help he’d need. But Kate didn’t think he’d do that. Her leaving would have given him a clear enough message that things were over that she assumed he’d leave her alone just because she’d asked him to. The fact that they both still loved each other and wanted what was best for each other had certainly come into play here. It was funny, but even though Kate had left Jason, taking his unborn child with her, Jason was still the first person she prayed for several times a day.

She got up and showered and put on a business suit and started right in making applications and placing resumes in a number of the nicest restaurants in the greater Dallas area. Applying to work in a restaurant was one of the few places she could realistically job hunt on a Saturday. She was hoping the glowing recommendations she had from both professors and some of her parents’ fellow restaurant owners who were well acquainted with Kate and her abilities, would open some doors so she could find a job relatively quickly.

It wasn’t that she was desperate for money. She wasn’t. The restaurant at home had been lucrative and her parents had paid her well. It was that she knew that taking a few needed days rest would get old in a hurry and without any local friends or church activities; she’d be left with nothing to do but watch TV and miss Jason and home if she didn’t throw herself into something. Not only that, but she was used to going ninety miles an hour between the restaurant, the band’s stuff and her church activities. She definitely needed to get some things going here in Dallas quickly.

Her plan was to find out where she’d be working, and then find housing as comfortably close to there as possible, so she intended to live out of the hotel for the time being. With that in mind, when she was through looking for a job Saturday evening, she brought in another supply of clothing and her toiletries and then set herself up an office at the desk in her room.

She changed out of her business clothes, curled up on the bed and for the first time since she had gone to Lubbock, she turned on her old phone. The one loose end that hadn’t been tied up was to tell Scotty, the manager she’d hired for Aerie, that she was through and he needed to take over completely. It made her feel like she was slitting her own wrists. It was the last tie to Jason. Well, except that she was having his baby. Quitting working for the band was the last real tie and she needed to cut it. It had to be done. To do that, she needed to use her old phone.

When the familiar uncomfortable anxiousness in the pit of her stomach made an appearance as she was waiting for the phone to come on, she realized for sure that her decision to leave had certainly been the right one. She hadn’t even realized until the anxiety had come back that it had disappeared when she’d finally made the split.

It was definitely back; at least while she made this phone call, and she tried to keep herself from holding her breath as she waited. When it finally came all the way on, there were thirteen new messages and eleven of them were from Jason.

Just the sight of his number there made her heart bleed and she quickly changed screens, scrolled down to Scotty’s number and pushed send.

He picked up on the third ring. “Hi, Kate. How’s things?”

She swallowed and said, “Fine thanks. And you?”

“I’m great. Well, other than dealing with having to find that second new keyboard player, but then I guess you know about that. Hey, you’ve been missing in action. Where are you?”

“I’m actually out of town. Listen, Scotty. I need you to do me a couple of favors. Could you plan to wholly take over making arrangements for the band for a bit? I’m thinking about going on sabbatical for a little while.”

His voice sounded wary on the other end as he replied hesitantly, “Well, yeah, I could help out, but Jason and Cody aren’t going to like that. They always insist I run everything past you before I confirm. How long are you thinking?”

She evaded that question. “I’m not exactly sure. I’ll call you and let you know when I’ll come back on board. For now, just use your own judgment or ask Jason and Cody. Oh, and I left a folder for you with Jason’s mom. You’ll need to pick it up before Wednesday. It has their plane tickets and itineraries in it. Thanks for filling in for me, Scott.”