Fake (16 page)

Chapter Eighteen

Lydia

Day seventeen ‘post-Ruben’ seemed to be the worst. It was the first day that he hadn’t shown up at the flat begging me to forgive him. Each and every time, we just ended up shouting at each other until I broke down so hard that it forced him to leave.

I was cracking up.

I hadn’t been to work, I was actually probably fired.

I didn’t care.

I was barely eating, felt sick and I don’t think my eyes had been dry in two weeks.

I couldn’t even begin to comprehend what the hell he’d been thinking. Or maybe he just hadn’t been thinking at all - because that’s the only thing that made any sense.

Have you ever had one of those moments in your life when your brain is so full, so busy, that you end up doing nothing?

Well yeah, that’s exactly what happened.

There was so much to process, that my brain just shut down and I ended up sitting on my sofa, curled up in a protective ball...doing nothing.

For what felt like months.

I couldn’t get past it though. And I was no closer to forgiving him than I had been when I found out. So I was just stuck in limbo.

I understood, why he hadn’t turned up on day seventeen. Because he wanted me to finally understand what it would feel like if he wasn’t around at all. He didn’t know though, that it was the worst day possible for him not to turn up.

Because I had news that had thrown yet another problem my way, and I was in no position to deal with it. No, it wasn’t a ‘problem’, it wasn’t even a surprise if I’m honest, but it was there and he needed to know.

As I had sat there, wallowing in my own self-pity, I’d realised that something didn’t feel right. My body just felt
different
. Call it intuition, or the fact that I’d slowed to a stop for two weeks long enough to realise it. But I finally dragged myself up and out of the flat to head to the nearest pharmacy.

And we were having a baby.

When we weren’t even together.

It’s been said before, and it’ll be said again, but children have the worst timing - even the ones that haven’t been born yet. But it was still my baby and I’d always wanted to be a mum, to have my own family and even if I had to do it on my own - I’d be happy to.

So on day seventeen, I smiled.

It was tiny, you could have blinked and missed it, but it happened. I’d call that progress.

Back in my position, curled up on the sofa, I thought I heard a tapping sound at the door but convinced myself that I was wrong.

I heard the knock at the door again and frowned.

No one should have been visiting me. The knock continued and gradually started getting louder and louder. Eventually, it sounded like there was a hundred hands hitting the door at once and I ran to open it.

I was almost bowled over when Jase lead a group of strangers into my flat.

“Whoa, what the...?”

“Morning, girlie. I’ve brought you the welcoming committee.” Jase announced. Yes, I said he
announced
it.

I’m sure I gave a pretty good impression of a fish, opening and closing my mouth with no sound, as I looked around the group of unwanted guests.

I knew immediately who they were.

The biggest guy of the group stared me down as I looked at him. He had his arms crossed over his broad chest and I let my eyes trail across them. He had black tribal designs covering the tops of both arms and the word ‘Harley’ in Celtic lettering spanning the length of his forearm. I knew he had to be Jackson. He was clearly older than Ruben, but looked just like him. Rougher, harder definitely, but the resemblance was there.

“I think she’s checking you out...” The woman next to him stage-whispered and I felt myself blush right down to my toes.

“I-I-I...I wasn’t. I was just looking at his tattoos.”

She nodded slowly, pursing her lips but looking like she was fighting a smile. “Mm hmm.”

Jase spoke first. “I’ll start the introductions, shall I? The poor girl looks like she’s going to faint.”
I felt like it too!
“Muscle man over there is Jackson, though I’m guessing you’ve figured that out already. The blonde with the baby is Taylor, his wife. Over here,” he flicked his hand to the other side of the room. “We have Harper, and of course, you knew Mason, albeit years ago. So there you have it.” He finished with a flurry of his hands, and frankly, I’m surprised he didn’t do a curtsy.

I couldn’t take my eyes off the little girl in Taylor’s arms. She was utterly beautiful; she had big blue eyes and a head full of blonde curls. Unconsciously, my hand moved to my stomach and I heard someone stuck in a breath.

“Oh hell, I know that look.” Someone in the room said it, but I was too transfixed to pay attention. I guessed from the tattoo on her daddy’s arm, she was Harley. I wondered if our baby would look like her, or if he or she would look more like me.

“Come on! I haven’t got all day. Let’s get this shit over with, looks like the official ‘welcome to the family’ is about to get a little more complicated. Hi, I’m Harper.” The brunette, Harper, stormed forward and took my hand, pulling me into a hug.

She stepped back before I could reciprocate, and tilted her head. She was studying me. I swallowed, not liking being centre of attention.

“You’re pretty. Exactly the kind of looker that I figured Ruben would go for,” she waved her hand in my face, which made me flinch. “You know, you’ve got that whole, exotic beauty thing going on.”

“Err...” I was about to say thank you, when a new voice joined in.

“Hello, Lydia.”

I sucked in a breath and let out a silent ‘whoa!’ in my head. I didn’t remember Mason looking quite so much like Ruben, they could have been twins. “Hello, Mason.” I whispered.

“Ignore my girlfriend; she hasn’t quite mastered the art of subtlety yet.” Harper complained in the background but he silenced her with ‘the look’, exactly the same as Ruben always used and she scowled at him. “You look a bit like you’re getting ready to bolt, but we’re just here to welcome you into the family. I don’t know what’s happening between you and my brother at the minute, but we’re to help you sort your head out and answer any questions...” he trailed off and looked at my stomach. “But me first, does he know?”

I knew what he meant, and as guilty as it made me feel, I shook my head. It wasn’t fair for his whole family to know before him.

Mason’s eyebrows shot up. “Are you going to tell him?”

The accusation in his voice made me angry.

“Right! As much as this little powwow is a lovely, if not a little intrusive, gesture - I do not want, or need, any help ‘sorting my head out’. So thank you, but no thank you. As for the baby, which yes you already guessed there is a baby, I’ll tell Ruben when I’m good and ready. I only found out myself yesterday so if you could give me a little time to get my head around it first, then I’d really appreciate it. There is no ‘me and your brother’ anymore,” I said to Mason. “He fucked up and he fucked up
huge
. It’s not the first time he’s lied to me, but it will be the last because I’m not going to give him the opportunity again. So again, thank you for coming here, I can see that you’re all a tight-knit group and as cute as that is, I’ll never be a part of it. If you could...” I nodded my head towards the door, indicating that it was time they left.

I knew I was being rude but I couldn’t help it, seeing them all there just reminded me of Ruben and although it was an impossible task, I was trying not to think about him.

The baby in Taylor’s arms let out a tiny whimper and my shoulders edged forward as if to go to her, of course I stopped myself though. I had never held a baby, not once in my twenty years but that didn’t mean my maternal instincts hadn’t blossomed the second I found out about our bean.

Taylor looked at me. “Want to hold her?”

My eyes felt like saucers, they stretched so wide. She trusted me with her baby? Wow.

“Um...” I rubbed my suddenly damp palms on my jeans and nodded.

Everyone seemed to be ignoring my previous rude comments. Taylor walked towards me slowly and handed over the baby, who was babbling incoherently and sucking her fist. She was sitting on her hip by herself. I was still amazed by how beautiful she was. She came to me willingly and immediately wrapped her tiny, drool soaked fist around a lock of my hair and pulled. I giggled and let her tug away. Tears pricked my eyes. I was going to have one of those...

By myself.

I heard a deep voice mutter something along the lines of ‘can you give us a minute’ and I didn’t even bother to look up as I heard feet shuffling towards the door. I was still surprised to find myself alone with Jackson when I looked up. My eyes went to the door as everyone else left.

“Where...?”

“We need to talk.” He stated, with no room for discussion.

“I don’t want to talk. I just want you to leave.” I muttered, still staring down into Harley’s chubby face.

“Ok, one, you’re holding my daughter, so I can’t and won’t leave,”
fair point.
“And two, you don’t have to talk, you just have to listen.”

I rolled my eyes but ignored him - seemed like the alpha streak ran in the family. I could imagine that Jackson was probably the worst though.

“I spoke to Ruben, I know the story. What I’m trying to decide is if you’re just stubborn, or so damn stupid that you can’t see what’s right in front of your face.” My head snapped up in his direction and I opened my mouth to snap at him for insulting me, but he narrowed his eyes at me and then looked at his daughter. It suddenly became pretty damn clear why he’d waited until I was holding the baby to talk – because he knew I couldn’t scream back at him.

Well played, Jackson. Well played.

“Ruben might have made a mistake, a bloody big mistake, but you’re not totally innocent either. Do I like that you keep calling my little brother a liar? No, but I guess he deserves it. Then again, you might not be a liar, but you’re ignorant. Did you ever stop to
ask
Ruben any single thing about his life? Or did you just not care enough to bother? I’m thinking it’s the latter. You didn’t bother to find out anything about him! You just let the years pass by, basking in your own self-importance. I bet you can’t even think of a time when you’ve put him first. Poor Lydia, she didn’t have a good start in life, she was too naive to take care of herself as a kid so now she’s got some pathetic, misguided idea that she has to do everything on her own, not giving a damn about who she tramples on in the meantime.”

“Nice...” I hissed. “Keep on with the insults. Why don’t you? Because that’s the best way to introduce yourself and make me think I want to be part of your stupid family.”

His face darkened and I audibly gulped. Don’t piss off the head of the family.

Duly noted.

“Enough. You’ve been already rude to my family when they came out of their way to visit this shit hole and do something nice
for you
, and now you’ve just insulted them. You’ll only get one warning, don’t do it again. Maybe I was wrong, maybe Ruben is better off without you. I wonder how long it’ll be before you fall off this mile-high pedestal you’ve put
yourself
on and you turn into a regular estate escapee. You can take the girl out of the estate but...” he trailed off but I knew exactly what he was trying to say and that hurt more than you could imagine. I was
not
going to be another drug addled mess who couldn’t be saved.

“Do you really think Ruben is going to stand by and let you raise his kid by yourself if you end up turning into someone like, I don’t know,
your mother
?” Another shot, right to the gut. He just kept going. “On the way up the stairs just now, because the lift is broken but I’m guessing it has been for a while, I saw four dirty needles.
Four
. How exactly is this any better than the estate? Huh?”

“I do just fine, thank you.” I muttered petulantly.

“Right...” he dragged out the word, making it clear he didn’t agree. “But it’s not just about you now, is it? What are you going to do when you have a pushchair, a baby and four shopping bags to get up the stairs? Nothing. You can’t leave a baby alone
ever
so you’d be fucked. Can’t carry everything. Or what about when the neighbours are blasting their music so loud that it keeps the baby up all night? Or when he or she is toddling around and wants to walk by themselves...if they stand on one of those dirty needles, what are you going to do then?”

“You’ve made your point, Jackson. I’m not stupid, I never said this was the right place to raise a baby.” I choked out, my tears uncontrollable by that point.

He walked closer and I tensed. He bent to take Harley from my arms and stood back up.

“I’m pretty sure you’ve had enough now,”
no shit!
“So I’ll leave you with this...You keep talking about lies and how everything has been fake, Ruben told me. But if you just took five minutes to think about this from
anyone
else’s point of view, not just Ruben’s or mine, but complete strangers. If you told them your whole story, from right back when you were just a little girl, to right now, standing in your flat getting a pretty harsh lecture from a man you hadn’t even met until ten minutes ago, what would they say?”
I didn’t know and I didn’t care. It was my life, not theirs.