Faithless (5 page)

It couldn't have been any later than six in the
morning when I woke up. The sun was barely coming up over the horizon as I
wiped the sleep from my eyes. I didn't do early mornings very well, and this
morning was no exception. I stretched my arms over my head and held it as I
took in a deep breath. The ocean air was refreshing and intoxicating. It
reminded me of Riley, and I couldn't help but bask in the fact that she was
finally starting to open up to me. I guess that wouldn't be the case now that I
acted like a complete and utter jackass. I shook my head at the memory of
asking her about us. It was far too early to ask her something like that, and I
knew she would push me away.

I slowly pushed myself up off of the bed, not
wanting to take a shower. The only thing I ever did this early in the morning
was surf, but that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. After finally
convincing myself to take a long hot shower, I grabbed my cell phone off of the
nightstand and dialed my mother's number. I wasn't sure she would answer, but I
needed to try.

"Hello?" My mother's voice was soft and
quiet. I stood in the middle of my room speechless. All the things I had wanted
and planned to say had disappeared.

"Hello? Tristan is that you?"

"Yeah." I managed to croak out, as I
swallowed the giant lump in my throat.

"Oh Tristan, I can't believe it's you. How are
you? Where are you?"

"Look Mom, I just wanted to call and tell ya
I'm okay. I have somewhere I need to be now, but-"

"Tristan, please tell me where you are
son."

"I have to go now, Mom. I'll talk to you
soon." I hung up the phone.

I quickly got dressed and made my way out of my
room. I was going to be late for group if I didn't hustle and I couldn't take
the chance of not seeing Riley today. I made it to therapy with exactly two
minutes to spare. Luckily Mr. Rollins hadn't come in yet, so I went straight
for my seat. Only now, a small blonde with big green eyes was occupying my
seat. Any other day, I would've probably tried to get to know her, but today I
had something to do. I glanced over at Riley to see if maybe she had actually
tried to save me a seat, but she was looking at the ground ignoring everyone as
usual.

The blonde didn't seem to be moving anytime soon,
so I took the empty seat across from Riley. If I couldn't be right next to her,
then I needed to be able to see her. I was about to get her attention, when Mr.
Rollins came in.

"Well good morning everyone. How are we doing
today?"

He was always a little too chipper for my taste,
but I had no choice but to deal with it. Everybody mumbled a small hello and
good, but this wasn't the enthusiasm he was looking for.

"I said GOOD MORNING!" He shouted to get
our attention. Everyone shouted good morning back, and this seemed to please
him enough to continue. "So today we are going to do something a little
out of the ordinary. I want each of you to find someone in the room that you
have never spoken to, or haven't spoken to very often. A stranger more or less.
Once everyone has found a partner, then I will explain the next part."

I knew I needed to go for someone other than Riley,
but I could feel her pull and I suddenly had an overwhelming need to be close
to her. Unfortunately, I was too late. The blonde girl that was sitting beside
her was now facing Riley and practically jumping for joy at the idea of talking
to her. If she only knew that Riley wasn't that kind of person.

"Okay, so now that every one has a partner,
let's begin with telling them five things about ourselves. It doesn't have to
be too deep, but it also can't be anything superficial. I want you to try to
really connect with this other person. Okay, go."

My partner was a boy named Alex. The only reason I
knew his name, was because I had overheard someone in the common room telling a
girl that Alex had barely made it this time. He looked scared and not ready to
talk, so I decided to go first. All the while trying to listen to what Riley
had to say.

"Well, I'm Tristan. Let's see, five things
huh? Well, I am a really good surfer, I
had
a sister, my mom's name is Julia, I miss my family dearly and I have only ever
been in love once. Okay, your turn." I clapped my hands together getting
Alex's attention.

"Um, well, my name is Alex. I'm seventeen, I
grew up in Malibu, my parents are divorced, I am an only child, and I
wish
I could say that I miss my
family."

Alex hadn't looked at me once while he was talking,
but I could tell something was torturing this kid. I opened my mouth to say
something, but Mr. Rollins as usual, cut me off.

"Okay good. Now, I would like to talk about
love. I know to most of you love seems like something impossible, but to others
it can feel like it is right around the corner." He didn't look directly
at Riley, or me but I knew exactly who he was referring to. "Now while
love is an amazing thing, I want you to think about your life in the long run.
The events that brought you all here aren't light and easy to deal with. You
each need to take the time to realize that life won't be easy when you
eventually leave here. There are a lot of things out in this world that want
you to fail. You need to make sure you have the strength and the knowledge to
know what's good and what's bad for you."

After that last line, I tuned him out. Who did he
think he was trying to warn us about relationships? I'm almost certain every
one of us was aware of the dangers of getting into a relationship too fast.

I glanced up quickly to see the look on Riley's
face, but she was unreadable. She had her arms firmly wrapped around her chest
once again, and if I didn't know any better, I would think she was actually
listening. Ever since Mr. Rollins had his little talk with her yesterday, I
wanted to know exactly how she was feeling about whatever was going on with us.
Just as I was about to look away, those gorgeous sky blue eyes shot straight to
mine. A smile tugged at the edge of her plump lips and I found myself smiling
back. At least I knew she wasn't pissed off at me.

Mr. Rollins was calling our therapy session to a
close, when he stopped himself mid-sentence. "I would like to introduce
you all to someone before we end our session today. This is London. He has been
working with me at my office and he is wanting to sit in on some sessions for
school, if that's okay with all of you?"

My eyes landed on a tall surfer type. He was about
my height and had somewhat longer brown hair. He was dressed in torn jeans and
a white V-neck shirt that showed off his full sleeve tattoos. I followed his
gaze when I noticed who he was looking at. My adrenaline started pumping
through me and I found myself becoming jealous of how he was looking at Riley.
She hadn't seemed to notice him yet and I was somewhat thankful, but all that
changed when she looked up and they exchanged a soft smile. My heart rate
instantly spiked. The only other time I had ever seen her smile like that over
the last couple of days was when she was looking at me. This wasn't going to be
good, I could feel it.

When I first looked up, I wasn't expecting the
young guy that was standing across the room from me. I expected someone older.
Someone who wasn't hard to not look at. I could tell immediately that he was a
surfer. His rugged appearance and his longer hair was a dead giveaway, but
admittedly the first thing I noticed, were his chocolate brown eyes. There was
something about them that were dark and dangerous, and had me yearning to want
to know him.

When he smiled at me, I had no choice but to smile
back. I was no longer in control of what was happening to me, and it was
starting to scare the shit out of me. It was a shock when I was able to even
feel some semblance of emotion when I had met Tristan, but I never thought it
would happen twice.

I caught Tristan's glare out of the corner of my eye.
He was burning a hole straight through London and I couldn't help but smile
internally knowing that I was doing that to him. I guess you could say part of
my smile was knowing this fact, but part of it was because London's smile put
me at ease. This was crazy. I hadn't even spoken to this guy yet, but I had a
feeling all of that was about to change.

Mr. Rollins’ voice broke through my revelry moments
later when he was excusing all of us for the day. I waited until almost
everybody left, before I stood up to leave. This was my usual M.O. and I wasn't
about to change it now. I noticed that Tristan had hung back a bit. I knew he
was going to want to talk to me about what had happened yesterday, but
honestly, I wasn't sure if I was ready to do that just yet. Luckily, or maybe
not, London approached me before Tristan had a chance. I wasn't sure just yet
if this was a good or bad thing, but judging by the begrudging look on his face
this was most likely going to come back to bite me in the ass.

"Hi, you must be Riley. I've heard quite a bit
about you from Cary."

"I'm sorry, who?"

"Oh I'm sorry, I meant Mr. Rollins."

"Oh, well I'm not sure if that's a good thing
or a bad thing." I giggled nervously.

"It's a good thing. You're much different than
what I was expecting though."

My brows pulled together in irritation. "Well
I'm sorry to disappoint." I went to walk around him, but he put his arm
out in front of me, stopping me dead in my tracks. Mr. Rollins must've told him
that I wasn't the biggest fan of being touched because he never made contact,
and for that I was grateful.

"Wait Riley. I'm not disappointed by any
means, I was just saying you're different than what I was expecting. From what
Mr. Rollins told me, I guess I was expecting some gothic girl who hated life
and everyone in it. It's refreshing to see that you seem, normal." He let
out a loud laugh and I found myself smiling at his easygoing personality.

"So tell me London, what
do
you see when you look at me?" I really wasn't sure I wanted
to know his honest answer, but I couldn't help but be intrigued by this
beautiful man in front of me.

"I see a beautiful girl who seems to think
that the world is an awful place. I'm not saying that you don't have your
reasons for believing that, but I also believe that you
want
to find something to change your mind."

I tried to process what he was saying, but he was a
little off base. There was nothing in this life that would make me feel as
though I had a reason to live. Although I had found something in Tristan, I
still wasn't sure it was enough to change my mind.

"Am I wrong?"

I nodded my head slightly and found myself not
being able to make eye contact with him. "Again, I'm sorry to disappoint.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get to something." I started moving
towards the door, when his voice stopped me mid-stride.

"Do you think maybe we could sit down and have
coffee sometime? I would love to get to know you a little bit better,
Riley."

I didn't turn to answer him, "I'm sorry
London. I don't do coffee, or talking very well. It was nice to meet you
though. I'm sure I'll be seeing you tomorrow."

"Absolutely."

I opened the double doors and made my way to the
common room down the hall. I knew if things were to ever be okay with Tristan
and myself, then I needed to find him and see if he was okay. Luckily I didn't
have to look very hard, I knew exactly where he would be. I slowly walked up to
the table he was sitting at, trying not to be too obvious that I was worried
about him.

"Hi John. Hi Tristan." Crazy John said a muffled
hello, but he never lost focus of his checkers. Tristan on the other hand
completely ignored me.

"You know, it's rude to not say hello back
Tristan."

"I know, John. Hi Riley."

So this was how it was going to be from now on,
huh. All it took was another guy paying attention to me for him to flip his
feelings so fast? If this was how he wanted things, then that's exactly how I
was going to let it be. I turned and headed back to my room. I half expected
him to follow me, but to my disappointment, he didn't. I rolled my eyes as I
noticed Blake sitting on the edge of my bed, once again. Damn this girl just
couldn't get a clue. You would think that after our non-bonding moment in group
today that she would get the hint that I didn't want to talk, and she wasn't
going to be the one to change it. There was only one person I wanted to talk
to, and unfortunately I was pretty sure that I had ruined that, just like I had
every other relationship that I had tried to forge.

"Look Riley, I get that you don't want to
share your feelings. Trust me, I got that message loud and clear in group
today, but could you at least try? I just want to be your friend."

I let out a loud humph as I threw myself back onto
my bed. "It's not you Blake, I promise. I know you mean well, but trust me
when I say, I ruin every friendship or relationship that I try. I'm only
protecting you."

"Well who said I needed your protection? If
anything, I would say that you need mine."

Now, I was just getting irritated. "What the
hell is that supposed to mean?" I sat up so I was now facing her head on.

"I just meant that it's obvious that both of
those guys like you. I would just hate to see you get hurt, that's all."

"And what makes you think I would be the one
getting hurt?"

She rolled her eyes at me before walking over to
her own bed. "Trust me Riley, those two look like they'll definitely end
up doing the hurting."

I mulled over what Blake was saying to me,
wondering if it were true. I had to admit, I wasn't the only one hurting here
and it was very likely that these two guys could end up hurting me, as opposed
to me doing the hurting. This thought had never crossed my mind until now, and
I was suddenly fearful of even trying to continue to connect with Tristan.

Instead of responding to her stupid, but somewhat
truthful allegations, I decided to grab my journal and head out the small
courtyard outside of the common room. I just prayed I wouldn't run into Tristan
on my way out. I hid around the corner to make sure the coast was clear before
heading outside. I had just sat down on the bench that overlooked the garden,
when I felt him coming up behind me. I let out an audible breath and turned,
his eyes were the first things I made contact with and my heart skipped a beat.

"Before you say anything, I think I should
explain."

"It's not necessary, really."

"Yes it is. I need to explain what happened
today. I felt threatened. I know you're not mine and that you may never be.
Hell, I don't even know if that's what this is leading to, but you can't deny
that something is there between us. I've never felt what I feel when I'm around
you and if your friendship is the only thing I can have, then that's what I'm
willing to take. But Riley, please don't shut me out. I think I need you just
as much as you need me. If you tell me I'm wrong, then I'll walk away now and
I'll never bother you again."

I heard him take in a deep breath as he waited for
me to answer. "Your wrong." My voice came out barely above a whisper,
and I almost thought he didn't hear me, but then he started to walk away. I
jumped up from the bench and ran to him, grabbing his upper arm and turning him
around to face me. "No, I'm wrong. I feel it too. As much as I wish I
didn't, I do."

Tristan slowly and meticulously moved his hands up
to my face, gently cupping my chin. I didn't shy away from his touch and it
amazed me as much as it does him. I can see the questioning look in his eyes,
but I simply nod and his face starts moving closer to mine. I can feel and
smell his minty breath against my cool skin and my eyes slowly drift shut, as I
await his lips to touch mine. My fear of intimacy tugged at my insides, causing
me to rethink what is about to happen. Just when I think he's changed his mind,
his lips softly press against mine and my body instantly relaxes into his.

My hands moved up to his chest and gripped tightly
onto his shirt. I wanted to pull him closer. I wanted to feel his body pressed
against mine just as I had yesterday. Without hesitation, I begin to move my
lips with his and the sensation that runs through me is a welcome one. I parted
my lips for him to gain entrance to my yearning mouth, but he suddenly pulled
back with a look of fear on his face.

"I'm so-"

I cut him off mid sentence before he could ruin the
moment. "Don't. Please don't. It was perfect." My eyes sought out his
and they seemed bluer today than yesterday and I couldn't help but smile at his
flushed face.

"Is there something you find funny,
Riley?" He smirked.

"No Tristan, not at all." We exchanged a
look of something I couldn't quite put my finger on, and then he turned to walk
away. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to leave you to write. It seems to
bring you peace and right now, I want you to feel that." He smiled and
then disappeared inside. My smile slowly started to fade as I felt his presence
leaving, but he was right, I did find peace in writing so that's what I did. I
wrote and wrote and wrote, until the sun slowly began to set.