Faithless (11 page)

I had debated for hours whether or not to go to her
going away party, but in the end I just couldn't imagine not supporting her.
Whether I agreed with her decision or not, I needed her to know that I would
support her no matter what. Before I had left my condo this morning, my sister
had warned me that she may not be receptive to me, that she may actually try to
push me away, but I didn't care. If anything, I needed to see her and know that
she was going to be okay with or without me.

I stood with my hand on the doorknob for what felt
like forever, before I finally made the decision to turn it and enter the party
that I could hear going on, on the other side of the door. When I pushed the
door open, the first thing I saw was her standing there with London's arm
wrapped tightly around her waist. A million different emotions flowed through
me in that moment, but only one mattered, and that was the love that I felt for
this amazing girl.

She looked absolutely radiant and she was smiling
and laughing right along with everyone else. When she eventually caught sight
of me, I could see the look of surprise written all over her face. She hadn't
expected me to show up, I could tell. She instantly made her way over to me,
but stopped short when I stopped moving in her direction. It definitely wasn't
the response I had been hoping for. I wanted her to throw her arms around me
and hug me so deeply that it would hurt, but this hurt far worse. She seemed
distant and cold, and I hated seeing her like that. She opened her mouth to say
something, but I cut her off in hopes that what I was about to say would change
her mind if she was thinking something negative.

"You look beautiful, Riley. I'm so proud of
you for getting to this point, and for finding something to live for."

"I didn't think you would show." She was
staring at the floor as she spoke, almost as if it was going to fall out from
underneath her. "But I'm glad you came."

My finger went under her chin and pulled her face
up to look at me. "I wouldn't have missed it for anything." And with
those few words, her perfect smile was back in its rightful pace. "So when
do you get to leave?"

"As soon as I'm done here." She motioned
to everybody in the room.

"Will you let me drive you to your
house?"

"I would like that." Just like that, all
was right with us again.

I slid my hand into hers and let her lead the way.
We walked over to Blake and a couple of the other people standing around
waiting for Riley to return. They were all telling stories of how they thought
Riley would never open up to anybody. I had to agree with them, but I was also
giving myself some of the credit for the change.

My hand refused to let go of hers, even when she
tried to leave to use the restroom. I was terrified that if she left my side,
she would take her emotions with her. We had come so far in our relationship,
and granted it needed work still, but I didn't want the possibility of her
leaving me for good to enter her mind, not for one second. That, and I knew
London all too well; he would take the opportunity to pounce.

"I promise, I'll be right back." She
whispered before letting go of my hand and exiting the room.

I made my way over to London, mainly to keep him
occupied, but also because there were a few things that needed to be said
before he and Riley no longer had contact. "You got a minute?"

He nodded in the direction of the other side of the
room where no one would over hear us. "What is it, Tristan?"

"Look, I'm apologizing for what happened the
other day, but don't mistake this for kindness. I'm only apologizing for
Riley's sake. I could give two shits why you find it necessary to move in on
something that is clearly going on between the two of us."

"Tristan, thanks for the apology. I appreciate
it."

Seriously, that was it? He wasn't going to fight
with me on this? What was this guy’s deal? "That's it?"

"Yeah, that's it. Where you expecting me to
fight you?"

I was flabbergasted.
"No, I wasn't expecting you to fight me, but I
was
expecting you to fight
for
her."

"I can clearly see where I'm not wanted."

Damn straight. "Well, good." I was thrown
off kilter a bit by his reaction. This wasn't the same guy that had been trying
to get into Riley's good graces the other night, with his tongue. "What's
your deal, London? One day your trying to ram your tongue down her throat and
now you don't give a shit if I have her?"

"She's not a possession, Tristan. That's your
problem-" He leaned in close so only I could hear him, "The more you
treat her like that, the more she wants to be with someone like me. You're
laying all the groundwork for me, and all I have to do is sit back and reap the
rewards when she comes running. So thanks man, I appreciate it." He
clapped me on the shoulder as he nudged past me, and I lunged at him. We went
crashing to the ground, taking the table with Riley's cake on it with us. I
straddled him and laid into his face repeatedly. Everyone sat back with looks
of horror as I pummeled the shit out of this cocky asshole who felt entitled to
everything, especially Riley.

When London stopped moving beneath me, I quickly
scrambled off of him and waited for the slew of security guards that were sure
to come rushing in. But first, I caught sight of Riley. She was standing back
with her hands covering her mouth as a few stray tears rolled down her reddened
cheeks. I moved towards her, but she stepped back behind Mr. Rollins. She was
terrified of me, and I could see it as clear as day. I tried to reach out for
her once more, but she only retreated further. I could see it in her eyes that
I had just shattered every decent thought she had of me. I was now
that
guy. If she would just give me a
second to explain how London provoked me. Ever since that fucker showed up, it
was like his mission to make me look bad in front of her, and damn it if I
didn't fall for it every god damned time.

"Riley, please?" She stood back shaking
her head, before she ran to London's side. I knew the minute her hands touched
his lifeless body that she was gone.

I made my way towards the door, just as security
was showing up. I glanced back at her one last time before I was escorted out
of the building. She looked directly at me and I could see the hate radiating
off of her. I gave her an apologetic look and turned to leave. No matter how
hard I tried, I always ended up hurting her, physically and emotionally. Maybe
London was right the first time when he told me she was better off without me.
Why was it that I had no problem fighting for her physically, but emotionally I
was lacking?

Tony, the bigger security guard reached for my arm
just as I was about to leave the building, "Tristan, I've known you for awhile
now. I don't know your situation, but I do know Riley's. I think maybe you
should think about whether or not she's really the girl for you. There's a lot
behind those blue eyes that you don't see. And fighting is one thing that'll
push her away. I'm just saying."

"Thanks, Tony. I'll take that into
consideration."

"Just back off for a bit. Give her time."

I nodded and made my way to my car. I understood
what Tony was telling me, but I just couldn't get over the fact that London
seemed to always make himself out to be the victim. When I reached my car, I
noticed my sister standing against the driver side door.

"What are you doing here?"

"Let's just say, I knew you would self
destruct. What happened?" She pointed at my bloody knuckles, but I shook
it off.

"Nothing. I did what I always do, I pushed her
completely away." I reached around Grace to get in the car, but she wasn't
budging. "Grace, please move." I growled.

"No, and you don't get to talk to me like
that. I'm here to help
you,
just
remember that."

"I know, Gracie, but I can manage to fuck this
up all on my own."

"Trust me, I know big brother. When you
finally realize that you
deserve
happiness,
that's when you'll finally find it. Maybe now, just isn't the time."

I cocked my head at her, "Are you saying I
don't
deserve
Riley?"

"No Tristan, that's not what I'm saying at
all." She clutched my face between her hands so I had no choice but to
look at her. "What I'm saying is, maybe the timing isn't right. I believe
you deserve to be loved more than anyone, but
you
don't. You're still punishing yourself for things that were
beyond your control and it's making you rip apart anything good that comes your
way. It wasn't your fault."

I hung my head as the tears welled up behind my
eyelids. As much as I hated to admit it, my sister was right. I wound up
tearing apart everything good in my life, because I couldn't change the past.

"Look at me, Tristan. If you need me to say
it, I will."

"No, I don't need you to say it. You shouldn't
have to, because even if you do, I don't."

"I forgive you, Tristan."

I slammed my fists against the hood of my car,
"Shut up, Gracie!"

"Sir, are you okay?"

When I looked up, a young man was standing in front
of me where Grace had just been a few seconds ago. "I'm fine. Thanks. Did
you happen to see where the girl went that was just here?"

"No, I'm sorry. I didn't." He turned and
left, and once again I was left alone. One of these days I was going to figure
out how to control myself, or maybe like my sister said, forgive myself. Maybe
that would be the day I became whole again.

I jumped in the car and made my way home. I made a
pit stop on the way and decided to start the party a little early. I cracked
open the fifth of vodka that I picked up at the liquor store and proceeded to
drink down as much as I could before the burning sensation kicked in. I made
sure to watch the road closely as I inched my way home. Luckily I only lived a
few miles from the hospital. I took another pull from the bottle as I pulled
into my parking space and instead of going inside, I grabbed my board and my
shorts from the corner of the parking stall and the bottle of vodka, before I
started making my way out to the beach. There was only one way I could truly
release all of my pent up frustration, a place where I would feel safe. The
embrace of the salty ocean wrapped me in a cocoon as I slammed into the waves.
I paddled out harder than I had ever paddled before, and when I got past the
break, I sat up and proceeded to finish the rest of the warm liquid in the now
fogged over glass bottle. When the last drop hit my tongue, I threw the bottle
as hard as I could and lay back on my board.

I looked up into the burning rays of the midday
sun, praying for something good to come of my life. I let my arms float out
beside me, letting the warm salty water take each limb wherever it wanted, and
at this very moment, I wanted to die.

I wanted so badly to go with London downstairs, but
Mr. Rollins told me I wouldn't be allowed past the front desk. I was beyond
frustrated and I threw myself into packing my things to keep myself occupied.
Every couple of minutes I would stop and have to shake my head to clear the
sight of Tristan's look in his eyes out of my head. Those hardened over eyes
looked all too familiar. I remember seeing them on one of my foster brother's
face every time he would come into my room late at night.

I was only ten when it first started happening. He
was fifteen. I tried to fight him off at first, but I soon realized shortly
after, that the more I fought him, the more enraged he would get. He enjoyed
the fight. If anything, he would provoke me to fight back just so he could get
what he was looking for. Eventually, I would just close my eyes tight and think
of happier things until he was done. Those eyes though, still haunted me until
this very day. His emerald green eyes seemed to turn the blackest shade of
black whenever he would enter my room. It was the very same as Tristan's eyes
every time he and London would get into it. It may not have been the exact same
thing, but it was enough to make me want to disappear and that wasn't good for
me.

I was just placing the last of my toiletries in my
bag when Mr. Rollins came into my room. "Hey Riley, you get everything
together?"

I nodded my head as I took a seat on my bed.
"How is he?"

"It's pretty bad. He has a couple broken ribs,
his jaw had to be wired shut and he hasn't woken up yet."

I wasn't about to break down in front of Mr.
Rollins, knowing that he made the decision on whether or not I was allowed to
leave today, so I threw my walls back up and stood to grab my bag. "Will
you please keep me updated on his condition? My cab will be here any
minute."

Mr. Rollins stood to let me pass, but gently
grabbed my hand as I went to walk past him. "Are you sure you're
okay?"

"Yes. I just have so much to do today. I will
try to come back and check on him later. Here's my new number." I slid a
piece of paper into his palm. "Please make sure London gets this."

Mr. Rollins looked at the piece of paper perplexed.
"Can I help at all?"

"No, I'm good. I'm sorry I can't stay and wait
to see how he is, but I have someone I need to meet at the house soon."
This was a lie, but he didn't know that. If there was one thing I knew, it was
that I was an amazing liar.

"Okay Riley. Please remember we have our first
individual session tomorrow afternoon at four."

"I know, Mr. Rollins. I'll be there." I
gave a halfhearted smile and made my way out to the common room. I said a few
goodbyes to everyone and then made my way towards the doors. Tony stood against
the wall waiting to escort me out, when I glanced back one last time to say a
silent goodbye to a place I hoped I would never have to return to.

"You ready?"

"I am." I whispered back at Tony.

We made our way down the elevator in complete
silence until the doors opened up to the main entrance. "Tony?"

"Yes, Riley."

"Was he okay when you left him?" Tony
knew exactly who I was talking about.

"He was hurting. I gave him a few words of
wisdom and sent him on his way."

I reached up and wrapped my arms around Tony's
neck, "Thank you." I whispered as I turned and walked out into the
glorious sunshine.

My cab was waiting out front just as planned, I
gave the driver the address of where I needed to go and he quickly sped off
into traffic. I wasn't exactly sure where my mother's house was located, but by
the address, I knew it wasn't in the city. Sure enough, about ten minutes later
we were pulling up to a gated community that was lined with some of the biggest
houses I had ever seen.

"Are you sure this is the right
neighborhood?" I leaned forward to the partition to get a better view.

"I'm sure, ma'am. Do you know the code?"

I quickly started searching through the front
pocket of my bag where I had put the letter from my mother. Sure enough at the
very bottom of the last page were four numbers followed by a pound sign.
"Yes, please pull up a bit." The shiny silver box stared at me,
almost mocking me. It knew I didn't belong here, just as I knew it. I quickly
typed the four numbers and the huge metal gates in front of the cab slowly
started to open. As much as I couldn't see myself here, I could. I was good at
adapting and I wanted to fit into this neighborhood. I wanted people to have
respect for me and not look at me like some sad twenty-one year old suicidal
girl.

"Looks like this is it." The cab driver's
voice broke through my revelry and I had to stop myself from jumping at the
sound of his voice.

"What do I owe you?" I reached into my
bag to pull out some money I had had in my pockets the night I was admitted.

"It's been taken care of."

My shocked expression caught his attention in his
rear view mirror. "I'm judging by the expression on your face that you
weren't aware of this."

"No. No I wasn't. Can you tell me who paid
you?"

"Some guy was waiting outside the building
when I pulled up. He gave me a stack of cash and told me to take you wherever
you needed to go. I didn't catch his name."

"Tristan." I whispered.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Nothing. Thank you."

"Anytime."

I gathered my bag and exited the cab. I stood back
in awe as I took in the enormous house in front of me. It had a three-car
garage and the outside of it looked like an old Victorian mansion. It had an
expansive wrap around porch and a small balcony off of one of the rooms on the
second floor.

The only thing my mother hadn't left me was a key
to get into the place. She
had
left
me a number to call with the name Nancy next to it though. She was apparently
my mother's lawyer. When I had called her yesterday she seemed elated to hear
from me. Apparently my mother wasn't sure if I would respond well to her will.
Nancy had told me she would meet me here today around two. I glanced down at
the clock on my cell phone and it said it was two minutes past. I wasn't a huge
fan of being late to anything, so it tended to bother me when others were. I
was starting to get a little antsy waiting for her, when a black BMW pulled
into the driveway next to me. The windows were too dark to see through, so I
wasn't sure who exactly sat behind the wheel, but I was about to find out.

The driver side door flung open and a bright red
pair of heels came into view and then the rest of her. She was tall and
beautiful. She had shoulder length blonde hair and she couldn't have been any
older than Tristan.

"Hi, I'm Nancy. You must be Riley?"

I glanced down at my tattered appearance. In
comparison to her, I looked like a homeless person, and I could tell by the
look on her face that she was looking at me the same way. She extended her hand
out for me to shake it and I did.

"Yes, that's me."

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you,
Riley."

Lying bitch. "I wish I could say the same, but
given the fact that I didn't know you existed until recently, well." I
shrugged my shoulders as I dropped her hand.

"Well, let's get you into your new house shall
we?"

I nodded and let her lead me to the front door. It
was larger than normal and made of some solid wood that I couldn't quite name.
Nancy unlocked the door and made her way inside, almost as if she had been here
a thousand times before.

"Here are your keys. I'll just turn the alarm
off and let you be."

"Um, Nancy. How do I disarm the alarm?"

"Oh, here I'll just write the code down for
you." She made her way into what I assumed was the kitchen and returned
with a small pad of paper and a pen. She definitely knew her way around here.

"Did you know my mother well?" I
muttered.

She handed me the pad with the instructions on how
to disarm the system. "I did. She was actually friends with my mother
since I was about ten. She was like a second mother to me. When she got
sick," She fanned her face as she started to get chocked up. "She
wanted to keep her past private, so she came to me about you. Until that day,
she hadn't said much about you."

And just like that, she started to twist the dagger
she had just pierced into my heart. I clutched at my chest in agony, trying to
keep my composure, but I knew this girl was out to hurt me so I played it cool.

"Can you show me where the kitchen is, I need
some water."

"Absolutely, right this way."

We walked past a sitting room on the left and a
formal dining room until we reached the large open kitchen. The cabinets were a
dark mahogany wood and there were stainless steel appliances everywhere. There
was a sink and a smaller fridge built into the island counter where Nancy
retrieved a bottle of water for me.

"Would you like tour of the place before I
go?"

I shook my head as I sipped on my water. "I'm
good. I think I can find my way around."

"Okay dear, well here are your keys. I'll
leave ya. Let me know if there's anything else you need."

"I think I'll be good. Thanks."

"Oh and if you see that nice looking guy
around, could you tell him he needs to call me?"

I stopped dead in my tracks as I was making my way
to the back windows. "Excuse me?"

"You know the hot one that was coming around a
lot right before she passed. Tristan, I think was his name."

I closed my eyes tight before responding to this
infuriating girl. She was pushing my buttons and I wanted to attack her in her
sleek suit, but I held myself together not trying to let her know the effect
she was having on me. "I don't think I know who you're talking
about."

"Don't you?" She sniped as she walked out
the front door, closing it behind her. I reached for my water bottle and threw
it as hard as I could before I turned back around. Even in death my mother had
left me with a spiteful little princess who probably couldn't handle that even
though she had known my mom forever, she still left all of this to me. Bitch!

The curtains in front of me were a bit dusty, so I
banged them out before pulling them back to their rightful hooks. When I saw
what was laid out before me, I gasped and almost choked on the large intake of
air. The Pacific Ocean sat there staring back at me from literally twenty feet
away. On the cab ride over, I guess I hadn't realized just how close to the
ocean we were. I made my way down the five stairs that led to an oversized
living room, to the back sliding glass wall. I unlocked each door and slid them
back. The entire back wall was made of glass and opened up to a large wood deck
with a built in fire pit and barbecue with a small kitchen attached.

I slowly made my way out onto the deck, stopping
just as my feet were about to touch the sand that led to the almost deserted
beach. I've lived in Malibu my entire life, but can only remember coming to the
beach once. Unfortunately, that memory had now been tarnished with the
overwhelmingly horrible thoughts that came along with my father. I closed my
eyes and took in a deep breath as I slipped off my shoes and let the soft sand
close in around my feet. A bright smile formed on my lips as I kept walking, my
eyes still closed. After a couple of steps I finally opened my eyes and noticed
I was only a few feet away from the water. Before I could process what I was
doing, I was running into the water, as the waves crashed into my legs hard and
strong. I let out a loud deep hearty laugh as the water splashed up in my face.
My eyes closed again as I took in the scent of the salty water, but that smile
quickly faded as memories of Tristan flashed through my mind. This was exactly
what he had smelled like every time we were close. Every time I blinked,
another flash of him would go through my mind. Memories of the night he had
made love to me played like a movie over and over again.

I turned quickly and ran back up to the house. The
thoughts of him were overwhelming and I just couldn't handle it at the moment.
When I made it to the edge of the deck, I collapsed and hugged my knees tightly
to my chest. I glanced around, making sure nobody was around to hear me as a
sob broke free, and for the first time in my life, I let the tears fall freely
and rack my body. How did I ever think I could do this on my own?