Emmerson's Heart (11 page)

He was just like me. Scars that not only were under his cover, but deep inside also. There was no way that I could let him go. No way. They kept me, didn’t they? They had taken me into their family and gave me a good home. That was all this horse needed. He just needed someone to see what had happened and love him regardless.

Jumping off the wheel well, I went to the back of the trailer and unhooked the door. With the largest horse that had ever come to him place charging at me, I couldn’t move. I couldn’t get out of the way, but he was coming. Just centimeters from me, he had stopped and looked at me. The whites slowly disappeared and his ears had actually lifted from his head. Holding up my hands, I let my tears run free down my face as he let out a loud breath. That was the second that I had fallen in love with him, with his gentleness that no one else had ever seen in him. He was exactly like me. So hurt and just afraid.

Taking him to the coral, I opened the gate and walked him in. God, how could they not see it? How could they not see the damage that had been done to him?

After that night, I had snuck out every night and sat with him. He needed it. He needed just one person to believe in him. He was so gentle and so kind, not the monster that they had known him to be. Those nights, I had cleaned him up, talked with him, and listened to his story. He had been beaten and abused by someone that he should have been able to trust with his life. Just like me. Now, with the mercy of the Hucks, he was at the best home anyone could ever have.

Every day, though, he wouldn’t let the guys near him, but yet, they were amazed at what was going on with him. How was he out of the trailer
; looking better? Yeah, Paul knew after a while, but I was thankful that Jackson hadn’t caught on. Defying Jackson like that—the horse would be sent away in an instant, regardless of what I had said.

The shopping day had come and I had managed to talk my way out of it. I hated leaving the ranch. Hated it. This time, Jackson hadn’t given me much of a fight, thanks to my best friend. He was the one that assure
d the dad that I was needed there. Instead of helping like usual, like Paul had said, I was down at the coral playing with my new friend, my matching soul.

I had laughed when Ben, Gentle Ben, had laid down. Sometimes, the nights that I had those nightmares, he
laid with me for a bit as if he sensed them. Those were the nights that I had cuddled up to him and searched for the comfort from that soul that knew what I had gone through, the one that could match the pain and hurt that I had deep inside.

Flipping over his back, I landed into the dirt and laughed as he made a funny sound. Reaching out, he nipped at my jeans
to try to get me back, but I was faster than him. I was faster and I had made it back over him quicker than he realized. A loud snort had come from him as he shifted a little.

“You are just too funny.” Giving in, I laid on his back with my feet spread over him as I wrapped my arms around his thick neck. Burying my face into his sleek mane, I drew in a deep scent of him, one that I had come to love more than anything else. “I love you so much, Ben. I do. I will never let anyone else hurt you. I promise that.”

A loud noise had come from him as his body had flexed. Just hanging on, I figured that he would have just shifted, but instead, he jerked himself up to his feet and stood there with me on his back. My heart jumped hard, not believing that I was on top of him with nothing. Not a thing to hang onto except for his mane.

“I can’t believe it.” Paul let out a laugh as he rested his arms on the top wooden railing. “I was wondering when he would let you get on him.”

“I was just playing with him. We’ve done this before.” Nudging him with the press of my legs, he stepped carefully and gracefully as if he wasn’t eighteen hands tall. “Do you think that Jackson will give in and keep him?”

“You know how
Dad is about him, and if he catches you…”

“Oh, he won’t catch me.”

“You better not let him catch you, Tyke.” Paul yawned as he watched Ben walk over to the water trough.

“Yeah, you better not let
Dad catch you.” The deep voice came through the air as I shot a look over at Paul. Jackson was standing right behind his oldest remake with his arms folded across his chest and the anger building with each breath. Not good. Not good at all.

Paul let his head hang as I slipped off the high back of the one that Jackson named
The Beast. The last thing that I ever wanted to do was get Paul in trouble. Now, Jackson would know that his son was involved. Walking over to the fence, I swallowed hard as Ben had followed, aware that there was someone else near. His eyes had stayed on Jackson, watching, as if he were a guard dog. Eyeing for that one false move, that threat of danger toward me, and Ben would strike.

“Um, he’s not crazy.” That was all that I could come up with?

Without another word, Jackson turned on the heel of his brown cowboy boot and walked away, leaving a trail of cuss words following.

Paul’s jaw tightened as he eye
d the large dark gray dappled. “Well, I guess the word is out now. I will go and try to talk to him.”

“No, I can. I’m not scared of him.” Slipping through the fence, I forced a deep breath. Not only had I defied Jackson, he had caught Paul at it also. Paul was read the same rights as I was when that horse had stepped foot on
the property. Keeping Paul out of trouble was my main concern. We had so many secrets that Jackson would send me away and punish Paul for them, too.

Jackson was right where I had expected him to be, tucked behind his organized desk
, wearing that black and red flannel tucked inside the waist of his snug fitting jeans. I had to admit that two of his boys were the spitting image of him—the dark hair with the hint of curls and those deep melted chocolate eyes. Good looking boys, also. Paul, my favorite, had been a spitting image of him, getting to look more and more like him as the days passed. Marc, too, but I saw a little more of Connie in him. Will and Rob had taken after Connie more than Jackson.  

Taking a seat on the old green seventies couch, I waited for him to say something, but he just sat there, his hard eyes on me. That jaw was so tight
as he was clenching his teeth together as tight as he could, I knew that he was on the verge of just exploding.

“Paul had nothing to do with that. He just walked up and….”

“First you defy me and then you lie to my face?” Instantly, the anger had washed away, bringing the hurt so close to the surface that I just wanted to cry. I hurt him. After everything that he had done for me. “Why?”

And then the storm came. His rage had exploded out as he ranted and raved. On and on. Over and over. Rules and more rules. But when he had said that I hurt him by not listening to him, I did cry. It was the first time that I had actually cried in front of him during a bought of his temper tantrum.

I don’t even know how long I had been sitting there letting him go on about the horse. It was wrong of me, but I had to do something.

“Why, Emmy? Why do you have to keep going against me about everything?” His hands were on his hips as he stood behind the desk.

“Because…I didn’t mean to.”

“I set these rules to protect you, Emmy. To protect
you
.” As those hurt filled eyes shifted up to me, they had changed to sadness, making me cry harder. “Why did you go behind my back?”

“Because
, for once, I wanted a nice happy birthday and he’s just like me, Jackson. He’s been treated just like I had been and now he’s here where it’s safe, where no one can hurt him anymore. He’s full of scars, too. And he’s scared. He feels as if he has no one. He’s not sure to give in and trust because he’s afraid that someday, it will come to the point where no one will want him again.” Hunching over, I bawled, feeling the pain that Ben held in his heart; the pain that had matched mine.

“You know that you will be the death of me one of these days.” His hand came down on my back as he crouched next to me. “Emmy, I know that he’s been abused. I know that. He’s a horse...”

“He’s me, Jackson. Look at him closely. He’s me, and I can’t have you send him away. It will kill him.”

A loud breath came from him as he tugged me closer to him, wrapping me in his arms. “I’m not going to send him away, but seeing as you are the only one that can get near him, you better take care of him.”

Gasping, I looked at him as I felt my heart jumping hard. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t.”

“Maybe I hadn’t seen it. I’m sorry. Just like I hadn’t seen it in you when you had first come here. There is always a place for him here. Just make sure that he doesn’t hurt anyone.”

“He wouldn’t. He’s gentle. I sleep out by him sometimes…” Cringing, I felt those eyes turn cold again. My chest tightened as his hand pressed down on my back. “He knows what I went through because he went through it too.”

“God, Emmy, Sometimes I forget,
Honey.” Kissing the top of my head, he smiled. “Go get your horse then.”

“Can I do some extra chores and save up for a new halter for him? He would look nice in a dark blue one or a red one.”

“No, you do more than your share anyway. Get his measurements and we will get one while in the city. You are coming with.”

“I trust that you will pick him out a nice one.”

“Yeah, no. Child, go get his measurements. No chance in hell that I can leave you home alone now.”

Nodding, I wiped the tears from my eyes and stood up. I had a horse now. My own horse. Hugging him, I took in a deep breath. “Can I see if Paul wants to come with?”

“Since it’s so late, might as well. I will get Will.” Walking me to the door, he smiled as his eyes glanced over me quickly. “Whenever he feels like he’s lonely, you need to tell me. If he feels scared, just tell me. We are family now, Emmy. No need for him to be scared here.”

Warmth filled me as I nodded
, knowing that he wasn’t just talking about Ben. I appreciated it. I appreciated that he was willing to see why I had defied him like that. I had to. Paul had saved me that one night, and now we had saved Ben.

Chapter 9

****Present****

Of course I could believe that he was there to haul me home. That was Jackson Huck. The man never threatened. He promised. Going to their home this Christmas was something that I wanted to avoid. Not because they were the only real kind of family that I had, but because of him. Because of Paul. Every time that I had seen him with her, it hurt even more. It felt like the knives and the razors that my real father had used to cut me with were only being used deep in my heart. This Christmas, I just didn’t want to go there. I didn’t want to go and see that. Not when I had wished that it was me with him, me with the one that saved my life, with my best friend. I loved him. I really loved him. The night he kissed me, things between us changed instantly. I don’t know what had actually happened, but it was something and it had completely destroyed the solid relationship that we had since I had come to live with the Hucks.

“I told you that you would like college.”

Satisfied, Jackson just assumed that me wanting to stay at the college had meant I had really liked going there. I didn’t. I hated it. I hated looking at the other girls in my dorm
, walking around all perfect while I had those scars. The scars that my roommate had spread around to all her friends. And those girls all whispered as I walked past. Every day. Every single day, whispers. As if I couldn’t see them using their hand to cover their mouths while spreading the word. My only friends were Marc and a couple of the guys that I tutored when I was bored, but that wasn’t very much seeing as they were seniors and I was just a freshman. They had lives outside of the school. I didn’t. As for Marc, I tried my best not to call him too much for an escape plan. He had a life also and I wasn’t about to destroy that for him as well, though he always seemed to come to my rescue when I needed to just get the hell out of the dorm and off campus. But my life was back at the ranch, the ranch I was only able to go back to on the weekends now. Well, that was until I started seeing that she was always going to be there, until I realized that this one wasn’t someone that Paul was going to break it off with any time soon. And this Christmas would be the one where he would break my heart by asking her to marry him. Why not? He should and I didn’t mind her too much. That was the whole reason why he regretted the night he saved me. It was because of her. 

I hated her. I hated the fact that she had flipped her hair off her shoulder every ten seconds and always had to have her hand on him. Even at the dinner table, her hand had to be resting on his thigh. Right there. I could see it through the damn table. So, for the past month, I had made excuses not to go home on the weekends and after Thanksgiving dinner, I bolted out of there so fast just to get a ticket as soon as I pulled out of the driveway.

“I love it. I just wanted to hang out with all my friends.” Rolling my eyes, I looked out the window as I felt my heart sinking deep into my chest. I hated lying to the one man that stood up for me through everything. If someone had mentioned anything about the scars, he stepped in instantly. He was my protector, my…dad, and the dad that I had always wanted. He was the dad that I laid on my mattress in my room, praying that I could have.

“I know that you do,
Honey, but this is Christmas. You have a month before next semester begins and you need to come home for a bit.” Reaching across the armrest, he patted my arm while passing me that loving look. They wanted me home. Family was a big thing with the Hucks and not just the parents. The boys also. Maybe that was what I loved the most about Connie and Jackson. They had shown me that it was okay to have a birthday, thought I still refused to acknowledge that day. But they wanted to show me that April first was not a day of physical pain. They made sure that I had known that holidays weren’t about bleeding or suffering, but were supposed to be full of love and with family. That was something that I appreciated with them.

At first, it had scared the hell out of me. With my dad, it was just him. One person to cut me, use me as a punching bag, or play whip the kid with something to see what kind of mark it left. Now, I had six people there. Six people were around on the holidays and I hid in my room. When Paul had actually dragged me from my room, I just sat there crying
, waiting for the pain to come. But with the Hucks, it never did. Four years and I had loved it ever since. But this Christmas, I think that I would rather be with my dad, knowing what kind of pain that would be coming. At least those scars would heal and I would be able to hide them with clothing. Internal scars were the ones that nothing could cover up, nothing would hide those.

“You didn’t have to bust in there like a caveman and carry me over your shoulder.”
Thank the heavens that the majority of the dorm kids were already gone only to leave a few procrastinators, like me, there. Still, I was sure that Jackson’s barbaric actions would be spread around the school and when I returned, I would be known as the scarred ugly chick in room two-oh-one that had her barbaric dad come in to drag her ugly ass home. Nothing like getting more attention drawn upon me. 

“You left me no choice. I was coming back to the ranch with you anyway that I had to. You are just lucky that I didn’t bring the rope in and hog-tie you just for giggles.” Chuckling, he shifted a little in his seat
; slowing slightly as the snow blew harder, whitewashing the road ahead. We had a good hour to go yet and the weather was getting worse by the mile. Maybe I should have just gone home this morning when Connie had called again. Then again, there wasn’t anything that was supposed to be hitting us this soon. 

“Maybe we should turn back and…”

“Oh, no. You are coming home, Honey.” Reaching over, he put his hand on top of mine and smiled. “I am glad that you came into our family, Emmy. You are my little girl. It would break my heart if you weren’t there.”

Oh that had gotten me. Each time that he had taken me into his den for a yelling, I knew that it had broken his heart to yell at me. I could see it inside of him, but nothing that he had ever said was wrong. Nothing. Of course he was concerned for my safety. I was a girl where the boys could take care of themselves. He was the overprotective dad that I never had. With my real one, I needed protection from him and I was surprised that I had actually stayed alive that long. 

“I know that you had your heart set on staying at the ranch. I can understand that, but you need to do this. You need to live outside of the ranch for a little bit. As we already talked about it, it is just this year and then you can come back and finish online like Rob did.”

“Why are you so worried about me going off to college? I was fine at the ranch and I didn’t mind the work at all.” Biting my lip, I looked out the passenger window
and knew that we would be heading up the hill pretty soon. Once we had gotten over that, then we would be on a straight shot back to town. With the way the road was whitewashed, I wouldn’t be able to rest until that time came. 

He shifted a little more uncomfortably in the seat as he sighed heavily. “Emmy, you’re the little girl who I will always protect with my life. Always. I know what you
came from and I will never let anything ever hurt you like that again. I just can’t stand back and see you hurt.”

“If you are so worried with me spending a year at school, then why didn’t you just let me stay there? I was fine just being there.” And I was. I didn’t have to see the one person that I had loved with my whole heart propose to someone else. It hurt too much knowing Becky would be there with Paul, sitting on his knee, him giving her those little kisses. What could I say? How could I stand beside that and watch that when it hurt so damn bad? “I didn’t want to come home this year. I just wanted to experience life outside of the ranch like you said that I needed to.”

“That really breaks my heart to hear you say that, little girl, and you know it.” His voice tightened up as he slowed, locking the truck into four-wheel drive. The truck had slid a little along with my already hurting heart, but he had brought it back under control. It was my fault he was even driving in this weather. “This snow wasn’t supposed to hit here yet.”

“You know that I love you and Connie both for taking me in like you did. I just…I needed some time alone, I guess.” And to not see my ex-best friend marrying a woman that wasn’t me. I knew that I shouldn’t even think of him like that, but since graduation, things had changed. He had changed and so had I. Maybe I had grown up. When Paul had told me to back off, it hurt so bad, but instead of letting him know it, I just backed off completely. The fight that we had
—I knew that it was the worst one. We never fought. I am sure that he had lost his mind a few times having me follow him around constantly, but I adored him. He was the one that saved my life that night. I could have frozen to death if he hadn’t come out of the bar at that time. What he had told me on Thanksgiving stung more than I could ever imagine. A few times since, he had called, texted, but I didn’t answer, never responded. But then it all stopped. Nothing. Not another text, picture of Ben, nothing as if he just let me go as well. And I sure didn’t want to be anywhere near him this Christmas. It was just time for me to move on. I had to move on. I couldn’t see him with another woman. The pain was too deep.

“I understand that, but we are still your family, Emmerson. You are a part of us. Always will be.” His eyes studied the road as he felt the truck slide a little more. “Please call
Ma and tell her that we will be a little longer. The road is getting pretty bad here. Once we get to the other side, we will be fine.”

Pulling out my cell, I shook my head. No service. Of course. Never on this hill. “I can’t. Nothing.”
I sent a text to Rob and hoped that I had gone through. Maybe it would. I had better luck with the texts sometimes than I had with calling lately.

“Now, what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” Reaching over, he turned the radio on low enough to hear the sickening Christmas music.

“I just…” My eyes had watered as I looked at Ben’s beautiful face on my phone. I missed him. I really did. He was the only best friend that I had these days and I could tell Jackson about how miserable I was at the school, but I wanted to make him proud of me. I wanted to show him that he had raised me to be just as great as his sons were, one son in particular. “I didn’t want to come home this year.”

“Why,
Honey? Just tell me.” When the tears had flowed freely from my eyes, he cleared his throat knowing there was more to me wanting to stay away. “Is it because of the fight that you had with Paul?”

“No.”

“He is upset about it, too, and he is sorry about it, Honey. You two were always close.”

“Yeah, well, he made
it clear to me that he didn’t want me around.”

His lips pressed tight together as he worked the truck up the slick road. “Maybe you two just need to talk about things.” Nodding, his eyes had fallen to the thick snow dancing in front of the headlights. “I just…I need to talk to him about a few things
, also.”

“Jackson, please. This is just between him and me. Don’t say anything to him.”

“I was wrong, Emmer. I really was. I think that the three of us should sit down and talk about some things while you are home.”

“I don’t want to talk about it!”

“I know about the fight and what he said hurt you. I know that, Emmy. I just think that we need to sit down and just talk about some things that I noticed.” A tear trickled down his cheek as he glanced over at me before paying attention to the road. “There are some things, Emmy…..”

“He found someone that he wants to marry, so you can rest easy,
Pa. And I am happy at school and I might just stay there for the whole four years. I want to see what life is outside of the ranch. You don’t have to worry about him being mean to me or saying hurtful things.” Squeezing my phone, I felt my heart breaking a little more. How I wished that he would have let me stay at school. “I know how he feels now. I know that he regrets…..”

“Do you love him, Emmy?” The soft words had come from him
, making my chest tighten. We were about to the top of the hill and the curve on the other side had been the worst, always. There were trees that covered that hill and that side was always the worst with having the least amount of sun possible. “Do you actually love him?”

“I do.” Holding my breath, I shook my head. “I did. He’s like a brother…” No, I didn’t just love him. I really
loved him more than anything. I loved him more than I should. He was supposed to be like a brother to me, but I really never felt that sibling relationship with him. Will and Rob, yes. That was as if I were actually their sister. Paul, not at all. Never really felt that way with him, but love….I was in love with him.

“No, Em. With your heart. Everything. Do you love him like that?”

I gritted my teeth. I did. When he kissed me, it was like a switch. Something that had every inch of my body blazing in an uncontrollable fire. “I did. But you don’t have to worry about it. He has someone that he loves like that and my feelings are only because he saved me that night.”

“Talk to him when we get home. Talk to him and figure this out. All you wanted to do was to run from this and you can’t. That is what your dad did. You ran and hid internally with your dad. Emmerson, I don’t want you to run from us. He was your best friend,
Honey. Don’t shut him out. We can all sit down and talk about this because there is something that the both of you need to know.”