Emmerson's Heart (10 page)

The car pulled away from the curb and he headed out onto the main road. Looking out the window, I felt my
heart sinking into my stomach more. Would he tell Jackson what was going on? Would he tell his own dad how the girls here at the college talked about me? Marc, had never seen my scars, hadn’t really been there to know what my dad did to me. I am sure he was told, but then again, maybe he hadn’t been. Jackson and Connie didn’t talk about my past unless I needed to talk to them about something. And usually, that didn’t happen unless I had a nightmare that Jackson knew about, but still, he didn’t press me for anything. It was on my term and if I wanted to talk about it. And that was something I didn’t want to talk about. My past was the past and that was where it was staying.

“What was that all about, Emmy?” Keeping one hand on the wheel, Marc let his right arm rest on the console in between us
, fumbling with the cell phone in the cup holder at his fingertips.

“Who were you with?” Swallowing hard, I tried to pull my pain back in, but it was so hard. I was used to having Paul already know what was wrong with me before I told him. Paul always knew when something more was wrong before anyone else. It was just how we were. It was the bond we had. But that bond was gone now.

“It doesn’t matter. What were those girls talking about?” I knew he heard their comment about me wanting to get away so I could cause some destruction to my own body, but I wanted it all to go away. People had that issue and those people needed the help. Not me. My body wasn’t self-inflicted upon. My own father did this to me.

“Just leave it alone! I don’t want to talk about it!” Tears blistered in my eyes as the water built up so fast I could barely make out his face. I didn’t want to make out his face, but seeing him through the oceans in my eyes, it was as if Paul, my best friend, was there with me. I needed him so much right now. I needed to hear Paul’s voice to help me get through this. But, no. He wasn’t there for me anymore. Paul was with Becky, going to marry her annoying perfection, and I wasn’t anything to him anymore. “I can’t do this, Marc. I just can’t. I can’t go back there.”

Letting out his breath, he shook his head and brought up his hand to rub his jaw. “I’m not sure where you are talking about? The ranch or school?”

“Where do you think?” I snapped. I had no idea. I really didn’t. I didn’t want to go back to the ranch because I couldn’t see Paul with her, with Becky. She was stealing
him from me. She was the reason why he was being so nasty to me. And he allowed it. He let her take him away from me. As for school, I didn’t want to go in the first place. I begged Jackson not to send me. I begged him over and over again, but he insisted. It was what he planned for all his children and to Jackson, I was one of those children.

“I understand you and Paul have been close, but Emmy, he is to the point in his life where he wants to start a family of his own and you have to respect that….”

“To hell I do! Marc, he….he….” It hurt. It hurt worse than what it had when those girls were making fun of me. Paul was my best friend since I started coming around the Huck house. Always, and never had a problem with it until he started getting serious with Becky after my graduation party. That was when it all started. That night he talked me up to coming over to his place to hang out like we used to. Yeah, I was excited and the impression I got from him that whole day was this was going to be the night he actually made a move. A few times, I thought he was going to kiss me and the way his touches lingered a little longer than usual, I was excited. But when I got to his place that night, he wouldn’t even come out of the bathroom, wouldn’t even look at me. In fact, that was when he started to change and it had something to do with her. I know it had. She was the reason why he didn’t want to hang out with me that night. But he let her. He let her manipulate him into pushing me away.

“I know, Emmy. I know. I heard what he said at Thanksgiving. He shouldn’t have said that to you and I really don’t think he meant it. He’s just going through a huge change in his life.” Stopping at the red light, he put his arm back on the console and looked at me with the deepest compassion in his eyes. “Stay the weekend with me. I can bring you back here Sunday night
, or I can run you back over here on my lunch break Monday if you have no classes until then. We can rent some movies, talk, and hang out if you would like.”

“Yeah, like you don’t have any plans.” I wasn’t about to break up his night or plans because I was hurting. I heard what that girl said in the background when he called. I wasn’t going to have Marc turn against me like Paul had
, all because of a woman.

Maybe I did cause Paul to push me away like he had. I was constantly around him, following him, and talking to him. I could see where he was getting frustrated, but in the
last four years, you would think he would have told me instead of saying what he said. We were friends, best friends, and he should have told me instead. It would have been hard separating myself from him, but I would. I would have, because I would rather him in my life a little less than not at all or to have him hate me.

“Um…I just…No, I don’t. There was a party, but that wasn’t any fun anyway. I would rather hang with you. You’re a lot more fun and a whole lot prettier to look at.” Reaching over, his hand found
to give it a little reassuring squeeze. “Let’s just hang out this weekend. We can talk about what you want and get to know each other. I barely get to know you because I am always working, but let’s just hang out.”

“Why would you want to? You don’t have to because you think you need to
, because I am your sister-type person your family took in.” I wanted to. I really wanted to just hang out with him. If I couldn’t have Paul there right now, Marc would be able to fill his spot. The two looked a lot alike, except for the little scar on the left upper lip of Marc. It was cute, but I never knew how he got it. But still, he was so much like Paul, he would be able to help fill the void my best friend gave me.

“No, Emmy. You’re not my sister. I don’t think of you like that. I never did. I am glad my family took you in because I do get to be a part of your life. But you’re not my sister. I would like to say that we are friends.” Pressing his lips together, the corners twitched as
if he wanted to smile. His cheeks darkened in the glow of the street lamps, giving him that little boyish look to him just like his older brother had in my senior year of high school. “I would really like to be your friend.”

If I could hug him right now, I would. I needed someone like him. And if Paul didn’t want me anymore, then Marc would. And I did like Marc. Taking this time to get to know him might be a good thing. I could get myself separated from Paul and give Paul his life back.

“Don’t you ever let anyone bring you down. Paul, those girls, no one, Emmy.” Keeping my hand in his, he held it tightly as he smiled a little. “Just because I live on the other side of the city doesn’t mean that I can’t come over and pick you up when you need someone.”

“Yeah, and have you end up hating me like Paul does?” Looking out the window, I felt my heart drop a little more. My father always told me no one would ever want me. No one. I often wondered why he didn’t just give
me up for adoption after my mom died and I never asked him. I wouldn’t dare ask him when he was beating me with a leather belt he stole from some store while screaming hateful things to me. But I wondered if he hated me that much because my mom died, why not just give me away?

“Paul doesn’t need to be treating you like he is. I will say that, but he does need to realize that you still need him. You two had a tight bond since he brought you home. Saying what he said at Thanksgiving wasn’t right, Emmy, but he didn’t mean it. I know he didn’t.”

“Then why doesn’t he talk to me anymore? Huh? No, he insists on saying those things to me and it hurts so bad.”

“I know, but you have to realize, he is ready to take this big step in his life. Emmy, he swore he would never get married.
Never
. This is actually a little scary to him. He will come back around. Just let him get through this and after Christmas….”

No, I wasn’t going there for Christmas. I would rather take my chances with the girls at school. At least they would be going home over the break so I could just stay in my dorm and hide.

“I won’t be there until Christmas Eve night. I have a late meeting and I won’t fly back into Billings until five. I will get home and grab my bag so I won’t be there until then.” Letting go of my hand, he reached over to the stereo and flipped through the stations. Finding a country station, he relaxed in his seat and glanced at me as he turned onto the interstate for a little while—heading south.

“I’m not going. I can’t be there, Marc.” I couldn’t stand to see Becky and her touching Paul. Putting her hand on his leg, the constant flipping of her hair off her shoulder. Come on, it was bad enough at Thanksgiving I had to witness that and managed to keep my food down, but when Paul propose
d, it was going to kill me. Nothing would hurt me that much to see the man I loved so much marry another woman.

“I can pick you up on my way if you would like. I can talk to
Dad and let him know that you are going to come with me. If that helps you get through Christmas, I will do that.”

Looking out the window, I nodded. I wouldn’t mind going back with Marc, but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t face that pain that was coming. It was just better that I stay at
school. If Paul hated me that much, I would give him peace for Christmas so he could propose. Because I still loved him. It would be better for him that I wasn’t there also. Hopefully, as Marc said, Paul would be better afterward so I could talk to him again. This would pass, right?

Chapter 8

****Past****

Never in my life had I heard anything like it before. I had never seen him so uptight and so on the verge of coming unraveled. He was my best friend, the one who had saved me. Of course, I wasn’t allowed anywhere near that trailer. Not even to watch. I loved living with the Hucks. Still, I had kind of felt the fear that someday they would send me away. I was fifteen and a sophomore, but they hadn’t known. They thought I was a freshman like Will, but I didn’t correct them. My birthday was always a day that I would rather forget about. And this birthday, I had watched that shaking trailer pull into the yard as the animal inside went completely crazy.

Since living with the Hucks, I had become part of the family. Jackson had let me work with Paul and the horses. We needed some new horses and we had sold off some. It was what I loved the most, a new challenge. That was a battle all
on its own, too.

Jackson, that man. He was one that I could read so well. Those times that he had pulled me into his office to
talk to me, to tell me that I couldn’t be fighting no matter what, that I wasn’t alone anymore, I was his daughter now made me like him more. There had been so many nights that I had laid on my mattress, wishing that my dad was like that, that my dad wouldn’t just go off because I had taken a slice of bread. It had taken a lot for me to actually trust that he was nothing like my dad, but deep inside, I loved him as if he were. Everything was about my safety with Jackson. Hell, that guy alone dropped a shield around me like no one could believe. Letting me work with Paul had been a two hour conversation alone.

A
few times, I had snuck out to the barn at night after having those darn nightmares and Jackson had come out to haul me back inside. Though, after that, he hadn’t left my room. Nope, he sat in there, the chair pulled next to my bed, and spoke not one word about them. A few times, I had felt him holding my hand while I drifted off to sleep. Something about him just made me feel at ease, comfort that I had never gotten before from an adult. Paul had been my best friend, but Jackson, he was, in my heart, my dad.

As I watched from behind the barn, the four guys were around that rocking trailer while the animal inside
screamed his threats to them, warning them that he wasn’t coming out easily. Three days, that trailer sat and that horse wasn’t calming. Not for a second. They had tried in the middle of the night, feeding him, luring him out with treats, but as soon as one of those guys had come within a hundred feet of that trailer, the beast unleashed upon them.

As Jackson had talked with his oldest son, my heart was heavy
while listening in. The horse was going to go back. Having an animal on the ranch that had so much damage done to him wasn’t worth the risk. Another challenge, right? I was bored with the lame ones that Paul had let me work with. This one, though, just hit me harder than any I had seen before.

It was the middle of the night when I had snuck out. Making sure that Jackson was actually sleeping first, I hightailed it down to the coral. All that I had ever seen that was in the trailer was a big, dark gray spotted head with his ears pinned back to his large head and the whites of his black eyes. But when I had come up, he hadn’t made a sound. Crawling on the wheel well, I swallowed hard at the sight. My stomach jumped into my throat and my eyes had dropped to him. The whites were there and his ears were
laid back, but he wasn’t making a sound. Reaching in, I slipped my hand under his snarly, mud caked mane and felt the bumps. Scars. They had to be scars that ruffled his dark gray hairs.