Emmerson's Heart (14 page)

“Like the time that he wast livid about catching her out by Ben?” Chuckling, I could still remember that day. That was the day that Ben had her on his back for the first
time. I was watching and making sure that she was okay and I told her not to let my dad catch her.

“Yeah, you better not let
Dad catch you.” I nearly dropped as his voice had come over my shoulder. We had been busted. Not just her, but she had taken the blame for it. She had covered me, hadn’t said one word about all the times that I knew that she was out there.

“I heard about that for days.” Mom nodded as the tears had swelled back into her eyes. “She was just like him. That stubborn, no one will ever tell me not to attitude. He loved her so much. He was so happy having her here. He had always wanted a little girl and when she had come….when he had come in telling me that she wasn’t going anywhere, I knew that…I knew that he would do anything to protect her.”

“Did he ever tell you…that week after I had found her? Did he ever tell you what he had done?” Feeling the tightness in my chest, I could almost feel that frozen girl in my arms. At first, I thought she was just snow covered from crawling around on the ground, but when I had sat in my truck for a little bit, I had noticed the blood on my tan sweater. Not just a little blood. And my truck seat. Being damn near frozen had saved her life. If it had been summer, she would have bled to death.

“He said that he wanted to get her things….but…”

“Mom, he beat the living crap out of her dad. He knew that she had no things to get. He wanted to go there and…on that broken leg, he pulverized that man. I almost couldn’t get him to stop.” Yes, Emmy meant that much to him. The man that was against brawling had nearly beaten another man to death. Not that I wouldn’t have done the same thing. I wanted to, but I was too late. If I had known his true intentions back then, I wouldn’t have let him go. That was the first and the only time that I had ever seen him lose control like that. Hell, with us, he never had to. We protected ourselves. But Emmy, with that back so raw and so cut up, the old scars that the man had left on her, my dad had stepped right up to protect her.

“We can’t forget this.” Rob pulled his cell out of his pocket and pressed a few buttons until Emmy had come up with her head down as she shoveled the potatoes in her mouth, gravy dripping from her chin.

“Wow, these are great, Connie. I don’t know how you made them, but wow!” was all she had said. Mom was screaming, Dad was pitching a fit, Rob and Will were laughing, and I was sitting there too afraid to move with the animal in the house. But there she had sat as if there wasn’t a huge horse in the room.

“EMMY! THERE’S A HORSE IN MY HOUSE!” Panicking,
Mom had been pressed into the corner with the pastor that decided to join us that Sunday night for dinner.

Her head had come up as her eyes danced. Hands covered her mouth as she screeched. “Oh my god! There’s a horse in the house! When did he get in here?” When did he get in there? He had been nibbling the corn off her plate for the past minute. Like she hadn’t known that he was in there.

“Emmy! Get him out of here!” My dad screamed, but as I looked closer, my heart jumped hard.

“Play that part back.” Pointing at it, I felt my mom twist a little in the seat to see.

“Emmy! Get him out of here!” Right there. Had my eyes just been playing tricks on me?

“Again.” Leaning closer to him, I watched closer
as I felt my heart picking up speed. How had I not noticed. “Slow it down.”

“Dude…”

              “Just do it.” Biting my lip, I watched her. Her eyes had shifted over to him as he had yelled. And there is was. Right on his face was a smile for a brief second. His head had tipped a little and there was a smile on his damn face. Of all the times that he had been so angry at her, he was actually smiling. There was a horse inside the house and he was trying not to laugh.

Mom’s hand had taken the phone from Rob as he had paused the video with the two in the shot. The hint of a smile on both their faces. Her fingers brushed the screen as the tears had rolled down her cheeks. “I was still angry that night. Humiliated. It was humiliating. He sat on the bed, his head was down
, and his hands were folded. I was ranting and raving about that still and he just sat there. When he had looked up, he had tears running down his face and he was laughing so hard that he couldn’t breathe.” Clutching the phone to her chest, she barked out a cry. “I loved him so much. I loved him all these years and I always wondered if he was really happy. He was so happy when you all were born, but I had seen that it had hurt each time that he was handed a son. He wanted a little girl so bad. A little girl that I didn’t give him.”

“But you did.” Tucking her hair behind her ear, I forced myself to smile. “You asked him to help her that night. I heard you. You did give him his little girl.”

“I know that he died saving her tonight. I know that he would have done everything that he could to keep her safe. Please, don’t take her. Please, don’t take her from me, too.” Falling into my chest, she cried again while still clutching the phone to her chest like a baby; like the times that she had held Emmy when she had cried. “You have him, but please don’t take her, too. I need her. I need my little girl. Please bring her home to me. Please. You took him from me. Please, don’t take her.”

I cried right along with her
, drawing Rob and Will to me and holding my family in my arms while we all cried. Not one of us had moved. Not one of us had gotten up, shifted, nothing. It was just bad that Marc couldn’t have been there with us. I knew that he was hurting, too, but at least he was there with her. At least she had someone there waiting for her.

“Um,
Honey?” Becky cleared her throat as she gently shook my arm. “Honey, Mr. Andrews is here. He said that he brought his boys over to take care of the chores. They heard what happened and they said not to worry about anything.”

“Any word from Marc?” Glancing over at my brothers and my mom, they were all still in my embrace, right where we all needed to be.

“No, Babe. Not yet.” Making her way around the couch, she pulled the blanket off the back of my dad’s chair and covered us up. “I will let you know if he does. Would your mom mind if I made something for the Andrews to eat?”

“No, go ahead.” Nodding, I felt my heart slip a little as I felt the phone brushing my fingertips. Picking it up, I looked at the picture that had been on Rob’s background. It was of her
from graduation with the smile and her arm around me. Her hair was flowing and I had never seen anything more beautiful than that smile of hers. And standing next to her, how she had fit right up to me, I had seen the sheer happiness coming from her heart. Wrapping my fingers around it, I tucked it close to my heart and wept again. How could I have been such a bastard to her? I had seen the look that she had given me when I had gone off on my ranting spree to her at Thanksgiving. She had looked at me like she had looked when her father was brought up, the man that had hurt her so bad in the past. If she had lived through this, I would make it up to her anyway that I could. I would never shove her from my life again. I would never hurt her again and I would make damn sure that no one else would either. With my dad gone, I had to step up and fill his shoes. I needed to take care of my family, including her. That look would never come to those eyes again. Not on my watch.

Chapter 12

****Past****

Emmerson

Rob was gone. Another part of my family was gone. Another one! God, it hurt so bad. I didn’t see him during the week and knowing that he wouldn’t be there when I had gotten home from school was going to be so hard. He was just in the city, but still, he was my brother and I hated the fact that Marc was gone already. I liked Marc and when he had come home, we would talk, but mostly, I liked how Rob and Marc would have their little quarrels and talks. That was where I had gotten the truth about boys and sex—from listening to those two go on and on about their “girlfriends”. Now Rob was gone, leaving me with just Paul and Will. Just by having him gone, one less person around, I noticed that my nights were getting bad again by leaving me a little more empty inside.

Tonight, the
nightmare came unexpectedly. I woke up shaking and wondering if my dad was actually there. I was so scared, I could barely get myself out of the bed to check. Everything was so real—the pain, the cries, his lashings.

Slipping on my jeans over my shorts, I opened my window to crawl out into the darkness of the night. Paul’s house wasn’t too far away, but I just…He was my best friend, but I couldn’t bring myself to
come to terms about going to him. It wasn’t like he hadn’t known about my nightmares and not once had he ever complained that I had snuck into his house and slept on his couch.

Heading down to the coral, Ben let out a breath
in greeting. My Ben. He had known. He sensed it. I often wondered if he had nightmares, too, from his past. His soft velvet nose nudged me as I slithered through the railings and looked at him. We had a connection, a strong one, and I believed that we were tied together because of the pain and hurt that we had gone through.

Easing my way over to the chunk of hay bale, I curled up into the warmth and cried. Cried for him and me, the abuse that we had gone through
; only to be saved by the Hucks.

It wasn’t until the morning sun had kissed my face and the screams of terror had ripped through that large horse that I realized that I had slept out in that coral all
night. The thrashing hooves pounded the ground and, for once, Ben’s large dark gray ears were pressed against his head, sending his anger back out to the three standing at the railing afraid to move.

The color was washed from Will’s sweet face and his flannel shirt and jeans were thrown on in a panic. Paul
—the worry had settled deep in his eyes as he moved a little, bringing Ben’s rage to an all time high.

“Emmy, just move out of there nice and easy.” Jackson’s voice soothed out of him as he eased a step
toward the coral, hoping to have Ben’s focus on Paul. His long sleeved blue shirt had hung loose from his shoulders and his jeans were sagging on his older, lean hips as if he dressed in a split second.

“Dad, don’t make any sudden movements.” Paul cleared his throat
, moving toward the fence, his arm out to hold Will back, to protect him from the crazed animal.

“Now, Emmer
. Just move to me slowly….” Jackson came up to the fence, causing Ben to turn so fast and thrash at him with the heated rage exploding. The older version of Paul jumped back, not wanting the horse to cause any damage or to hurt me. I could see why. Ben was just threatened by the three guys surrounding his territory and right now, I was in the middle of it.

“Dad, watch him!” Paul cursed as Ben had taken back after him. Shoving Will back, he shook his head.

“This is why I wanted him gone!” Anger ripped through Jackson as he grabbed the rope that was hanging on the post. “He’s going to kill her!”

Paul’s defense dropped as his shoulders eased. Raking that bottom lip through his teeth, his eyes drifted over to me
, making my heart race faster.

Standing up, I brushed the hay from my hair and swallowed hard. I hadn’t meant to fall asleep in the coral. I just needed some comfort and Ben was where I had gotten it from.
I had every intention of going back to the house after my fear had faded. I was going to go, but I had fallen asleep. Being near Ben had taken that fear and that panic away, given me such comfort that I was able to, for once, handle another brother leaving the ranch.

“I think that he’s just protecting her,
Dad. Back off and let her come out.” His dark eyes filled with the compassion as he nodded at me. “What’s going on, Tyke?”

“I just came down here because….because….I was scared.” The rain poured from my eyes as I just stood there
, watching my Gentle Ben attack my family.

Jackson’s anger dropped hard as he stepped back, his face softened, and his eyes filled with something so deep that it only made me cry harder. His lips pressed together tightly as he nodded, the pain falling onto his broad shoulders.

“Can you come out of there?” Paul’s whispers came through dancing on the air as he stepped back, taking Will with him.

“I don’t want to.” My legs trembled
, sending me down onto the hay as I buried my face into my arms. It was the worst nightmare that I had ever had coming live with my new family and it scared me even more.

“Please, Emmer. Come and talk to us. That is why we are here.” With easy steps, Paul came to the gate
, only to have Ben charge at him with his teeth ready to sink in. Ignoring the threats, he unlatched the gate and stepped back. Ben hit the gate so hard, it had knocked Paul back, but he hadn’t made any more movements.

“He was there! He was there again!” Screaming out in pain, the heat in my back intensified, the scorching fire hit every single mark that man had left on me.

“He’s not here, Honey. He will never hurt you again.” Jackson tipped his head up as his trusting eyes filled me. “He will never hurt you. Over my dead body will anyone ever hurt you again.”

Sitting up, I felt the tears pack into my eyes as I looked at him. Pulling myself up to my feet, I made it out of the coral to go straight to his arms. And once those arms wrapped tightly around me, I let everything go. Everything. My legs refused to support me and my heart was being embraced by his warmth, his love.

Just like a little kid, he picked me up with my legs wrapped around his waist and he just held me as tight as he could.

Ben shoved his way past Paul and Will
, coming straight to us, his nickers soft and soothing as his velvet brushed against my cheek.

“Emmy, he will never get anywhere near you ever again. I promise my life on that,
Honey.” His voice muffled in my hair as he just held me even tighter.

Carrying me to the house, he sat on his recliner
while still holding me on his lap. Connie rubbed her hand on my back, trying to calm my cries. Paul and Will sat on the couch, not saying a word.

“It hurts so bad. It just hurts.” Cuddling into him, I felt my hurt come out more as I wasn’t being able to hang onto it anymore.

“What hurts, Honey?”

“Rob leaving.”

“Is that what brought this on?” Pulling me back, his soft eyes lingered on mine as he brushed the tears from my cheeks. “Honey, he just went to school. That’s all.”

“It’s not fair.”

“Emmy, you’re not losing us if that’s what you think.”

“Someday I will
, and I can’t stop it. Someday, I will lose you.” Falling back into his chest, I felt the hurt returning with a vengeance. God, I already loved all of them so much and slowly, I was losing them one by one.

“Why don’t you give him a call, Emmy? You can call him any time.” Connie picked a few pieces of hay out of my hair as she sighed heavily. “Just don’t ever scare us like that again.”

“Why didn’t you just come to my place if the nightmare was that bad?” Paul cleared his throat while sitting up and raking his hand through his dark curly hair. “You know that we can’t trust that horse yet.”

“I can, Paul. I can trust him. I need him. Please, don’t take him away from me.” My voice cracked as I looked at the compassion pouring out of Jackson.

“Emmy, my job here is to protect my family, to keep you all safe. Seeing you in that coral with the way that he was acting, it worries me that someday he will hurt you. I can’t have that. You’re my little girl no matter what. It would just kill me if anything happened to you. You are my life, Emmy. My family is my life. Finding you gone like that and not at Paul’s, it scared the hell out of me, Honey. I don’t know what I would do if I ever lost you.” Cupping my cheeks in his hands, his eyes deepened with the most love that I had ever gotten from anyone. I knew then, it was that moment, that I truly had become his daughter.

“He was after me again and he wasn’t going to stop. I got scared and I ran to Ben to protect me. He knows what it’s like. I just went to him to protect me.”

“This place is filled with people that will protect you now, Emmy. You are a part of this family. Our family. No one here will ever, ever let anyone hurt you again. Do you understand me?” Pulling me back to his chest, he just held me tightly as Connie went to the kitchen to begin breakfast and Paul went out to work on feeding the other horses. Just sitting there with Jackson was something that I had only dreamed with my father. Not once had my father ever held me when I was hurting or scared. Not once had he ever defended me, worried about me, anything. But this, this here with Jackson? I had never wanted anything more in my life except to have him there all the time.

“I woke up….I woke up and he had a knife.” The breath caught in my throat as I cuddled into Jackson’s embrace. Not once did I ever talk about anything my father had done to me, but for some reason, I felt that I needed to tell him. Maybe he would just think I was telling him the dream I had. He didn’t need to know that I was telling him what actually happened on
the last birthday I had with my real father. “I tried to scream, but he covered my mouth….My lips hurt so bad from crushing against my teeth….He…He let that cold blade run against my skin at first. And the look in his eyes….”

That was the worst part about it. I could sustain the pain, the physical pain, but that pure look of evil
satisfaction was in those aqua eyes, dancing with delight, excitement in seeing what he could do. That was in all the nightmares I had with my dad in them. Every single damn one of them.

“He would run the knife over my skin again
, digging in a little deeper….and deeper each time. God, it hurt and I couldn’t scream. I couldn’t do anything. But….the way he looked….”

“Emmy, if I had known….”

“He cut me over and over….Not very deep, but….all I could do was lay there.”

“Never again, Emmy. Never again will I let someone hurt you. You belong to me. You are my daughter now
, and I don’t care what anyone says or what any paperwork says….You are my daughter now and no one will ever change that.” His hold tightened on me as he sucked in a few deep breaths. No, he knew I wasn’t telling him my dream. Without even telling him, he knew. “I want to give you something….”

Releasing me, he reached up behind his neck to the silver chain that was always around his neck, the necklace he never took off. Unclasping it, he let it fall into his hand and he held it up to me.

“This was the necklace my foster father had given to me when I realized he wasn’t letting me go. That was when I became part of his family. I want you to have it. You don’t have to wear it, but what I want you to do with this….” His eyes softened to a deep brown like I never saw before in him. I never knew his father was actually a foster father. No one ever told me that Jackson wasn’t with his real parents. Maybe he went through something similar to what I had. Maybe his scars were hidden like Ben’s and mine were, and that was why I didn’t see it before. “I want you, when you see there is someone out there that is worthy of you, of having anything to do with your heart, I want you to give this to them to let them know they are a part of you now. It can only go to someone you deem as worthy enough.”

“Jackson….”

“Please, Emmy. Promise me you will only give it to someone you know is worthy enough to have it. It’s a special necklace. It is special like I am and you are and whoever you give it to. So hang onto it and when you ever find someone that means that much to you, you pass it on.”

Wrapping my arms around him, I just pressed my face into his chest. For someone to take me in as their own, to tell me that I belong
ed to him now as his daughter, I knew I never wanted to leave this place. I never wanted to leave him. If I could just live there on the ranch for the rest of my life, I would. Instead of just me and Ben being the ones who were physically and emotionally hurt by others, Jackson was too. And I think everyone else didn’t know about Jackson. This was something we shared and could relate to. Because of this, I think he could see where Ben was coming from now. The three of us would always be together in our hearts, having experienced a lot of what people never knew about. We made one.