Emmerson's Heart (6 page)

Nodding, the burn hit my eyes so fast, I was afraid to do anything. In all the places we lived, I never had
someone be so nice to me before. In North Dakota, that one church lady had given me a jacket, but the zipper was broken and there were large holes under the arms. And in North Dakota, you needed a heavy jacket. I mended it the best I could, but half the time, I was still freezing.

Putting the socks on, I wanted to just cry even more. The warmth was something I never experienced before. My toes were so snuggled into those fuzzy socks and warm for a change. With her help, I dressed in the leather chaps, as she called them, and the jacket. Slipping the boots on, for once, I knew what it felt like to be warm.

“When you get back, dinner should be done. Just come in and I will have a place set for you.” Smiling, she grabbed the fuzzy stocking hat and pulled it over my head. “Go and be careful. Do you need me to call your dad?”

“He’s at work and I told him I would be over here.” Lie! I hated lying to her, but if she were to talk to my dad about me being there, he would flip. I would never be able to sit again or leave the house until the wrath would disappear. Then again, it wasn’t a complete lie. Wednesdays, he was playing cards with someone else in the next town and he preferred I wasn’t there
, anyway. Do you know how hard it is it stay hidden outside until the “guest” was gone? Pretty hard, but it was something I was used to doing.

“Go and be careful.” Rushing me out the door, she shoved something into the coat pocket as I emerged out to the porch where Paul was standing next to a brown horse with spots on his butt.

“This is Foxy. She’s gentle and my mom’s horse.” Paul pulled me over to him and patted the saddle. “We have to get going.”

“You mean….” Reaching out, I brushed my hand against the horse’s soft fur
, feeling the warmth of her body. “I get to ride this one?”

“Sure do. I thought you would like this more than stacking hay.” Reaching down, he cupped my left foot and lifted up as fast as he could. Following the instructions on how to get on, I swung my leg over the horse
’s back feeling my body being jolted. Catching myself, I looked over at the wide brown eyes of Paul. “Sorry. You were a lot lighter than I thought. Get settled in.”

As he talked while he mounted the huge black horse with the four white socks, I listened to everything he said. Paul wasn’t as bad as I thought. Hanging onto every word he said, I let the mare follow him heading around the
house. Once we came to the wide open field and the last fence, he turned to look at me, his eyes softening.

“We are going to pick it up a little or we will miss dinner. Keep your heels down and let your body go with the horse.” Waving his arm, he slowed his horse
and let me catch up. “If you feel scared or something is wrong, don’t be afraid to tell me.”

If he only knew. If he knew why I had to steal his brother’s lunches and that I was too scared to go home, he would regret that statement. My life wasn’t something anyone wanted to get involved in. I didn’t want anyone to get involved. Not with knowing what my dad was really capable of. I had to do my best not to get that man riled up. I had a few years left with him and then I could be on my own to get away from him. It was just a few more years. That was all.

Following his lead, we picked up speed and headed out into the wide open fast and I loved it. That was the best feeling I ever had. It was, for once in my pathetic and miserable life, I felt free. I enjoyed the cold air nipping at my face, my body rocking with the power that I was riding, and the freedom of the vast open land. That was, until I heard that deep chuckle.

“You’re a natural, Tyke!” Paul moved along with his large horse as if he were born there, like the guys in the movies that just fit right into the saddle. “You’re doing damn good for being a first timer.”

“I love it!” Letting myself relax, I closed my eyes and took in the scent of the fresh air. It was like heaven was wrapping her arms around me, embracing me, letting me just think about something more than the pain that came from my own father.

“We are going to keep going for a while and when the forest starts, that’s where we are heading.”

“How can anyone not love this?” Opening my eyes, I looked over at him with the big and bright smile on his face, those dark eyes dancing with happiness, more happiness I had ever seen in anyone before.

“Some don’t. My brother, Marc
—he’s a year younger than me—decided that he was staying at school now. He doesn’t really care to ride anymore.”

“He’s missing out.” Laughing, I reached up
and caught my hat before it blew off. Just taking it off, I held it in my free hand as the wind went through my hair. It felt so good with the tugging that wasn’t caused by a man’s hand, my father’s hand. If I could have this every day, I would kiss the ground each and every morning. But that would never happen. Once this project was done, I would be nothing again and living in a world of misery behind my father’s walls. No friends. Nothing. Again. “There are just four of you?”

“Yeah. And still not enough to get work done.”

“I can help….With anything.” I have no idea why I said something. I should have thought about it before opening my mouth. If he had figured anything out and talked to his parents, people would be crawling around our house and my dad would pick us up and move…again. I didn’t want to move. I liked Will and his lunches. I liked the way he overlooked the fact that I stole his food. He knew it was me and yet, he didn’t ask me about it. He didn’t look down on me about it. Nope. Instead, he just looked the other way.

“This weekend, I have to go through the cows to check for any illnesses. It would be an adventure. I can’t get no help from Rob with his basketball games this weekend and Will….He doesn’t know what to do even though we do it all the time. I can talk to your dad and…”

“He’s working this weekend and I can ask him. I don’t know how much help I can be….”

“It’s a lot of work. We have over a thousand cows and we would be riding a lot.”

“Please! I will talk to him. I can help.” If I got to spend the weekend hiding while my dad was home with his “weekend guest” or ride out checking on a thousand cows, I would rather the riding. I could learn. Besides, my dad wouldn’t care as long as no one questioned him about me.

“We might not make it back. If I can get Will away from his video game, he will come
, too. We might camp out so it would mean sleeping on the ground in a tent.”

As if I never slept on the ground before. A tent would be a luxury item that I never had when I “camped” out before. And my dad would rather me not be home on the weekends anyway. Last weekend, I spent
my time under the side steps hiding so no one would know that I was locked out while he had his little party. The less attention on him meant the less bruises and beatings I received. “I’ve never been camping in a tent before.”              

“Alright. I will talk to my mom and dad. The extra hand would help, but you would have to stay by me and listen to me.”

“I would!”

“You will get really dirty.”

“I don’t care.” As if I hadn’t gotten dirty before. If he only knew what I went through. A little dirt would never kill me. My dad, maybe. But not dirt. Oh, how I wanted to spend the weekend there. I wanted to wear these fuzzy socks, this warm jacket, and ride this horse again. I wanted to ride out into the world of freedom again. I wanted to enjoy this more. I wanted to do this a whole lot more. Maybe it was the running. We were running through the wide open that I always dreamed about.

When we had gotten in sight of the woods, we went back to a walk and I relaxed even more. Glancing over at Paul, I smiled. I liked him. I really liked him and his way. Something about him just made me at ease. Something I really hadn’t gotten from a man before. Not with the way I had to size them up because of my dad, see how much damage they could inflict on me. Paul was different. Paul was….someone I didn’t fear.

“There is going to be a steep decline to get to the fence. Let the horse do the work. She knows what she needs to do.” Reaching over, he grabbed the pocket of my jacket and pulled out a large baggie. “Thank goodness for my mom.”

“What is that?”

“I figured she snuck you a treat.” Letting his reins hang on the horn of the saddle, he opened the bag and pulled out two cookies. Fresh, baked cookies. They weren’t bought in a store. I could tell that from the cookies my dad bought that I didn’t dare touch. Hell, I thought I could have one once and I took one. I could barely shower because of the pain he induced on my back. It was so raw that the water hitting it would make me nauseous. “Here.”

“Can I have one?”

“She packed them for you. She’s usually more caring to you younger ones than me.” Shoving one into his mouth, he groaned loudly. “What the heck! Chocolate chip!”

Taking the bag, I pulled one out and felt the hunger rumbling in my stomach. Ugh, how I wanted to eat it all as fast as I could just to get rid of that pain. I didn’t have time to stash Will’s lunch I stole today because I was coming straight over to his house so I had to leave it in the bathroom. Lifting it to my lips, I looked over at him out of the side of my eye
, making sure he wasn’t going to come after me for eating one. I didn’t think he would, but I didn’t know that my dad would be so angry toward me like he was over little things. Then again, after my mom killed herself, he blamed me. That was why he hated me, according to him. I didn’t remember that at all. I didn’t even remember my mother.

“I will have to have a talk with that woman. She knows my favorite is sugar cookies.” Shoving the other one in his mouth, he gathered his reins again as his shoulders eased. “If you do come with us, we will be riding over a lot of land. Don’t be afraid to tell me if you need to stop or if something is wrong.”

“How much is a lot of land?” Managing to take a small bite, I let the flavor explode in my mouth. Will had some cookies in his lunches, but nothing this good. It was heaven. Pure heaven. Riding on the horse and eating a cookie. Others may think that this was nothing, but to me, this was an experience I would dream about when my birthday came along, when I endured the most of my pain.

“Um….we have about fifteen hundred acres. All this you see is all our land. The Andrews’ land starts way past the creek over on the west end.” As he talked more, I
missed a little while savoring the flavor of that fresh baked cookie.  

Putting the rest of the cookies back into the pocket, I wanted to save one for later. I wanted that taste again before I would have to go home once again to my dad.

When we had gotten through the start of the woods, I knew what Paul was talking about when he said a steep decline. When the horse started to go down the hill, my heart jumped hard. What would happen if the animal stepped wrong or slipped? What would I do? I didn’t want to do anything to hurt Will’s mom’s horse, but I had no idea what I was doing. Instead, I just watched Paul and how he carried himself in the saddle. He should know how to ride. He was raised on horses.

Getting to the bottom, I let out my breath
as I heard the little chuckle. When we arrived to the fence, I watched him get down as if it were nothing. I could do that. I could….get down myself just as he did. Swinging my leg over the horse’s back, I went down to the ground with my right leg, just as Paul did. When I was there, I pulled my foot out of the stirrup and I went straight down to the ground, hard on my backside that was a little sore from my last disciplinary action. It was two weeks ago, but darn it, if I didn’t feel it now.

“Emmy!” Paul’s hands scooped under my arms as he helped me back to my feet. Tears rolled down my eyes as I just wanted to cry more. I couldn’t. I had to pull it back in. If Paul found out, either he would tell his parents and I wouldn’t be able to come around anymore or the authorities would be sticking their nose into my dad’s house and I would get it worse. “You should have waited.”

“I thought…I could…get down…”

“I know. You’re not used to this yet. You’re going to be sore.”
As I watched him draw his bottom lip in through his perfect teeth, my heart stopped. He was upset that I fell. So what. It didn’t hurt. That didn’t hurt. The old bruising I had was what hurt. “Are you okay?”

Nodding, I waited for him to scream. Here, he was nice enough to let me ride along and now, I had to fall getting down off the horse. I just wanted to show him that I could do it. This weekend was coming up fast and I wanted to spend one weekend not sleeping under the broken steps on the side of the house. I didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t. I didn’t want to sleep under there and spend the daylight trying to hide from others in town.

“Let’s get this fence fixed and get back to dinner. I have a barn that needs to be cleaned tonight.” Turning back to the horse I rode, he gathered the reins and tied them to the tree. Heading over to his black horse, he unlatched the saddlebag and slung it over his shoulder. “Let’s go, Tyke.”

“I can help….clean the barn.” Why not? I didn’t want to go home. Not tonight anyway.

“Sure. But if I let you do that, you wouldn’t want to come around here anymore.” Chuckling, he went to where the broken barbed wire had snapped and was coiled up in the brush. Taking the bag from him, I watched at what he was doing and handed him what he needed. He could have done this all himself, but maybe he just wanted someone to ride out with him. And I appreciated it. I loved the ride.