Easy Silence (26 page)

“Samantha, it’s me…Jaxson.”

My smile grew even wider. “Oh hey! What are you doing using the likes of a cell phone?” I giggled hoping he wouldn’t get offended by my humor.

“I–I was worried about you. I just stopped over your grandmother’s, and Hadley said she hadn’t seen you all day. She was worried, too.”

“Oh…ummm…I’m actually at the library.”

“How did you get there? Your car is still at your grandmother’s.”

“I walked.”

“That’s kinda far. Isn’t it?”

“Nah…it’s fine.”

“Well, can I come and pick you up?”

“I’d like that.”

“K. I’ll be there in five minutes.”

We said our goodbyes, and I finished up, shoving all of my notes into my purse and headed outside. The hot air felt good after being in the freezing cold air conditioning all day long. I sat on the bench in the sunshine, trying to warm up and chase away the goosebumps. I threw my head back on the bench and closed my eyes while basking in the warmth of the sun, so relaxed that I found myself dozing off; I jumped when Jaxson took a seat next to me.

“Oh, hey!” I leaned over and gave him a kiss.

“Are you hungry?” he asked.

“Actually, starving. I haven’t eaten all day.”

“How long have you been here?”

“Since ten.”

“What! That’s just crazy.”

I shrugged and let out a deep sigh. “I–I just—”

“You just what?”

“Nothing.” I shook my head.

“Samantha, what’s wrong?”

“Jaxson, do you remember that lady in the picture with my father. The one who you said looked like me?” He nodded. “Well, I found out she was actually my mother. My father never told me. He lied to me my whole life and made me believe that someone else was my mother.”

His eyes widened. “Wow. That’s pretty shitty.”

“Yeah. It’s really shitty.”

“Well, are you gonna meet her?”

“She died…it’s a long story.” He took my hand and gazed at me sympathetically. “Jaxson, there’s so much that I want to tell you about her…that I
need
to tell you. Just promise me you’ll give me time to figure out how to do it.”

He creased his eyebrows in confusion. “Okay.” His voice hesitated.

“Thanks,” I whispered, resting my head on his shoulder and closing my eyes once again.

* * *

After grabbing some dinner, we stopped off at a small used car lot to look at some cars. “And why do you want a new car again?” Jaxson asked after walking around the lot and coming up empty.

“Because. That car I have now belongs to a man who I’d just as soon forget. I no longer have a father. Therefore, I no longer have a car.” He nodded. I loved how he always accepted my feelings for what they were and never tried to get me to change my mind or see things differently.

“Well, this place has nothing worthwhile. I know a few other places that are closed now, but I can take you tomorrow.”

“Sounds good to me!” I hopped back into his truck, and we tried to figure out what to do next. “I’m pretty beat. We can just watch TV in my room if you want.”

“Okay,” he responded starting up the car and taking the short drive to my grandmother’s. I found myself building up the courage to tell him during the ride. I knew that once we pulled up to her house and got out of the truck that it was now or never. His mood seemed to be pretty level, so as long as I broke it to him gently then maybe it would be okay.

“Hey, let’s go for a walk on the beach,” I said, intertwining my hand into his.

We walked over the sand dune in silence and began to walk along the ocean. “You can tell there’s a storm out there somewhere. Look at how rough that water is,” he said.

“Yeah, it looks pretty wicked out there.” We walked for a little while longer, coming to a stop and taking a seat in the sand. “Despite everything that’s been happening in my life over these past few days…I’m happy. You make me happy, Jaxson.” He picked up a shell and threw it into the water. I knew that was his way of responding without saying anything. “Jaxson, do you remember the first day we saw each other on this beach?” He nodded. “Well, I know this is going to sound all kinds of crazy to you, but I felt like something was pulling me to you. I felt this connection like I’ve never felt with anyone in my life. Almost like we had met before.” He remained silent and began to dig in the sand. “Did you feel it, too?”

He finally turned his head in my direction. “Yeah,” he whispered.

“Well, now I know why.” He stared at me blankly, waiting for me to continue. “Jaxson, I need to tell you something, but you need to promise me that you won’t freak out and that we’ll get through this together.”

He shook his head. “I can’t make that promise unless I know what it is, Samantha.”

“Jaxson, please,” I begged.

“What is it?” he demanded.

“My mother…she—” I was startled, turning around to find my father standing right behind us.

"So this is the thanks I get for taking care of you and protecting you for the past eighteen years? You're just going to go running off with the likes of him and forget that you ever had a father?" I tightened my grip on Jaxson's hand, not responding, wishing he would just go away. "What are you going to do, Sam? Marry this guy and have his kids after what his father did to your mother?"

"Just shut up! Shut up!" I shouted. My stomach was in knots. I wanted to break this gently to Jaxson. I didn't want my father spewing it out in anger. I stood up as Jaxson did the same.

"What the hell is he talking about, Samantha?"

My eyes begin to burn.
I hate you
. I mouthed to my father who seemed unaffected by it.

"Jaxson Callahan is that your name?" He continued. Jaxson didn’t respond, instead, he glared at my father, waiting for him to elaborate. "Do you not know how to speak?" my father snapped.

"Yeah, I can speak just fine, maybe I just don't have anything to say to you," Jaxson snapped back.

"Like father like son."

"You know nothing about me," I could hear the anger in Jaxson's voice escalating.

"Jaxson, come on let's just go." I pulled on his hand, and we began to walk away.

"I know all about your father…Wayne Devon."

Jaxson stopped dead in his tracks and froze. He closed his eyes as if he were in pain. "He is not my father!" Jaxson retorted as he turned around, his entire body trembling.

"Unfortunately, he his. And, now my ungrateful daughter is going to run off with the son of the man who killed her own mother without even blinking an eye.”

"Samantha, what the fuck is he talking about?" I swallowed the lump in my throat, wishing my dad would just go away, so I could explain what was going on to Jaxson in the way that I had planned on doing.

“You go live your life, Sam. Have your white trash kids that will be no better than the man you’re having them with, but don’t ever ask me for another thing," my father continued.

I shook my head in anger and inched closer to him. "Jaxson is a better man than you will ever be! So you be done with me because I don't need you. You are nothing but a liar and a cheater." He began to walk away. "I hate you! Do you hear me, I hate you!" I screamed.

I turned around to face Jaxson. He was staring straight ahead like he was in shock. “Jaxson, baby. Don’t listen to what he said about you. He is nothing but a slimy politician. I hate him!”

“Sam, what the fuck was he talking about?” His voice shook, and he swallowed hard. “Please tell me that’s not true. Please tell me that fucker is not my father.” I took his hand and pulled him down in the sand.

“Jaxson, I just found out everything yesterday, and I’m still trying to get over the shock myself.”

“What did you find out?” he demanded.

I took a deep breath, knowing that the rest of this story was going to affect him deeply. “My real mother was shot and killed during a robbery.”

He pulled in his bottom lip and looked away. “By—by Wayne?” his voice wavered.

“Yes.” I grabbed his arm to offer him comfort. “He tried to shoot me, too.” He turned and faced me.

“No,” he whispered.

“You saved me Jaxson. You took a bullet that was intended for me and saved my life. You were just a little boy.”

“No, no, no!” He placed his hand on the side of his temples like he was in pain while his whole body began to tremble. “Why did he say he was my father?”

I closed my eyes, wishing I could tell him something different. “They did a DNA test during the trial.” His face changed…the look in his eyes…the way his posture stiffened…everything.

“Jaxson, please don’t go back to that place inside of you where you were before I met you. Please. We will get through this together. I promise. Let’s get you an appointment to go talk to someone.” I rubbed his arm, and he yanked it away. He stood up, and I hopped right up next to him. “Jaxson, I’m begging you. Everything is going to be fine. I love you. I love you so much. Please, let this go for me.” It was as if I were talking to a wall. I could tell that nothing I was saying was getting through to him. His face was beet red and filled with nothing but pain, hate, and anger.

“I–I have to go.” He turned around and began to walk away. I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t sure if I should give him time to let it all sink in, or if I should go running after him to make sure he was okay.

“Jaxson, please…don’t go. Talk to me,” I pleaded, pulling on his arm once I finally caught up to him.

“I just want to be fuckin’ left alone!” he shouted, pushing me off him, taking me a little of guard. “I–I just want to be alone.” His tone was a little softer as he looked into my tear-filled eyes. He turned around and walked off the beach, while I stood there frozen, knowing there was nothing else I could do. I took a seat in the sand, hoping that he would cool off and come to his senses. I stared out at the ocean, wondering if he would have reacted the same way if I had broken the news to him instead. I should have told him yesterday when I had found out, but I was still trying to come to terms with everything myself. He was reliving his childhood nightmares all over again, thanks to me. If we had never met he would have never known that horrible man was his father. I wished so badly that I could have spared him that detail. The waves were kicking up even more, crashing onto the shore with extreme ferocity. So much like Jaxson at the moment, and although the waves in the ocean would eventually calm, I wasn’t sure if the perilous ones inside of Jaxson would ever be stilled again.

After finally falling asleep sometime after two a.m., I was awoken by the sound of the seagulls outside my bedroom window. Relief swept over me when my eyes focused on Jaxson lying next to me, sound asleep. I looked down at his knuckles all swollen and red, hoping that he took his anger out on an object and not a person. As I reached my arms around him, he shot up pushing me off him and pinning me down while reaching in his pocket with his other hand for his pocket knife. He flicked it open and held it to my throat. I could tell he was still sleeping as he looked down at me blankly.

My heart was beating out of my chest. “Jaxson,” I whispered softly as the cold metal pressed into my throat. “Jaxson, it’s me, Samantha.” The second that it took him to come to his senses seemed like hours. His eyes widened as he looked down at me then at the knife that he was holding to my throat. Sweat was pouring off him, and his whole body was trembling as he slowly sat up, never taking his eyes from me. He moved to the side of the bed, burying his face into his hands. Once I caught my breath and stopped shaking, I sat up and hugged him from behind. I knew he was going to be beating himself up over this, and that was the last thing I wanted to add to his worries. “It’s okay.” I kissed him gently on his back. “It’s okay, Jaxson. You were still sleeping. You must have been having a nightmare.”

“It’s not okay, Samantha. What I just did to you was not okay.” His voice was almost unrecognizable. His words were slow and tortuous.

“Jaxson, we can find someone for you to talk to. I think it would do us both some—”

“No!” he snapped. “You have no clue about the things I have seen or the shit that’s happened to me. No one can fix me, Samantha. I’m not a piece of glass with a tiny little crack that can be glued back together.” He turned around and looked at me, his eyes filling with tears. “I am one hundred sheets of glass shattered into a million little pieces.” He stood up and covered his face with his hands once again. “I’m so sorry, Samantha,” his voice cracked as he finally turned around to look at me.

I stood up and pressed my face into his chest. “It’s okay. I love you Jaxson. I love you so much. Please don’t ever forget that.”

He nodded and kissed me on the top of my head. “I–I have to go.”

“Will I see you later?” His silence scared me. “Jaxson, I will see you later, right?” I could hear the panic in my voice.

He gave me a half-hearted nod before heading out the window. I sat back down on my bed, hoping that the feeling in my heart was wrong…but it was speaking loud and clear, telling me that was the last time Jaxson would ever be sneaking out of my bedroom window again.