Easy Silence (25 page)

“Jaxson, I have plenty of money saved. My grandmother—”

“No! No way am I gonna live off you.”

“You wouldn’t be living off me. I’ll just front the money for us to put down on a place and then we’ll each contribute toward the rent…simple as that!”

“Samantha, I want to be able to take care of you. I don’t want it to be the other way around.”

“And you will. Like you always have since the day we met. Please, Jaxson, I want to start living our life together now. Just let me do this.” He let out an uneasy breath. “Please—” my lips trailed down his neck, and he let out a pleasurable gasp. I got out of bed and stood in front of him, lifting my shirt over my head and removing my bra. I needed to be close to him tonight, as close as we possibly could be. He stared up at me and smirked, grabbing onto my hips and pulling me into him. His tongue trailed up my stomach, finding its way to my breast as he slowly stood up. My hands reached for the hem line of his tee shirt, pulling it over his head with ease while planting soft kisses on his chest,

“Samantha—” his voice faltered.

“Hmm,” I responded, never taking my lips from his chest.

“I don’t…I don’t have anything with me.”

I looked up at him and ran my fingers through his hair. “I don’t care.” His eyes widened, and he looked away, shaking his head and letting out a nervous chuckle. I placed my hand under his chin and moved his head, forcing him to look at me. “I’m done living in the
someday
. For the first time, I realize just how short life really is. I want to live in the here and now. I want to have your babies, I know that. What difference does is make if it’s nine months or nine years from now? It’s gonnna happen eventually. So why not leave it up to fate?”

“Samantha, I just don’t think we’re ready—”

“Oh, I think you are more than ready.” I grinned at him after slipping my hand under his jeans and boxers.

He threw his head back in defeat. “Why the fuck is it so hard to say ‘no’ to you?”

“Then don’t.” I stood on my tippy toes and grazed his earlobe with my teeth. He grabbed the back of my neck, and his tongue was inside my mouth in an instant, and at that moment, I knew he was surrendering, giving into want we both wanted. I pushed him against the wall, totally losing all control over my actions. My pure desire for him was controlling my every move. “I want you Jaxson.” He didn’t waste any time removing his jeans and boxers or my shorts and panties. “Now,” I whispered in his ear. He lifted me up and carried me over to my bed, lying me down while standing over me. I stared up at him in anticipation, longing to feel him inside of me for the very first time without any barriers, just him and me connecting together the way we always had in life. He bit his lip and let out a satisfying gasp as he eased himself into me, slow and gentle at first then picking up the pace as his excitement grew, while pushing himself deeper. My body was in emotional and physical overload. I pulled him closer, needing him as near as possible to me.

“Oh, my god, Samantha, this feels so fuckin’ good,” he whispered in my ear, causing another jolt of pleasure to ignite my body. My mouth connected with his, and our tongues clashed. I raised my hips, meeting his every move, expressing my excitement each time until my body could no longer hold out. I buried my face into his shoulder, trying to stifle my screams as he continued to move. “I’m gonna pull out,” he said, just as he was almost there.

“No, please. Don’t,” I begged. He hesitated briefly before moving in and out of me a few more times, letting out a loud pleasurable groan, as I felt the warmth of him fill me up. His body collapsed on mine, and I ran my fingers through his hair while we both tried to catch our breath. Each time Jaxson and I made love, it was special. It was as if we were two older souls trapped in young bodies. There was something so mature and deep about it. Something that most people our age would never be able to begin to explain. It was always so much more than just sex, but tonight we had connected on a whole different level. It was magical. It was beautiful. It was something I would remember for the rest of my life. I didn’t care about getting pregnant, and maybe I even wanted to. I wanted to show everyone who had prejudged Jaxson and our relationship that something beautiful could come out of something so tragic—Jaxson and I and the love we shared were living proof of that.

* * *

I stretched out my arms, reaching for Jaxson, but he was gone. Once my eyes adjusted to the morning sun, I looked at his pillow to find a note.

I didn’t want to wake you. Had to go into work early. I’ll see ya later.

Ps. Don’t eat dinner. I want to take you somewhere.

~ Jaxson

I sat up and gathered my thoughts. A wave of sickness overcame me just remembering everything that had happened yesterday. I felt horrible for keeping this from Jaxson, and I knew I needed to be truthful with him. I just had to figure out the right way to break it to him. The last thing I wanted was to send him back to that dark place he was in when we first met by bringing up more horrible memories of his childhood. I had all day to think about it and plan out a way to do this in the best possible way. I grabbed my clothes and headed into the shower. I was planning on spending my day apartment hunting and car shopping. The sooner I could break all ties with my old life, the sooner I could start my new one with Jaxson. After taking a quick shower and throwing my hair into a ponytail, I dressed and was on my way out the door. I was glad that Hadley was preoccupied with my grandmother and didn’t try to engage in conversation with me. I had almost made it down the steps and to my car when my father came pulling into the driveway blocking me in. I so wasn’t ready to deal with this right now. I just wanted to run. I couldn’t even look at him after what he had done. I turned around and headed to the beach. “Sam!” he shouted as he got out of his car. I didn’t respond. I just kept walking faster, hearing him getting closer and closer. He grabbed my arm, and I pulled away.

“Don’t you touch me! Don’t you ever touch me again!” I didn’t even recognize the fury in my own voice. “You are nothing but a liar!”

“What the hell are you…What did that boy tell you, Sam?”

“That boy? That boy has a name, and it’s Jaxson Callahan, and he’s a man! A hard working, loyal, honest loving man!”

“He is trash!”

I could feel my blood rushing to my head as the anger escalated inside of me. “No
you
are trash! You are a lying, slimy piece of trash! I had a mother who I didn’t even know about. The woman who gave birth to me and loved me wasn’t even important enough to be honored as such, all because of your career and your connections. You should be ashamed of yourself for what you did, and the sad part is, you’re not.”

I could see the emotion building in his eyes. “Sam, I did that to protect you.”

“To protect me from what? A dead mother who made me her number one priority? Exactly what were you protecting me from? Do you really think I’m that stupid?” I shook my head, letting my emotions get the best of me after promising myself that I wasn’t going to let him make me cry. “And then there’s Jaxson. You hate him without even knowing him, when really you should be thanking him. He saved my life! If it weren’t for him, I’d be dead, too.” He looked down at the ground. “Or maybe, that’s why you hate him. Maybe you wanted me to die along with my mother that day. It would have been a win-win for you. I wouldn’t be bogging you down for the rest of your life, and everyone would have felt bad for the up and coming
Maxwell Carmichael.
His loyal loving wife who he was cheating on and the daughter he never wanted…shot dead. I’m sure it would have gotten you a lot of sympathy votes.”

“Sam! Stop it right now!” he demanded.

“Why? Because I speak the truth? Something that you’re not able to do. My whole life was a lie. A total lie…thanks to you!” I shook my head. “Take my car. Take everything. I don’t want or need you in my life anymore. Just forget that I ever existed because that’s what I plan on doing with you.” I turned around and walked away, concentrating on the ocean to keep my tears at bay. I wasn’t going to cry anymore over this. My so-called relationship with him didn’t even warrant my emotions. Once I got far enough away. I turned and walked off the beach, not knowing where I was headed or how I was getting there, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t nervous. For the first time in my life I felt free, free from living under my dad’s thumb, free from never being able to be myself for fear of embarrassing him, and most of all free from living a lie.

I walked for what seemed like forever, until my tired legs finally led me into the library. It was the perfect escape, lots of books, comfy chairs, air conditioning, and a place to hide from my father until it was safe to go back to my grandmother’s. I wandered up and down the aisles of books, trying to find one that caught my eye. After a half hour of coming up empty, I decided to venture on to something else. My mind was just too full of other things to concentrate on reading anyway.

"Excuse me," I said to one of the librarians. "Do you have old yearbooks and old local newspapers?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact we do. Over in that corner there you will find all of the local archives. Some of it has been scanned and put into our archive system on the computer, and some are the actual papers. Just type in what you're searching for, and the computer will direct you where to go. If you need any help just let me know."

"Great! Thanks." I smiled.

I walked over to the section that she had pointed me to and pulled up a chair, trying to figure out where to begin my search. After staring blankly at the computer monitor for a few minutes, I typed in her name:
Brooke Carmichael
and watched as the computer began to light up with hits.

I clicked on the link to her wedding announcement and nearly burst into tears, staring at the woman in the picture. She was dressed in an elegant and timeless wedding gown, and her long dark hair hung in loose waves around her face, so much like my own. She was so beautiful, making me instantly mourn the loss of this woman who I had never really known.

I made sure to write down the names of all the people who were listed as her bridesmaids as well as her other family members who were listed, hoping that maybe I could connect with some of them. It saddened me to think that I had to find out all this information with the help of the library instead of my father. I should have been able to get to know my mother’s family instead of thinking that Monica’s uppity mother and father were my grandparents or her brother’s intellectual geniuses who always looked at me like I was stupid were my cousins. I never felt like I fit in with my family, and now I knew why. My hands began to tremble when I came across the next hit with her name in it: the newspaper article about the shooting. “Local Woman Dead in Convenience Store Robbery.” I took a deep breath as I prepared to read it:

Brooke Lemley-Carmichael, a Beachview native was shot dead during the robbery of the Quick Stop Convenience Store on Tuesday night, police said. Store owner Kent Roberts is listed in serious condition from gunshot wounds at Regional Hospital as well as one of the two minor children found at the scene.

My heart ached when I read that last line.
…one of the two minor children
… A nameless boy who was so brave and who would be forgotten for the rest of his life, but I would make sure that all changed. He would no longer be forgotten. I planned on loving him and thanking him every day for the rest of my life for everything he had done for me. I smiled just knowing that someone like him existed, and that I had been lucky enough to fall in love with him. Jaxson was like the shell he had found for me on the beach that day. Just like that snail would hide inside for protection, Jaxson was hiding inside of himself, but I was slowly bringing him out. I knew he may never be able to fully put himself out there to the rest of the world, and he didn’t have to. As long as he was able to see the good and the love that he had inside of him then I was happy with that.

I delved further in my research, this time typing in my mother’s maiden name. After getting a ton of hits, I looked up each one. She was in the drama club in high school and in all of the plays. I loved that we had that same love in common. Part of me wondered if that’s why my father was so against me following that dream. Maybe it was because it reminded him of her too much. There were numerous photos of her with dogs, cats, and even rabbits. She was big into volunteering at animal shelters as a teenager. I smiled, reading the caption under the picture of her and a German shepherd: “Brooke Lemley, a 16 year old and a junior at Oceanview High, was named Bayside Animal Shelter volunteer of the month. Brooke’s caring and compassionate attitude towards the animals is one that she has in life. Brooke’s dream is to become a veterinarian, but if that doesn’t work out, she’ll settle for living on a farm surrounded by animals.”

I wasn’t sure if this trip down memory lane was making me feel better or worse. How I had wished that I had known her. She seemed like someone I could have been best friends with, and if she had lived, I’m sure we would have been.

The ringing of my cell phone broke me from my thoughts. When I looked at the time on the phone, I couldn’t believe that I had been here the entire day.

“Hey, Pete!” I answered, quickly lowering my voice when I remembered where I was.