Divided (17 page)

“Come for me, Bug.” He said into my neck right before he bit down. I came around him as I blurted out sounds that resembled his name. He pumped hard once, twice, three more times before I felt his release erupting inside of me.

He stopped moving but still held me up and looked deep into my eyes as his lips met mine, my tongue submitting to him. He slowly put me down but his lips stayed on mine. 

“I want to do this every morning.” He said before he pulled away. I bit my bottom lip as he turned the water off and grabbed a towel for me. He placed it around me and held it tight and kissed my forehead. “Come on. I need to let you get ready.”

The hour from Grand Forks to Fargo felt like fifteen minutes. Ryan held my hand the whole time. I knew this wasn’t goodbye, and I would see him again. But I was still having a difficult time letting go.

After checking in, Ryan walked me to security. “This isn’t goodbye.” I said. “I’ll be back. I’m just going to get all of my crap out of my old place and put it in storage but I’m coming back ok?”

“Ok.” He said, his voice sad.

“I’ll text you when I board the plane and when I land in New York.”

His lips met mine and I wrapped my arms around his neck. “I’ll see you soon, Bug.”

I smiled up at him and got in line to go through security. He stayed and watched until I began walking to my gate. I turned around kissed my hand, waving at him. My heart aching with pain. I wasn’t going to see him for a couple of days and it was killing me. I hoped that he wouldn’t change his mind and ask me not to come back.

⌘

When my flight touched down at the Newark Liberty Airport everyone quickly rose from their seats and rushed to get to the front. I took my cell phone out and sent a text to Ryan as I patiently waited my turn to exit the plane.

Me: Hi. I made it back ok. I’ll call you later.

I smiled at my phone and held it to my chest, luckily for me I was sitting in business class and I was one of the first to get off the plane. I made it to baggage claim where I was greeted by a familiar face that I had missed so much.

“Katie!” I screamed.

“Hi, Chica.” She said as she wrapped her arms around me.

“Oh God it is so good to see you.”  I hugged her tightly, taking in my familiar surroundings.

“It’s good to have you home.”  I swallowed the huge lump that formed in my throat when she said that. I had no idea how I was going to tell her that I was only planning on staying here long enough to pack my crap.

“I know.” Was the only response I could think of.

“Come on, let’s grab your bag. Melanie is circling the airport so we don’t have to pay to park.” She said while reaching for my carry on.

The air in New Jersey was warm and crisp. I inhaled deep and smelled the pollution in the air.
Home.
As we rode back to Katie’s apartment they caught me up on their recent trip to Jamaica. Caitlyn, of course, was back at Katie’s getting everything ready for my arrival. They made it seem like I had been gone for months rather than days. Stocked refrigerator, fresh flowers, lit candles. Once at Katie’s we all sat around the sofa for some much needed girl talk.

“So…” Caitlyn asked. “How is Ryan?”

A big goofy smile formed on my face.

“Uh oh, look at that smile. I bet Mr. Ryan is amazing, huh?” Melanie added.

Unable to form words, I blushed and threw a pillow at her.

“Holy crap, you are actually freaking blushing.” Katie said excitedly.

“Ok, Ok.” I waved my hands stopping the laughter. “Yes, he is amazing; and yes, in all the right places.”

The girls hollered and screamed as I told them all about what Ryan and I did on my trip.

After Melanie and Caitlyn left, I found the courage to talk to Katie. “Kate.” I said softly, sitting next to her on the couch. She knew I never called her that unless it was something serious.

“What is it?” She asked.

“I’m going to Brooklyn tomorrow, to grab my things and I uh… I …uh.. I’m thinking about going back to Grand Forks.” Though I was a grown adult I felt like a child asking for permission.

“What?” She yelled, putting the bottle of wine down and facing me.

“I said that tomorrow I’m going to Brook…”

“Shut up. I know what you said.” She interrupted. “You’re going back?”

      I looked down at my suitcase, needing something to focus on before I had the courage to look at her. “Yeah, Ryan asked me to stay with him. To see how this thing between us plays out.”

“So you’re moving half way across the country to see where something between a man you have known all of two weeks is going?” She said with anger in her eyes. I knew she didn’t mean to be so mean; she was only trying to protect me. But it still hurt.

“Yes.”

“You have officially lost it.” She stood placing her hand on her hips.

“No, this thing I have with him, it’s different. I’ve never felt this way before, not even with Marco and I can’t let it go just because we live in different states.” I attempted to make sense of the situation.

“So why doesn’t he move here?”

“Because
I
can work remotely, it only makes sense.” I sat on the couch looking at my fingers.

“You fell in love with him didn’t you?” She said plopping down next to me on the couch.

“No,” I responded quickly, too quickly.

“Bullshit.” She said. “You love him, it’s all over your damn face. Alani, what are you doing? Two weeks ago you were going to marry someone else.”

“Yes, I was. But I didn’t, thank goodness for that. He was cheating and because I didn’t marry him, I was able to spend time with Ryan. He asked me to stay and I’m going to, Katie. Please get on board with it. I don’t want to fight with you but I’m going back.” I stood from the couch.

“You’re just running from you problems.” She said as she walked towards her bedroom.

I knew when I agreed to stay in North Dakota with Ryan that the only person who wouldn’t approve would be Katie. When Marco and I were looking at condos in Brooklyn she had a fit over the distance and well, North Dakota was a hell of a lot further than Brooklyn.

I gave her a few minutes to cool down before heading to her room. “Kate, can I come in?” I knocked.

“Sure.” I heard her say.

I walked into her room and sat on her bed. Anytime Katie was upset she began reorganizing her closet. “So... I’m running huh?” I asked, moving from her bed to sit on the floor where she was sitting folding all of her clothes.

“Yes.” She tossed her clothes on the floor and looked at me. “You haven’t properly dealt with getting over Marco, you just moved on to Ryan.” She stood taking all her sweaters out of her closets and laid them next to me.

“What is there to deal with? Huh? He cheated on me, two days before our wedding. And I only found out because I caught him, who knows how long it’s been going on. What is there to get over?” I stood. “Yes, it hurts and sucks, but I’m not running.  You don’t think that I’ve dealt with how I feel for Ryan. It scares the crap out of me, but I’m not running I’m facing something that scares me
head
on
.”

Katie sat on the floor again, her focus on the clothes in her hands.

“Katie the way I feel about Ryan, I have never in my life felt that way for anyone ever.  I’m so scared of being with him but I’m more afraid of never feeling this way about anyone ever again.” I said before I slowly started to walk out the door.

“This isn’t permanent right?” Katie asked.

I turned around and looked at her. “No, I’m living for me now, I’m not making any permanent decisions. We are just testing the waters.”

I walked out of Katie’s room, I didn’t want to get stuck helping her clean. I pulled my phone out of my purse and hopped on the tiny guest bed, dialing Ryan. The phone only rang once before he answered.

“Hi my beautiful, Bug.” His raspy masculine voice pierced through the phone and into my ears. I instantly smiled and fell back on the bed.

“Hi.”

“I know you have only been gone a few hours, but I miss you so much. Please tell me you’re coming back soon?”

Oh how I wished I was with him, after the past week and last night I never wanted to let him go.  “I think I just got past the first hurdle.”

“What do you mean?” He asked curiously.

“I told Katie” I couldn’t hide the sadness in my voice.

“Oh…”

“Yep, it wasn’t the best conversation we had, but I think I finally got her to see it my way.” I tossed on the bed imagining him here with me.

“Is everything okay though?” He questioned.

“Nothing for you to worry about silly, just girl stuff.”

“If you say so, but, Bug I have to go. I’m walking into my office. Call me before you go to bed?”

“Ok, bye, Ryan.”
      “Bye beautiful.” I couldn’t help but smile at his words. I lied back and looked at the ceiling day dreaming about this man that had consumed my heart.

“Yup, you’re in love.” Katie said walking into my room.

I was embarrassed she caught me acting like a schoolgirl over a boy. “Sorta.” I sat up on the bed.

“Sorta my ass, you got it bad, look at you, you’re all crimson.” Katie sat next to me and I threw a pillow at her.

“Yeah, I think I am.” I finally confessed.

Katie and I spent the rest of the afternoon unpacking my clothes and reorganizing her closet. During dinner I asked her the one question I had been dreading to ask all day.

“Have you heard from Marco?”

“Everyday.” She said bringing a fortune cookie to her mouth.  “He either calls, emails, stops by the office or he comes by here to see if you’re home yet.”

“Are you serious?” I was shocked that he was still trying to contact me after all this time.

“Yup, you’re going to have to face him eventually.” She stated as I took a bite of my cookie and nodded.

After a long shower I finally made my way to the guest room. My phone vibrated and I was thrilled to see Ryan’s name appear on the screen.

Ryan: Hi, I don’t know if you’ve fallen asleep yet but I just wanted to wish you goodnight, Sweet dreams, Bug.”

I hit the call back button and he answered it immediately.  “Did I wake you?”

“Hi, No.” I responded. “I’m just getting into bed now, I took a really
long
shower.” I didn’t try to hide the sexiness in my voice.

“Were you thinking about me while you were in the shower?”

I bit my lower lip and pulled the covered over my head. “Oh yeah, I was imagining that it was your hands all over me, like this morning.” I felt my face blush.

“Oh baby, I’m getting hard just thinking about you.” He growled into the phone.

I felt an ache developing between my legs. “Oh I would love to take care of that for you.”

“I’d like nothing more than to be buried deep inside of you.” His voice made my heart pound louder. “Did I lose you?”  He asked when I didn’t respond.

“Oh… no. Sorry I was just thinking of you, that’s all.” I lied, scared to continue our conversation.

“So when are you coming back?” I knew he was eager to have me and I was eager to go be with him but first I needed to face Marco. And figure out where I was putting my stuff.

“Well tomorrow I’m going to my old place to grab some of my stuff. I need to move my belongings to a storage unit, and then I need to get a real estate lawyer and forward my mail. After that I’ll be all yours.”

⌘

Katie's doorbell rang and I didn’t move. It was Monday morning and she was at work so I knew it was no one important. I had been up late talking to Ryan on the phone; it was too early to get up. I brought the covers over my head ignoring it. But it went off again.
Fuck.
I kicked the comforter off, choosing my words for the UPS man. 
Ding-dong.

“Just a minute.” I shouted as I made my way to the front door. I pulled the door open and I was greeted with an extravagant flower arrangement of red roses and lilies. The arrangement lowered and I met the eyes of the man holding them. A man, who for a long time, I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. Marco.
 

Chapter 11
Made Family

 
K
atie had been my best friend for the past twenty-seven years of my life. For the past five years Marco had shared that spot with her. I confided in him, good or bad. The man standing in front of me was a stranger though. The best friend I was once in love with only existed in my memories. I hadn’t seen Marco since I caught him cheating on me with Trish.
Bitch.
He looked different, sad, lost. But what I felt for him was different as well.

The love that I had for him was still there but it was tainted with anger and a sense of betrayal.  He looked like he hadn’t slept in days.
Good.
I thought to myself. Seeing his Burberry suit fit a tad looser than usual, maybe he had lost weight as well.

My blood boiled with anger at the sight of him. How dare he show up here with my favorite flowers as if nothing had happened. He had sent so many arrangements already, didn’t he get the clue that none of them were working, that I didn’t want to see him.

“Seriously?” I exhaled closing the door in his face.

“Ally, wait!” He moved his foot blocking me from closing the door.

“What do you want, Marco?” I opened the door and crossed my arms over my chest waiting for him to explain, cranky from the lack of sleep.

“Baby please, you have to take me back. My world has been shattered without you.” The last time I saw him he had his dick stuffed in someone else,
now
he was shattered without me? “Ally, baby please. I fucked up, but please, I can do better. Please forgive me.”  He begged

“Marco, there is nothing between us anymore.  I’m done. 
We
are done.  Shouldn’t you be off with Trish somewhere?” Her name was like bile in my mouth.

“Ally, it’s not like that with her, I was just scared.” I raised my hand to stop him; I didn’t want to go through this with him all over again.