Diary of a Wimpy Kid (12 page)

I am not a lady I am just one of those dogs with long hair so no thanks to that date.

Zoo-wee Mama!"

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So now Rowley's getting all the fame that was supposed to be mine.

[Image: a cartoon showing a boy with his friends in the classroom.] The Caption reads: "will you put us in your comic?

Sure! Heh, heh."

Even the teachers are kissing Rowley's butt. I almost lost my lunch when Mr. Worth dropped his chalk in History class-

[Image: a cartoon showing children in a classroom.] The Caption reads: "zoo-wee mama!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!"

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Monday

This "Zoo-Wee Mama" thing has really got me worked up. Rowley is getting all the credit for a comic that we came up with together. I figured the least he could do was put my name on the strip as the co-creator.

So I went up to Rowley after school and told him that's what he was gonna have to do. But Rowley said "Zoo-Wee Mama" was all HIS idea and that I didn't have anything to do with it.

I guess we must've been talking pretty loud, because the next thing you knew, we attracted a crowd.

[Image: a cartoon showing two groups of boys ready for fighting.] The Caption reads: "Fight! Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight! Fight!"

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The kids at my school are ALWAYS itching to see a fight. Me and Rowley tried to walk away, but those guys weren't going to let us go until they saw us throw some punches.

I've never been in a real fight before, so I didn't know how I was supposed to stand or hold my fists or anything. And you could tell Rowley didn't know what he was doing either, because he just started prancing around like a leprechaun.

[Image: a cartoon showing two groups of boys are fighting.]

I was pretty sure I could take Rowley in a fight, but the thing that made me nervous was the fact that Rowley takes karate. I don't know what kind of hocus-pocus they teach in Rowley's karate classes, but the last thing I needed was for him to lay me out right there on the blacktop.

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Before me or Rowley made a move, there was a screeching sound in the school parking lot. A bunch of teenagers had stopped their pickup truck, and they started piling out.

I was just happy that everyone's attention was on the teenagers instead of me and Rowley. But all the other kids took off when the teenagers started heading our way.

[Image: a cartoon showing two boys standing and two running away.]

And then I realized that these teenagers looked awfully familiar.

That's when it hit me. These were the same guys who chased me and Rowley around on Halloween night, and they had finally caught up with us.

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But before we could make a run for it, we had our arms pinned behind our backs.

Those guys wanted to teach us a lesson for taunting them on Halloween night, and they started arguing over what they should do with us.

[Image: a cartoon showing two boys being caught by big boys.]

But to be honest with you, I was more concerned about something else. The Cheese was only a few feet from where we were standing on the blacktop, and it was looking nastier than ever.

[Image: cheese.]

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The big teenager must have caught my eye, because the next thing I knew, he was looking at the Cheese, too. And I guess that gave him the idea he was looking for.

Rowley got singled out first. The big kid grabbed Rowley and dragged him over to the Cheese.

Now, I don't want to say exactly what happened next. Because if Rowley ever tries to run for President and someone finds out what these guys made him do, he won't have a chance.

So I'll put it to you this way: They made Rowley --- the Cheese.

[Image: a cartoon showing a boy being caught by big boys.]

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I knew they were gonna make me do it, too. I started to panic, because I knew I wasn't going to be able to fight my way out of this situation.

So I did some fast talking instead.

[Image: a cartoon showing a boy talking to the elder boys.] The Caption reads: "I would, but I'm allergic to dairy!"

And believe it or not, it actually worked.

[Image: a cartoon showing a boy talking to the elder boys.] The Caption reads: "you're lucky punk!

I know, I know!"

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I guess the teenagers were satisfied they had made their point, because after they made Rowley finish off the rest of the Cheese, they let us go. They got back in their truck and took off down the road.

Me and Rowley walked home together. But neither one of us really said anything on the way back.

I thought about mentioning to Rowley that maybe he could have pulled out a couple of his karate moves back there, but something told me to hold off on that thought for right now.

[Image: a cartoon showing two boys.]

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Tuesday

At school today, the teachers let us outside after lunch.

It took about five seconds for someone to realize the Cheese was missing from its spot on the blacktop.

[Image: a cartoon showing boys looking for cheese.] The Caption reads: " heyyyyyyy!"

Everybody crowded around to look at where the Cheese used to be. Nobody could believe it was actually gone.

People started coming up with these crazy theories about what happened to it. Somebody said that maybe the Cheese grew legs and walked away.

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It took all my self-control to keep my mouth shut. And if Rowley wasn't standing right there, I honestly don't know if I could have kept quiet.

[Image: a cartoon showing two group of boys arguing.]

A couple of the guys who were arguing over what happened to the Cheese were the same ones who were egging me and Rowley on yesterday afternoon. So I knew it wasn't going to be long before someone put two and two together and figured out that we must have had something to do with it.

Rowley was starting to panic, and I don't blame him, either. If the truth ever came out about how the Cheese disappeared, Rowley would be finished. He'd have to move out of the state, and maybe even the country.

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That's when I decided to speak up.

I told everyone that I knew what happened to the Cheese. I said I was sick of it being on the blacktop, and I just decided to get rid of it once and for all.

For a second there, everyone just froze. I thought people were going to start thanking me for what I did, but boy, was I wrong.

I really wish I had worded my story a little differently. Because if I threw away the Cheese, guess what that meant? It meant that I have the Cheese Touch.

[Image: a cartoon showing a boy standing and three boys running away.] The Caption reads: "scream! scream!"

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JUNE

Friday

Well, if Rowley appreciated what I did for him last week, he hasn't said it. But we've started hanging out after school again, so I guess that means me and him are back to normal.

[Image: a cartoon showing two boys playing.]

I can honestly say that so far, having the Cheese Touch hasn't been all that bad.

It got me out of doing the Square Dance unit in Phys Ed, because no one would partner up with me. And I've had the whole lunch table to myself every day.

Today was the last day of school, and they handed out yearbooks after eighth period.

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I flipped to the Class Favorites page, and here's the picture that was waiting for me.

[Image: a cartoon by Rowley Jefferson.] The Caption reads: "zoo-wee mama!"

All I can say is, if anyone wants a free yearbook, they can dig one out of the trash can in the back of the cafeteria.

You know, Rowley can have Class Clown for all I care. But if he ever gets too big for his britches, I'll just remind him that he was the guy who ate the---.

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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

There are many people who helped bring this book to life, but four individuals deserve special thanks:

Abrams editor Charlie Kochman, whose advocacy for Diary of a Wimpy Kid has been beyond what I could have hoped for.

Any writer would be lucky to have Charlie as an editor.s

Jess Brallier, who understands the power and potential of online publishing, and helped Greg Heffley reach the masses for the first time. Thanks especially for your friendship and mentorship.

Patrick, who was instrumental in helping me improve this book, and who wasn't afraid to tell me when a joke stunk.

My wife, Julie, without whose incredible support this book would not have become a reality.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jeff Kinney is an online game developer and designer. He spent his childhood in the Washington, D.C., area and moved to New England in 1995. Jeff lives in southern Massachusetts with his wife, Julie, and their two sons, will and Grant.