Diary of a Wimpy Kid (11 page)

186

Tuesday

There was another announcement on the loudspeaker today, and to be honest with you, I kind of figured this one was coming.

[Image: a cartoon showing a boy drinking.] The Caption reads: " Greg heffley, please report to Mr. winsky's office.

Sipppp..."

I knew it was just a matter of time before I got busted for what happened last week.

When I got to Mr. Winsky's office, he was really mad. Mr. Winsky told me that an "anonymous source" had informed him that I was the real culprit in the worm-chasing incident.

Then he told me I was relieved of my Safety Patrol duties "effective immediately.

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Well, it doesn't take a detective to figure out that the anonymous source was Rowley.

I can't believe Rowley went and backstabbed me like that. While I was sitting there getting chewed out by Mr. Winsky, I was thinking, I need to remember to give my friend a lecture about loyalty.

[Image: a cartoon showing a boy talking to his teacher.]

Later on today, Rowley got reinstated as a Patrol. And get this: He actually got a PROMOTION. Mr. Winsky said Rowley had "exhibited dignity under false suspicion."

[Image: a cartoon showing a boy and his teacher.]

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I thought about really letting Rowley have it for ratting me out like that, but then I realized something.

In June, all the officers in the Safety Patrols go on a trip to Six Flags, and they get to take along one friend. I need to make sure Rowley knows I'm his guy.

[Image: a cartoon showing a boy getting something for the other boy.] The Caption reads: " Let me get this for you, "Captain"!"

Tuesday

Like I said before, the worst part of getting kicked off Safety Patrols is losing your hot chocolate privileges.

Every morning, I go to the back door of the cafeteria so Rowley can hook me up.

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But either my friend has gone deaf or he's too busy kissing the other officers' butts to notice me at the window.

[Image: a cartoon showing a boy looking from the window at his friend.] The Caption reads: " Psst! Psst!"

In fact, now that I think of it, Rowley has been TOTALLY giving me the cold shoulder lately. And that's really lame, because if I recall correctly, HE'S the one that sold ME out.

Even though Rowley has been a total jerk lately, I tried to break the ice with him today, anyway. But even THAT didn't seem to work.

[Image: a cartoon showing a boy saying Hi to his friend.] The Caption reads: " Hi, Pal!" Piff"

190

APRIL

Friday

Ever since the worm incident, Rowley has been hanging out with Collin Lee every day after school. What really stinks is that Collin is supposed to be MY backup friend.

Those guys are acting totally ridiculous. Today, Rowley and Collin were wearing these matching T-shirts, and it made me just about want to vomit.

[Image: a cartoon showing two boys wearing matching t-shirts.]

After dinner tonight, I saw Rowley and Collin walking up the hill together, chumming it up.

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Collin had his overnight bag, so I knew they were going to do a sleepover at Rowley's.

And I thought, Well, two can play at THAT game. The best way to get back at Rowley was to get a new best friend of my own. But unfortunately, the only person who came to mind right at that moment was Fregley.

I went up to Fregley's with my overnight bag so Rowley could see I had other friend options, too.

When I got there, Fregley was in his front yard stabbing a kite with a stick. That's when I started to think maybe this wasn't the best idea after all.

[Image: a cartoon showing a boy looking at another boy with a kite.] The Caption reads: " Pant Pant Pant"

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But Rowley was in his front yard, and he was watching me. So I knew there was no turning back.

I invited myself into Fregley's house. His mom said she was excited to see Fregley with a "playmate," which was a term I was not too enthusiastic about.

[Image: a cartoon showing a boy with his friend and friend's mom.]

Me and Fregley went upstairs to his room. Fregley tried to get me to play Twister with him, so I made sure I stayed ten feet away from him at all times.

I decided that I should just pull the plug on this stupid idea and go home. But every time I looked out the window, Rowley and Collin were still in Rowley's front yard.

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I didn't want to leave until those guys went back inside. But things started to get out of hand with Fregley pretty quickly. When I was looking out the window, Fregley broke into my backpack and ate the whole bag of jelly beans I had in there.

Fregley's one of these kids who's not supposed to eat any sugar, so two minutes later, he was bouncing off the walls.

[Image: a cartoon showing a boy looking at his maniac friend.]

Fregley started acting like a total maniac, and he chased me all around his upstairs.

I kept thinking he was going to come down off of his sugar high, but he didn't. Eventually, I locked myself in his bathroom to wait him out.

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Around 11:30, it got quiet out in the hallway. That's when Fregley slipped a piece of paper under the door.

[Image: a cartoon showing a boy sitting alone.]

I picked it up and read it.

[Image: a note.] The Caption reads: " Dear Gregory, I'm very sorry I chased you with a booger on my finger. Here, I put it on this paper so you can get me back.

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That's the last thing I remember before I blacked out.

I came to my senses a few hours later. After I woke up, I cracked the door open, and I heard snoring coming from Fregley's room. So I decided to make a run for it.

Mom and Dad were not happy with me for getting them out of bed at 2:00 in the morning. But by that point, I could really care less.

[Image: a cartoon showing a boy knocking at the door.]

196

Monday

Well, me and Rowley have officially been ex-friends for about a month now, and to be honest with you, I'm better off without him.

I'm glad I can just do whatever I want without having to worry about carrying all that dead weight around.

Lately I've been hanging out in Rodrick's room after school and going through his stuff. The other day, I found one of his middle school yearbooks.

[Image: a cartoon showing a boy looking at things in a drawer.]

Rodrick wrote on everybody's picture in his yearbook, so you can tell how he felt about all the kids in his grade.

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[Image: a picture of a boy] The Caption reads: "Jerk"

[Image: a picture of a boy] The Caption reads: "cool"

Every once in a while, I see Rodrick's old classmates around town. And I have to remember to thank Rodrick for making church a lot more interesting.

[Image: a cartoon showing a boy in a Church.]

But the page in Rodrick's yearbook that's really interesting is the Class Favorites page.

That's where they put pictures of the kids who get voted Most Popular and Most Talented and all that.

198

Rodrick wrote on his Class Favorites page, too.

[Image: a cartoon showing Bill Watson and Kathy Nguyen.] The Caption reads: "Nerd"

You know, this Class Favorites thing has really got my gears turning.

If you can get yourself voted onto the Class Favorites page, you're practically an immortal. Even if you don't live up to what you got picked for, it doesn't really matter, because it's on permanent record.

People still treat Bill Watson like he's something special, even though he ended up dropping out of high school.

199

We still run into him at the Food Barn every once in a while.

[Image: a cartoon showing a boy and his mom in a shop.] The Caption reads: "Will that be paper or plastic, Ma'am?"

So here's what I'm thinking: This school year has been kind of a bust, but if I can get voted as a Class Favorite, I'll go out on a high note.

I've been trying to think of a category I have a shot at. Most Popular and Most Athletic are definitely out, so I'm going to have to find something that's a little bit more in reach.

At first I thought maybe I should wear really nice clothes for the rest of the year so I can get Best Dressed.

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But that would mean I would have to get my picture taken with Jenna Stewart, and she dresses like a Pilgrim.

[Image: a cartoon showing a boy and a girl.]

Wednesday

Last night I was lying in bed, and it hit me: I should go for Class Clown.

It's not like I'm known for being real funny at school or anything, but if I can pull off one big prank right before voting, that could do it.

[Image: a cartoon showing children playing a prank in the classroom.] The Caption reads: "YEEOWW!"

201

MAY

Thursday

Today I was trying to figure out how I was going to sneak a thumbtack onto Mr. Worth's chair in History when he said something that made me rethink my plan.

Mr. Worth told us he has a dentist's appointment tomorrow, so we're going to have a substitute. Subs are like comic gold. You can say just about anything you want, and you can't get in trouble.

[Image: a cartoon showing children in a classroom.] The Caption reads: "Greg Heffley will you please do this problem?, excuse me?, well, I hardly think that's...

Your MAMA!, your book fanny granny! Your slap happy grandpappy!"

202

Friday

I walked into my History class today, ready to execute my plan. But when I got to the door, guess who the substitute teacher was?

[Image: a cartoon showing children in a classroom.] The Caption reads: " Hi, honey bunches!"

Of all the people in the world to be our sub today, it was Mom. I thought Mom's days of getting involved at my school were over.

She used to be one of those parents who came in to help out in the classroom. But that all changed after Mom volunteered to be a chaperone for our field trip to the zoo when I was in third grade.

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Mom had prepared all sorts of material to help us kids appreciate the different exhibits, but all anyone wanted to do was watch the animals go to the bathroom.

[Image: a cartoon showing children in a classroom.] The Caption reads: "Hee hee hee hee!"

Anyway, Mom totally foiled my plan to win Class Clown. I'm just lucky there's not a category called Biggest Mama's Boy, because after today, I'd win that one in a landslide.

[Image: a cartoon showing children in a classroom.] The Caption reads: "you forgot your lunch at home!"

204

Wednesday

The school paper came out again today. I quit my job as school cartoonist after "Creighton the Curious Student" came out, and I didn't really care who they picked to replace me.

But everyone was laughing at the comics page at lunch, so I picked up a copy to see what was so funny. And when I opened it up, I couldn't believe my eyes.

[Image: a cartoon showing children in a classroom.]

It was "Zoo-Wee Mama." And of course Mr. Ira didn't change a single WORD of Rowley's strip.

[Image: a cartoon strip "Zoo-wee Mama!" By Rowley Jefferson.] The Caption reads: "hey, beautiful lady do you want to go on a date with me?