Diary of a Wimpy Kid (10 page)

168

For the first couple of strips, I did the writing and drew the characters, and Rowley drew the boxes around the pictures.

[Image: cartoon drawn by the boys.] The Caption reads: " Step on a crack, break your momma's back!

Yeah, right.

Hey, Timmy, your mother slipped on a banana peel, and P.S. she is dead.

Zoo-Wee Mama!"

Rowley started complaining that he didn't have enough to do, so I let him write a few of the strips.

169

But to be honest with you, there was a pretty obvious drop in quality once Rowley started doing the writing.

[Image: cartoon drawn by the boys.] The Caption reads: " I have been waiting three hours to get a hamburger.

Finally! One hamburger, please!

I'm sorry, sir, we are all sold out.

Zoo-Wee Mama!"

Eventually I got kind of sick of the "Zoo-Wee Mama" idea and I pretty much let Rowley take over the whole operation.

170

And believe it or not, Rowley's drawing skills are worse than his writing skills.

[Image: cartoon drawn by the boys.] The Caption reads: " Oops I stepped in a puddle.

At least it's not an

acid

puddle.

Ay-ay-ay! It

is

an acid puddle!

Zoo-Wee Mama!"

I told Rowley maybe we should come up with some new ideas, but he just wanted to keep writing "Zoo-Wee Mamas." Then he packed up his comics and went home, which was fine by me. I don't really want to be partnered up with a kid who doesn't draw noses, anyway.

171

Friday

After Rowley left yesterday, I really got to work on some comics. I came up with this character called Creighton the Cretin, and I got on a roll.

Creighton the cretin by Greg Heffley

[Image: cartoon drawn by the boy.] The Caption reads: " Hi, my name is Creighton.

No it isn't. your name is "Stewart Pid."

Oops. Hi, I'm stew pid.

Har Har Har Har!"

172

I must've banged out twenty strips, and I didn't even break a sweat.

[Image: cartoon drawn by the boy.] The Caption reads: " I wonder what is in this cute little box?

That's not a box, it's a brick, you dumb moron!

Oops. I have been trying to open it all day.

Doctor, could I have a new butt? My old one has a crack in it.

Creighton, I told you a million times, everyone's butt has a crack in it!

Oh Yeah, I forgot."

The great thing about these "Creighton the Cretin" comics is that with all the idiots running around my school, I will NEVER run out of new material.

173

When I got to school today, I took my comics to Mr. Ira's office. He's the teacher who runs the school newspaper.

But when I went to turn my strips in, I saw that there was a pile of comics from other kids who were trying out for the job.

Most of them were pretty bad, so I wasn't too worried about the competition.

[Image: cartoon drawn by the girls.] The Caption reads: " Girls rule! by Tabitha cutter and lisa russel

Don't walk near our lunch table, tyler green!

Yeah, you're not even cute!

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Girls rule!"

174

[Image: cartoon drawn by the boys.] The Caption reads: " X treme Sk8ers

I'm gonna do this rad jump.

Yo dude watch out for that telephone wire

What ever

Here I go

Darn slice

Bonk Ouch.

I shore am glad I wore my helmet.

The end"

One of the comics was called "Dumb Teachers," and it was written by this kid named Bill Tritt.

Bill is always in detention, so I guess he has a bone to pick with just about every teacher in the school, including Mr. Ira.

175

So I'm not too worried about the chances of Bill's comic getting in, either.

[Image: cartoon drawn by the Bill.] The Caption reads: " Hey, Mr. Ira, you pooped your pants again.

Yuh

Huh

!

Nuh

Uh

!

Stink lines (from the poop.)"

There were actually one or two decent comics in the bin. But I slipped them under a pile of paperwork on Mr. Ira's desk.

Hopefully, those ones won't turn up until I'm in high school.

[Image: a cartoon showing a boy putting comic in a pile of paperwork.]

176

Thursday

Today, during morning announcements, I got the news I was hoping for.

[Image: a cartoon showing children in the classroom.] The Caption reads: " And the new cartoonist for the school paper is...Greg heffley!"

The paper came out today at lunch time, and everyone was reading it.

I really wanted to pick up a copy to see my name in print, but I decided to just play it cool for a while instead.

[Image: a cartoon showing a boy trying to look at the paper.]

177

I sat at the end of the lunch table so there would be plenty of room for me to start signing autographs for my new fans. But nobody was coming over to tell me how great my comic was, and I started to get the feeling something was wrong.

I grabbed a paper and went into the bathroom to check it out. And when I saw my comic, I practically had a heart attack.

[Image: a cartoon showing a boy looking at a comic.]

Mr. Ira told me he had made some "minor edits" to my comic. I thought he just meant he fixed spelling mistakes and stuff like that, but he totally butchered it.

The comic he ruined was one of my favorite ones, too. In the original, Creighton the Cretin is taking a math test, and he accidentally eats it. And then the teacher yells at him for being such a moron.

178

By the time Mr. Ira was done with it, you practically couldn't recognize it as the same strip.

Creighton the Curious Student by Gregory Heffley

[Image: a cartoon strip.] The Caption reads: " Teacher, if x + 43 =89, then what would x be?

Creighton, x would be 46!"

Thanks. Kids, if you want to learn more about math, be sure to visit Mr. Humphrey during his office hours. Or visit the library and check out the newly expanded Math and Science section!"

So I'm pretty sure I won't be signing autographs anytime soon.

[Image: a cartoon showing a man throwing the boy.] The Caption reads: " Teacher's pet!"

179

MARCH

Wednesday

Me and Rowley were enjoying our hot chocolate in the cafeteria with the rest of the Patrols today, and there was an announcement on the loudspeaker.

[Image: a cartoon showing two boys in the cafeteria.] The Caption reads: " Rowley Jefferson, report to Mr. Winsky's office immediately."

Rowley went down to Mr. Winsky's office, and when Rowley came back fifteen minutes later, he looked pretty shaken up.

Apparently Mr. Winsky got a call from a parent who said they witnessed Rowley "terrorizing" the kindergartners when he was supposed to be walking them home from school. And Mr. Winsky was really mad about it.

180

Rowley said Mr. Winsky yelled at him for about ten minutes and said his actions "disrespected the badge."

[Image: a cartoon showing a boy talking to the teacher.]

You know, I think I might just know what this is all about. Last week, Rowley had to take a quiz during fourth period, so I walked the kindergartners home on my own.

It had rained that morning, and there were a lot of worms on the sidewalk. So I decided to have some fun with the kids.

[Image: a cartoon showing kids walking on the road.] The Caption reads: " EEEEEEEE!!!"

181

But some neighborhood lady saw what I was doing, and she yelled at me from her front porch.

It was Mrs. Irvine, who is friends with Rowley's mom. She must have thought I was Rowley, because I was borrowing his coat. And I wasn't about to correct her, either.

[Image: a cartoon showing a woman watching children going on the road.] The Caption reads: " Rowley Jefferson, the principal is going to hear about this!

Yes, Ma'am."

I forgot about the whole incident until today.

Anyway, Mr. Winsky told Rowley he's going to have to apologize to the kindergartners tomorrow morning, and that he's suspended from Patrols for a week.

182

I knew I should probably just tell Mr. Winsky it was me who chased the kids with the worms. But I wasn't ready to set the record straight just yet. I knew if I confessed, I'd lose my hot chocolate privileges. And that right there was enough to make me keep quiet for the time being.

At dinner tonight, Mom could tell something was bothering me, so she came up to my room afterward to talk.

I told her I was in a tough situation, and I didn't know what to do.

I got to give Mom credit for how she handled it. She didn't try to pry and get all the details. All she said was that I should try to do the "right thing," because it's our choices that make us who we are.

[Image: a cartoon showing a boy talking to his mom.]

183

I figure that's pretty decent advice. But I'm still not 100% sure what I'm going to do tomorrow.

Thursday

Well, I was up all night tossing and turning over this Rowley situation, but I finally made up my mind. I decided the right thing to do was to just let Rowley take one for the team this time around.

[Image: a cartoon showing a boy saying sorry to the kids.] The Caption reads: " I'm sorry I terrorized you children."

On the way home from school, I came clean with Rowley and told him the whole truth about what happened, and how it was me who chased the kids with the worms.

184

Then I told him there were lessons we could both learn from this. I told him I learned to be more careful about what I do in front of Mrs. Irvine's house, and that he learned a valuable lesson, too, which is this: Be careful about who you lend your coat to.

[Image: a cartoon showing two boys.] The Caption reads: " I guess this has been a learning experience for both of us!"

To be honest with you, my message didn't seem to be getting through to Rowley.

We were supposed to hang out after school today, but he said he was just going to go home and take a nap.

I couldn't really blame him. Because if I didn't have my hot chocolate this morning, I wouldn't have had much energy, either.

185

When I got home, Mom was waiting for me at the front door.

[Image: a cartoon showing a boy talking to his mom.] The Caption reads: " Did you do the right thing?

Yeah!"

Mom took me out to get some ice cream as a special treat. And what this whole episode has taught me is that every once in a while, it's not such a bad idea to listen to your mother.

[Image: a cartoon showing a boy having an ice-cream with his mom.] The Caption reads: " Slurp"