Deserve (29 page)

“That’s ridiculous,” I say in outrage. “You can’t blame
yourself for that! He was high. For all you knew, he could have had no
intention of using the gun. You were doing your job.”

He smiles and kisses my nose. “You’re too good for me.” He
pauses and sobers. “When James was shot, I wondered if it was karmic payback
for pulling the sleazy move on my captain.”

My breath hitches at the pain in his voice and I clasp his
hand tighter. This beautiful, honorable man doesn’t know how to see his own
goodness.

“I always had such contempt for my father when he did the
wink-wink-nudge-nudge deals, but here I was doing the same thing. I thought the
universe was punishing me for my hypocrisy.”

“Oh, Sean. You can’t think that. You were only doing what
you thought was best for your friend. Did James know how you guys became
partners?”

“Not until a few days ago.”

“What did he say?”

“The same thing you did. Well, he yelled at me for being a
dumbass and reminded me what could have happened had Erwin Woods been sitting
in that car when he went after that pimp.”

I squeeze his hand. “Then the world would have lost a great
writer. I agree with him. You can’t blame yourself for making a decision to help
a friend.”

He picks up my hand and presses his face against my palm. “I’m
starting to realize that. You once asked me why I didn’t get along with my
father.”

I nod.

“My father and I were never particularly close. He was away
too much for us to build any real relationship. Then when I was fifteen, I
found out he was cheating on my mom.”

“Oh, Sean. I’m so sorry.” Knowing how much he adored his
mother, it would have driven an even bigger wedge between father and son.

“I was so pissed off. I told my mom about his affair and
demanded she leave him. God, Maggie, you should have seen how sad she looked. When
she refused to ask him for a divorce, I had a huge fight with her. A week
later, she died.” He looks tormented. “I’ll always regret that I didn’t keep my
mouth shut.”

“You were fifteen. You were just a kid.”

“She died thinking I was still angry with her. Thinking that
I didn’t respect her.” He presses his face into my shoulder and shudders.

I stroke his back, trying to offer what comfort I could. I
can’t believe how long he’s been carrying this guilt around with him. “I am one
hundred percent positive your mom knew how much you loved her. She knows, Sean.”

He doesn’t reply, but the tension slowly seeps from his
body. When he looks up, his eyes are wet and red-rimmed. “The final straw was
when my father married that woman. How could he let her sit in my mother’s
chair? Sleep in her bed? The day he told me he was marrying Gail, I stopped
calling him Dad in private. I hated him, but I also hated myself because I was
just like him. Calculating. Manipulative. Self-serving. When you said you loved
me, I felt like I didn’t deserve you. Wasn’t worthy of you.”

His self-hatred has blinded him to so many things.

I put my hand on his cheek and say gently, “No, Sean. You’ve
always been worthy. You’re nothing like what you described and I don’t think
your father is either. You’re seeing him through the lens of a fifteen-year-old.
He’s not perfect, but I know he cares about you. Do you know what he said to me
at the party?”

Sean shakes his head.

“He said, ‘Thank you for loving my son.’” I blush at how transparent
I must have been to the Senator. “That doesn’t sound like someone who doesn’t
care about you.”

“He said that?”

I nod and smooth the furrow between his brows. “He really
did. I think it’s time you talk to him about what happened.”

The hard lines around his mouth fade and he sighs. “I think
you’re right.” He presses our noses together and my heart skips happily.

“I love you,” he says, looking deeply into my eyes.

My breath hitches in my lungs at the beauty of his eyes. It
takes me a few seconds to realize what’s different about them. The bright blue
orbs are radiating pure light, with no trace of the darkness usually lurking in
their depths. It’s impossible for me to tear my gaze away.

“I love you too.” It’s finally sinking in that this is
reality. And my reality is my fairytale.

“Move in with me.” He clasps the back of my neck.

My eyes round with surprise. I clamp my lower lip between my
teeth. “I signed a contract to stay a year in the dorms. Don’t you think we’re
moving too fast?” I ask even as I want to shout “yes.”

Eyes narrowing, he turns around and rifles in his
nightstand. I hear a clanging sound. He turns around and snaps something around
my wrist.

“What in the world?” I stare at the handcuff encircling the
base of my hand, uncomprehending.

Grinning, Sean stretches my arm over my head and I hear the
snick of the other cuff fastening on a post on the headboard. I tug at my hand
in disbelief, but I’m held fast.

“Sean!”

He settles his hard body over mine, distracting me. “I’m
going to keep you cuffed to this bed until you say yes,” he says with a teasing
lilt as he gazes down at me.

I wrap my free arm around his back. “This is a gross misuse
of power,” I say, trying for a reproachful tone.

“Like I give a fuck.” He leans down and kisses me hungrily.

***

While Sean is on the phone with Leslie, I call Hannah. She
sounds aghast as I update her on last night’s incident and my suspicions about
Calvin. She still has no memories of the attack and I pray she never will. The
trauma may be too much for her psyche. We talk for a while and I promise to
visit her after the holidays.

When I get up to refill my coffee, my phone buzzes with a
text from Todd.

Girl, when were you
going to tell me?

Brows
raised
in curiosity, I click
on the link he sent and scream, “Oh my GOD!” I gasp, feeling like there’s not
enough oxygen in the room.

Sean charges out of his office, his eyes searching for a
threat.

Seeing the look of terror on his face, I say quickly, “I’m
okay. It’s nothing.”

He yanks me into his arms, his body shaking. After everything
that’s happened, he’s understandably on edge. Instead of meeting
Cael
for breakfast at a nearby diner, Sean ordered delivery
and we all ate at the apartment. I have a feeling it will take some time before
Sean lets down his guard.

“You almost gave me a heart attack. What made you yell out?”

I hand him my phone and watch his reaction.

His frown clears up immediately and he shrugs his broad
shoulders. Handing the phone back to me, he says, “I don’t see what the big
deal is.”

I stare at him in astonished annoyance, point to the
headlines of the online rag and read it out loud, “Who is the mysterious
redhead in billionaire playboy’s life?” In case he missed our pictures, I
scroll down and point to the grainy photos of us kissing from last night. “How
did they get a hold of these?” I throw the phone to the end of the sofa,
feeling icky and violated.

“There are always paparazzi looking for a fast buck,” he
says.

“Doesn’t it bother you to have them speculating about your
life?” I shudder at how intrusive it feels to have my private life paraded in
front of the world.

“Sure, but after a while, you learn to ignore it. Besides
once they find out who you are, they’ll stop.” He says teasingly, “Unless
you’re ashamed to be seen with me.”

I scoff at the preposterous claim. “Shouldn’t I be asking
that of you? The headline says it all. You’re a billionaire and I’m a nobody.”
I drop my gaze, recalling the tabloid speculation about Alicia and him.

He grips my chin between his thumb and forefinger. “Don’t
ever say that!” he says harshly, suppressed violence in his voice. Piercingly
sharp eyes study my face. “The money means nothing. I didn’t work for it. I
didn’t earn it.”

I grab his wrist to remove his hand from my chin. “Sean, all
I’m saying is that some people will consider us an unlikely couple.”

“I don’t give a fuck what other people say. And neither
should you.” He leans down to give me a hard kiss. “People are probably
wondering what you’re doing with an asshole like me. You’re the one who’s too
good for me.” He brushes his nose against mine in an Eskimo kiss and my chest becomes
super tight. “I love you,” he says.

“I love you too, but–”

Jaw clenched, he starts to drag me upstairs.

“Hey, what are you doing?”

“If you’re going to spout this bullshit, then you can stay
handcuffed to the bed until you come to your senses.”

Appalled laughter bursts out of me as I run to keep up with
his strides. “You can’t do that every time you want to get your way!”

“Hell yeah I can!”

“I knew I shouldn’t have given in on moving in with you,” I
say ruefully.

An hour later, I say breathlessly into his chest, “You know,
you haven’t thought this through. If this is your technique for convincing me
to agree with you, I would argue with you all the time.”

His smile is slow and sexy as bends down to take my lips
softly. “I win either way.”

“We really need to have a serious conversation about your
interest in BDSM,” I say with a wiggle of my brows.

“Woman, don’t think I won’t spank you. I still haven’t
forgotten how you broke your promise to never walk anywhere by yourself. And to
not go near Ludlow,” he snarls.

My backside tingles and
I moan, feeling
incredibly turned on
.

Sean’s eyes brighten and he grins sexily.

As I pull through the gates of my father’s property, I
glance at Maggie. It’s hard to believe she’s finally mine. I reach over and
caress the delicate line of her jaw. “I forgot to tell you how beautiful you
look tonight.”

Her dark green dress brings out the lowlights in her eyes,
making them look like a sun-dappled forest.

“Thanks.” Her cheeks bloom adorably and all I want to do is
to drag her back home and keep her in bed.

After this past eventful week, I think we deserve to
hibernate until next year.

Bleed has been charged with aggravated assault, threatening
a police officer, and a long string of crimes that should put him away for a
long time. A search of his phone and computer had yielded evidence that he had
been working to derail the case against Carmona—which should earn him an
obstruction of justice charge. Arrogant fuck didn’t even bother using a
throwaway phone.

Sheena has stepped forward again to testify against both of
them. Surprisingly, Maxine has also become a willing witness, providing
corroborating evidence to Bleed’s threats. I have a feeling there might be more
women emerging shortly. The DA is rubbing her hands together in glee.

Ludlow had indeed been following Maggie. He denied having
any malicious intent, claiming he was happy to have made a new friend. Maggie
is softhearted enough to believe his story, but I’ll always be skeptical of
people’s motives. As far as I’m concerned, the kid needs help. Apparently his
family agreed with me because they decided to pull him out of school and get
him some counseling.

My angel has been talking about visiting him to thank him
for saving her, but I already have my handcuffs ready. I can’t believe she
thinks I’d allow her to visit someone who could be a potential threat to her.

Maggie’s suspicions about Poole had prompted Leslie’s team
to refocus their efforts on him. They discovered video footage of him on the
subway substantiating his vicinity to the scene of the crime. Under Leslie’s skillful
interrogation, he finally broke down and admitted to attacking Hannah Michaels.
Apparently she had agreed to meet with him at the back of her dorm. When she
refused to forgive him for cheating, he had been enraged and wanted to punish
her.

Psycho.

When I got the phone call, I felt a huge weight lift from my
shoulders. Knowing she was in constant danger had been unbearable.

Of course, my sprite could kick any
perp’s
ass, as my friends have pointed out helpfully—with shit-eating grins on
their faces. Bo had refused to accept any payment for his services, joking that
he’d settle for our silence on his failed mission to protect her.

Cael
flew back to Chicago after Poole’s
arrest, but he will be here for Christmas and will make the permanent move to
New York early next year. Maggie and I are both looking forward to having him
close. With the way she’s fretting about his single state, I have a feeling
Cael
is due for some meddling in his life.

As for living with Maggie…I didn’t understand what happiness
was until I woke up next to her with the bedrock knowledge that she’d never
leave me. That she loved me despite all of my flaws and past mistakes. Baring
my soul to her has been the single most liberating moment of my life.

As I promised her, I’m going to try to rebuild some bridges
with my father.

I pull up to the front of the house, park, and escort Maggie
into the drawing room. As usual, Gail deigns to give us a chilly smile, but my
father is clearly delighted to see Maggie. He looks from her to me with a small
smile on his face.

The conversation flows smoothly over dinner, thanks to
Maggie and my father. It’s amazing how much more relaxed I feel with her at my
side, but as the meal draws to a close, my tension returns. A glimpse of
Maggie’s animated face bolsters my resolve.

I haven’t had a real conversation with my father in years.
Maybe he and I will never have a normal relationship, but I owe it to her to
try to be a better man.

“Can I talk to you in private?” I address my father and
place my linen napkin on the table.

He looks startled by my request. “Of course, son.” He takes
a sip of red wine and stands up.

Taking the hint, Gail offers to show Maggie the house. With
a parting smile of encouragement, Maggie sails off with my stepmother while my
father and I head to his study. I take a seat on the sofa and he strides to the
bar.

“Do you want something to drink?” He pours out two fingers
of brandy.

I doubt even the whole decanter will make the upcoming
conversation easier, but I say, “I’ll have what you’re having.”

Splashing the amber liquid into another snifter, he walks
over and hands it to me. I warm the glass in my hands and take a sip. I savor
the burn as the brandy slides down my throat.

Sitting down on the leather sofa across from me, he stretches
his legs in front of him. “What do you want to talk to me about, son?”

I notice for the first time how much my father has aged. Normally
too focused on avoiding him, I haven’t really
seen
him. Cocking my head, I study him carefully. He still looks
distinguished and vital, but there are deeper grooves around his eyes and
mouth. There is a slight stoop to his shoulders, as if he’s exhausted.

“Are you okay?” I ask, feeling a trickle of worry.

He seems pleasantly surprised by my question and I feel like
a tool.
We may not get along, but have I
really never asked after his health?

“I’m fine. Just tired. I’m working on a couple of new bills,
but I’m getting a lot of blowback from my party.”

Since my father and I hardly ever agree on politics, we
generally steer clear of the subject, but I surprise myself by asking, “What
are they?”

He briefly outlines pieces of legislation that would have
far-reaching consequences for the country. I really listen to him talk and it’s
an eye-opening experience. I may not like the world of politics, but what he’s
proposing can positively impact many lives.

“Those are really good policies. I think you should keep
pushing,” I say, finally getting a glimpse into what motivates my father. I
don’t kid myself that he’s not interested in power, but he also wants to make
the country better.

His eyes widen at my endorsement. “Thanks, son.”

After a moment of awkward silence, my father looks at me
expectantly. “I know you didn’t ask to talk to me about the inner workings of
the Senate. What’s going on?”

Setting my snifter down on the table, I take a deep breath
and dive in. “I’ve been thinking about Mom a lot lately.”

He leans back in his seat with a somber expression.

My legs twitch to move, but I force myself to stay still.
This conversation is too important. “I’ve been thinking about all the things I
wish I had said to her. And not said.”

“Sean, we all have regrets.” His eyes darken with memories.

“A week before she died, I told her about your affair with
Gail,” I say baldly.

My father’s intake of breath is loud in the room.

“I know I shouldn’t have interfered, but I was so angry with
you for cheating on her. I demanded she confront you about your infidelity and
ask for a divorce, but when she remained silent, I went crazy. I accused her of
being weak and staying with you because she liked having power and status. I
said so many awful things to her that afternoon.”

“Sean–”

I speak over him, wanting to get everything out in the open.
“I wish I had never said anything to her. I blamed you for her unhappiness,
especially toward the end, but I was equally culpable. You’re right. I do tend
to see things in black and white. When you married Gail, it just fed my rage.
We haven’t had the best relationship, but I need to own my part of the
dysfunction.”

 
With a heavy
sigh, my father stands up. “You have nothing to regret, Sean. I made a lot of
mistakes.
With your mom and with you.
I lavished all
my time and attention on my career and I took my family for granted.” He circles
his chair and then reverses his path, stopping in front of me. “Sean, your
mother already knew about my affair.”

“What?” My head rears back in shock.

He sits down. Hand shaking, he drains his brandy. The empty
snifter hits the glass table with a loud clack. When he meets my gaze, his blue
eyes are clouded with pain. “Your mother and I loved each other very much, but you
must have known we weren’t always happy.”

I nod, remembering the late night arguments. “Yeah.”

He grimaces and waggles his head. “She hated being in the
spotlight, just like you. She hid it well, but she loathed the media. It put a
lot of pressure on our marriage because it was a large part of my life. Toward
the end, we hardly spent any time together. She stopped going on the campaign
trail. I’m not going to excuse my behavior, but it got so damn lonely on the
road. One night I was weak and gave in to my urges. I was wracked with guilt
the next day and told your mom.”

For the first time in my adult life, I see my father as a
flawed human being instead of the caricature of a cold, Machiavellian politician.
“How did she react?”

His laugh is edged with bitterness. “She told me as long as
I kept it discreet, she didn’t care what I did. I never expected indifference
from her. Despite all our problems, I always hoped we would mend our marriage. I
continued the affair more out of spite than anything else.”

A wave of pity washes over me. I couldn’t imagine what he
must have felt when he found out his wife no longer cared. I’ve always idolized
my mom and it’s difficult to hear about her contribution to the breakdown of
the marriage.

“Why did you marry Gail?” I ask. I always assumed it was
because Gail came from one of the premier political families in the state, but
I had already misinterpreted so much about my father.

He runs his hand through his hair in a familiar gesture, but
I no longer feel the pulse of disgust at our commonality.

“I married her because I didn’t want what I had with your
mom. Your mom and I had a very tempestuous marriage and it was emotionally
draining. I wanted a helpmate with my career at that point. I didn’t want the
volatility of being in love. I know you and Gail don’t get along, but she’s
been good to me.”

“I can understand that,” I say, each word emerging slowly.
I’ll never be close with Gail, but she’s not the villainess in the story.

Living in a gray world is going to take some adjustment.

“Son, I should have said this to you years ago, but I’ve
always been proud of you.”

At the first words of praise I’ve gotten from my father
since I was a child, I feel a tightening in my chest. “Thanks.”

“The reason I keep pushing you to go into another profession
is because I worry about the danger to you.”

“Dad,” I say, noting the look of pleasure on his face at my
calling him that. It seems an appropriate step to bridge our divide. “You get
hate mail every day and have people threatening to kill you,” I point out.

His eyes widen and a beat later, he chuckles. “Touché.”

I grin, feeling light and hopeful. I’m under no illusion
that my relationship with my father is going to be perfect, but I know it’ll
get better. My beautiful angel is right; I have been blind.

“Does that smile have anything to do with Maggie?”

Even after the serious talk I just had with him, it still
feels strange to discuss my life with my father. “Yes.”

A small smile plays on his lips. “I’m glad. I always thought
she would be the perfect girl for you.”

“You did not!”

He laughs. “I really did. From the first, she brought out
the best in you. When I met the Jackson siblings at your graduation, I saw how
happy and carefree you were with them. And you were always so considerate of
little Maggie. Every time you looked at her, you were smiling. I always hoped
you would end up with her.”

I stare at my father in awe. How could he have seen all that
years ago?

He must have read the question on my face. “Your old man may
be blind to his own faults, but he’s pretty sharp where others are concerned.
Especially when it comes to his son.”

“Thanks, Dad.” I feel like I’m stuck in a male version of a
Bette Midler movie, but I have to admit, it feels pretty damn nice.

***

“I’m glad you cleared the air with your dad,” she says
sleepily.

I kiss her shoulder, smiling at how I’ve tired her out. “Me
too, angel.”

“Although I thought Gail was going to faint when you kissed
her on the cheek when we left,” she says with a giggle.

“We may never be friends, but I think she genuinely cares
about my dad.” I look down at the magical woman who has made so many positive
changes in my life and say, “Thank you.”

“For what? I didn’t do anything.” She wiggles, pressing her
sweet little derriere against me and stirring the insatiable beast.

“For being you. You just need to be you.”

She rolls over to face me, her green eyes shining with an
inner glow. “I feel the same. I love you.”

“I love you angel.” Hunger gnawing at me again, I bring her
right leg over my hip and slide my hand between her legs. She’s soft and wet
from our lovemaking. Eyes flaring with renewed heat, she makes a sound of part astonishment
and part arousal.

The corners of my mouth lift up. Everything she does makes
me feel so damn happy and light. Keeping my gaze locked on hers, I place my
cock at her opening and glide into her. Her body is always open and welcoming
and I feel like I’ve come home.

The emotions swamping me almost have me closing my eyes, but
I want to see every nuance of her expression. I can’t go as deep as I would
like, but it feels incredibly intimate to be face-to-face as we make love.