Confrontation (June Hunt Hope for the Heart)

CONFRONTATION

Challenging Others to Change

JUNE HUNT

• Gives practical advice and Biblical wisdom from June Hunt, a biblical counselor whose award-winning radio program
  Hope For The Heart
  is heard on more than 900 radio outlets around the world. For more than 25 years, she has counseled people, offering them hope for today’s problems.
  
• Describes when to confront a person, how to check your motives, and how to personally prepare for the confrontation that promotes righteousness.
  
• Gives you the confidence to confront someone in a godly way by showing the 5 methods of confrontation used within the Bible.
  

Summary

Letter from June Hunt

Introduction

Definitions Concerning Confrontation

What Constitutes Confrontation?

What Are Five Methods of Confrontation Used in the Bible?

What Is God’s Heart on Confrontation?

What Are the Four Styles of Confrontation?

Characteristics of Confrontation

When Should You Confront?

When Should You Not Confront?

What Are the Four Confrontational Strategies?

What Can You Say? How Can You Say It?

Causes for a Lack of Confrontation

Why Is It Difficult to Confront?

Why Should Your Confrontation Be Assertive?

What Are the “11 Commandments” of Confrontation?

Root Cause for Confusion

Steps to Solution

Personal Preparation for Confronting

The Three Approaches for Confrontation

How to Use the Sandwich Technique

Conducting a One-on-One Confrontation

Common Questions about Confrontation

Mastering the Assertive Style

Crisis Confrontation for Chronic Problems

What Is the Best Response When You Are Confronted?

The Four Confrontation Styles Illustrated in the Gospels

Scriptures to Memorize

Notes

Dear friend,

Confrontation has never been comfortable for me. At times I’ve felt that I would rather have the “black plague” than to have to confront someone. However, over the years I have moved from reluctance to the realization that confrontation with the right spirit—to expose the wrong and establish the right—is a biblical mandate. Confrontation is intended to establish truth for the purpose of conviction, correction, and a changed life. Galatians 6:1 tells us,
“If someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently.”

In the early days of our ministry at H
OPE
F
OR
T
HE
H
EART
, I didn’t want to confront “Blake,” a fellow staff member—but knew I had to. Blake was a bright, creative, meticulous young man—and quick-tempered. He would become enraged over problems like a jammed copier and then he would take his wrath out on certain staff members. Unfortunately, his verbal abuse began to affect the spirit and morale of others.

After requesting a meeting with Blake, I applied the “sandwich technique”—two soft slices of bread with the meat of the matter in the middle.

The top slice of “bread” was appreciation: expressing my care and concern for Blake, sincerely complimenting him on the positives he brought to our ministry.

“Blake, you know that I genuinely care about you, don’t you?”

He responded, “Yes, I do.” I was grateful for that.

Then I moved to the meat of concern: confrontation. “Blake, whatever we do at H
OPE
F
OR
T
HE
H
EART
has to be internally true to our name. We have to give hope to our own family inside our ministry, not just to those outside our ministry.”

Now I had to address Blake’s angry behavior: “Blake, the way you treat other team members is a problem. Your actions don’t give them hope for their hearts. You are not helping them, but hurting them. It’s just not working.”

I reminded him how Jesus never placed projects as a higher priority than people. Then I shared my view of givers versus takers. “Blake, I want to say this to help you in the future. In life there are two kinds of people: givers and takers. Unfortunately, at this time in your life, I see you as a taker. I want you to go before God and ask if this is true. Realize, the Bible says,
‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’
Blake, I want you to be a giver. Throughout life, I want you to ask, ‘What can I give to others’ rather than ‘What can I get from others?’”

Blake’s pensive spirit indicated that he was absorbing every word of my concern. Now it was time to move to the bottom piece of “bread” in the sandwich: exhortation. I told Blake I believed in him. I knew he could be an encourager of others. I knew he could be a giver. I knew he could become the man God created him to be.

Not too long afterward, Blake took another position in Europe, and a year later when he returned to Dallas for a visit, he asked for time to meet with me.

Within the first three minutes of our conversation Blake said, “June, you were exactly right. I see now I was a taker and not a giver. Because of what you said, I saw where I needed to change—and I became determined to change. Thank you so much for telling me the truth. I had never seen this about myself until you confronted me.”

Confrontation: Expose what’s wrong—then establish what is right. My prayer is that you will have the courage to confront others when prompted by God to do so. I also pray that because of your Christ-like spirit, others—like Blake—may experience conviction, correction, and a truly changed life.

Yours in the Lord’s hope,

P.S. This verse says it perfectly:
“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone”
(Colossians 4:6).

CONFRONTATION

Challenging Others to Change

“Adam, Eve, where are you?”
The probing voice of God pierces the evening air, confronting the two pounding hearts hiding in the foliage. Just hours before, all was so perfect, so peaceful, but when they ate the forbidden fruit, everything changed. They chose to disobey God—they chose to defy His authority—and now they flinch in fear as they hear His voice come nearer and nearer.

As they step out of their hiding, how will God confront the guilty couple? Things could have been so different. He created this first man and first woman and placed them in a perfect environment where He planned to meet all of their needs. If only they had listened to Him! If only they had trusted Him! If only they had obeyed Him! But, because of their fatal choice, they forfeited His perfect plan. Now what will He say to them, and what will be His approach? How will He confront their sin?

For the first time, rather than being at peace with God, the couple cowers in fear at His presence. God responds with questions:
“Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”

God turns and asks Eve,
“What is this you have done?”
Although God clearly knew all that had transpired in their lives that day, He chose to confront both of them with questions—questions to expose their sin and establish the truth—to expose wrong in order to establish right (Genesis 3:9, 11, 13).

Like Adam and Eve, most of us do not like having our sin exposed. Like them, we try to cover it up—to hide all evidence—in an effort to not “get caught.” Basically, we do whatever we possibly can to avoid having to face the consequences of our bad choices. Our preference is to figure out a way to “get away with it” to somehow “make it go away” or, at the very least, not to have to “take responsibility for it.” Assuming this behavior is natural and common to all humans, how do we deal with wrongdoing? How do we face our own “demons,” and how do we handle the demons of others?

Clearly, the answer is not by ignoring, avoiding, hiding, or covering up offenses. But what is the answer? If we use the way God dealt with Adam and Eve as our model, then we must acknowledge bad behavior, face the consequences of bad behavior, and make efforts to change bad behavior. We must expose what is wrong to establish what is right. That process is called “confrontation,” and it requires wisdom and discernment.

“Wisdom is found on the lips of the discerning, but a rod is for the back of him who lacks judgment.” (Proverbs 10:13)

• Confrontation
  is encountering a person in order to expose what is wrong, with the goal of establishing truth; confronting what is wrong to establish what is right.
  1
  
• Confronting
  a person helps establish the truth for the purpose of conviction, correction, and a change of life.
  
  • The Hebrew word
    tokhot
    means “to correct, rebuke.”
    2
    Solomon, the wisest man, understood the value of confrontation when he wrote,
    “The corrections of discipline are the way to life”
    (Proverbs 6:23).
    
  • At times God will guide you to confront so that others can see their need to change as well as know what and how to change.
    

“The grace of God. ... It teaches us to say ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age. ... These, then, are the things you should teach. Encourage and
rebuke
with all authority.” (Titus 2:11–12, 15)

Most people are fairly opinionated about how God confronts mortal human beings in the Bible. Typically, people picture God as pointing a bony finger while pounding a gavel in severe judgment upon some puny human—but this is not so.

As our loving God created the human race with immense diversity, He also uses various and diverse methods to confront according to each individual’s need. From questions asked of Adam and Eve in Genesis to His rebuke of the churches in Revelation, undeniably God uses various methods of confrontation.