Children in Her Shadow (15 page)

Ruth took the opportunity to ask Edward how many girl friends he had been out with if he found it difficult to make friends. In an instance he said, “Just two and you are the second.” Ruth knew this was not true but chose to approach the question a different way. “Come on” she said, “Surely, with so many lovely ladies to choose from at Vickers, surely you have dated one or two.” Edward’s demeanour changed; he slowed the car down and then stopped. He was visibly angry when he turned to Ruth and said, “What’s this all about, don’t you believe me? You shouldn’t believe the tittle tattle you hear at work especially from that tart Victoria.”

That final comment intrigued Ruth because it seemed to give some credence to Victoria’s cautionary warnings about Edwards’s roving eye. Here was Ruth on her wedding day at the start of what had the makings of her first real row with Edward but she felt compelled to challenge what he had said, and oh, how she did! Ruth came straight to the point, “I’m not in the least bit interested in how many girls you’ve dated, and I’m turning a blind eye on how many you may have slept with, but it’s the talk of Vickers that you have dated many girls there, including Victoria, so why lie to me, especially today of all days?”

Edward banged the steering wheel and retorted, “I’ve told you I haven’t been out with any of them especially Victoria who is a known trouble maker.” Like a lamb to the slaughter came the cri de Coeur from Ruth. “I know that you were seeing these girls, including Victoria the one you call a tart, whilst at the same time you were also seeing Sarah but that’s your past. What I need to know is, are you going to two time me and continue to see Sarah?” The angry man in Edward suddenly became the pouting child as he implored Ruth to believe him that it was all over between him and Sarah and that whoever was spreading vicious rumours about him were doing so out of jealousy. The row was over and Ruth found herself retreating to the position of becoming increasingly unsure about Edward but giving him the benefit of the doubt, at least for today.

Their one night honeymoon attained the status it was intended as they ‘consummated’ their marriage that night. However, if yesterday Ruth was the ‘virgin bride’ today she was the seven weeks pregnant woman as she spent the morning before their departure back to Blackpool with her head over the sink experiencing what was to become the beginning of a period of eight weeks of morning sickness.

They journeyed slowly back to Ruth’s new home stopping occasionally for Ruth to take some air discovering that without warning she had also become car sick. On arrival back in Blackpool Ruth spent the rest of the day and night in bed before settling into the domestic pattern of marriage.

Each day, Edward and Ruth would leave the house together to travel to work and at the end of the day they would arrive home together. During the day Ruth was careful whilst at work to conceal her pregnancy which for Ruth was difficult given that she could be sick at the very sign of food or, strangely by the smell of some of the protective sleeving used to harness instrument wires.

Concealing her pregnancy was becoming difficult and at about the three month mark she decided to announce to her friends that she had just had confirmed that she was pregnant. This allowed herself to be visibly absent from her work bench on her frequent trips to the lavatory. The rouse seemed to work but Ruth realised that it might become more difficult to conceal later in her pregnancy particularly when she would be attempting to truncate nine months down to seven or so.

Life in the Carmichael house was already beginning to show the strains of two married women vying for the attention of Edward something that Edward revelled in but which was beginning to irritate Ruth. As a relatively new bride she wanted to cook and wash for Edward but found these tasks remained exclusively Ellen’s. Pointedly, Ellen would select all of Edwards washing from the laundry basket and whilst he was at work she would wash and iron them and place his things neatly folded on their bed. If in the evening Edward should ask for a snack, the by now more nimble Ellen would leap to his request and make a sandwich or a cup of tea. His every need other than those reserved exclusively for a wife was met by Ellen. This resulted in Ruth spending her evenings washing and ironing her own clothes and therefore having less time with Edward.

Ruth established her own routine of spending every Monday evening after work in the company of Moira. They would have tea and chat about work, the Carmichael’s and of course the progress of her pregnancy and the war. Her weekly visits also provided Ruth with the time to read her letters and to reply. Ruth continued to use Moira’s home as her correspondence address to maintain the ever more complex ties with her family and friends.

Ruth would start by writing to her mother, careful to maintain an air of excitement about her new marriage, careful not to disclose any hint of her advancing pregnancy. Occasionally, Ruth would slip a ten shilling note into the envelope knowing that this would be used by her mother for her own use. Ruth’s mother, as Ruth herself would do in later years had a number of teapots in which she would keep money. One would be for the rent, one for the milkman and one for the doctor but money that was her own would always be kept in her knickers drawer ‘for a rainy day’.

Ruth would write each week to Mary whose letters were becoming increasingly dark as she confided more of her own challenges with her sexuality. In a recent letter Mary disclosed that she had taken a trip to London with her ‘friend’ and had her eyes opened to the large number of bars and salons that were frequented by women like her, women who openly spoken of themselves as lesbians.

Mary explained that she was taken to the Gateways club in London where she had a wonderful time meeting openly with and being able to share feelings and emotions with women who felt like her. Mary had explained that the club was also fascinating for the range of different people from all social classes who were there, which included women serving in the military as well as women of high status who lived in London. Mary revealed in her letter that she was clearly drawn to the freedoms that London had to offer women, even during wartime.

Ruth’s final letter was always reserved for Auntie Lott and Uncle Arthur in Senghenydd. Lott’s letters were always chatty and gave revealing accounts of life in the village, and the comings and goings of the many people who were familiar names to Ruth. Lott would always include in her letter news about Dai her son who by now had been married for about five years though from the snippets Ruth could piece together from the letters the marriage seemed to be in serious trouble.

It was difficult for Ruth to maintain the pretence with Lott, of not being married and of the fact that she was expecting a child as she was one of the few people in her life that she had always felt she could confide in. Ruth felt she was betraying that childhood friendship by being secretive but as each letter writing week passed it became harder for Ruth to untangle the web of deceit she was weaving with her mother, Mary and Lott.

Edward’s evenings became a predictable routine. He would eat his evening meal and once it was dark he would retire to the radio shack. He could spend the entire evening there and on many occasions he would not go to bed until the early hours of the morning.

On the occasions that Ruth would try to show an interest in Edward’s Radio Ham activities she would be dismissed and only once did she ever enter into the whistling, crackling world of the ‘Shack’ with its oscillating sounds, mainly of Morse code coming from an unremarkable looking radio set on the bench. There were meters which meant nothing to Ruth and there were some that did but putting the whole lot together, Ruth could not see what could be so captivating to keep him there for so many hours each night. When Ruth once asked Ellen how she tolerated Edward’s nocturnal hobby she simply shrugged it off and no more was said.

What was slowly becoming obvious to Ruth was that Edward the Special Constable had not yet surfaced and feeling a little playful one evening when they were in their bedroom she said to Edward, “I haven’t seen you in your police uniform yet so why don’t you put it on for me, you know I like a man in uniform.” Edward became defensive and tried to change the subject. With that, Ruth went to Edward’s wardrobe, opened it and looked inside to try and find the elusive Special Constable uniform. Edward leapt to his feet and angrily said, “You won’t find it there” and stormed out of the room.

Ruth was intrigued; so if the uniform wasn’t there, where was it? She was not prepared to let it rest and followed Edward from the bedroom where she found him in the kitchen with his mother. “Where does Edward keep his Special Constable’s uniform“ Ruth asked to the visible annoyance of Edward. Ellen turned to her and snapped, “The problem with you is that you interfere too much, just leave it alone and let Edward get on with his life.” Clearly the tension of two women in this house, one who seemed to know everything about Edward and the other who was trying to discover more about her new husband was simply adding to the already strained relationships.

By the time Ruth was into the third trimester of pregnancy, morning sickness was a thing of the past and she was in full bloom. Talk amongst her friends was that she seemed to blossom on her pregnancy. Thankfully for Ruth, the fact that she was still not too large seemed to be fitting the contrived story of a post marriage conception. Her plan was to work until about three weeks before she was due and then spend the time until the birth resting at home.

The strain of living with Edward’s parents was becoming increasingly difficult which led to Ruth spending large amounts of time in their bedroom alone. She would listen to the wireless, read or simply sleep. Edward continued to spend hours in the radio shack at night even though it was now early winter. Ruth also began to notice that Edward was beginning to take the occasional Saturday evening out with his friends. Ruth was not consulted and on the third occasion this happened, she only discovered that he would not be home until late when she asked Ellen the whereabouts of Edward.

The following Friday Ruth announced to Edward that she would be joining him on his night out, noting that it was some time since they went out together. In the presence of his mother he dismissed her suggestion by saying, “You have responsibilities to our child and Blackpool at night is no place for a woman who is soon to have a baby.” Ellen grasped the opportunity to support her son, “You are always complaining, always wanting to know this or that, never once thinking that Edward has given up a great deal for you and the least you can do is let the poor man have a night with his friends at the end of a hard week.”

Ruth saw no way that she was going to defeat the combined forces of the Carmichael’s and again retreated to her room. She was not at ease as she pondered who Edward was seeing and the name Sarah was never far from her mind. The fact that he was leaving with his skating boots over his shoulder only added to the turmoil in her mind that his attention might be being taken by Sarah. She became obsessed by the notion that Edward was secretly seeing Sarah and when her discreet questions to her friends at least placed Edward and Sarah in the same place at the same time, her imagination ran wild. She had no proof that Edward was cheating on her but the circumstantial evidence was mounting.

Some weeks later Ruth was awoken from her sleep at about one thirty in the morning to heavy knocking on the front door and the muffled sound of voices in the rear garden. Taking care to ensure there was no light in the bedroom, she carefully pulled back the blackout curtains and could see three people in uniform near to Edward’s radio shack and by now, Sam and Ellen were at the front door. Ruth remained silent not wishing to alert anyone to the fact she was awake so that she might eves drop on otherwise guarded conversations.

Ruth opened her bedroom door slightly and could hear a police officer say that they needed to inspect the shed in the garden where they had received reports over some weeks from neighbors that there was the sound of Morse code being heard on most evenings and long into the night. Stood alongside the policeman was a person in army uniform which only served to further heighten the tension in the hallway by the front door.

Ruth heard Ellen say that Edward had been here earlier but was now working his shift in Blackpool as a Special Constable. Further questions followed before everyone moved into the rear garden and there they stayed for what seemed like hours. Eventually, the relative quiet that had descended upon the garden was shattered when Edward entered through the front door accompanied by two people in military uniform. It was hard for Ruth to understand quite what was going on until she heard the raised voice of Edward saying, “They are nosey busybodies who can frankly sling their hook.” He went on, “It’s nothing more than an amateur radio shack that is doing nobody any harm.”

Eventually, Edward left with the assembled military and police not to return until about six o’clock as the house was stirring once again at the start of the day. Ruth confronted Edward who was looking tired and unusually unkempt. “Where the hell were you last night at one thirty in the morning when the Home Guard, the Police and the Army turned up in force to find out what you do in your shed?” Not stopping for breath she said, “You clearly were not there, were you with Sarah?” The kitchen was hushed as Sam, Ellen and Ruth waited for Edward’s response. As usual, it was Ellen who spoke for Edward, “No he was not with Sarah he was on duty at the police station in Fleetwood and before you ask more of your stupid questions, he keeps the uniform you were searching for there.” Ruth saw red, “Then why didn’t the local police know that, rather than banging on our door in the middle of the night?”

It was clear that the Carmichaels were once again closing ranks and Ruth found herself being stared at and being lost for words. This did not stop Ruth from confronting Edward later to ask firstly why it was that the local police seemed to know nothing about Edward being a Special Constable and why it took so long for them to find him. Edward shrugged his shoulders and said, “I’m doing nothing wrong in the radio shack otherwise they would have taken my equipment and in so far as Sarah is concerned, I haven’t seen her in months.” Ruth knew this was not the case but simply couldn’t muster the energy to argue any more.