Castles in the Sand (16 page)

At last, a new sheet of cookies in the oven and a handful of warm ones in her hand, Kenzie turned. “Is there some milk?”

Susan nodded.

She opened the fridge. “All right! Two percent. You’re spoiling me.”

“No, I’m not.”

Kenzie turned, surprise in her raised brows.

“I’m just trying to love you. Please, sweetheart, come sit down.”

Kenzie replaced the milk, set the cookies on the counter, and walked over. “What?” She sat on the floor.

“I am so sorry for sending you away.”

“I know. I’m sorry for being such a pain—”

Susan held up a hand. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not being a better mom these nineteen years. Please forgive me. I hope you can forgive me, for your own sake.”

Kenzie stared at her.

Of course she was speechless. She had never heard such words from her mother.

“Hon, you don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know. And…here.” She dug into her skirt pocket, pulled out a folded pack of bills, and handed it to Kenzie. “Five hundred dollars. It’s not much, but maybe you can use it. We were always short on money when we were first—”
Married
. Back up. “When you were a baby.”

“Mom! Are you on something?”

Faith. Freedom. Courage. Drake not screening…She shook her head. “Music.”

“Huh?”

“I’m just,” she pointed to her head, “singing.”

“This place needs a CD player. At least a radio. I can’t believe there’s still no television here.”

“It is electronically challenged, I’ll give you that.”

Kenzie stared again. “Um, thank you for this.” She held up the money.

“You’re welcome.”

“We might have an extra CD player around.”

“Does it play cassette tapes? I really want to listen to your music.”

“That reminds me, we’re making a CD! Professionally!”

“Really?”

“Yeah. It’s pretty awesome.” She still held the bills in her hand, as if unsure what to do with them. “It won’t happen for a while, but there’s this producer who’s totally interested. He loves Aidan’s work. What are you smiling at?”

“Just you.” She grinned. She could not take her eyes off her child. No one else would notice the subtle roundness in her face, a soft but mature touch. “By the way, you can keep the money. No strings attached.”

“Well.” Kenzie looked down at it. “Okay. If you’re sure.”

“Honey.” She put a finger under Kenzie’s chin and lifted it. “I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life. Now, how about some milk and cookies?”

They stuffed themselves with cookies and talked about Kenzie’s pregnancy, due date, and work as a barista at a funky coffee shop. They steered clear of the Carluccis, Aidan, Drake, medical insurance, and marriage.

The afternoon shadows lengthened in the beach house and Susan grew anxious that Kenzie would leave soon. Her daughter remained tentative, as if unsure of the situation. Susan could hardly blame her. There her mother sat beside her on the couch, on vacation without her dad, speaking more openly than she ever had in Kenzie’s entire life.

But Susan knew there would be no healing until they addressed issues that still separated them. She jumped in.

“I like Pepper Carlucci a lot.”

Kenzie bobbed her head. “She’s fresh, isn’t she? All of them are like that. They all say exactly what they’re thinking. Mick is a great guy. It’s so obvious he and Pepper are totally crazy about each other.”

Envy crept in, a worm chewing at the newfound peace. Why weren’t she and Drake like that? Had they never been like that? She didn’t think so.

“There’s always lots of commotion at their house. Lots of laughter.”

That summarized the exact opposite of what Kenzie experienced growing up. No wonder she was enamored with the family.

Susan said, “What’s Aidan like?”

“Passionate about music, about creating it.”

“Like you.”

She shook her head. “He’s way beyond me. He writes it and it absolutely consumes him at times. He needs his space. And that’s okay.”

Susan wondered.

“I just do my own thing when he’s in the zone. He’s thoughtful like his dad. Romantic with little gifts.” She shrugged. “It’s kind of weird telling you this stuff.”

She smiled. “It’s kind of weird hearing it. Do you talk about getting married?”

Kenzie glanced away, her chin rising slightly in the movement.

Drake’s did the same when he got defensive. “Hon, I’m not pressing. I’m just curious about what you’re thinking.”

“We consider ourselves already married. Why should a piece of paper make a difference? Or a ceremony in a church? Of course, that’s not going to happen anyway, not in your church.”

The charge sliced through Susan, cutting off her breath. “If your dad changed his mind…”

“Yeah, right. Like that’s going to happen in this millennium. Ninety-nine percent of his sermons sooner or later get around to moralizing about how wicked and nasty sex is.”

“That’s not exactly—”

“It is, Mom. It is exactly what he preaches and how often. Why can’t you see that? How he really is?”

“He just wants the best for you.”

“Well, I found the best. I love Aidan. He loves me. We’re committed to each other. And sex is not wicked. It’s the most beautiful, holy, amazing thing.”

“In marriage.”

“Is it in yours? Has it ever been?”

“Kenzie—”

“Forget I asked that. I don’t really want to know. But it makes a marriage, Mom. The two become one and then they’re married.”

Susan tried to focus. Why had she brought up marriage? That was what set Kenzie off. That was the main issue with Drake, and she was so hurt by her dad, she exaggerated everything about him and saw only the negative.

Kenzie said, “Never mind. You can’t understand.”

“What does Aidan have against marriage?”

She hesitated. “Nothing.”

“His parents have a healthy one, right?”

“Yeah. It’s not that. It’s just we don’t see any reason to have someone pronounce us husband and wife when we already are.”

Was it Kenzie and Aidan who thought that, or just Kenzie? Was Kenzie so afraid of marriage because of what she saw in her parents’ relationship?

“Honey, what have you seen in me and your father that turns you so against marriage?”

Kenzie nearly flew from the couch. She whirled around and raised her hands. “This! This, what you’re doing right now. You’re aping Dad like you don’t have an original thought in your head! You kowtow to him like he walks on water. You’re like that old TV wife June Cleaver, all cardboardy, saying her lines sweetly, never ruffled, never
real
.”

“That’s not fair or accurate.”

“You’re always defending him. You’re never on my side.”

Susan’s entire body ached. “I’m here now.”

“I don’t want to wait nineteen years to be here now for my kid.” She pressed fists to her eyes and walked toward the door. “I knew it would get to this. We’ll never agree and you won’t accept me as I am.”

Every fiber of Susan’s being cried out in agony. She caught up with her at the door. “I just want the best for you, sweetheart. I love you.”

“I have to go.” Kenzie pulled the money from her pocket.

“Keep that. I said no strings. You don’t have to get married to use it.”

“Okay. Thanks. Bye.”

“Let me hug you.”

She stood still long enough for Susan to wrap her arms around her and give a quick squeeze.

And then she was gone.

Susan wanted to curl up in a fetal position.

“I know exactly how you’re feeling.” Natalie watched Susan slumped in the opposite chair, Pugsy snoring on her lap.

Her sister-in-law’s forehead knotted, one lump above each eyebrow. She wasn’t buying it.

“Okay, Suze, I’ll rephrase that. I’ve never had a pregnant unwed daughter who called me June Cleaver, so I can’t possibly know how you’re feeling.”

Susan gave a slight nod.

“Maybe a string of pearls would help.”

Susan gazed out the window. The knots on her forehead were nearly golf ball size.

At least she had called. Natalie couldn’t believe her sister-in-law had actually swallowed her pride and uttered that one life-changing word, “Help.” Hearing it made Natalie weep. God had moved a mountain. He didn’t need her to keep pushing at it.

Rex, bless him, said his macho wife driving to the beach alone at night in a weepy state was not a good idea. Besides that, he loved his sister-in-law. He invited himself along and gave their teenage sons a choice: They could either eat at a favorite restaurant with Mom and Dad and Aunt Susan or fix their own dinner. The three of them waited now at the place not far down the boardwalk, probably inhaling large amounts of tortilla chips and salsa.

“Suze, listen.” Natalie leaned forward, elbows on her knees. “This dialogue with Kenzie was a good thing. It means advancement. It’s like you’ve moved the forwards deep into the opponents’ territory. Not that the Carluccis are opponents, but you get the picture.”

“You’re talking about soccer.”

“Yeah.”

“Kenzie’s right, then. She thinks we’re on opposite teams. She said I never take her side. I don’t want to take sides at all, not hers or Drake’s.”

“Okay, forget that analogy.”

“We should be on the same team.”

“I know.”

“They both could be here right now. Drake isn’t doing the service tonight; he doesn’t have to be anywhere in the morning. Kenzie’s not working now or in the morning. We all like being at the beach house. Why am I here by myself?”

“Think of it as if they were traded to other teams for the season. They were offered what looked like a better deal elsewhere. They’ll find their way back. You are a team.”

Susan looked at her.

“I’m just the rookie called up for a while.”

“No, you’re my team, Natalie. There’s no one else.”

“Of course there is. There’s a whole slew of rookies waiting.”

“The Martha Mavens.”

She nodded. “It’s time, hon.”

“I don’t know.” Susan sighed loudly. “Kenzie’s right. I’m just not a team player.”

Natalie swung toward the window and tried not to roll her eyes in vexation.
Lord!
She turned back. “You’ve just never played in the big league. And you’ve definitely never played goalie.”

“Goalie?”

“You’re protecting the goal, your family. You think you’re all alone back there at the end of the field, but you’ve got all of us out in front, protecting you. And we are good. We are not going to let the opponent get anywhere near you.”

“Who’s the opponent?”

“Don’t be so literal. I don’t know. Whatever keeps your family from being a team. Anyway, you are the Martha Mavens’ main concern right now. Our defensive line is in place. Or it will be as soon as I call Gwyn and Mildred.”

The forehead knots flattened out, and Susan smiled. “I just had a picture of Gwyn in shin guards.”

Natalie laughed. “Gwyn, cover girl material at thirty-seven, in shin guards? Maybe I’d better leave out the soccer talk.”

“Maybe.” She paused. “You think I can really be part of a team?”

“Yes, Susan, I know you can. Now let’s go eat!”

The white-haired twins, Mildred and Leona, insisted on cooking breakfast for everyone. They bobbed around the beach house kitchen like windup toys.

“Everyone” included Gwyn, busy now with tea preparations, and Emmylou, who set the table, waddling between it and the cupboards. She carried plates on the shelf of her rather large, rounded eight-and-a-half months abdomen.

Susan tightened the belt of her bathrobe and watched them. Talk about forgetting the morning routine. When the women had knocked on her door moments ago, she was still half asleep. The sun had barely risen, and yet there they stood, bright eyed and bushy tailed, jabbering about how great the commuter lane was in rush hour traffic.

“Good morning, sunshine!” they’d said and bustled inside, a group of magpies.

“Natalie called.”

“Need we say more?”

“She’ll come later.”

“Tess has appointments and simply can’t get away, even for breakfast.”

“Are there eggs? We brought bacon and ingredients to make blueberry scones and forgot the eggs!”

“How about juice?”

“Emmylou is having labor pains.”

“No. Ooo. Ow.” Emmylou puffed out words between breaths. “It’s just those Braxton Hicks things.”

“Same difference. One of these times they’ll be for real.”

“Pugsy wants out. I’ll take him.”

“Shoo, Susan. Go do what you need to do. Shower, whatever. We know our way around a kitchen.”

What had her sister-in-law told them about her this time? True, Susan asked Natalie for help. Kenzie’s visit had drained her. And then there was that sweet dinner with Rex and the boys. They made her laugh and they didn’t avoid the subject of Kenzie’s situation. Their company convinced her she needed others; she needed friends and prayers. She told Natalie it was all right with her if she let the Martha Mavens know she was hurting.

Evidently Natalie had not wasted any time.

Would the women have come if she were in her own house? They’d never done anything remotely similar to what they were doing at the moment. After her hysterectomy, they used Natalie like a UPS man, giving her gifts and food to deliver. Susan had felt that was proper. Others could have their open door policies when they were out of commission, but she wouldn’t want them laundering her underwear and seeing her kitchen up close.