Castles in the Sand (17 page)

Was it the beach house that gave them permission to invade her life?

Or was it the beach house that gave her permission to let them?

“Susan.”

She refocused.

Leona addressed her. “I said, shoo. Can we get you anything?”

“Um, well, I’d like a cup of coffee.”

Four pairs of eyes zoomed in on her.

No doubt about it. The pastor’s wife lived under a microscope. They all knew she didn’t touch coffee, hadn’t for years. Every coffee hour between services, every wedding reception and funeral lunch and whatnot celebration included a large pot of herbal tea made especially for Pastor Drake and the Mrs.

It couldn’t be helped. If they viewed her through a microscope, sooner or later they would notice the damage. Surely pain would etch itself into wrinkles, lackluster expressions, sagging shoulders. They might imagine all sorts of horrid scenarios. She might as well tell them the correct one.

She straightened shoulders already in an unmistakably droopy condition. “Yes, I really would like a cup of coffee with milk and sugar. And by the way, Kenzie is pregnant and she doesn’t want to get married. I’m going to take a shower now.”

The shower was a long one.

Susan remembered Natalie’s suggestion that she imagine God with her, right there and then, cheering her on.
You go, girl. You have My permission to…

To what?

Tears mingled with the hot water.

Permission to cry?

Permission to hurt over Kenzie and Drake?

Permission to receive the love of friends, the love of God through them?

You go, girl
.

And she knew then—in that deep heart of hearts where things were known without benefit of the mind’s explanation—her world would never ever be the same again.

They lingered at the table, no one moving to clear the breakfast dishes.

Mary tendencies had definitely shoved Martha’s to a back burner.

Mildred, Leona, Gwyn, and Emmylou listened to Susan talk about Kenzie. She stopped short of the New Year’s Day story, how she and Drake had sent her from the house.

The women sympathized and they empathized.

Leona said, “My granddaughter is living with her boyfriend.”

Mildred said, “My grandson isn’t married to the mother of his two children.”

Emmylou said, “Robbie and I, were, uh, you know,
together
before we got married. Before we got saved. Is it all right if I tell you that?”

Gwyn patted her arm. “What’s-his-name and I more or less lived together for six months before we got married and that was
after
I got saved. You know what?” She sighed. “It feels good to finally say that to you all. I never could admit it for fear you’d condemn me. I remember hiding his toothbrush and shoes once when Tess came over for something. It wasn’t until after our divorce that I admitted I never felt quite right about our premarital ways.” She smiled sadly. “It took me ages to even tell you we were divorcing.”

Mildred said, “Leona and I also have divorced children. We have grandchildren involved in alcohol, drugs, school failure, jail time, abortion, and the occult. Did I forget anything, dearie?”

Leona said, “One of my sons is having an affair.”

Emmylou said, “My father is an alcoholic.”

Gwyn said, “My sister is gay.”

Susan could only stare at them.

Leona grinned. “The skeletons are fairly jumping out of the closets, aren’t they? I think I hear bones clattering across the floor!”

Mildred chuckled. “See, Susan? You’re not alone. We understand. And just because you are the pastor’s wife does not mean your world is untouched by pain and difficulty and sin. God’s forgiveness and mercy cover it all—if we let them.”

Leona added, “We are your sisters and we don’t condemn you or Kenzie or Drake. We never did expect you to be completely healed of all your life’s wounds. That won’t happen for any of us until we leave this world.”

Everyone sat in silence for a long moment. They exchanged dazed looks. Slowly and quietly those mellowed into ones of affirmation.

At last Mildred smiled. “There is healing in dialogue. Leona and I have our own prayer group, you know, all of us old fogies. We don’t like to bother you young’uns with our troubles. Leona, dear.” She turned to her twin. “Could that be a form of pride?”

“I do believe that’s a possibility, sis. Though we have always sent our requests along the prayer chain without reservation.”

Gwyn shivered in an exaggerated way. “Natalie and I refer to the prayer chain as the gossip chain. I know it’s a wonderful way to share emergency situations, like when Rex was in his accident. But my goodness! There are something like fifty names on that list. I don’t open up all that well with you ladies. No way could I tell this deeply personal kind of stuff to people who are virtual strangers to me.”

“Me neither,” said Emmylou.

Leona shook her head. “Of course not. But something is happening here. I think you three—and probably Natalie too—have each other to confide in. You have your own prayer chain.”

“So, Susan.” Mildred homed in on her with those doe eyes enlarged behind thick lenses. “Where are we? What shall we pray for, exactly? The baby, of course, that precious new life growing in His sight. Kenzie and Aidan, that they will seek God in all this. You and Drake, that guilt and embarrassment won’t disable you.”

Susan nodded. “Mmm.” She cleared her throat. “That about does it. Um…Drake…um.” Did all this openness include telling on her husband?

But without Drake beside her, she felt like a one-armed lumberjack. Was it telling on him so much as asking for help for herself? One thing she knew for sure: She needed all the help she could get.

She said, “I don’t mean to disrespect him, but, well, he banned Kenzie from our home.”

All four pairs of eyes widened.

“Out of love for her. We—He believes if left to suffer the consequences, she will return to God.”

Mildred leaned forward, interrupting. “Has she turned away?”

The question stopped Susan’s thoughts cold.

“What I mean is, has she denounced her heavenly Father? Is that what the premarital relations and the decision not to marry are based on? Disbelief?”

Susan covered her mouth with her hand.

“She and I used to chat now and then.” Mildred winked. “I’d compliment her on a new hairdo or pair of earrings. We discussed her music a lot. One time she said, ‘Millie—’”

They all laughed.

“She called me that. Anyway, she said, ‘Millie, it’s like coloring books. I never could stay inside those idiotic lines with my crayons. My brain kept seeing other pictures and I’d color those instead. Music is like that. We sing a chorus in church, and the whole time I’m rewording it.’ Then she kind of swung her arms and snapped her fingers.” Mildred demonstrated. “She said, ‘And my body is moving to some other beat.’”

Susan’s breath caught. Kenzie had told her such things. Until that very moment, though, she never understood what she was saying. “Her music doesn’t always make sense to me. The songs seem full of such longing and sadness or outright condemnation of society. But…they always point to God, to Him as the ultimate hope, even if His name isn’t specifically stated.”

Mildred nodded. “I know.”

“You do?”

“Yes. I told her I was hard of hearing and couldn’t quite catch everything in the songs that were popular with her generation. She’d write down words for me so I could read them.”

Smiles went round the table.

“Susan.” Mildred patted her hand. “Kenzie believes in Jesus. She’s just trying to color in pictures of Him that are different from what we can see. Sooner or later, she’ll get to the one of Him in which He floods her soul with His reality, and then her heart will burst with love for Him.” She paused. “Why don’t we pray?”

And then the Prayer Warrior squeezed Susan’s hand and began to pray for her single, unwed daughter who never had liked coloring books.

Twenty minutes after reaching the beach community, Pepper found a curbside parking space large enough to accommodate her van. It was on a side street three blocks from the sand itself and at least two beyond that from Susan’s squished red chili pepper of a house. There was no meter to feed, just a sign indicating a two-hour limit and a meter maid cruising along in her nifty little vehicle, eagerly enforcing the rule.

How on earth did people live full-time in an overpopulated neighborhood inundated year round—on a Monday afternoon in March, no less!—with ocean-worshipping commuters?

Pepper hopped down from the van and pushed up her shirt sleeves. Spring was well underway with bright sunshine and warmish temps that promised more than they could deliver. Shade or a brisk breeze would instantly cool her down. Young people in scant summer gear headed toward the beach in pursuit of goose bump sunbathing. Did they think early season tan lines proved their courage or something? That they were better than others?

Oh, man! Was she in a funk or was she in a funk? Hopefully the hike would help. No sense in greeting Susan with a growl.

Some minutes and a few blocks later, with what felt like a sheen of perspiration covering her entire body, Pepper arrived at the white picket fence out of breath. No oxygen in the lungs might eliminate fussy speech, if not speech altogether.

As she unlatched the gate, Susan appeared at the side of the house, coming from the direction of the backyard. Her hair hung loose to her shoulders.

“Yoo-hoo!” She waved and grinned. “Hi!”

Pepper nodded, attempting to smile and suck in air at the same time.

A woman accompanied Susan. She was taller with an athletic build obvious in her outfit of shiny soccer-style top and shorts. Her reddish-brown hair was pulled back into a bouncy ponytail.

“Is Kenzie all right?” Susan asked.

They crossed the patio toward each other.

“She’s just fine.”

“Oh, thank God. After yesterday—I’m sorry. This is my sister-in-law, Natalie Starr. And this is Pepper Carlucci, Aidan’s mother.”

Natalie’s friendly expression broke into a wide smile and she thrust out a hand. “Hi! It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m the aunt.”

Susan added, “She’s married to Drake’s brother.”

“Kenzie’s my favorite niece.” They shook hands. “My only one as well, but who’s counting that?”

A pleasant relative who adored Kenzie! An immediate sense of comfort washed over Pepper. “I’m so glad to meet you too.”

Susan said, “Do you think we can expand our boat to include aunts?”

Pepper nodded. “Yes, by all means. Welcome aboard, Natalie.”

She raised her brows at them.

Pepper explained. “The Grandmas out of Wedlock Boat. I hereby rename it the Grandmas and Aunts out of Wedlock Boat.” She turned to Susan. “I told Aidan about it. He called us shipmates.”

She laughed. “Well, come inside, maties. We’ll make some coffee, and…” She reached into her handbag and pulled something out. “Ta-da! And play with my brand-new cell phone!”

Pepper burst into laughter. For all the world Susan resembled a little girl giddy over a new toy. She wondered what the woman was on. Maybe she could get some of it for herself.

They left the outside door open. Soothing sounds of ocean and seagulls floated through the screen door and reminded Pepper why people flocked to the area year round. Given the chance, she could get accustomed to the crowds.