Castles in the Sand (12 page)

Susan joined her in a loud, unadulterated guffaw.

The power of God was indeed mighty.

Vanilla ice cream melted on Pepper’s tongue, followed lazily by a chunk of waffle cone crystallizing into pure sugar.

She sighed. “This is incredibly yummy.”

Beside her Susan mumbled in agreement, her mouth full of the same treat.

They stood at the far end of Crystal Pier. Fishermen lined the rail enclosing the large squared area. Far below the surf whooshed at the pilings and the boards beneath their feet swayed.

Pepper savored her final bite. “Mmm. This is extra yummy because today is a Friday, it’s the middle of the day, and I don’t have a kid with me.” She stole a glance at Susan, wondering if such an admission would disturb her.

Apparently it didn’t. Her eyes were bright as she swallowed, smiling. “Welcome to my new world. Ice cream in the middle of the day, no kids or husbands to bug us. What shall we do next?”

Pepper nearly choked. The uptight woman’s about-face was indeed a sight to behold.

Susan’s blond hair blew in the sea breeze. Sun and wind had tinged her pale cheeks pink. She still wore the navy blue knit pants and long-sleeved floral top, an outfit Pepper categorized as dressy enough for church. Not so for the “picture-perfect pastor’s partner.” Susan admitted that except for that walking outfit, she had packed only skirts for her stay at the beach, clothes she considered the norm for public wear even in the capital of casual.

Pepper glanced at her watch. The too few hours of freedom were slipping away.

Susan said, “Do you have to go?”

“Soon.” Pepper smiled to herself. Susan asked the question as if she herself had all the time in the world. But she had told Pepper about her work as a wedding consultant, that a rehearsal was scheduled for the evening.

“You probably have to pick up Mickey Junior.”

“Yes.” She inspected the rail of peeling white paint and bird droppings, found a somewhat clean spot and rested her elbows on it. “It’s the story of my life. Gotta go, babysitter’s time is up, school’s out, a kid needs me.” She shrugged and smiled. “Most days I would not trade a minute of the past twenty-five years of motherhood, but there are times when I will break something if I don’t run away at least for a while.” Her first experience with needing to run had actually involved a couple of broken plates. Mick stopped her from smashing a third onto the floor. But that might be too much information for present company.

Susan said, “I never felt the desire to run away until now. On second thought, maybe I did and just never admitted it. I didn’t even really recognize it this time, not until you called it that.” Almost in midsentence she interrupted herself by humming.

To Pepper it sounded like another old hymn. Susan’s attention had drifted several times during their conversation. Her eyes lost focus and she hummed softly. How Pepper wished Kenzie could see her mother! Though still somewhat hesitant in manner, Susan was not the woman Kenzie always described.

The humming stopped. Susan turned to her. “Running away seems so disloyal. Weak. Inefficient.”

“Nah.” Pepper shook her head. “It’s admitting we’re human and we need a break. A true Sabbath. Sundays don’t always get the job done at my house.”

“Tell me about it. Neither do Mondays, Drake’s official day off.”

“He’s probably on twenty-four/seven/three hundred sixty-five?”

“Mm-hmm.” The murmur slid into a vaguely familiar tune.

“Kind of like us mothers.”

The music came to an abrupt halt, and Susan’s face crumpled. “I’ve been such a horrible mother!” Her voice came out a hoarse whisper.

“Susan, we’re all imperfect. We can’t help but to parent imperfectly. All we can do is ask our kids’ forgiveness for however we’ve failed them.”

“You’ve done that?”

“Of course. I’ve always told Aidan he was my practice child and the next five were do-overs. Yes, he is the recipient of my biggest parenting blunders, but I tell him to just get over it. I mean, who doesn’t have junk to deal with?” She sobered the jocular tone. “Dealing with it means forgiving me and his dad for all sorts of things. And he certainly can’t do that without God’s help.”

“I could never say such things to Kenzie.”

“Why not?” Pepper bit her tongue. Did that question come out huffy?

“Because I’m her mother. She’d lose respect for me.”

The back of Pepper’s neck prickled. She locked her tongue between her teeth to prevent a retort from flying off.

“Wouldn’t she?” Susan asked.

“For being truthful?”
Sorry, Lord. Fix it! I really, really want to connect with her
.

Susan faced the railing again, her gaze toward the ocean.

“Look, Susan, the thing is, Kenzie needs you. In about four months she is going to give birth to your grandchild.”

Her shoulders sagged.

“And I need you too. Friend to friend.”

Susan looked at her.

“Mick is as supportive as I could hope for, but let’s face it. He’s a man. My closest women friends haven’t been through this. I’m feeling all alone with Aidan and Kenzie. I’m having a tough time being mom, semi-mother-in-law, mentor, and out-of-wedlock grandma all rolled into one.”

Two knots appeared above Susan’s brows.

“Don’t get me wrong. I am enamored with Kenzie. I love her. But—”

“You love my daughter?”

“Sure. Because my son does. And she is, after all, the mother of my grandchild.”

“She’s a handful. She’s scatterbrained. She’s melodramatic. She’s moody.” Her eyes filled. “And she’s the most delightful girl I’ve ever known.”

Pepper nodded. “Your typical creative personality intensified a hundredfold by mommy hormones.”

“Oh, my. And you love her.”

“Not as much as you do.”

“If I don’t hold her soon, I think I’ll die. But I know I won’t really die, and that makes it even worse. That means I have to live with this pain.”

“Can I tell her that? Your exact words?”

She gasped.

“Why not?”

“Because—” She clamped her mouth shut.

As Pepper watched, Susan’s face went through a myriad of changes, from furrows and knots to red splotches and eyes clenched shut.

Pepper said, “What’s Drake saying in your head right now?”

“That I shouldn’t do this. That it will interfere with her suffering the consequences of her choices.” Standing immobile, she hummed what sounded a lot like “Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee.”

After a long moment, Susan opened her eyes and lifted her chin. “Geez Louise.”

Pepper nearly burst into laughter.

“As if professing my love to her would reverse her pregnancy.” Susan waved a hand. “Okay. Tell her. Tell her all of it. Tell her I love her no matter what. Tell her—no. Ask her to please, please get in touch with me and then I can tell her myself.”

Pepper flipped a mental back handspring.
Thank You, Jesus!

There was hope for reconciliation. Hope for a better start for the young couple. Resisting an urge to leap into the air with a shout, Pepper squeezed her hands together, tensed muscles throughout her body, and steadied her vocal cords. “Susan, it will be my privilege to convey that message.”

“What do you mean Kenzie’s not here?” Pepper spoke to the back of Aidan’s head as he shut his apartment door. “I thought this was her night off.”

“It is. She went to Dakota’s.”

“South or North?”

“Ha-ha. It’s a girl, Mom.” He faced her now. “Dakota’s her best friend from high school. You want to sit?”

“Yeah. For a minute.” She sat on the loveseat.

Though he told her he was not working, his demeanor said she interrupted something. He pulled around a kitchen chair and straddled it backward. The baseball cap on his head sat backward as well. The entire atmosphere felt backward. It was probably left over from her last visit when she realized there was another woman in her son’s life. But still…

She held up her hands. “I got a mom question.”

He smiled crookedly and shook his head as if surrendering to the inevitable. “You’re allowed one per visit.”

“Thank you.” She lowered her hands to her lap. “Are you okay?”

“Yep.” Too quick. “So what’s up? What did you want to tell Kenzie?”

“I visited her mother today at their beach house.”

He lowered his chin to his arms crossed on the chair back, his expression blank.

“You’re doing a good job there holding in all that disapproval you feel at my meeting with the enemy.”

His eyebrows rose briefly, up and down. “The other day you sounded like you didn’t care if you ever saw her again.”

“That was before I realized she and I should be on the same side. I mean, we’re both in the same boat, you know? We even named it the Grandmas out of Wedlock Boat. We are the grandmas. A kid gets only two per life, biologically speaking, anyway. The better we sail together, the better for you and Kenzie and the baby.”

“So you went recruiting a shipmate.”

“I guess.”

“Mom, from everything Kenzie has ever said about her, she’s a loser.”

“What’s that song you wrote about mercy?”

“I forget.”

“I’m sure it’ll come back to you. Listen, the thing is, Susan was so different today, nothing at all like the tense woman I met Tuesday. Even her hair and clothes—It’s too much to try to explain to you. I just have to describe what she was like to Kenzie myself. When will she be back?”

“I don’t know. Depends on when her ride heads this way. Probably Sunday or Monday.”

“Huh?”

“She’s in Phoenix. That’s where her friend lives.”

“Phoenix? I just saw her yesterday. She didn’t mention anything about a trip.”

He shrugged. “It came up this morning. Another friend was driving there.”

Pepper scratched her head and reminded herself that trying to make sense of the chaotic lifestyle of the young and creative was a hopeless waste of energy. But still…

“You didn’t want to go?”

“It’s a girl thing. Besides, I have to work. We got a five-night gig at Reilly’s.”

Pepper crossed her legs, uncrossed them, and crossed them again.

“I know you don’t like it, Mom, but it pays the rent.”

She knew. “And you sing about Jesus in a bar.”

“He’s already there. I’m just doing what I can to reveal Him.” Aidan lifted his mouth into a tiny smile, the infuriating one he used to forewarn. It conveyed that he was about to express a favorite declaration.

She knew it well and mouthed the words along with him when he said, “I, Aidan James Carlucci, am a product of Mick and Pepper Carlucci’s wild and wooly faith.”

“Yeah, yeah.” She scratched her head again and tried not to envision drunks who didn’t like the music and loose young women who liked too much the guys who sang it. Kenzie wasn’t even old enough to enter the place.

Pepper stood. “I’d better go.”

He walked her to the door. “I’ll tell Kenzie what you said about her mom.”

“There’s a lot more to tell her.”

“I’m sure we’ll see you before too long.”

She heard it again, something off in his voice. “What does that mean?”

“Aw, Mom.” Now it was exasperation. He opened the door. “You were just here the other day.”

“Yeah? So?”

“The night before that we had dinner with you.”

“And a few months ago you told me I’m going to be a grandma and that my semi-daughter-in-law had no place to live or work or means of emotional support beyond your family.”

“I need some space.”

“Is that why Kenzie left?”

The pained expression on his face said she struck a chord.

He needed space.
I told my mother the same thing
. Mick’s words came to mind.
Several times as a matter of fact and it wasn’t nonverbal
. Good grief. Now she was sounding like Grandma Carlucci.

“Oh, man,” she muttered, stepping past him and through the open doorway. “All I need is an Italian accent.” She turned to him. “This is just really, really hard.”

“Like I don’t know that?”

She wanted to stick a bar of soap in his mouth.

Instead, she gathered him into her arms. Their hug was a silent one.

Pugsy in tow, Susan entered the church’s main office, a large interior room with glass walls facing the lobby. It was furnished tastefully with two loveseats, four armchairs, and cherry wood end tables. Soft lamplight lit winter’s five o’clock gloom. Pastel blue walls completed the cool, calm, and collected ambience.

The intended effect did not impact Susan. She had no idea what would restore cool, calm, and collected to her spirit. The memory of a rainy day in front of the fire reading a book felt ages old. After Pepper left the beach house a short while ago, she had quickly gotten herself together—complete with chignon and dress clothes appropriate for a rehearsal dinner—crying the entire time. Though her tears dried as she drove on the freeway, her eyes burned now with unshed ones.

The room was vacant, the door to Drake’s office closed. She checked the phone on the receptionist’s desk and saw that his line was lit. He was busy.

Pugsy yipped excitedly and she let him off his leash. He raced down a hallway to her small room, where he knew food and bed awaited. She followed him, passing empty offices. Everyone must have gone home for the evening.