Candi (3 page)

Aug 26

My mom is being a real bitch to me. She doesn’t want me to go out this weekend. She thinks I should hang with Paige and Missy… but I don’t want to… I only want to be with Ben. I feel like part of me is missing when I’m not with him. My heart isn’t complete until he is with me. One more day then we get to be together. I think I will have to lie to my mom and tell her that I am hanging out with Paige or Missy just so that I can be with Ben.

I don
’t really care I just want to be with him. My mom just doesn’t understand. I love him… I don’t think that she’s ever loved anyone like I love Ben. She wouldn’t understand…

Chapter 2

~All Grown Up~

Aug 27, Friday Night… woot woot!

I did it. I told my mom that I w
as going to the movies with Missy, but I didn’t. I met Ben at the corner and we went over to Dylans.

Jess and Dylan were downstairs smoking. They asked if I wanted to try it and I did. It was gross. I didn
’t like it and Ben said that it was okay. He loves me just the way I am. I don’t have to impress him by being someone I’m not.

He grabbed some beers from the fridge.
I don’t really like the taste of beer. I sipped my step dad’s before and it was just gross.

Ben
asked if I wanted to split one with him. So of course I said yes… I want to share EVERYTHING with him, even this stupid beer. I drank some and he told me to have more, so I did. I think I drank almost the whole can myself. It tasted gross and upset my stomach…but it made me feel good. I felt kind of fuzzy and light. Like I didn’t care about anything serious. I like the way it made me feel, but I hate the taste!

Dylan and Jess started making out right there in front of us. AGAIN! Ben started kissing me too. It felt nice. I felt strange kissing in fro
nt of Dylan and Jess. Jess kept looking over at us and smiling. Ben didn’t seem to care, but I didn’t like it. Jess is older than me and obviously more experienced. I didn’t like them watching cause I really don’t know what I’m doing.

Dylan went
and got two more beers. One for him and Jess and one for me and Ben. I was kinda feeling sick from all the beer. It upset my stomach but I didn’t want to look like a sissy so I kept drinking with them. Dylan undid Jess’s pants and they started doing stuff. He fingered her and she was moaning like mad. I wasn’t sure if it really felt that good or if she was just putting on a show.

I wanted to know for myself. When Ben started to undo my pants I let him. He took off my top and bra and kissed my boobs. My nip
ples got hard. I really liked it. He told me I had the most beautiful breasts he’d ever seen. It made me feel good, but I also wondered how many others he had seen. I don’t really care, I love him so much and it felt so good.

Then he moved his hand down i
nto my pants and into my undies. I was wet and that made him smile. He said I was yummy. That I really did taste like Candi. Yummy really? He called me yummy. That is so sweet, right?

When he touched me down there I felt like we were one person. He was ins
ide of me and I wanted him there. He was already inside my heart, why shouldn’t he be inside my body too. It just felt right. It felt so good.

He pulled his fingers out and he li
cked them. He said I tasted so good and that he wanted to taste me himself. I looked over at Dylan and Jess and they were watching us. It creeped me out and I told Ben no. He looked so sad. He whispered in my ear that he must love me more than I loved him. I told him that wasn’t true and that I just wanted to go slow. He seemed to be upset at first. He had a boner again and I know he wanted me, he loves me, but I just couldn’t do anything with Dylan and Jess right there watching at us.

I put my top back on and went to the bathroom. Jess came in.
She reapplied some lip gloss and smiled at me. “Are you okay?”

“
Yeah, I’m fine.”

“
Guys are so pushy. I tried to hold out on Dylan too. It didn’t work. I almost lost him.” She rubbed her lips together and then applied some lip gloss to my lips and shrugged. “Guys just have to have it. I don’t know why but they get all crazy if they don’t have a release. It’s our job to help them relieve their stress.” Then she winked at me. “Plus, it’s fun. If you won’t give it to Ben then he’ll find it somewhere else.”

“
I love Ben, but I don’t know if I’m ready.”

“
If you love him, you should do it. It’ll only bring you closer and make him love you even more.”

Nervously, I asked, “
Does it hurt?”

She touched her neck and sighed. “
No. It feels so good. You’re going to love it, trust me. And Ben will go nuts!”

I se
e what she’s saying. I do love Ben and I know that he loves me. I want to be with him forever. Am I going to lose him by telling him no? It felt so good with his fingers inside of me. It would only feel even better with more right? I am old enough to make my own decisions. Ben and I are in love, but this is happening so fast.

D
oes he even have a condom? I don’t. Maybe Dylan and Jess had an extra just in case I did give myself to Ben. It’s too much, too fast. I need to sleep on it and see what tomorrow night brings. We’re going back to Dylans. I don’t know where his parents are. They’re never home it seems, which is great for us!

Wow, I have so much to think about. So many decisions to make. All I could see was the sad look on Ben
’s face when I told him, no. And how he said that I must not love him. I do love him, more than anything. What should I do? I’m so confused… the only thing that I am absolutely sure of is that I love Ben… That’s all I need to know! 

Night, night…

Aug 28

I have to s
pend the day with my family. YUCK! We are going to the mall and lunch and spending quality family time together. Who are they kidding? They are nice and all, but come on… I am not a baby anymore, I don’t want to go to Chuck E Cheese and play in the ball pit. I’d much rather play with Ben’s balls. I wonder what balls look like. Maybe I will find out tonight… but for now, it’s off to lala land with my lovely parents. Put on that fake smile and just get through the day! Can’t wait til tonight…

Aug 28 again

Wow, what a night. I told my mom that I had so much fun with Missy last night that I wanted to spend more time with her. She bought it, how stupid is she?

Anyway…
Ben picked me up on the corner again. He leaned over and kissed me and told me that tonight was going to be magical. Magical… that’s soooo sweet. I love him so much.

We went to Dylans and had pizza and beer. The beer wasn
’t as bad as I remembered. The taste didn’t gag me anyway. After we ate, Dylan came out of his parent’s bedroom and said that we scored!!! He had a baggie in his hand. Ben said that it was pot. They were all smiling from ear to ear and so excited.

I
’ve never tried pot before. Jess told me that it was great. It makes things funny and makes everything feel good… EVERYTHING she said with a wink.

I tried to smoke some and it just gagged me. I don
’t think I got any in me because I just kept coughing so much.

Ben said that I would get used to it and I would love it. We all started to laugh. I don
’t know what was so funny but I couldn’t stop laughing. I guess I must have gotten some in me because I felt like I was flying. It felt great. I am not a kid anymore and I want to experience everything in life. I had no idea that Ben even smoked pot. It’s okay; he isn’t a druggie or anything, so it must be okay to just have some now and then.

We laughed for a long time then Jess looked at me and winked. She took off her top and Dylan was all over her.

I saw Ben looking at her, so I took my top off too. Ben loved it. He jumped on my boobs. He was kissing me with such passion. He loves me so much and Jess was right, the pot did make everything feel soooo goooood. I watched what Jess was doing and tried to keep up with her.

Dylan undid her pants and fingered her. She loved it, s
he was moaning like mad. I undid my pants for Ben and he had a huge smile on his face. He slid his hand in my panties and fingered me.

It was soft and gentle at first then faster and harder. I could feel his boner again through his jeans. I got him so exc
ited that he could barely stand it. This must be what sex felt like, fast and hard and exciting.

We were both breathing so heavy and he made me moan. I think I came. It felt so good. I was so out of it. The pot made me feel like I just wanted to have fun
and I didn’t care. I just love Ben and want to be with him.

Ben leaned back and undid his jeans. I looked over at Jess and she was sucking on Dylan dick. She was going to town. I hadn
’t even noticed. Dylan was loving it. Ben wanted me to do that to him. He pulled my face over and kissed me, then pushed my face down there. He was really big. He pushed harder and forced it inside my mouth. I thought I would choke to death. I couldn’t breathe and it tasted weird.

I don
’t know what it was supposed to taste like but it was nasty. I looked up at Ben and he was closing his eyes and moaning and grinding it into my mouth. I love him and want to make him feel good. I did make him feel good. He exploded in my mouth. I could taste his cum. It was gross, but I was so happy that I could make him feel like that.

He pulled me up to him and kissed me. He kissed me long and hard and told me how much he loved me.

I looked over at Jess. She was still sucking on Dylan and she gave me a wink. I knew that she was proud of me. I felt so grown up. I just gave my first blow job and he loved it. I love Ben so much. I drank some more beer to get that taste out of my mouth. I had no idea that cum tasted so bad. It was really bad. I went to the bathroom and tried to find some mouthwash or toothpaste to get the taste out of my mouth.

Jess came in and giggled. She looked at me and said,
“It’s gross isn’t it?”

I nodded
as she rummaged through the cabinet looking for some mouthwash for us to use.

We both gargled and t
hen she said, “Okay, it’s our turn now…” She grabbed my hand and drug me back out into the living room.

She lit up the rest of the joint and we smoked it all. Then she stood up and took off her pants and said,
“Fair is fair boys, it’s our turn now.” She laid on the couch and Dylan started to eat her out.

Ben looked at me and I wasn
’t sure what to do. I stood up and took off my pants too. Ben smiled and me and whispered, “I love you so much.” He kissed my mouth, then moved to my boobs then he moved down there. I’d never had anyone kiss me down there before and it felt really really nice. It must be what it felt like when I sucked on him. I see why he liked it so much. He was licking me and fingering me at the same time.

I felt really strange from the pot
. I kinda felt like I was outside of my body looking in. I wasn’t sure what I was doing anymore. But I didn’t care. I was with Ben and he made me feel so good.

I glanced over at Jess and Dylan and they were doing it. He was inside her and they were really doing it right there in fro
nt of us.

Ben looked up at me, then over at them too. He smiled and kissed his way up to my mouth. I could taste myself on his
lips. It was strange but I liked it. He started to grind against me and I could feel his boner. He was hard again and grinding it against me. He reached down and undid his pants and pulled it out. He smiled and something snapped in me. This was really happening. This was sex and I wasn’t ready for sex.

I pushed him back and said slow down. He just pushed back closer and
said, “I love you so much.”

“
I love you too, but slow down.”

He kissed me and whispered, “
I want you so bad. I need you.”

“
I’m not ready.”

“
I am.” He reached down and tried to put it inside me.

I pulled away and
shoved him off.

He got really mad at me. Dy
lan and Jess started laughing and Ben was embarrassed. He looked at me and said, “Wow, I thought you loved me.”

“
I do. I’m just not ready to go all the way yet.”

Dylan and Jess just kept screwing and we just sat there watching them. Ben got pissed and sai
d, “Lets go.”

He took me home and dropped me off at the corner again. He didn
’t kiss me goodnight this time, it was different. I told him that I had fun and that I really did love him. He just said, “Uh-huh,” and looked away.

I walked home and snuck up to my room before my parents saw me. I showered, changed and brushed my teeth to get all the weird smells off of me.