Butterfly (24 page)

“
I
hope that all you and that boy did was kissed.”

“Kissed? We didn't do anything but talk.”

“Are you sure about that?”

I knew she was up to something, but I did not have time to try to figure it out, so I said the first thing that came to my mind.

“Yes, I'm sure we didn't do anything but talk.”

“Okay, so why is that sock hanging out of the back of your shirt?”

“What?” I looked in the rearview mirror as if I would have been able to see my back. “What are you talking about?”

“Girl, you better keep your eyes on the road.” Ms. Alicia pulled the sock from out of the back of my shirt and showed it to me. “And I'm talking about this.”

“I don't know where that came from.”

“It came from that ol' mannish Jeremy.”

“I mean, I don't know how it got on my shirt like that.”

“I know how! You were lying on your back, that's how.”

“I wasn't on my back, Ms. Alicia.”

“Girl, stop lying. I've been eighteen before. I know what goes on.”

I laughed and then confessed, “Okay, we kissed, but that's it.”

“That better be it.”

“It is. I promise. I'm a virgin and he is, too.”

“If you say so.”

“Ms. Alicia, I want to ask you a question.”

“Okay.”

“Am I too old for you and Dr. Forrester to adopt me?”

“I really don't know. We would have to check into that. Why do you ask?”

“Because I heard you refer to me as your daughter in the heat of the moment with Mr. Winston. I want to make it legitimate. I want to be able to say that you and Dr. Forrester are my real parents.”

“I'm flattered, but what about your dad? He's pretty close to Johnny and I don't know if they would be comfortable with that.”

“My dad is going to always be my dad and no one will ever take his place. But although he may always be my dad, he may not always be there. I know you, Bri, Pa-Pa and Dr. Forrester, you will always be there.”

“As far as I'm concerned, you're already my daughter. But I would love nothing more than to officially adopt you. Talk to your dad and see how he feels about it and then we'll discuss our options.”

“I'll do that tomorrow when I go see him.”

•   •   •

When I went for my April visit, I was always overly excited to see my dad, but he was unusually excited to see me that day. He was so excited that I did not want to bring up the adoption situation. He knew there was something bothering me, so he asked.

“Look, what's wrong with my Butterfly?”

“I'm cool, Dad, I'm just tired.”

“You're not tired. Something's wrong.”

“Nothing's wrong.”

“I know when there's something wrong with you, Butterfly, so tell me.”

“I want to ask you something, but I really don't want to hurt your feelings.”

“Hurt my feelings? This must be some heavy stuff.”

“Very heavy, Dad.”

“It must be important, so ask me.”

“Okay, but I want you to know that no matter what happens, you're my father and no one will ever take your place.”

“I know that.”

“I also want you to know that Mr. and Mrs. Forrester don't have anything to do with this. I don't want you to think they put me up to this and then you end up getting mad at them for nothing. This is coming straight from me, okay?”

“Butterfly, if you don't stop saying okay, and tell me what's on your mind, I'm going to reach through this glass and spank your butt.”

“Okay, Daddy. I want the Forresters to adopt me.”

“Whoa! That is very heavy right there.” Dad sat back and rubbed his head over and over.

I sat still and looked at him. He would raise his head and then drop his head back down. I knew it was really bothering him and I did not want him to hurt. He was already locked up; I did not want him to suffer any more than he had to.

“Don't worry about it, Dad. It was just a thought.”

“No, no, no, I'm cool. That was just some heavy stuff.”

“Don't worry about it, Dad.”

“Look, stop telling me what to do! Okay?”

My father was hurt, but he wanted to do what he thought would make me happy. I was only making it worse by telling him to forget about it when he was trying to give me his approval.

“Okay, Daddy.”

“Can I talk now?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Okay. I don't know when I'm getting out and I can't do anything
for you locked up in here, so if that will make you happy, I'm all in.”

“Are you sure, Daddy? They will have all parental rights to me.”

“What type of parental rights do I have now?” Dad joked.

“But Dad, I don't want to do this if it's going to hurt you.”

“Butterfly, it doesn't matter who the law says is your father, or your mother, as long as we know, that's all that matters. If it was anybody else other than the doc, maybe I would. But I'm fine, baby.”

“Thank you, Daddy. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Butterfly.” Dad put his hand over his heart and pointed to me.

•   •   •

At school, I had several offers for full-ride scholarships to the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor where Dr. Forrester had gone to undergrad and played football; Jackson State University in Jackson, Mississippi, I had never even been to the state of Mississippi in my life, but Uncle Mike went to undergrad there and he said it was a pretty good historically black school; Spelman College, Ms. Alicia went there and it was located in Atlanta, so that was a plus; Howard University, in Washington, D.C., another historically black college; and Yale University in New Haven, Connecticut. Uncle Mike was a Harvard grad-alum, so he despised the notion of me becoming a Yale Bulldog. We considered the curriculums, tuition and of course, the geographical locations. Out of all the schools on my list, when it came to the top two, they were the nearest and the farthest locations, Spelman College and Yale University.

My history teacher, Ms. Jamerson, became my mentor and after Dr. Forrester and Ms. Alicia filled out my financial aid information, I asked them if she could help me make the final decision.
Dr. Forrester did not have a problem with it, but you know Ms. Alicia had something to say. She did not like it, but she let me make my own decision. And I decided to go to Yale.

It was May, I had turned eighteen, I was getting ready for college, everything was going wonderfully, but then like always, the bottom fell out. One morning before class, I heard a horrible rumor about Jeremy. He denied it and initially I believed him. When I got to my Mr. Thompson's class, my girl, Asia, pulled me to the side and told me the same thing.

“Hey, Butterfly,” Asia said, “your man is cheating on you.”

“I don't listen to rumors, Asia. People are always trying to break us up.”

“This is not just a rumor. I saw it with my own two eyes.”

“How did you see it with your own two eyes?”

“Look!”

Asia pulled out her camera phone and showed me a video of Jeremy and a white girl on a desk kissing. Jeremy was standing, and she was sitting upright on the desk facing him. She was totally naked and Jeremy's pants were pulled down around his ankles. His shirt was lying on the floor next to the desk. He was inside of her and they were definitely having sex. Her legs were wrapped around his waist and she was moving back and forth. I could hear her moaning and calling his name.

My heart fell to my feet and I almost blacked out. I took the phone out of Asia's hand and leaned against the wall. The two of us watched it for a minute or two, and then Asia asked me a question.

“You don't know who that lady is, do you?”

“No, I can't see her face. She's too busy sticking her tongue down Jeremy's throat.”

“Now look.” Asia enlarged the shot and froze it.

“That's Ms. Jamerson!” I shouted.

I was literally sick. I ran out of the classroom and into the bathroom. I kneeled over the toilet and vomited. Asia and Jheri followed me and tried to console me.

“You okay?” Jheri asked.

“That was stupid! That niggah's basketball career is over!” Asia shouted. “And that white hoe is getting fired!”

While they were talking, I was sobbing. I could not understand a word they were saying. All that I could think about was, my boyfriend and my mentor were betraying me. How could something like that happen?

“Butterfly?” Jheri lifted my head. “Don't let this shit get you caught up. You only got a few weeks left before you graduate. Our show is Saturday. Do what you have to do to make it through these next three weeks, girl.”

Jheri was right. I was hurt. I was sick. I was mad as hell, but I could not afford to let my personal feelings interfere with the promises I had made to so many people. My girls helped me stand up and I went back to class. I still cried, but I did what I had to do.

Ms. Alicia had received the word by the time I got home from school. She was waiting for me to walk through the door. Before I could get both feet in, she went at it.

“I heard about your so-called boyfriend.”

“He's not my boyfriend anymore.”

“Come sit down, baby.” Ms. Alicia patted the spot next to her.

I dropped my book bag right there in the foyer, which was normally a no-no, but on that day, Ms. Alicia understood what I was going through and let me get away with it. I sat next to her on the couch and she put her arms around me.

“Are you okay?”

“No!”

I burst into tears and put my head in Ms. Alicia's lap.

“Don't worry, baby, it's going to be all right.”

“Why would he do this to me? Why would he want to hurt me like this?” I cried so hard my face was covered with tears.

“It's all a part of life, sweetheart. You have so much to look forward to. It hurts now, but it will be okay, trust me.”

Ding-dong
. The doorbell rang and Ms. Alicia went to answer it.

“That's your ex-boyfriend right there.”

“
No!
Please, I don't want to talk to him.”

“I know you don't, dear, and you don't have to. But you deserve the truth and you're going to get it.”

“Please, I can't take looking at his stupid face right now, Ms. Alicia.”

“I know how you feel, believe me. I've been there many times, but the sooner you deal with it, the sooner you'll get over it.”

Ding-dong
. Ms. Alicia answered the door and she came back with Jeremy, and Mr. and Mrs. Winston.

“Good evening,” Mr. Winston said.

“Good evening.”

“Hey, Alicia, I am so sorry about all of this nonsense.”

“It's not your fault, Stephanie.” Ms. Alicia looked at Jeremy.

“Say what you need to say, boy!” Mr. Winston nudged Jeremy.

“Shante, Mrs. Forrester, I want to apologize to both of you for my behavior and embarrassing you the way I did. I...I...I know I hurt you, Butterfly, and I know what I'm about to say is not going to make a difference, but the only reason I touched Ms. Jamerson was because she said if I didn't, I wouldn't graduate. I needed that class. I have to graduate, Shante!”

“I saw the video, Jeremy! You looked like you were enjoying yourself to me.”

“Is that true, Stephanie?” Ms. Alicia asked. “Did that teacher blackmail Jeremy?”

“Yes, she admitted to it.”

“And what are they going to do about it?”

“She's been arrested for misdemeanor charges, but since Jeremy is eighteen and is old enough for consensual relations, the additional charges may not stick.”

“Shante?” Mr. Winston said. “For what it's worth, my knuckle-headed son does not deserve a girl like you. I think you're a good girl and if I've ever said anything to suggest anything other than that, I sincerely apologize.”

Mr. Winston's apology made me feel much better and throughout my pain, I managed a brief smile. “Thank you, Mr. Winston.”

“We just wanted to bring Jeremy over to apologize and let you know all of the details involved, Alicia.”

“I appreciate that, Stephanie.”

“I hope this doesn't have negative repercussions toward our friendship, Alicia.”

“It won't. We're fine. You'll still love your son. I'll still love my daughter and we'll let them figure out how to resolve their situation on their own.”

“You're right.” Mrs. Winston hugged me. “I'm sorry for all of this, sweetheart. You take care of yourself.”

The Winstons left and I cradled myself in Ms. Alicia's arms and cried myself to sleep. She did not offer any more advice. She did not try to get me to talk. She just held me in her arms like a mother, and let me cry.

We often criticized Ms. Alicia for being so dramatically suspicious. But her suspicious nature caused her to check on my college registration paperwork for all of the colleges on my list. It turned out that Ms. Jamerson had been lying the entire time. She never sent off any of my paperwork to any of the schools of my choice. Consequently, it was too late for me to enroll in Yale University
in the fall. I felt like a double fool if there is such a thing. Not only did she have sex with my boyfriend, she was so jealous of our relationship, she sabotaged my opportunity to go to college. Luckily, Ms. Alicia being Ms. Alicia, she had sent in all the information I needed for Spelman College behind my back, and not only was I accepted for the fall, I had a four-year academic scholarship!

Jeremy called every hour on the hour trying to get me to talk, but I had nothing to say to him. At school, Bri, Asia, Jheri and Valencia were my bodyguards. They would not let him get close to me. I had to concentrate on our show and that was where I put all of my focus. Everything my drama class had worked on for the entire year was coming down to one day.