Before Hadley (16 page)

She closed the distance between us, opening and allowing me in. My tongue swept out, exploring her mouth with gentle strokes that left me needing more.
A lot
more. And given her tight grip on me, I had a feeling I had a very good shot of getting more than just a kiss.

Hadley

Caynan seemed to like everything I’d done for him, but he was such an enigma at times, I couldn’t be sure. Before I knew what was happening, he stopped dancing and picked me up, lifting me over his shoulder.

I yelped. “What are you doing?”

“Baby, I need you upstairs all to myself.”

“But you’ve got me right here all to yourself.”

He stilled, quickly lowering me back to my feet. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m just a little eager.”

I dropped my head and laughed, his honesty a breath of fresh air. “I like that you’re eager.”

That dimple in his right cheek dug in. “Is that so?”

I nodded. “I just want tonight to be perfect.”

He cupped my cheeks and lowered his forehead to mine. “Hadley. You doing all this for me. You wanting me here with you. It’s all perfect.”

I nodded, or at least tried to with his forehead holding mine still.

He pulled back enough to see into my eyes. “
You’re
perfect. Don’t you see that? From the second we crashed into each other, I needed to be near you. Needed you to want to be near me. When you didn’t, it wasn’t my ego that hurt.” He reached down for one of my hands and brought it to his chest. I could feel the vibration of his heart still racing underneath. “This hurt.”

It would’ve been a freaking miracle if I didn’t collapse into a pathetic pile of mush. No guy had ever said anything like that to me before. And while it might’ve been the remnants of his player ways, what girl wouldn’t want a romantic declaration underneath the stars from a hot guy who wanted to take her upstairs and get her naked? “Sold.”

His brows pinched between his eyes. “What?”

Anxiety and excitement fought for control of my body. “I believe you. Now take me upstairs.”

Caynan howled with excitement as he grabbed hold of me again, this time lifting me under my butt so I had no other option than to wrap my legs around his hips. He hurried toward the house with the Beatles serenading us as we went. “I seriously didn’t think you could get any hotter. But here you are.”

“Here I am,” I laughed.

Once we stepped into my dark bedroom, things became real. Fast. He walked us inside until his knees hit my bed in the center of the room. He lowered me down on my back and followed me, settling between my legs. I closed my eyes as my head fell back, my entire body relaxing into the down comforter while the weight of his body pressed into me. His lips lowered to my neck, moving gently over the sensitive skin below my ear, licking a delicious path down my collarbone. “God, Hadley, you taste amazing.”

“
Mmmm
,” was the only sound I could manage.

His lips disappeared, moving to the opposite side of my neck as one of his hands trailed down the side of my body igniting tremors everywhere. “I want to make this last,” he breathed into my ear.

Was he talking about sex or this thing between us? I couldn’t be sure. Especially with my body buzzing like a live wire.

He pulled back from his assault on my skin and stared down into my eyes. The playfulness I expected quickly morphed into something else. Something predatory. Something raw. Something so damn real it stole my breath away. “I need to remember this moment. Right here. Right now.”

His words came out hushed, knotting my stomach in two. I reached up and cupped his cheek, a light dusting of stubble scratching my palms. I wanted him to kiss me. No, I
needed
him to. “We could always take a picture.”

The smile on his lips deepened the creases around his eyes. “Nah. I won’t forget. Not something like this.”

My stomach unfurled, flipping over itself. “Kiss me.”

His smile grew, but he shook his head. He sat back on his knees and gripped the hem of my shirt, slowly peeling it up my chest. I lifted my arms and the material cleared my head. He tossed it to my floor. “Keep your arms like that.” His voice was raspy and demanding.

And I loved it.

Loved that he took charge. Loved that he knew what he was doing.

He bent down, his hands grasping my bare sides as he circled my bellybutton with his tongue. My eyes rounded at the unexpected sensation tingling in every direction. Thoughts of us in my art studio came barreling back, his talented tongue front and center sending shivers scurrying up my arms. He dragged his tongue up the center of my stomach, his hands reaching behind my back and unclasping my bra. I had no time to be self-conscious. He tugged it up my arms and tossed it off the bed. His eyes stayed on mine for a long time, like he knew the second they ventured to my breasts, he was done.

Once his eyes dropped, a slow sexy smile lifted one side of his lips and he lowered down to me, sucking one of my nipples into his mouth. His tongue swirled around it, causing my eyes to roll into the back of my head before fluttering shut. His tongue proceeded relentlessly, around and around. Without warning, he bit down gently. I gasped as a shot of pleasure shot between my thighs. He tempered the sting with another swirl of his tongue as his hands ran up and down the sides of my body.

“Caynan,” I moaned softly. Needing to touch him. Needing him to touch me where I ached for him. Just. Needing.
More
.

My breast popped free from his lips. “Keep your hands where they are, Hadley,” he hummed into my skin.

God, I loved the way my name sounded on his lips. Against my bare skin. In my bedroom.

He pulled back, his eyes drifting over my body, the mere look causing goosebumps to erupt everywhere. He leaned back down, this time finding my mouth. His tongue plunged inside as his hands massaged my breasts, the pads of his thumbs dragging over my nipples then circling them in slow torturous circles. I moaned into his mouth. He tugged playfully causing me to gasp, the sensation rocking right through me.

That was all I could take. I lowered my arms, sliding them around his back and running them underneath his shirt. As my nails skated over his smooth skin, he froze, his lips and hands stopping altogether.

He pulled back slightly, his eyes dangerously sexy. “Did you forget something?”

I shook my head, biting my bottom lip to stop from giggling.

He grabbed hold of both my wrists and lifted them over my head. “Keep them there.”

“Take off your shirt.” If he could be demanding, so could I.

His lips kicked up in the corners as he reached behind his neck, tugging his shirt over his head.

Seriously? I’d seen him shirtless before. And he was incredibly hot. And built. And all perfect. But being on top of me with his erection pressed right between my legs, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to keep my arms in place and my body from self-combusting for much longer. “And your pants,” I added, my eyes locked on his.

With his cocky grin in place, he rolled off to the side of me, reaching into his back pocket and digging out a condom. He tossed it onto the pillow beside my head as he pulled down his zipper and tugged off his jeans. Yup. He rocked it commando.

I tried to keep my eyes on his, but his confident smile urged me on. “You know you want to look.” He grabbed the condom and tore into the package.

Feeling brave, my eyes dropped to what the good Lord gave him, in all its erect state. My eyes remained locked as he placed the condom on the head, his deft fingers rolling it down the length.

“You do this to me,” he said, causing my eyes to jump to his. “No one else.”

I wanted to believe him. Wanted to believe that this thing between us would stand the test of time. But I wasn’t stupid. I knew high school romances didn’t last. So, as I lay there—with Caynan naked beside me and my arms stretched above my own naked chest, I made sure to commit every feeling, every sound, every smell to memory.

His eyes tightened as I reached down. But instead of purposely disobeying him for no other reason than to piss him off, I unbuttoned my shorts and pushed them down my legs, making sure to tug my lacy panties along with them. Caynan watched as I discarded them on the floor and then lifted my arms back over my head.

He smiled a pleased grin as he rolled on top of me, pressing me into the bed. “I can’t stay away from you.” His lips descended on mine.

My stomach dipped, my heart dancing like mad as he kissed me deeper. Harder.

When we finally broke apart, coming up for much needed air, he pulled back just enough to see my eyes. “I don’t want anyone else to ever see you like this.”

The elation sweeping over me was almost too much to take. And in that moment, with his erection pressing into the wetness he’d created, Caynan pushed into me with one hard thrust. My entire body arched, my head pushing back into my pillow and my breasts pressing against his solid chest. Our groans mirrored each other. “I’m not hurting you, am I?”

I shook my head, never wanting him to stop.

“God, Hadley. You feel so fucking amazing.” Caynan’s hips lazily thrust into me. He wasn’t in a rush. Wasn’t racing to his release. This was just the beginning. And he made sure he took his time.

My body buzzed each time he hit that spot between my thighs, nearly liquefying my limbs. And he did it. Over and over again. Relentless in his pursuit to bring me pleasure. “Don’t stop,” I moaned. How could I not with this massive guy hitting spots inside me I didn’t really believe existed?

Caynan’s lips were on my mouth, my neck, my ear, his tongue its own entity. I felt him everywhere. His hands kneading into my skin. His rotating hips, shockingly unyielding. His powerful thrusts driving him deeper inside me.

I wondered how long he’d prolong it.

How long he’d keep me teetering on the brink.

And just like that, I felt trembling building between my thighs. Then my core. Gradually, an eruption of sensations exploded to every nerve in my body. My back arched into him as my body stilled and a deep hum overtook me. Caynan stared down at me as I fought to catch my breath, a satisfied smile on his face. But his hips didn’t stop. He continued moving above me as my body relaxed, pressing back down into the bed. He leaned down, his lips capturing mine while his hips pounded into me. The sweat on his forehead dripped onto my face while he ravaged my mouth. This kiss was sloppy and wet and everything I wanted in that moment. He thrust a few more times, harder and more eager, before he pulled away from my lips. His eyes closed and he groaned through his final thrust. His body stilled, quivering from the inside out.

I watched the euphoria sweep over his tightened features, loving that I’d done that to him. Loving that we’d done that to each other.

A silence—filled only by our breathing—descended upon us.

When Caynan’s eyes opened, he relaxed the weight of his body on top of me, burying his face in my neck. I’d never felt anything more comforting than his entire body draped over me. Heavy. Sweaty. Mine.

“My, God,” he rumbled into my skin. “That was…”

“Amazing.”

He lifted his head, his heavy lidded eyes finding mine. “Yeah?”

I nodded.

He pulled out of me and rolled onto his side, pulling off the condom and discarding it in its wrapper on the nightstand. “That it?”

I snickered as I rolled onto my side so I could see him. All of him. “Mind-numbing.”

That cocky grin slipped into place. “Go on.”

“Earth-shattering.”

He reached out, placing his hand on my hip and pulling me into his chest. “Now you’re just trying to be funny.”

I shook my head. “I’m trying for round two.”

His eyes widened as he rolled me onto my back and devoured my lips for a very long time. At least until we went for round two.

CHAPTER TWELVE

Caynan

Somehow, Hadley and I made it to school on time the following morning, neither of us getting much sleep.

I spent the majority of English class staring at her, wondering how the hell I got so lucky.

She glanced over, finding my eyes on her yet again. “Pay attention,” she whispered, before a smirk quirked her lips.

“Oh, I’m paying attention all right.”

Amused, she shook her head.

I loved pushing her buttons. Actually, I liked making her smile more. “I’m just wondering what it’ll take to kiss you tomorrow morning, too.”

“You know I’ll be away.” She glanced back to the front of the classroom where Ms. Atwood droned on about British literature.

After the previous night, I wasn’t thinking about British Lit. I was thinking about Hadley. What she’d done for me. What she’d said to me. What she’d let me do to her.
God
. She was every guy’s living, breathing fantasy—whether she realized it or not. And she was all mine. At least until I wasn’t there anymore.

I couldn’t even begin to imagine what that day would be like. Would I just leave without a goodbye, like I’d done so many times before? But then, I hadn’t been leaving anyone important behind. Sure I left friends, but not a girl I had feelings for. Before Hadley, I kept it casual. No strings attached. Because seriously? Strings wouldn’t have stretched as far as the miles I’d traveled.

But things were different now. Hadley was different. I was different. Or at least part of me was.

At the end of the day, I leaned against Hadley’s car, knowing I wanted to catch her before my game since I wouldn’t be seeing her all weekend. She walked out of the building shaking her ass, purposely giving me a little show. I smiled as she approached.

“Waiting for someone?” she asked.

My eyes gave her body a slow perusal. “Yup.”

“Anyone I know?” She stopped in front of me.

I nodded as I slipped my arms around her and pulled her into me. Instantly, she buried her head below my chin.

“Gonna miss me this weekend?”

She chuckled. “I’m sure your texts will keep me occupied. Especially the naughty ones.”

“Will I be getting any in return?”

“Is there any other kind?” she asked.

I held her tighter, wishing she could somehow tell how much I cared about her. How much I didn’t want to hurt her. “I don’t deserve you.” I couldn’t even be bothered to disguise the seriousness in my voice.

Hadley pulled back and looked up at me, shielding her eyes from the bright afternoon sun. “Why would you say that?”

I shrugged. “I just know you could do so much better than me.”

She tilted her head, her eyes assessing my face. “Well, that’s too bad. Because I want you.”

Fuuuuck
.

* * *

Since leaving Hadley, I’d been battling a pit in the bottom my stomach. Knowing she’d be away, made everything real. I parked in front of my trailer and noticed the picture Hadley had drawn of my mom rolled up in my passenger seat. If that wasn’t a fucking sign, I didn’t know what was. I grabbed it and headed to the door, wanting the picture to have a place in my room.

“Where is it?” My father’s gruff voice stopped me dead in my tracks the second I stepped inside.

I cringed, the picture clutched tightly in my hand. “I don’t have it yet.”

He slammed his fists down on the kitchen table rattling the walls of our trailer as he jumped to his feet. “Then get it!”

“Back off!”

His eyes blazed with rage. I’d never seen anything so cold. He flew across the room, shoving his forearm into my neck and slamming me against the wall. My head bounced off it, clouding my vision. “What’d you say to me?”

I stared into his eyes. And for the first time, I saw them for what they were. Eyes of a monster. A monster who’d controlled me for far too long. He might’ve wanted to hurt me as he glared at me mere inches from my face, but I didn’t want to hurt him. I wanted to be
free
of him. And getting that pistol was the only way to do it.

As if he’d just realized what he’d done, he shook his head and stepped away from me. He’d been physical in the past. But nothing I couldn’t handle. Knowing we both needed to calm the fuck down, I tore off into my room and slammed the door behind me. Nothing like a near beat-down to get the adrenaline pumping. My limbs quivered as I walked to my closet, searching for a spot to store the drawing until I could hang it.

My door flew open, slamming into the wall behind him. “Don’t walk away from me, boy!”

I spun around, shocked he’d followed me into my room. With him that angry, I needed to be the voice of reason. “You need to trust me. I need more time.”

He stared at me like I’d spoken some foreign language. “These aren’t the type of men you make wait. I told them it’d be ready for shipment this weekend. It will be.” His eyes dropped to the picture in my hand.

Fuck
.

I tried moving it behind my back, but he yanked it from my hand before I could. His face tightened coldly as he unrolled it. “What the hell is this?”

“Mom.” I didn’t even try to disguise the hate I felt for him in that moment. “Remember her?”

He stared down at her likeness for a long time. I actually thought it might’ve brought out his humanity. Might’ve displayed some shred of sorrow. “We don’t need reminders.” He tore the picture in half.

I watched in horror as the pieces fell to the floor. Pieces of my mom. Pieces of Hadley’s art. Pieces of me.

Rage gripped hold of every part of my body. I wanted to hit him. Throw him through the wall. Leave and never see his face again.

You’re all each other have.

My mother’s words pushed through my thoughts, but they were distant. Softer. Weaker. As if they were fading. As if they didn’t hold the weight they once held. It suddenly struck me. They
didn’t
hold the weight they once held. They weren’t the truth anymore.

I had Hadley.

I pulled it together long enough to walk straight out the front door. My heart raced something fierce as the door closed behind me. I jumped into my Jeep, my hands digging through my hair. Digging into my scalp. Needing the pain. The self-inflicted type. Not the type he doled out. If he wanted the damned pistol. I’d get him the damn pistol.

Then to hell with him.

I was done.

Hadley

“Hadley? Is your luggage in the car?” my mother called from her bedroom.

I rushed out of my room, wearing a red strapless dress that fit my body in all the right places. Too bad Caynan wouldn’t get a chance to see it. Chances were it wouldn’t have stayed on for long. “Yeah. I’m all set.”

My mother stepped out of her room fastening a diamond chandelier earring into her ear. “Your father’s going to have to meet us there in the morning.”

“If I have to go, why doesn’t he?”

“They’ve got him working an overnight. I think a lead’s come in on those robberies.”

I contemplated asking if I could stay too, but didn’t want to leave her there alone. Normally, I wouldn’t have minded going to one of my grandfather’s fundraisers. But things were going so well with Caynan, I just didn’t want to leave.

I made my way outside, hopping into the waiting car. My mother followed in a shimmering gold dress. Once her door closed and our driver slid into the driver’s seat, we were off. It was only an hour away, but it was far enough away from Caynan. 

“Care to tell me why you wanted to skip tonight’s fundraiser?” My mother held out her wrist so I could fasten her tennis bracelet for her. “You usually enjoy this one.”

“I just wanted to spend time with Caynan.”

She lifted a perfect brow. “Oh? So things are back on track after the mix up?”

“Yeah.” I’d told my parents about his dad dragging him out of town. They were more understanding than me. They were the ones who ultimately pushed me to get over it and forgive him. “I know we’re young, and high school romances don’t usually work out, but I like him. I
really
like him.”

One of those nostalgic smiles danced across my mother’s face.

“I guess I just want him to feel the same way I do.”

“How do you know he doesn’t?”

I shrugged. “Guys are different. No matter what they say, they don’t
feel
the way we do.”

“They don’t
think
like us either,” she laughed. “Have you told him how you’re feeling?”

I shook my head. “It’s still kind of soon to be discussing our relationship. I wouldn’t want to scare him.”

She gave me a maternal look. One that came with years of practice and worldly experiences. “Maybe you should.”

“Being away for the weekend doesn’t really lend itself to a deep discussion.”

“I’ll tell you what. You stick around tonight, and I’ll let you skip tomorrow’s itinerary.”

My mouth parted. “Seriously?”

She winked. “Who am I to keep young love apart?”