Before Hadley (11 page)

Cass entered the classroom. “Hey girl.”

“Hey.”

She lifted her chin toward Caynan’s desk. “Where’s lover boy?”

I shrugged.

She dropped into her seat, twisting to face me. “So, is tonight the night?”

I inhaled a deep breath. “Yup.”

“Is your dad planning to clean one of his antique guns at the table?”

I laughed. “He’s not like that. You know that.”

“I picture him whipping it out and laying it down all nonchalant before asking lover boy to pass the peas.”

I snorted at the ridiculous image in my head.

“I’d give anything to see lover boy’s face.”

“Stop calling him that.”

Her eyes tightened. “Why?”

I titled my head. “It’s too early. I barely know him.”

“Oh, I’d say you’re getting to know him. And he
really
wants to get to know you.
All
of you.”

I rolled my eyes.

“I’m serious, Hadley. The way he looks at you…the guy’s got it bad.”

CHAPTER NINE

Hadley

“Maybe he didn’t realize you said tonight,” my mother offered as I stared down at my phone.

It was eight-thirty. We’d been outside on our back patio for two hours. The food was cold no matter how many times my mother reheated it.

Caynan hadn’t texted. Hadn’t called. Hadn’t given me the courtesy of an excuse for blowing me off. For making me look like an idiot. I knew he didn’t want to meet my dad. But to blow me off completely? Who did that?

“He’s probably sick.” My dad finally picked up his fork and gnawed into the cold piece of filet. “You said he wasn’t in school.”

“He could’ve called,” I mumbled, beyond pissed and completely humiliated that the first boy my dad took any interest in stood me up.

“Don’t jump to conclusions,” my mother warned. “I’ve met him. Something serious must’ve happened to keep him from showing up.”

I pushed back my chair and stood. “Well, I don’t feel like waiting any longer. Sorry I ruined your night.” With that, I took off for my room, hearing my parents’ pleas for me to wait. But for what? He wasn’t showing up. He never intended to.

* * *

The weekend had come and gone and still no word from Caynan. I’d prepared myself on my way into school on Monday, ready to confront him during English class. But he was a no-show there, too.

I looked out across the crowded cafeteria during lunch. People passed by in a blur.

Cass moved her face to block the cafeteria from my view. “Stop sulking.”

“This from the person who pushed me to go out with him.”

“He’s clearly sick.”

I cocked my head. “And he couldn’t send a text?”

“You think he’s missed school just to avoid you?” She mirrored my cocked head.

A few hours later, with Cass’ words in mind, I struggled to focus on the homework spread out all over my bed.

Maybe something
had
happened to Caynan. Maybe, while I was moping and hating him for blowing me off, he was in some hospital somewhere. Maybe he was hurt. Or maybe it wasn’t him at all. Maybe he was off caring for his sick father. He’d lost his mom; maybe something had happened to his dad.

Sending a quick text to check if he was okay didn’t seem like such a terrible idea anymore. I grabbed my phone and sent a message.
Just checking that you’re all right…

I waited. 

Hours passed before I finally gave up and went to bed without any response.

* * *

Tuesday morning, I pulled into the school parking lot. My hands tightened on the steering wheel and my stomach churned like I’d eaten something bad. Caynan’s Jeep was there. It had been
five
days. Five days since I’d seen him. Since I’d spoken to him. Since I’d wanted to strangle him.

I hopped out of my car and marched into the building, knowing I was moments away from coming face to face with him. My heartrate sped up exponentially as I trudged down the busy hallway. I grabbed the books I needed from my locker and walked into English class. I tried to appear unfazed, but I couldn’t help myself. I looked right to Caynan, reading over notes in his notebook. He didn’t even bother to glance up when I entered.

I forced a smile at Cass as I made my way up the aisle toward my seat, my pulse pounding in my ears. She gave me wide eyes and nudged her head toward him. Like I couldn’t actually see him for myself.
Thanks, buddy.

I slipped into my seat, turning my head toward Caynan. “Hey.” I tried to keep my voice steady, but I couldn’t disguise the quiver.

His head shot up like he hadn’t seen me walk in. “Hey.”

I bit my tongue, trekking through the awkward conversation. “You feeling okay?”

He nodded. “Yeah. I’m fine.” His eyes dropped back down to his notes.

I can’t believe this is happening.

I can’t believe this is freaking happening to me.

I was too smart to be one of those girls. Too smart to fall for empty words. Too smart to fall for disingenuous actions. Too smart to get tossed to the side for the next big thing. “You’re an asshole.”

Cass’ head spun around. Caynan’s whipped up, his eyes narrowed.

“You’re exactly what I thought you were,” I ground out, trying desperately not to cause a scene as I jumped to my feet. “I knew better.” I hurried out of the classroom, not bothering to look back.

I needed to breathe. I needed to process the fact that I’d been just like every other girl to him. I’d been played by the God damn player.

“Hadley, wait.” I heard the slapping of his sneakers jogging down the nearly empty hallway as I quickened my pace. “Would you just wait?”

Heads of stragglers twisted in our direction. That wasn’t enough to stop me. I reached an exit door and threw it open. Two strong hands grasped my shoulders, stopping me from stepping outside. I closed my eyes, shielding them from both the bright morning sun and the owner of the hands. “Let go of me.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” he asked.

I spun around, pulling free from his hands as the door slammed shut behind me. “What’s wrong with
me
? You’ve gotta be freaking joking.”

His guilty eyes stayed on mine, though they clearly itched to move away.

I stepped forward, more rage than I’d ever felt rushing through me as I pointed my finger into his chest. He stepped back. “
I’m
not the one who stood somebody up. I’m not the one who didn’t return a text checking to be sure you weren’t lying in some ditch somewhere. And
I’m
not the one who blew
everything
.”

He buried his hands in the pockets of his cargo shorts, his shoulders relaxing and his eyes softening. His suddenly calm demeanor irked every part of my irritated body.

I threw my hands out. “Am I wrong?”

His lips slid into a cocky grin.

Seriously? A flipping grin?

“Glad to see you care.”

My eyes flared. “You can’t be serious?”

“Oh, but I am.” His dimple dug into his cheek. “I’ve been out of town.”

“So?” My voice rose.

“So, I knew when I saw you I’d be able to explain what happened. And we’d be good.”

I scoffed, amazed by his brazenness. “Five days later?”

He lifted a shoulder.

My entire face scrunched in repulsion. “I hate you.”

He laughed. “No, you don’t. I won’t let you.”

I leveled him with a serious glare, hoping every ounce of disgust I felt for him was relayed in my eyes. “No, really. I hate you.”

He stepped closer, causing me to step back. “I got your text.” He took another step forward. I took another step back. “Thank you for checking on me.” He stepped forward again. I stepped back, this time banging into the set of lockers behind me. “My dad sprung a last minute trip on me. I planned to call you once we got on the road. But as soon as we hit the town limit, I had no service.” His arms shot out, his hands bracing the lockers at the sides of my head, caging me in. “I’m sorry I missed dinner.”

Having him that close made my skin crawl, but I matched his gaze, my eyes riveting between his. Did I believe him? Did his story line up? My dad taught me early on that a liar’s eyes shifted to their right when they lied. It was a subconscious thing, but a dead giveaway to those attuned to it. Caynan’s eyes remained fixed on mine.

“I thought about you the entire time I was away,” he continued.

I scoffed.

“I thought about the feel of your skin,” he continued. “The taste of your lips. The vibration of your heartbeat when it presses against my chest.” His lips sealed over mine without warning. Without permission.

I braced my hands on his chest and shoved as hard as I could. He didn’t even shift. His arms stayed locked. His hips held me in place. His mouth devoured mine. I wanted to scream. I wanted to bite his tongue and draw blood. I wanted to tell him this was never going to work. But his tongue relentlessly thrust deeper. Voices materialized in the distance. Were teachers calling us? Were people gawking at us? I finally broke loose, dislodging my lips from his and gasping for air. “Are you nuts?”

He seemed shocked by my anger. “What?”

“I’m not someone you can mess with, Caynan.”

He nodded. “I know that.”

I assessed the surrounding hallway. Classroom doors were closed and the last minute stragglers were hurrying to class, taking no interest in us. “I’m not someone who deals well with being blown off. Or being made to look like a fool. I’m not one of those girls.”

His face grew even more serious. “I know that.”

“If you don’t want to hang out anymore, let’s be done right now.”

He paused, his eyes holding indecision. “Is that what you want?”

“Oh, no. You might be able to get away with non-answers with Cass, but I can see right through them. The question is ‘Is that what
you
want?’”

He dug his fingers through his dark hair, scratching away at his scalp as he stepped back from me, leaving the once warm space around me uncomfortably chilly. “I like hanging out with you.”

I remained quiet so he had no choice but to continue.

“I know you’re different than other girls.”

I cocked my head. That wasn’t an answer. “I need someone honest, Caynan. If you can’t be, then we’re cool. We can go back to bantering in class and then go our separate ways. You’re a guy. What eighteen-year-old guy really wants to be exclusive anyway?”

His eyes shifted from mine. “Yeah.” It came out so softly I almost missed it.

Part of me wished he hadn’t agreed so quickly. But the other part knew it was for the best. The last few days had been torture. The not knowing. The dwelling. The worry. The anger. Who knew what more time spent with him would do to me. It was better to get out before my feelings were any more invested. “It’s better this way.”

His eyes cut back to mine, like he wanted to say something. But his lips slammed shut, like he didn’t actually have the guts to say it.

I forced an insincere smile. “No worries, player.” I stepped around him and started toward English class. My heart thrashed with each step away from the guy I’d begun to let into my life. The guy I believed in. The guy who clearly felt something for me, but was incapable of committing.

“Hadley?”

Caynan’s deep voice immobilized me. I jerked a glance over my shoulder.

He stood there staring down the hallway at me for a long time, his arms hanging uselessly at his sides. Indecision had overtaken his features. Had he surprised himself by calling out to me? Because he seemed to be at a loss for words.

I saved him the trouble, turning away and continuing toward class.

“Wait,” he called.

I didn’t.

The slapping of his sneakers on the floor filled the silence. I didn’t stop or turn around. He rounded me, stopping in front of me. “Don’t think you’re getting rid of me that easily.” He grabbed hold of my hand and pulled me into his chest, hugging me in the middle of the empty hallway.

I wanted to resist. To explain we were better as friends. To fight what was happening. But the fact that he wouldn’t allow me to walk out of his life, even after I’d urged him to, wouldn’t allow me to let it be over either.

* * *

Cass slid her lunch tray onto the table and pegged Caynan with her eyes. “You planning on skipping town again without a word?”

He glanced to me beside him. But I glanced away. He was on his own with that one. “No.”

“Hadley’s not like other girls. She’s not gonna follow you around like a lost puppy if you decide to call it quits.”

“I know that.” His words were soft.

“If you want to be with her, if you really want to hold onto one of the best people I know, man up and treat her right.”

Caynan stared across the table, his eyes a mix of fear and respect. He nodded his response. “Good. Are you taking her to the carnival this weekend?” she asked.

His eyes shot to mine. “You want to go?”

I shrugged, still feeling out of sorts. I hadn’t had much time to process the fact that I’d gone from hating him for days to worrying something had happened to him. Not to mention, feeling like a fool for falling for the player to thinking we were over. My head was all over the place.

“Hi, Caynan. Missed you in art.” Shannon stopped at the end of our table, her eyes batting like she had something in them.

“Oh,” Caynan said politely but not overly friendly. Smart guy.

She nodded. I could’ve sworn she shifted just to give him a better to look at her boobs.

I opened my mouth to respond, but Cass beat me to it. “If you hadn’t noticed, he’s dating Hadley. And she’s too nice to send your ass back to the corner of the cafeteria where you and your slutty friends belong. But I’m not Hadley. And I’m not too nice to say it.”