Before Hadley (8 page)

My heart slammed against my chest as my voice came out a mere whisper. “Then do it.”

His eyes didn’t waver from mine. “This isn’t a date. I said I wouldn’t kiss you if it wasn’t a date.”

I dropped my backpack to my feet, the
thud
carrying through the silent lot. “I don’t care.”

He closed his eyes and dropped his forehead to mine. “Part of me wants to prolong this. Make you crazy for me.” His eyes opened and he looked me dead in the eyes. “But the other part wants to taste what I’ve been thinking about doing since the moment I met you.”

I couldn’t stop my hands from drifting up the front of his shirt, over the solid muscles in his abs and chest. I’d never felt anything so freaking amazing in my life.

He didn’t seem to mind my exploration because he groaned deep in his throat. His breath, a mixture of soda and mint, floated between us. “Go out with me,” he said.

“I’m out with you right now.”

“A date. Then you better believe I’ll kiss you at the end of the night.”

“Maybe I don’t want to wait until the end of the night,” I challenged. What the hell was I saying? It was as if I was in a trance. A Caynan-induced trance. And my words were not my own. My body was not my own. My thoughts were not my own.

His lips twitched. “Is that a yes?”

I paused, trying to maintain every last shred of dignity I possessed. But I knew with every fiber of my being that Caynan Abbott would ruin me for all others. And when he finally kissed me, not only would it be explosive, but it would be something no one else would ever live up to.

I was so screwed.

I pulled into my driveway twenty minutes later still reeling from another almost-kiss. I never meant to be so forward, so accommodating, so desperate. But given the hungry look in his eyes and the way his breath came out so quickly—like being around me turned him on—I just needed him to do it. Needed him to prove he had the balls to do it. Needed him to be the guy I thought he was. Not wuss out and leave me panting like a needy fool.

I threw my car into park and switched off the engine. Except for the small light inside by the front door, the house sat dark and empty. I hoped my dad made it to the fundraiser after his shift. My mother would’ve been so disappointed if he hadn’t. And as much as he loved her, he’d disappointed her on numerous occasions by not showing up to events. The life of a detective came with irregular hours. You didn’t just leave a crime scene because your shift ended. You stayed until every bit of evidence had been recovered and documented. At times, I felt sorry for my mother. She knew what she was getting into when she married him, but she never asked to fly solo more often than not. 

I reached for my backpack and stepped out of my car.

“Hadley.”

My body jolted. Caynan jogged up my driveway as I closed the car door.

He stopped in front of me, the toes of his shoes bumping mine. “I forgot something.” He grasped my cheeks between his hands and his lips crashed down on mine, forceful and eager. He stepped into me, urging me back against my car. He sucked lightly on my bottom lip. That’s all it took. I opened for him, unable to resist him any longer.

His tongue plunged inside my mouth, sweeping and licking away at my tongue. My cheek. Even the roof of my mouth, tangling and sucking and weakening my knees all together.
Holy hell.
He could kiss. I dropped my backpack and slipped my arms around his neck, arching into him, his chest a concrete wall against me. I needed him to consume me. I needed him to want me. I needed him to need me the way my body seemed to need his.

My fingers traveled up the back of his head, my fingernails digging into his scalp, urging him closer.
Needing
him closer. He groaned into my mouth, the vibration hitting me deep in my belly and every other part of my body that had suddenly caught fire. I loved the softness of his lips and the urgency of his caresses in the dark driveway with only crickets watching.

Without warning, he pulled away, breathless and focused on my eyes. “I would’ve never been able to sleep if I didn’t do that.”

I blinked a few times as my arms dropping from his neck, my lips tingling with a numbness I’d never felt before. I tried to think of something clever to say, but for once, words deserted me. I lifted my thumb to my mouth, dragging it across my numb bottom lip, wiping away the remnants of the unexpected kiss. The
amazing
unexpected kiss. “I would’ve slept fine.”

A laugh erupted from him. “Good to know. But just so we’re clear…” His lips spread into a slow, sexy smile. “I really want to do that again.” He lifted my chin, forcing me to look at him. “Would that be a bad thing?”

“Bad?”

He nodded, his lips twitching.

“What if I said yes?”

He moved closer, his gaze straying to my lips. “Then I’d change your mind.” His lips sealed over mine, his tongue pushing inside, prodding in the most delicious way. His arms slipped around my hips, tightening as he pulled me into him.

My hands flew back to his head, my own head tilting to fit with his. I wanted to be closer to him. To his lips. They set my body abuzz, and if we didn’t stop soon, I wouldn’t be responsible for the insanity that occurred right there in my driveway.

I pulled back from his lips, but he didn’t release me. He stared down at me. The anxious look in his eyes was alarming. Intense. A major turn on. I wasn’t sure he’d ever let me go—or if I wanted him to. But I knew what I needed to do. And quickly. “I need to get inside.”

A grin twisted his lips. “Totally stole my line.”

My eyes narrowed as I considered what I’d said.
Ugh
. “I meant inside my
house
.”

“Yup. Totally what I meant, too.” His twitching lips said otherwise.

I tilted my head to the side, searching for the truth in his words. In his expression. In his actions. “What are you doing tomorrow?” I asked.

“Why?”

“Just curious if you’re going out with someone else.”

“
Ohhhh
,” he teased, finally releasing me and burying his hands in his pockets. “So you’re wondering what this is.”

I wanted to wipe the cocky smirk right off his face. “I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to. I can read you like a book.”

“Oh, yeah? What am I thinking right now?” I stared back at him, unblinking.

“You want me to pick you up, carry you inside, and do unmentionable things to you behind closed doors. But, because you think I’m such a player, you won’t let it happen.”

“You’re right.”

His eyes expanded.

I crossed my arms. “I still think you’re a player.”

He chuckled. “Come on, Feisty.” He held out his hand for me. “Let me walk you to the door this time.”

CHAPTER SEVEN

Hadley

I pulled into the school parking lot Monday morning, parking in my normal spot in the back under the big tree. As soon as I released my seat belt, my door swung open.

I gaped up into eyes as black as coal. And those eyelashes. They were ridiculously thick and long and fanning out with each blink.

“Morning.”

I resisted the urge to smile. “Don’t you mean
cheerio
?”

Caynan pulled me from my seat, grabbed my bag, and closed the door behind me. He leaned in so closely, I stepped back, curving against my car door. He smelled so damn good. “I’m thinking you brushing up on your British means you’re hoping to spend more time with me.”

I laughed. “Bullocks.”

He smiled, but the intensity of his stare overwhelmed me. “I had a great time Saturday night.”

My belly fluttered. “It was all right.”

“I think we should do it again.”

“Decorate a ballroom?”

His eyes zeroed in on mine as his head moved slowly from side to side.

“Crash a fundraiser?”

His head continued moving.

“Dance?”

Instead of answering, he leaned down and ran the tip of his tongue along the seam of my lips, seeking access that I all too willing granted him. I was so effing-screwed. I fell into the pace of the kiss, slow and body-numbingly good. But since I wasn’t into PDA, I pulled away before the kiss had the chance to turn explosive. And,
God
, did I want it to turn explosive.

“I might be up for doing that again,” I said, feigning indifference.

His lips tipped up on one side. “Just not in a parking lot where everyone can see.”

I nodded.

“So, you’re embarrassed of me?”

I tried to pull my bag from his arm, but he resisted, holding the strap tighter. “I just don’t want to put too many expectations on…” My hand motioned back and forth in the space between us.

“I think you’re more worried about what other people think than what’s really happening.”

“And what
is
happening?” I raised my brows in question.

His shoulders shook with silent laughter. “What’s happening is I’m gonna walk you to English class, flirt with you during Atwood’s lecture, then, if I’m lucky, you’ll come to my game tomorrow and let me take you out for dinner after.”

“A date?” I asked.

“A date,” he assured me.

Caynan

Sitting across the booth from Hadley the following night really gave me the chance to absorb her naturally pretty features. The cool slope of her nose. Her colorful pouty lips that didn’t need lip gloss. Her dark blue eyes other girls would’ve given anything to have. The cute way they flashed away when she got embarrassed. And her feisty sense of humor. The girl had me laughing all night.

“So what got you interested in art?”

She chewed her last bite of pasta, placing her fork down on her dish. “My mother traveled a lot with my grandfather when I was younger. Fundraisers and campaign stuff.”

“More than she does now?”

She nodded. “I found myself alone a lot. Don’t get me wrong. In no way was I neglected. I had my dad. But I was just lonely. I needed an outlet for that loneliness.”

I found myself leaning closer, hanging on her words. “And art was it?”

She shrugged. “Turns out, some girls write their feelings in diaries, I draw.”

My eyes tightened on hers. “And what would you draw right now?”

Her eyes danced with playfulness. I could tell she was working through multiple options. “Licorice.”

I cocked my head, unconvinced. “Why’s that?”

She shrugged, but I sensed a vulnerability that she didn’t usually expose. “Well, for starters it’s yummy…and it makes me happy.”

There were so many things I could’ve said to that. So many cocky comebacks I normally wouldn’t have been able to contain with her in my presence. But for once, I kept my mouth shut and my words sincere. “I know I’ve told you before, but you’re really talented.”

Her eyes flicked away, searching for something on the hardwood floor that wasn’t there.

“Don’t do that.” Her eyes lifted back to mine. “Learn to take a compliment. Especially when it’s the truth.” Her eyes itched to abandon my face. But I had to hand it to her. She kept them locked on my eyes. “You. Are. Talented.”

She rolled her eyes. “Thank you.”

“See?” I teased. “You did it.”

She cocked her head, her lips twitching. “How about you? What got you into baseball?”

I shrugged. “I’m good at it.”

“Wow. Miss Humble and Mr. Confident.”

I laughed. “A perfect match.”

She shook her head, her eyes rolling again.

I liked that I could make her smile. Truthfully, I hoped I did a whole hell of a lot more than just that. “There’s nothing to be humble about. You’re talented and I can mash a ball.” I purposely used her word so she knew I listened when she talked.

“I agree you can mash a ball.”

My head withdrew. “Was that a compliment?”

She shrugged noncommittal. “You’re all right.”

“All right like I could make it to the pros, or all right I look good in my uniform?”

Her eyes lifted to the ceiling, like she really needed to consider the question. Or knowing Hadley, a witty response.

Our waitress chose that moment to check on us. “Can I get you any dessert?”

I looked to Hadley whose eyes were now on mine. “You want dessert?”

She shook her head, her eyes hiding something I couldn’t quite read.

“I think we’re all set.” I didn’t bother looking at the waitress who turned to retrieve our check. My eyes were on Hadley. “Have something else in mind?”

* * *

Hadley pointed to a dirt road in the middle of the woods where she’d inadvertently taken me off-roading. Eventually, we pulled into a clearing that appeared out of nowhere. Hadley gestured to a spot for me to park, throwing her door open once I did. She glanced to me before hopping out. “Come on.”

I didn’t move. “I never said I liked surprises.”

“This from the guy who surprised me with finger paint?” she laughed, pointing to the edge of the clearing. “The night train passes through. If we don’t hurry, we’ll miss it.”

I squinted into the darkness, spotting the old train tracks lining the woods. “That must be the whistle I hear every night.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Where do you live?”

Fuck
. “Huh?”

“You can’t hear it unless you live on the county line.”

“Yeah. I’m near there,” I said quickly, hoping she’d drop the subject. It wasn’t like my zip code embarrassed me. It was temporary and charged by the month. I just didn’t want her getting any ideas about stopping by. My dad would’ve fucking killed me if that happened. “Come on.” I threw open my door. “Show me the best place to watch it.”

We met in front of my Jeep. I grabbed Hadley’s hand, loving the feel of her fragile fingers in my grip. I let her pull me toward the tracks. She stopped twenty or so feet away, dropping to the grassy knoll. I slipped my hand free from hers and dropped down beside her, wrapping my arm around her small waist and pulling her into my side. She fit perfectly, resting her head against my shoulder and exhaling one hell of a deep breath.

“So, you take a lot of guys out here?”

“Oh, yeah…tons.”

I squeezed her closer. “Well, thanks for taking me. What do I have to do to make sure it happens again?”

She lifted her head, her eyes searching my face. “Would you want to?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

The foolish girl shook her head.

“I already told you. There are lots of things I want to do with you.”             

I watched the muscles in her throat wrap themselves around a giant knot as she swallowed down. I loved that I had that effect on her. “Like what?”

Game on, Hadley.

I twisted toward her, rolling her gently onto her back. Instead of pinning her down and kissing the fuck out of her like I really wanted to, I pulled back. I heard her sharp intake of breath as I rolled onto my back beside her. I reached over and linked our fingers in the space between us while taking in the thousands of stars in the black night. “No matter where I am, these are always the same.”

“Do you miss home?” I could hear the restraint in her voice, like she didn’t know if she should ask.

“Sometimes.” There. That wasn’t a complete lie. “I miss the people I left behind.” Another truth.

“Must be hard.”

You don’t know the fucking half.
“Yeah, but right now, I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be.” Another truth.

Her head fell toward me. Mine did the same. “Me neither.” I wanted to roll on top of her and press my growing hard-on into her to let her know exactly what she did to me, but she gasped, bolting upright. “Do you hear it?”

I sat up, concentrating on the silence. Except for some bugs humming deep in the woods, I couldn’t hear a thing.

“Listen.” Hadley’s eyes sparkled with excitement. I’d never seen her so animated before.

Sure enough, a soft whooshing carried through the woods as a slight vibration moved the earth beneath us. “I hear it.”

Her smile grew. “Just wait.”

I couldn’t help but stare at her. This girl who had everything in the world going for her. This girl who couldn’t accept the fact that she had talent. This girl who couldn’t wait to see a bunch of rusted metal box cars pass by in the night. She was so different than every other girl I’d met. And I liked that idea way too much.

Her face turned toward mine, her enthusiasm morphing to concern. “What?”

I shook my head, dispelling whatever crazy thought she had running through her mind. “You. You’re pretty incredible.”

She rolled her eyes. “I know. I hear it all the time.”

This girl.
“Well, once more can’t hurt.”

We shared a laugh as the train crept upon us, quickly stealing our attention. The locomotive led the way, passing by slower than expected. A rumbling accompanied the enormity of it. I sat enthralled as each car moved by. Box cars transporting goods. Cattle cars filled with live cattle. Tanker cars of all sizes and shapes. I tried keeping count, losing track somewhere after one hundred, probably because I couldn’t keep my eyes off Hadley.

I loved the way the gust from the train whipped her blond hair all around her head and the fact that she didn’t move or try to push it out of her face. Just like in my Jeep. And forget about her completely awed expression as the cars moved by us. It just made me want more moments like that with her. And I knew better than to
ever
think like that. To
ever
think of the future.

I squeezed her hand as the cars continued passing by. She squeezed mine back. A silent agreement that the whole scene was cool as shit. It was her thing. And I wasn’t too proud to admit, I’d been wrong. The train was so much more than just some rusty box cars.

I understood the grandeur. The peacefulness. The subtle way it appeared out of nowhere and disappeared just the same—like it had never been there at all.

Hadley

Caynan didn’t speak. I couldn’t fathom what he was thinking. Why he wasn’t interested. Why his attention had been on
me
instead of the train.

“So?” I asked when the train disappeared into the woods after an amazing four minute show.

He nodded. “Pretty damn cool.”

I laughed. “You barely watched.”

His eyes dropped to my lips. “Oh, I watched.”

If I were standing, my knees might’ve buckled. He had the ability to unhinge me with a single look. With a comment that took on several meanings. With his mere presence. The guy was good. “So how many cars did it have?”

“One hundred and sixty.”

Bastard
. “One hundred and sixty
five.
”

He laughed. “I did need to blink.”

I laughed as I fell onto my back, turning onto my side and propping myself up on my elbow. I found it difficult not to admire the way Caynan fit into the whole scene. Fit into my life.

“So?” he asked, a devious twinkle in his eyes.

“What?”

“Am I invited back?”

I shrugged. “Maybe.”

“That’s not really an answer.”

“Well…you haven’t really given me a reason to invite you back.”

His lips pulled up on one side leaving one hell of a cocky grin in their place. Then he lunged forward, rolling me onto my back and following me down, hovering over me, our lips inches apart. “Let me give you a reason.”