Before Hadley (14 page)

No sooner had I finished off the shots, more lined the shiny oak bar in front of me thanks to the giggling girls across the way. I lifted one of the shots in their direction to show my appreciation.

Whiskey. Vodka. Rum. Anything that stung going down, I guzzled. In no time, the girls relocated, parking their asses around me, laughing at every stupid thing I said. Soon, my words became ridiculously jumbled. Too jumbled for even me to make sense of them. But it felt good not to worry or feel guilty. At least for a little while.

Inevitably, the room began to spin, the bar lights transforming into a distorted kaleidoscope of shapes and colors moving faster with each rotation. I lay my head down on the sticky surface in front of me. I just needed a minute to get my shit together. A minute to make it all go away.

A long strand of buzzing in my ears muffled the loud music, replacing the cacophony of chatter around me and the voices in my head with nothing.

Nothing but glorious silence.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Caynan

Bright sunlight pierced my closed eyelids. My head pounded like a mother fucker, and my mouth tasted like cotton. My arm shot out to the space beside me in bed. Empty and cold. Thank God. But where the hell was I? The mattress was too comfortable to be my crappy bed. And the pillow underneath my head was more like a cloud than my pancake. I braced myself, ready for the infiltration of light as I opened my eyes. I squinted back the intrusive rays as my eyes shot around the enormous bedroom where I lay in a king-sized sleigh bed.

What the hell?

My eyes stopped on the body curled up in the chair in the corner of the room, a fluffy blue blanket wrapped snuggly around her.

Hadley.

Normally, that was the moment I threw on my clothes and bailed before the girl woke up. But not with Hadley. I just wished I knew how I got there. I could only imagine the shit I put her through to end up in her bed without her beside me. I was either off my game, too wasted to perform, or a total asshole.

I kicked my bare feet out from under the soft as hell down-comforter and dropped them to the hardwood floor. I looked down at the wrinkled boxers and T-shirt I still wore, wondering if Hadley attempted to undress me and I’d put up a fight.

I stared across the room, wishing she’d slept in bed with me. Would she have moved all night or stayed in one spot? Would she have snuggled up beside me or wanted her own space? The mattress creaked slightly as I stood and crept across the room, trying not to make any noise in case her parents had returned earlier than expected.

I reached the oversized chair and stared down at her. So peaceful. So beautiful. So fucking perfect. Her blond hair fell over her shoulders as her breath moved in and out softly. I reached out, gently brushing a strand of hair off her face. She startled, jerking up and dropping the blanket to the floor. “Ohmigod.”

“
Shhh
.” I knelt in front of her, my hands on her bare legs to steady her.
Good God
. She slept in barely-there shorts and a tight tank top that showed all her curves. “It’s just me.”

Her sleepy eyes settled on mine, realization hitting them. “Morning.”

“Are your parents back yet?”

Her eyes searched the room as she considered my question. “They’re probably downstairs.”

My eyes widened.

“My dad’ll want to meet the guy who slept in my bed.”

I clenched my teeth, the tick in my jaw pulsing.

Without warning, she burst out laughing. “Oh, my God. You should see your face.”

“So, they’re not here?”

She shook her head. “Not until Friday. Then they pick me up for that fundraiser, remember?”

A shaky breath slipped out of me, wishing she hadn’t reminded me of that. “Hadley, what am I doing here?”

She rubbed her palms into her sleepy eyes. “You don’t remember?”

I shook my head, my mind searching for any sliver of recollection. “I know I got wasted at the bar, but after that, it’s all pretty much a blur.”

She dropped her hands on a sigh. “Mine was the last number you dialed. The bartender called and said you needed a ride home.”

My eyes took in her orderly bedroom. Her makeup and hair products organized by size on her vanity. Her neatened desk. Her matching chair and sofa. “But I’m not home. I’m here.”

She nodded. “You asked me to take you here.”

“And you listened?”

“I don’t know where you live.” She shrugged, her eyes flicking away like she was hiding something.

Fuck
. My heart thrashed around, rattling my insides at the thought of what I might’ve done, said, or revealed during my drunken stupor. “Did anything happen?”

Her eyes slid to her bed. “No. But not for your lack of trying.”

Though it wasn’t what I meant, I laughed. “I didn’t say anything that upset you, did I?”

“No.” Her answer lacked conviction.

Fuck, fuck
.

“But you’ve got a great American accent when you’re drunk.” She grinned, though it went no further than her lips.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.
I evened our eyes, needing to see the truth in hers. “You’d tell me, wouldn’t you?”

She crossed her arms, as if she’d just realized how exposed she was in that tight top. “Tell you what?”

“If something happened. If I said or did something that…hurt you.”

She nodded. “Yeah, of course.” As much as I wanted to believe her, the distant look in her eyes made me doubt her words.

I coasted my hands lightly over her bare thighs, thoughts of us on the sofa in her art studio rushing me all at once. Her sounds. Her smell. “Thanks for getting me.”

“Someone had to.”

I stood up, pulling her up with me and wrapping my arms around her small body. I buried my nose in her hair, loving the strawberry scent that always rolled off her. “I’m glad it was you.”

“It would’ve been pretty embarrassing if you were expecting someone else.”

I laughed, pulling back just enough to see her face. “Care to explain why you slept in that chair?”

She shrugged, looking just as pretty—if not prettier—without makeup and her hair fixed. “You were really out of it. Especially by the time I managed to get you upstairs. I just figured you needed space.”

“Let me make something
perfectly
clear. The only space I’m concerned with when it comes to you is my space. And you being in it.”

She cocked her head, skepticism etched in her features. “Is that why you went out drinking alone? Because you didn’t need space?”

There’s the truth.
“Oh, I needed space all right. But not from you.” 

“Then who?”

“My dad. My past. My future. Take your pick.”

The sympathy in her eyes sucker-punched me. She was showing
me
sympathy.
Fuck me.

I ticked my head toward her bed. “Since no one’s here, what do you say we go lay down so I can hold you?”

“Just hold me?”

I laughed, pulling her against my chest and tightening my arms around her. I wished the thought of what I needed to do could’ve somehow been wiped from my brain. “You’ve gotta take me to get my car.
And
I’ve got a game tonight. No school means no game.” While I knew it was smarter to get us out of the house quickly so I wouldn’t be tempted to slip out of her room to find the pistol, I wanted to be with her. At least for a little while longer. “For now, I just plan on holding you. But be warned. Next time I get you alone, I’ve got different plans.” I ran my finger under the spaghetti strap on her top. “Especially when you’re wearing things like this to bed.”

She laughed, a sleepy raspy laugh.

I walked us toward her bed, turning unexpectedly so I landed on my back and pulled her down on top of me. She yelped, causing us both to laugh. Our lips were so close. I could’ve easily worked my magic and picked up where we left off the previous night. But things had changed. She may not have realized it, but they had. And I had no idea what I was gonna do about it.

I rolled us onto our sides. Hadley instantly tucked herself into my chest, resting her head under my chin. I almost wished she hadn’t. It just made everything harder.

“Are you gonna tell me what happened last night?”

I swallowed down a guilty knot and tried to distract her. “I spent the beginning of the night with this really hot girl who let me do things to her I’d only ever fantasized about doing.”

I felt her body shudder at my words, but she ignored her body’s reaction and sighed instead. “I’m serious. What happened with your dad?”

I pulled in a deep breath, wanting nothing more than to tell her something resembling the truth. “He has high expectations of me.”

“That’s a bad thing?”

I grunted. “When his expectations don’t mesh with mine, yeah.”

“Oh.” I could tell she wasn’t following. How could she? I was being anything but forthcoming. “He must see your potential and just wants you to reach it.”

I snorted at her positive spin on it. It actually sounded good in theory. “He definitely sees my potential…”

“Well, I’m here. Whatever you need. You know that, right?” Her voice was so sincere. I was sure if I could’ve seen her eyes, they would’ve been the same.

I nodded, knowing there wasn’t a chance in hell I could tell her my secrets. Especially now that she’d picked my drunk-ass up from a bar. Now that she let me into her home. Now that I knew what I needed to do. Now that I had feelings for her I was too chicken shit to admit.

* * *

“I’ve never caught a homerun ball before,” Hadley said after my game.

“And I’ve never been this far off the ground before.” I couldn’t disguise the slight quiver in my voice as I looked out at the town aglow in orange at dusk from the top of a water tower. My arms were locked tightly around the bar that circled the top for fear of falling to my death.

Hadley laughed, her arms linked around the same bar as mine, her legs dangling off the side like the distance to the bottom was no big deal. “You scared?” Her hair whipped about her head, tangling around her face as her smile stretched a mile wide.

If there was something I hated more than the shit my dad made me do, it was heights. But how could I tell a beautiful girl I didn’t want to follow her up a steep ladder, feet from her perfect ass? Not to mention her cutoffs that awarded me numerous glimpses of her panties underneath. Yeah. That was definite motivation to climb higher. My eyes cut to hers. “Not much scares me.”

“
Sure
,” she teased.

“I’m serious.”

“Not your big tournament tomorrow?” she asked.

I scoffed. “I’m only scared of taking off an outfielder’s head with one of my missiles.”

Hadley burst out laughing. “Your arrogance knows no bounds.”

I shrugged. “It’s a gift. No, but seriously, I might be a little scared leaving you alone for the next three days. I wouldn’t want you falling to pieces. I know it can be tough without me to look at all the time.”

She rolled her eyes. “
Right
. Well, I’m not embarrassed to admit a lot of things scare me.”

My head recoiled. I hadn’t expected this strong girl to have any fears, because she certainly didn’t have any flaws. “Like what?”

She shrugged.

“No, I’m serious. Tell me.”

I watched her eyes focus on something in the distance as she considered my question. “I’ve never told anyone this before.” Her eyes cut to mine. “But I worry about losing my dad.”

I nodded, understanding firsthand the pain that accompanied that loss. “Yeah. It sucks.”

She cringed, realizing what she’d said. “I’m sorry. That was thoughtless.”

I shook my head, hoping to ease her guilt. “No, it was honest. You’re always honest with me. It’s refreshing.”

A silence stretched between us before she continued. “I worry when he’s on duty.”

I’d never considered the family of a cop before. They had every reason to worry. But I couldn’t let Hadley believe that. “He’s trained. He knows what he’s doing.”

She scoffed. “He may know what
he’s
doing. I’m worried about the criminals who are consumed with getting what they want. Like the thieves robbing my neighbors. If my dad got in their way, they wouldn’t think twice about hurting him.”

Her words gutted me, sucking the air right from my lungs. She was like this angel on my shoulder, reminding me what was right and good in the world. The problem was the devil on the other side. The one harping in my ear and forcing my hand. The one I couldn’t shake no matter how badly I wanted to. And forget his accomplice. She was just as powerful with her constant reminders.

You’re all each other have.

I shook off the voice. “I think you’re right about one thing. Those thieves are wrapped up in getting what they want. But I don’t think they want to hurt anyone. Not purposely anyhow.”

She nodded, though I doubted my words comforted her. They sure as fuck didn’t comfort me.

“Tell me something else,” I urged, needing a subject change.

Hadley smiled. “I’m scared of snakes.”

“I think most girls are.”

“Yeah, but I’m scared of finding one in my toilet.”

I laughed. “Your toilet?”

“I saw a television show on it once. It scared me to death. I check every time I go into the bathroom.”

“You check to see if there’s a snake in your toilet?”

She nodded. “Every time.”

I shook my head, loving that she was letting me in on the small things other people probably didn’t know. “Tell me more.”

She pulled in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I guess I’m scared of not succeeding.”