Beautiful Goodbye (18 page)

The boys
played football and worked out. I fed them and went to class. The
weeks seem to fly by. I was either in class, studying, cooking, or
with Larkin. Thanksgiving break was a few days away and I wasn't
sure what the plans for Larkin and I were. The biggest game of the
season was the Saturday after Thanksgiving, the Ohio State versus
Michigan game. My parents and Gage's parents were planning on
coming up for Thanksgiving and the game. It would be the first time
we saw our parents since we left in July.

I would love
for my parents to meet Larkin but I wasn't sure Larkin was ready.
Or maybe I wasn’t ready and trying to blame it on him. I decided I
wouldn't ask him about meeting my family unless he brought it up. I
pulled on a pink hoodie and a pair of gray yoga pants and walked
into the living room were the guys were.

"Jenna, is
there anything you own that doesn't make you look sexy?" Trent
smiled.

Libby rolled
her eyes, "Trent when are you going to take the hint? Jenna is
crazy in love with Larkin. Maybe when they get married and have
kids you will get a clue."

The room was
silent. I was gaping at Libby and I could feel all eyes on
me.

Libby brought
her eyes to meet mine, "Ah, shit! Did that just come out of my
mouth? Fuck! I'm sorry Jenna."

I had no
words.

Libby was off
the couch and at my side, "Jenna, seriously. I wasn't even
thinking." She looked to Larkin, "I was only kidding. Jenna doesn't
love you. I was um I was just trying to get Trent to shut it.
Shit!"

Gage grabbed
Libby and pulled her away, "Ok, I think it’s time to go for a walk
and shut the hell up. Come on."

Everyone else
followed Gage and Libby out, it was just Larkin and I left. I was
still in shock but turned to face him. He looked blank,
emotionless.

"Larkin, I
have no idea what the hell she was talking about or what the hell
she was thinking,” I tried laughing but even to myself I sounded
like a high hyena.

Larkin looked
up meeting my gaze and asked, "Do you?"

"Huh?"

"Love me,
Jenna. Do you fucking love me?"

I dropped my
gaze, not able to look him in the eye. "Larkin, I told you. I don't
do love. I care about you but I can't go any further than
that."

"Do you
believe in love, Jenna?"

I nodded.
"It's not that I don't believe in love. I do, actually I'm a strong
believer in love. I just don't think love believes in
me."

Larkin shut
his eyes, "I have no idea what went on in your past but things will
never go back to how they used to be and the sooner you realize and
accept that the sooner you can move on and be happy. You can't
start living your life again if you keep looking back on the
past."

"You don't get
it, Larkin. No one does. I will always remember every single
fucking detail, every moment, every memory I was left with. No
matter how hard I try to forget, I can't. When you tell someone you
love them then they turn and try to kill you, it's a little hard to
forget. So, I'm sorry Larkin. I'm not fucking perfect, I'm damaged
and I'm fucked up. What I have been through...you don't simply
shrug it off and walk away. So unless your fucking name is Google
stop acting like you know every God damn little thing."

I brought my
eyes back to meet Larkin's. His eyes that were previously a soft
and warm brown were now a deep and stormy brown, almost black. “You
don’t think I’m not fucked up and damaged? I am working so fuckin’
hard to forget my past and not let it ruin me or what we have. I'm
not acting like I know your past, for fucks sake I said I didn't
know what happened. You won't tell me a God damn thing."

I narrowed my
eyes and glared, "Really, guy? What about your fucking past? All I
know has come from Jinx and the few stories from the weekend at
your Grandpa’s, and from what I heard I am setting myself up to be
hurt again. I never saw until now how much you’re like my ex. The
drugs, the girls, the fights. Exactly what Jacob was. No way in
hell I’m putting myself in that position again. I’m just now moving
on and becoming someone I like, I can’t let you ruin that. You
can’t ruin me.”"

Larkin jerked
back like I had slapped him, "Don't judge me based on my past and a
few damn stories you fucking over heard. I am not that person. I
don't live that life anymore. But maybe if you would open up and
maybe tell me about your past we could work past it together. I
want to be there for you, I want to be the one you depend on. I
don’t want to ruin you, Jenna. I want to be the one standing beside
you as you become the fucking amazing woman you are. You are so
damn strong, you don’t know how much I wish I could be like
that."

Snorting I
turned away from him. "That’s funny, Larkin. I don’t need you
riding in on your damn motorcycle to save the day. I don’t need
anyone saving me. And the first mention of love and you froze up. I
could feel the tension flowing off you. You want to pin this on me
but yet I haven't heard you say it."

"Fine you want
to hear it, I love you Jenna. I am crazy, wild, head over heels in
love with your cranky, silly, sexy, and bitchy smartass. There does
that make you feel better?"

I swiped at
the tears flowing down my cheeks, "Are you kidding? I don't want
you saying that to me just to make me feel better. I don't want you
saying that to me at all."

"I am not your
ex. I'm not going to hurt you on purpose. I wish you would tell me
what he did but we all have secrets, I understand that. But for me
and our relationship to suffer because some dickass is not fair.
It's not fucking fair to me, to you, or to us."

"You really
want to know what happened to me, Larkin? You really sure you can
handle it?"

Larkin nodded.
"Yes, I want to know. I'm a big boy."

I sat on the
couch and curled my feet under me watching as Larkin slowly lowered
himself onto the couch. I could see he wanted to hug me but was
giving me space. Dollie came running to the couch, whining until I
picked her up. I took a deep breath before focusing my eyes on the
picture of my family sitting on the entertainment center. It took
me a second to force myself to bring back all those memories, to
relive the worst time in my life. I closed my eyes as every little
detail started flashing in my head.

CHAPTER 20

I
was sixteen and dating nineteen year old Jacob Vincen. He was the
notorious sexy bad boy that all the girls wanted but I got him. He
was different with me, so I thought… sweet, funny, always wanting
to be with me...everything I wanted in a boyfriend. My parents
adored him, and he and Gage got along. Though Gage told me he never
really liked Jacob, but he tolerated him for me.

Jacob and I had been dating for almost three months when
things started changing, not in front of other people but when we
were alone. He was a different guy. He wasn't violent but his
attitude changed. He would yell at me over anything and everything,
calling me names. Then one night he got mad at me because I had
dinner with Gage. That was the first night he hit me. I was young
and stupid and thought I was in love, so I stayed with him. It got
worse and worse until one day Gage noticed I had bruising on my
stomach and asked me what happened. I made up some lame story about
rough sex with Jacob. After studying me for a few seconds Gage
shook his head.

Two
weeks later Jacob and I got into a huge argument, once again over
Gage.

"You stupid bitch. I told you stay away from Gage. He is in
love with you. He wants you all to himself,” Jacob
screamed.

"Jacob, stop! He doesn't love me, maybe like a sister but not
like you love me," I pleaded.

"I
don't love you, you stupid whore. I bet you’re screwing him
too."

"Are you freaking insane?” I threw my hands up, pacing.
“Jacob, listen to yourself. I’m with you every free second I have.
You're the one who ditches me to hang out with your
friends."

Jacob grabbed my shoulders and shoved me against the wall,
hitting my head off the doorframe. I fell to the floor, and I knew
I had pushed him too far. I tried to get back up, but before I was
able to move he kicked me in the ribs. Grabbing my side as I heard
bones popping, I curled into a ball.

Jacob stepped over me and walked out of his room. I lied on
the floor helpless. I was in too much pain to move. Thankfully I
had put my phone in the pocket of my jeans before coming inside.
Sucking in my breath I scooted so I could see down the hall to
watch for Jacob. I struggled to grab my phone and I texted
Gage.

help pls. jacobs house

As
soon as I hit send I saw Jacob looking at me from down the short
hall.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" Jacob came barreling at me,
grabbing me so tight by my shoulders I thought he was going to pop
my arms off.

"Jacob please, you’re hurting me." I was fighting my tears
trying to stay calm.

Grabbing my phone Jacob opened the messages and saw I texted
Gage. I could see the fury in his deep hazel eyes, the eyes that
once sparkled were now filled with fire.

Jacob threw me on his bed and started taking my jeans off.
Starting to panic I begged, "Please, I can't Jacob. Please don’t do
this."

"Shut the fuck up. I'm going to fuck you and you’re going to
like it." He pulled my jeans off followed by my panties.

I
closed my eyes hoping it would be over soon and Gage would be here.
I should have tried fighting Jacob but he was much stronger than me
and I was afraid of what he might do to me or his unborn baby that
he didn't know about. So I kept my mouth shut and laid there,
letting Jacob rape me.

"Feels good huh baby? You always liked it rough, didn't you?"
Jacob asked through gritted teeth. When I didn't answer he smacked
my face. "I will ask you again and if you don't answer I will make
it hurt. Feels good doesn't it."

I
felt the tear slipping down my cheek as I answered,
"Yes."

A
few minutes, and what felt like an eternity later Jacob was finally
done and climbing off me. I decided to tell Jacob about the baby
and hope he would change his attitude. "Jacob I'm pregnant," I
choked out.

**********

Larkin started
to open his mouth but I held my hand up. "Just let me finish while
I can, if I stop I don't know if I will be able to continue."
Larkin only nodded for me to continue. I wiped a few more tears off
my cheeks and took a deep breathe.

**********

Jacob slowly turned to face me, his face a burning red.
"You’re what?"

"I'm pregnant." As soon as I said it again I saw his face
contort into something I had never seen before. It was way beyond
rage, it was downright murderous. I knew then he was going to kill
me.

"You stupid fucking bitch. I bet Gage is the dad, isn't he.
But, you’re trying to trap me and tell me this fucking mistake is
mine. I would never want to have fucking kids with an ugly whore
like you."

Before I saw it coming Jacobs fist hit my face. I cried out in
pain. He hit me over and over as I felt my blood running down my
face. Jacob climbed off of me and I was hoping he had grown tired
of hitting me and left. When I opened my eyes and attempted to get
up I saw Jacob enter the room with a baseball bat. I was helpless,
there was nothing I could do but hope and pray to God I would
survive this. A sob escaped me before he grabbed me by my hair and
flung me across the room hitting his dresser. Blow after blow with
the bat my world started fading. I tried to curl up to protect my
baby, but I was too weak. My whole body was growing numb from the
assault. The last thing I remember was hearing sirens and a deep
voice yelling out my name. Then my world went dark.

I
heard voices around me but couldn't see faces, everything was
black. I wanted to tell these people that I wasn't dead, but I
couldn't move or speak. Slowly everything faded away
again.

Next time I heard the voices I felt a warm hand on my own cold
one.

"I
can't believe this has been going on for months and she never said
anything."

"I
never suspected anything. All those times, all those bruises and I
just shrugged it off. I thought if something was wrong she would
tell me."

"And the baby..."

I
had heard the voices before but I couldn't figure out who was
there. My world went black again.

I
attempted to open my eyes but the bright room and constant beeping
had my head throbbing. I felt someone grab my hand. "Honey I'm
right here. Open your eyes for me."

I
slowly opened my eyes and tried to speak. My eyes felt like they
were full of sand and my throat felt as if it was stuffed with
cotton. I tried to speak but soon realized I couldn't. Oh my God, I
couldn't talk! My eyes searched the room waiting for someone to
tell me what was going on. My mom had tears streaming down her face
and yelled for my dad to get the doctors.

Gage was at my side and squeezing my hand as he said, "Hey
babe. You’re going to be ok. Jacob is in jail and won't be getting
out anytime soon."